Chapter 29 #2
Joanna didn’t point out that rushing Miriam into marrying someone she didn’t love wasn’t exactly supportive. She thought of Mammi Lu’s talk of love, friendship, and marriage. That was what Miriam deserved, regardless of what had happened.
“Does your Dawdi know about Veronica and Jacob?”
Miriam shook her head. “Veronica asked me not to tell him. She doesn’t want anyone to know.”
“He’s the bishop; he needs to know.” Joanna exhaled. “And he’s her grandfather; he really needs to know.”
Miriam glanced at Mandy, who after a long moment said, “Maybe we should think about this more.”
Joanna shifted toward Miriam, putting her feet up on the step she sat on and hugging her own knees. “Don’t marry him if you don’t love him.”
Neither Miriam nor Mandy responded. They looked at each other and then back at Joanna.
“You deserve better,” Joanna said to Miriam. She’d never guessed Miriam would be the one to marry someone she didn’t love. Joanna turned toward Mandy and said, “I’m sorry. I know how much you want a baby.”
“About that.” Mandy’s hand fell to her abdomen. “It’s too early to say anything.” She glanced toward her twin.
Miriam grinned. “I’m shocked.”
“Jah.” Mandy wrapped her arms around her middle. “So am I, after all this time. I’m not very far along. Only the doctor and Caleb know. We’re not telling anyone, of course—except for you two.” She laughed a little. “Rather impulsively.”
Joanna reached up and took Mandy’s hand. “That’s wonderful news.” And then she took Miriam’s hand. “And I’m sorry for the circumstances, but your news is wonderful too.”
Again, Miriam didn’t respond. After a long moment of silence, she said, “Do you remember making hollyhock dolls with Lu when we were little?”
“Jah,” Joanna said. “I was thinking about that recently.”
“I always loved visiting you and Lu. I only wished I’d gotten to know you better. I’ve been a little jealous that you and Mandy became such good friends.”
“It’s not too late.” Maybe Joanna would have a group of friends like Mammi Lu did after all. She just hoped Miriam wouldn’t throw her life away on Jacob. He clearly had problems.
Maybe Joanna was loveable after all.
For the first time since they were girls, Joanna hugged both Mandy and Miriam goodbye when Caleb arrived.
She felt exhausted from the encounter but also relieved.
Miriam had been truthful with her. She finally knew what had happened with Jacob.
And Mandy valued her friendship enough to come after her and bring Miriam with her.
Plus, Mandy was going to have a baby. That was good news.
And Miriam was going to have a baby too, which made Joanna full of all sorts of conflicted feelings. But the baby itself wasn’t the problem.
With all of that swirling around in her head, Joanna couldn’t sleep. She turned her head toward the open window, hoping for a cool breeze. She listened to the crickets and katydids. She counted backward by threes from five hundred.
Finally, around midnight, she tiptoed down the stairs and poured herself a glass of water.
Then she wandered into the living room and sat for a few minutes, looking out the window into the woods.
Enough light came through from the nearly full moon that she decided to knit for a while.
Perhaps the repetition would make her sleepy.
She usually didn’t knit in the summer—she was too busy gardening—but she had a stocking hat, ironically for Jacob, halfway finished.
She’d give it to someone else instead. Maybe she’d mail it to Leon—he could use it in Maine.
As she pulled out her needles and yarn, an envelope and then a batch of folded papers fell out of the basket. She picked up both. The envelope said Lu in Becky’s handwriting.
The top piece of paper read Dear Lu. Was it the letter Becky had written to Mammi Lu that Adam had delivered? But why was it so thick?
She glanced at the letter. Becky had asked for prayer for Ike’s health and then for her grandson. She only had one. Becky asked for prayer that he would find a wife soon, someone in Lancaster County, and settle down.
Joanna flipped to the next page. It was a letter from Mammi Rhoda to Elaine.
