Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
ALEX
Gabe: Have fun tonight, Shorty.
Igrin at the group text that I have going with my guys. I’m at book club at Billie’s Books this evening, and the guys are home, enjoying some alone time.
They need it. I’ve been with them every day for the better part of two months.
Two glorious fucking months.
Cooking with Adam, doing jigsaw puzzles with Gabe. Late-night movie marathons. We went on a hike, and I hated it, so we won’t be doing that again.
But we were on the boat every weekend until Adam finally had to winterize it and put it away for the season. I was sad. I love that boat. I love the condo.
I love my guys.
And I absolutely can’t get enough of having sex with them. I was scared to death of the anal play, but they eased me into it, coached me through it, and now it’s my favorite thing.
“Why are you grinning like that?” Dani asks me. “Wait. That’s a stupid question. I’m glad they make you happy.”
“I didn’t know I could be this happy,” I admit as we choose seats next to each other to chat about the why choose book we read for this month. “Seriously, I feel like the universe is rewarding me or something.”
“You girls deserve all the love, and all of the best sex,” Millie says, clearly eavesdropping as she sits next to me. “Your brother just doesn’t want to know about the sex part.”
I snort at that. I still haven’t brought my guys home to meet my brother, but I think I’m ready to. Because even though I would have sworn that they’d get tired of me and would go back to being on their own, Adam and Gabe show no signs of letting me go anytime soon.
“Hey, no talking about the juicy stuff without us,” Billie says with a smirk, passing us all a glass of wine. She knows what our favorites are.
I quickly reply to Gabe.
Me: I get to talk about books and drink wine. Best night ever. You guys have fun, too! xo
Slipping my phone into my handbag, I turn my attention to the girls. The book club has grown a lot over the past year. I’d say at least twenty people are here, and it’s one of my favorite nights of the month.
“So let’s talk about Trouble by Brittanée Nicole,” Billie says, getting us started. “I loved this story.”
Several pairs of eyes shift to me, and I can’t help but snort. “Of course I loved it, too.”
“I think the author portrayed the bi-awakening so well,” Polly Wild, Millie’s sister-in-law, says. “I loved how much those two men loved each other, and their girl as well.”
It was truly a treat to read a book about a romance with dynamics similar to my own. Even though the story is completely different, I loved reading about a polyamorous relationship with two men and one very lucky woman.
My guys were even interested and asked me questions about the book, and it opened up conversations that we hadn’t had before.
Like how both men came to realize they were bisexual in their teens. Some of the differences between relationships with men versus women. It was seriously eye-opening for me.
And I love so much that my passion for reading has only strengthened my relationship with my men.
After about an hour and a half of discussing the book and lots of girl talk, the crowd starts to thin as some of them filter out to go home. But a core group of us always stays late.
My best friend group.
The girls who have been part of my life for so long, they feel like my family. Because they are.
Dani and I both grab another strawberry shortcake cup that Jackie, who owns The Sugar Studio, brought with her tonight, refill our wine, and join the others.
Billie, Skyla, Millie, Dani, and I are left, and this is when we all know that we can speak freely, no matter what.
Not that we don’t love and trust the other women. Hell, I’ve known the Wilds all my life, and I love them all. But this is my circle of trust.
“I can’t wait for next month’s read,” Skyla says, sipping her wine. “I love Sara Cate’s books.”
“They’re so sexy,” I agree with a nod.
“Speaking of sexy,” Billie says with a smile in my direction. “Let’s talk about how you’re doing with your two men, my friend.”
“Why are you singling me out? All of us have men here. We should go around the room and give updates.”
“That’s fair,” Dani says.
“Great. You first.” I lift my eyebrow at my twin sister and give her a sly smile. See what I did there? I took the focus off myself.
“Bridger and I are fabulous,” she says. “Okay, next.”
“Whoa,” Millie says, holding up her hand. “Let’s slow it down a smidge. I know Bridger’s been busy with work lately, and it’s summer. How are things with Birdie? How’s she feeling?”
“She’s doing so well,” Dani says. “Since we figured out that celiac disease has been making her so sick, we’ve been able to modify our kitchen and what she eats, and she’s really doing great. Bridge has been busy, but we still manage to have our driveway dates.”
Skyla blinks in confusion. “What in the world is that?”
My sister has always loved lying on a warm concrete driveway to look at the stars.
“It’s really weird,” Dani warns Skyla.
“We all have quirks,” Skyla reminds her. “I’m genuinely curious.”
Reaching over, I take my sister’s hand, and I feel her relax.
“Do you know how, after a hot day, the concrete on the sidewalk and the driveway stays warm for quite a long time?” Dani asks, and we all nod.
“Well, I like to lie on it and look at the stars. Do some affirmations. Meditate. That sort of thing. And when we were dating, Bridger found me doing that and would lie beside me, and it sort of became our thing.”
