Chapter 59
Fifty-Nine
For Jacqui’s birthday, I surprise her with a four-day getaway to Lassen Volcanic National Park.
With each mile put between us and the Bay Area, the weight in my chest lessens.
There’s nothing better than holding my baby’s hand in mine, wind blowing through the open windows, with Def Leppard’s Pyromania in the tape deck.
Every cell in my body knows we’re headed away from civilization and into nature’s paradise. I need it as much as I do this gorgeous woman next to me.
No school or work. No telephones. No interruptions. And by unspoken agreement, no discussion of anything involving Remy.
Jax flashes me a smile that lights up her entire face. She props her bare foot against the dash, giving me a glimpse of her pink painted toenails. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her knuckles.
“Love you, handsome.”
“Love you, baby.”
A twinge of nostalgia hits as we near Vacaville.
“What is it?” she asks, shaking me from my memories.
“Mom always stopped at The Nut Tree when we camped up north.” I shrug. “It was…fun. My father was never along for those trips.”
We whiz by the massive sign and all the goodies inside this iconic roadside stop, and I eye it wistfully.
“Take the exit. Let’s go in.”
I shake my head. “Nah. I’d rather get to the good stuff.”
“How about on the way home?”
I nod. “My mom would dig it if I picked her up a loaf or two of their specialty breads. And she loved that I was bringing you here. How about if we stop at her place on the way home? We can drop off the goods and tell her all about our trip.”
She smiles with satisfaction. “I’d love that.”
We travel the interstate for a long stretch, only stopping for fast food as we head toward Red Bluff.
We keep the windows down, the music loud, and our hands connected as much as possible.
The only downer about the fastback are these bucket seats.
I’d like nothing more than to have my girl plastered next to me.
Sometimes we turn down the tunes and talk, but it’s so freeing and easy being together without the necessity to fill the void with words.
Six hours later, I roll into the Butte Lake campground and I’m damn near giddy. Not having been here since I was a kid, I can’t wait to see the giant Cinder Cone again, swim in Bathtub Lake, and hike to Lassen Peak.
After checking in and grabbing a map, I drive to our reserved spot and kill the ignition. “Ready to take this party to the next level, birthday girl?”
Jax beams and plants a kiss on my lips. “Hell yes.”
We scope out the site before unpacking. It’s just like I remember from my youth: spacious, with flat ground for our tent, a big fire pit, and the communal bathrooms a short walk away.
It’s semi-private, too. I can hear other campers and smell their campfires but can’t see them from where we’re standing.
We grab all the gear from the car. My girl helps me set up the tent, and we roll up the screened windows and tie back the door to air out the mustiness.
We gather wood for the fire and hunt up some good sticks for roasting hot dogs and marshmallows.
Once we’ve tackled the main tasks, we stroll around the trail loops.
When we arrive at the rustic amphitheater, I’m hit with more nostalgia. “I used to love all the Ranger presentations when we stayed at national parks.” I shake my head. “Everything looks smaller than I remember.”
“That’s because you’re an old man now.” Jax tries saying this with a straight face and fails.
“Practically over the hill.” I swiftly pin her against one of the wooden benches, and she gasps. “But I can still satisfy your every need, baby. Don’t forget that.” I press a kiss to the hollow of her throat and slowly lick an invisible line straight through the valley of her enticing cleavage.
She moans, her figure going lax as I hold her arms captive and keep my body fastened to hers.
“So, too old for you then?”
“No,” she breathes. “You’re perfect.”
“That’s what I thought,” I murmur. I give her a gentle kiss before helping her up.
We meander down to Butte Lake, slip off our shoes, and wade into the shockingly frigid water.
Jacqui sucks in a breath, her eyes going wide. “I can’t hang,” she says with a laugh.
“You’re tough. You’ve surfed the Pacific in March,” I answer.
She cocks her hip and points toward the mountain. “Snow effect, Mr. Cocky.”
I try shifting my feet, and they’re already numb. “This water is cold as fuck.”
With one shared look, we hightail it up to the shore and sit, quiet as we tilt our faces to the sun.
Jax breaks the silence when she nudges her shoulder into mine. “When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?”
My lips twitch, and her face lights up like she just won the Wheel of Fortune jackpot. “This is going to be good, isn’t it?”
My sheepish chuckle precedes my answer. “A millionaire bachelor.”
She bursts out laughing, shaking her head. “I’ve heard president, fireman, doctor…but this takes the cake. Why on earth…?
I shrug. “I thought girls were gross.”
She raises an eyebrow.
“Clearly I don’t anymore.”
“Clearly.”
“And if I had money, I could leave, take care of myself, and go wherever I wanted.”
Her face falls, and I regret saying it, knowing exactly where her thoughts traveled. I want that smile back on her face.
“As you can see, I’m not a millionaire yet.
” I snake my hand around the back of her neck and pull her toward me, gazing into her amber eyes.
“And I no longer wish to be a bachelor.” My lips land on hers before I gently probe with my tongue, my heart jumpstarting when ours twine in understanding.
We kiss until we’re sighing, reaffirming the relief our physical connection brings.
“What about you?”
“Huh?” she answers, a little dazed.
“What did you want to be when you grew up?”
“My aspirations were not as original. I wanted to be an actress, move to Hollywood, and become a big movie star.”
“You’ve got the looks, that’s for sure.”
She smiles. “Back atcha, Mick.”
“I’m glad it didn’t work out.”
She huffs a protesting gasp. “I beg your pardon?”
I grab her around the waist and pin her to the ground. “I want you all to myself. Haven’t I made that clear? I’m not sharing you with hundreds of thousands of fans. And those lips aren’t kissing anyone’s but mine.”