What was going on? The letter asked for prayer for Joanna, for her broken heart, and that she and Jacob would get back together.
Joanna felt as if she’d just ingested a pound of sawdust. Mammi Rhoda’s next letter asked for prayer for Nehemiah and his endeavors in Maine and that Joanna would find the right man to marry and soon.
Joanna felt ill. She hated to be the topic of conversation, even if it was a prayerful one.
Or more likely, since Elaine was involved, a gossipy one.
She flipped to the next page. It was a letter from Mammi Lu asking for prayer for someone very dear to her who was hurting. At least Mammi Lu was more discreet, but no doubt everyone knew who she was writing about.
It was obviously a circle letter among the friends for their families. She read through the letters again and as she did, she placed them in chronological order. She felt even more exposed than she had before.
Did Adam know about this? Had Becky encouraged him to write the anonymous letters to her? Was Becky, and maybe even Mammi Lu, trying to matchmake?
Joanna folded the papers and shoved them back into the basket. She didn’t want to knit after all. She tiptoed back upstairs, lit her lamp, and picked up Persuasion. A sheath of waxed paper fell out onto her quilt. She picked it up. Inside were daisies. She opened the waxed paper. New daisies.
Did Adam remember the daisy bracelet she’d made in Pinecraft? The one he’d put on his windowsill?
Adam had been the one to drive her home from church when Jacob and Miriam’s wedding was published. He was the one who came over to support her when Dat was trying to force her to move to Maine. Jah, of course he remembered the daisy chain from Pinecraft. Adam was looking out for her.
She put the sheath of waxed paper under her Bible on her bedside table and kept reading.
Finally, just after two a.m., she blew out her light.
She feared everyone saw her as a problem to be solved.
Her father believed she couldn’t make it on her own, not even living with Mammi Lu.
Becky’s solution seemed to be Adam. Perhaps Mammi Lu agreed.
Mammi Rhoda believed she needed divine intervention—and no doubt she did—to find a husband.
Daniel wanted her to go to Maine too, and no wonder.
Did she have a genuine connection with Adam? Or did he feel she needed constant encouragement? Did she come across as that needy?
She turned to her side and pulled the quilt tightly around her.
It had seemed so natural to let her concern for Miriam and her baby outweigh her concern for herself.
But now she couldn’t help but think maybe Maine was her best option after all.
She’d be close to Leon and able to get to know his little one.
And perhaps her relationship with her Mamm would be better.
Maybe there was even hope things could get better with Dat, although she doubted it based on his visit.
But she had a job to do for Becky and Ike.
And Mammi Lu to take care of, along with her gardens.
And friendships, including Adam, even though she was miffed with him, to nurture.
Jah, Maine tempted her. It seemed to be the only route of escape that could leave her pride intact.
But she wouldn’t do that. At least not yet.
Mammi Lu asked if Joanna was doing all right as they ate coffee soup—coffee with milk over bread—for breakfast because that was all Joanna felt up to fixing. “You look tired. How did you sleep?”
Joanna stirred the concoction in her bowl, making the bread even mushier. “All right.”
“I heard you up during the night.”
“I was thirsty.” Joanna put down her spoon. She couldn’t swallow another bite even though the bowl was nearly full.
“Were you looking for something in the knitting basket?”
Joanna nodded. “My knitting project.”
“Did you see the letters?”
Joanna pushed the bowl toward the middle of the table. “Jah.”
“Did you read them?”
“They fell out of the envelope. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I shouldn’t have left them there. Is that why you couldn’t sleep?”
“Nee.” Joanna rubbed her eye. “I found them because I couldn’t sleep and thought knitting might help.”
“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
“Did you know Miriam is pregnant?”
“I found out last night while you were gone.” Mammi Lu put her spoon in her bowl too. “Your Mammi Rhoda told me.”
“Who told her?”
“Your Dat. He stopped by on his way out of town to tell Hiram goodbye.”
Joanna swallowed the lump in her throat. “Why didn’t he tell me?”