“Okay, that’s kind of adorable,” Millie says with a grin. “And I love that you still do it, even after getting married.”
“How about you and Holden?” I ask Millie. “You two still seem to be very happy. In fact, my broody brother is downright jovial lately.”
Millie sighs and crosses her legs, leaning back in her chair. “Holden is my soulmate. I’ve known that since I was nineteen years old. He’s the best part of every day, and that will never change. Sure, sometimes I’d like to smother him in his sleep, but then the PMS is over, and I love him again.”
That makes me snort, and I sip more wine. I’m definitely starting to feel tipsy.
“Skyla?” Billie asks. “Also, I’m ignoring the fact that you’re all sleeping with my brothers. Well, everyone except Millie.”
“Beckett and I are wonderful,” Skyla says in that sweet Irish accent of hers that always makes us sigh. “He’s my safe place.”
“Wow, we’re all so mushy,” I say, sipping more wine.
“Your turn,” Billie says.
“No way, it’s your turn first. How are things with your billionaire?”
A slow smile spreads over her gorgeous face. “God, I love him.”
“It’s about time,” Dani says with a chuckle. “I’m so happy you’re working it out.”
“He’s really good for me.” Billie nods and bites her perfectly painted lip. “And he’s so fucking sexy.”
“I think it’s safe to say that all of our men are sexy as fuck,” I say, and everyone nods in agreement.
“Now, spill it,” Millie says, turning to me. “You’re still with them, so it definitely was not a one-night deal. We want to know how it’s going.”
“I feel like I won the lottery, and that I’m being incredibly selfish, all at the same time.”
I frown down into my wine. I can’t feel my lips anymore.
“Why selfish?” Skyla asks.
“Because how did I get two of them?”
“Are you complaining?” Billie asks.
“No, I’m grateful, and I don’t want to jinx anything, but I also don’t get it. I mean, these two sexy men, who are so generous and kind and a little controlling, but not in a bad way, both want me. Me.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Millie asks, her voice full of indignation. “You’re fucking amazing, Alex.”
“I’m—” I swallow hard, and now Dani’s reaching for my hand. “I’m broken.”
The last word is a whisper.
“And I’m afraid that when this honeymoon period is over and they come to their senses, they’ll be done with me and I’ll be alone, and they’ll still have each other.”
Yeah. I’m still not over that. Because it could happen.
“You’re not broken,” Billie says softly. “Honey, you’re so strong. You guys have overcome so damn much.”
“They haven’t witnessed me in a thunderstorm yet.” Just the thought of it has me fisting my free hand in my lap. “It’s bad, you guys.”
“Jesus,” Millie whispers and rubs her hand over her face. “I want Holden to burn it to the ground all over again. Your brother doesn’t do well with storms either, you know.”
Dani and I both shake our heads.
“But why?” Dani asks. “He didn’t have to be out there with us.”
“Because he knew you were out there, and he lives with a lot of guilt,” Millie replies. “But none of that makes you broken. We all have different degrees of baggage, you know. And if someone loves us, they love all of us, even the giant trunk baggage that costs a lot extra to check at the airport.”
I nod slowly.
“If it was one of them who went through this instead of you,” Skyla begins, “would you run away?”
“No.”
“There you go,” Billie says. “That’s your answer. Trust them. Trust yourself.”
I think of my two guys, so tender with me, so fucking sexy it makes my skin heat, and I know that I want to trust that it’ll work out.
Because at this point, a life without them sounds like pure torture.
“You’re right.” I toss my empty plastic glass in the trash. “I’m way too drunk to drive home. I’ll walk to the apartment.”
“I can drive you home,” Millie offers, but I shake my head.
“Actually, the walk sounds kind of nice, and I’ll just crash and head home in the morning.”
Home. It’s not really my apartment anymore, although I’ve been stubborn about giving it up. I know that’s been a sore spot for Adam and Gabe.
But I need a backup plan.
We exchange hugs and smiles, and then I’m walking the couple of short blocks to the apartment above the garage. Pulling my phone out, I type a quick message to my guys.
Me: Hi, sexy men! Book club was so fun! Drank too much, so I’m walking to my apartment. Will crash there and come to your place in the morning. Sweet dreams. xoxo
As I go to slip my phone in my pocket, my toe catches on an uneven crack in the concrete, and I go down hard, scraping my knees.
“Shit.”
If I were sober, this would hurt far worse.
Thank God I’m not sober.
I manage to get myself back on my feet and stagger the last hundred feet or so to the apartment and make my way up the stairs.
After fumbling with the lock, I stumble inside, close the door, and open the windows.
It’s not as hot as it was a couple of months ago, but the air is stale because I’ve hardly been here.
“Miss them,” I mutter to myself as I walk to the bedroom. I don’t bother taking off my clothes as I fall onto the bed and take a deep breath.
I’ll just sleep and go home tomorrow.