Her mouth forms an O before they morph into a smile. Then our mouths and bodies press together again, and there’s no place else I’d rather be.
A loud splash startles Jax and she strains to look past my shoulder at the lake. “What was that?”
“A fish.”
“Sounded more like Jaws.”
I break into the Jaws theme song as I pin her back to the ground. “Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun…”
“Help!” she shrieks, wiggling beneath me.
“You’re going to need a bigger boat, baby.” I press my nose into her neck, tickling her where she’s sensitive, and peals of laughter erupt from her throat.
She tries shoving me away, still giggling. “Stop…please,” she cries breathlessly.
Relenting, I hop up and extend my hand. “C’mon. Let’s walk the lake trail.”
After returning to camp, I start the fire, and we work on making dinner.
I pierce the russet potatoes with a fork, smear the outside with butter and coarse salt, wrap them in foil, then shove them in the coals.
Jax makes a quick salad of tomatoes and cucumbers, and later, we roast hot dogs on the open flame and dig in.
Sparks spit from the blaze, warming us now that night has descended, numbing the chill in the air.
“There’s something about eating this way that satisfies the hell out of me,” I admit, taking another bite of creamy baked potato.
“It’s all so simple and delicious.” A glow casts across her face, her eyes mimicking the fire.
“Look up.”
Jax sucks in a breath. “Ohhhh, wowwww. There are so many stars.”
An astral spectacle with countless celestial bodies flickers overhead. “You don’t even realize how much light pollution there is until you’re in the mountains.”
“Is this heaven?” she asks quietly.
“Yeah, baby. It is.”
We talk into the night, the dying coals glowing orange, then crawl into our tent and make unhurried, soulful love.
My eyes open to sunlight blanketing the tent.
I swipe the granules from my eyes and roll my wrist to peer at my watch.
Nine thirty-seven. Whoa. I never sleep this late, and certainly never camping.
I was always first out of the tent as a kid, raring to go exploring, finding the best swimming holes, gathering the right stick to whittle.
It’s the constant emotional and physical strain.
Fucking stress and uncertainty. Right now, there’s zero.
My body is loose and relaxed, my brain only registering calm.
Jax is burrowed into my side, and I’m surrounded by resplendent nature.
The wind rustles through the trees, buzzing insects hover near the tent, and I identify at least five types of birdsong.
My girl shifts, opening a sleepy eye.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
“Morning.”
I pull her into my arms so she’s facing me. “Let me be the first to officially wish you a happy birthday.” I press a kiss to her temple.
“Thank you, kind sir. Something tells me this is going to be the best birthday I’ve ever had.”
“We’re already winning. We’re in the mountains. Together. Nothing but fun and frolicking ahead.”
She giggles. “Frolicking? Have you been reading F. Scott Fitzgerald?”
My lips quirk. “Fine. Nothing but merrymaking, romping, and jolly capers ahead, my fair lady.”
She laughs so hard her belly surges into mine, and soon, I join her.
We spend the next two days exploring this national park’s volcanic activity in many forms, hitting all the highlights.
We walk the trail to the Cinder Cone, treated to views of the Painted Dunes and Fantastic Lava Beds—all marvels of how erupting volcanos impact the landscape, leaving it forever changed by this explosive activity.
It’s astonishing any vegetation persists, and yet, not only has it pushed through what looks like petrified, lifeless earth, it’s thriving in places.
We reach the main event—a haunting and dramatic mountainous cone made of coarse black cinders. The expression on Jacqui’s face is worth the trip alone as she realizes we’re going to climb it, and up the path we go.
Once we summit, we’re awed by the prolific crater at the top. We hike in partway then backtrack and traverse the top, taking in panoramic vistas of the surrounding mountains and lakes that steal our breath.
I’ve itched to hike Lassen Peak again, one of the largest lava domes on the planet. It’s even better than I remember, and we were smart to layer up since it’s ten-degrees cooler at the top and gusty. There are even a few snowy patches visible, which makes my girlfriend so excited, she squeals.
We’re sweaty enough to take a dip in Bathtub Lake afterward. Although it’s not terribly warm this time of year, we’re invigorated by it, and swimming in a fresh, unpolluted mountain lake is better than showering any day.
We’re both awed checking out the hydrothermal areas, Bumpass Hell and Devil’s Kitchen. The steam beds, boiling mud pots, and boiling lakes give off serious underworld vibes but are vibrant and haunting and capably portray earth’s power and the phenomena that exist in nature.
Our muscles ache pleasantly at the end of every day, and we’re both satisfied by the simple joys of eating and talking around a campfire before cuddling in our tent, falling asleep to a chorus of bullfrogs and crickets.
Darkness still blankets the sky when I awaken with Jax spooned into my body. It’s hot inside the sleeping bag, but the crisp mountain air kisses my face.
It’s truly been an incredible weekend, and I’m bummed we have to leave today. Rediscovering these natural wonders and sharing them with my girl made it more meaningful. And witnessing her experience it, how she marveled at every juncture, only cements how alike we are, how in tune.
I don’t want to leave. Don’t relish returning to the tumultuous reality where I’m caught between the two people who mean the most to me in this world.
Drawing my sleeping angel in a little closer, I shove those intrusive thoughts away and allow every moment of our time here to etch into my memory bank—from the exploring we did, to our nightly campfires, to the effortless way our bodies and minds coexist.
It’s the happiest, most contented time I’ve experienced in months.
Irrefutably, nature fills me, fuels me, is an irrepressible, immersive life force. The mountains, the water, the stars, the air. But, I realize, so is this woman in my arms. She fills and fuels me too…breathing life into me like no one has before.
I’m almost certain I can’t live without either.