Mammi Lu smiled wryly. “It wouldn’t be like him to talk about something like that—not with you. But I believe part of the reason he wanted you to go was to protect you. It seems Daniel told him.”
Joanna felt as if she might retch. She put her napkin over the top of her bowl.
“I’m sorry,” Mammi Lu said. “And I’m sorry about the letters too. I definitely shouldn’t have left them where you could see them.”
“I don’t mind that you and Becky and even Mammi Rhoda were sharing prayer requests about—well, me. But Elaine?”
Mammi Lu nodded. “I understand. There was a mix-up. Rhoda passed the letters on to her.”
“What do you mean?”
Mammi Lu inhaled sharply. “Becky started the circle letter so we could share prayer requests without saying them out loud during our quilting time.”
“Because you didn’t want Elaine to gossip?”
Mammi wrinkled her nose and nodded. It seemed Mammi Lu didn’t want to say too much out loud. She didn’t need to worry. Joanna wouldn’t tell anyone.
Joanna stayed away from Jacob at the warehouse and stayed quiet in the van on the way to the Pequea Creek property, still feeling unsettled.
Once they were there, she spent her time painting the largest of the second-floor bedrooms. Fifteen minutes before quitting time, a car turned into the driveway.
Joanna watched from the landing window. She’d finished the bedroom and had washed her paintbrushes.
Caleb hurried toward the car. Joanna guessed Mandy had a doctor’s appointment and Caleb was going with her. She couldn’t help but smile.
She continued down the stairs and put the paintbrushes and drop cloth away in a bin in the dining room. Adam stepped out of the kitchen and said, “I need to talk about last night. When we realized you’d left I was going to go after you, but Mandy insisted on going instead.”
Joanna nodded.
“I’m really sorry about this new development concerning Jacob.”
“Denki,” she managed to say. She didn’t want to talk about it, especially not with Jacob on the premises. She stepped around Adam toward the front door, longing for a breath of fresh air.
“Wait.”
She turned.
Adam’s eyes were full of concern. “How are you doing? Really?”
She managed to mutter, “I don’t want to talk.”
“That’s fair, but I’m willing to listen if you change your mind.”
She stepped into the foyer but then turned back. “What are your thoughts on the circle letter that our grandmothers all belong too?”
He cocked his head. “I don’t know anything about a circle letter.”
“Do you know anything about a matchmaking letter?”
“What?” He laughed.
Of course he’d think it was funny.
His face grew serious. “Tell me about the letters.”
She gave him a brief synopsis of what she’d read.
“It doesn’t sound like they are actually matchmaking. It sounds as if they’re hoping we all find trustworthy spouses, like they did.” His eyes filled with compassion. “But I can see why it seemed like matchmaking.”
What was it about Adam that made Joanna feel both safe and frustrated at the same time?
He was a good listener, but he also wasn’t afraid to contradict her.
Although it was always in a thoughtful way.
And why did she find herself thinking about him?
It had only been a month since Jacob broke up with her.
She didn’t want to be interested in someone else so soon, not even Adam.
And yet, he was in her thoughts far more than she wanted to admit to herself.
Mammi Lu was right—above all a husband needed to be a friend. A best friend. She’d known that three years ago, which was why she thought Adam was ridiculous to bring up courting before they even knew each other.
Why hadn’t she realized that Jacob, even though he’d said he wanted to be, had never been her friend? Had she been too taken with his good looks and confidence to notice he only cared about himself?
Her heart lurched. Adam had said he couldn’t be her friend, and yet he had been.
Jacob had said he wanted to be her friend, and yet he never was.
Joanna had compared Adam’s telling her he wanted to court her when they first met to her father’s impulsiveness.
Jacob had seemed the opposite. But as it turned out, Adam was dependable and Jacob couldn’t be trusted.
Shaken, she turned away from Adam and toward the foyer. “I’m going to get some fresh air.”