Chapter 2 Good Fucking Morning
He was staring at me, but not in a way that made me uncomfortable.
Most strangers, when they meet me, have the exact same reaction: drooped eyebrows, a persistent frown; sympathetic gazes, words of pity on their mouths.
I guess it is rare to meet a person who is a mute – a selective mute, in my case – especially when it’s something one doesn’t exactly expect while going about their day-to-day life.
I chose this for myself at a very young age, and it’s now become a vital part of my life. Part of me. I chose silence for myself, and I did it because I knew it was the only thing that could save me. It’s my comfort and source of confidence, and I’m so damn proud of who I am today.
I hugged myself and stepped back when Av? invited Myles into the house.
I wasn’t always like this – unable and unwilling to speak, I mean. I do remember reciting nursery rhymes and Christmas carols with my m?e and pai at the age of five. But things changed a year later. Broke. Tarnished.
Faded.
And with them, so did my drive for a lot of things.
I lost so much at the age of six, and every time I think about that Tuesday afternoon of March 2000, about what happened that day, I find it hard to see, breathe, or even remember who I am.
I shut down completely, in a way, and I know Av? feels the same; goes through the reflection of thoughts and memories that I, too, go through.
But he never really shows any of it to anyone.
He’s good at masking himself with neutrality and humor, but I know he hurts, too.
More than me, if I were being honest.
I swallowed and briefly touched his left shoulder, and when he faced me, I smiled and pointed a thumb behind me, indicating that I was leaving, and then signed, Shop.
Av? tilted his head to the side. “Você n?o quer ficar? Afinal, é um pouco cedo para abrir a loja,” he said. Do you not want to stay? It is, after all, a bit early to be opening shop.
I shook my head, and he raised a brow in return.
“Você tem certeza, pequena?” he asked. Are you sure, little one?
I smiled and rose on my tiptoes so that I could give him a quick peck on his cheek. When I stepped back, I placed my left index finger against my lips, and then quickly moved it forward a few inches in a sign to say, Sure.
He sighed, but nodded and pressed a kiss on my hairline. “Ok, ent?o. Eu te amo. Fique segura, e me ligue quando chegar no do Acaí.” Okay, then. I love you. Stay safe on the way, and call me once you’ve reached do Acaí.
Vila do Acaí was our Acaí shop, where we not only sold Acaí in its true form, but also with desserts, baked goods, and, of course, ice cream.
Ours was the only Acaí shop in Chicago, and being that it was both unique and wildly popular among Chicagoans, the crowd we saw daily was crazy. In a good way, obviously.
Because Myles would most definitely be working at the house for weeks, Av? and I had decided to take turns in going to the shop each day. One of us had to stay back, after all, in case Myles needed anything, or wanted our consent over something.
I felt his eyes snap to me as I turned to go, and then I heard him say, “She’s leaving?”
Av? quickly told him about Vila do Acaí, and the daily routine we’d be following until the construction was completed.
I looked at Myles then, and as our eyes met, he slowly dragged his greys over my face. Again, the way his gaze traveled over me made me feel the opposite of uncomfortable. It made me feel…important, I think. Like I was the center of his immediate focus, but also something that made him curious.
When he blinked at me, I jerked my head upwards with a “Huh?” expression on my face. As he clearly didn’t know Sign, I thought using an obvious gesture would make my question clear to him.
“Uh.” He scratched the side of his neck. “I’m going to need your input on the library’s theme, etcetera,” he said, and then took off his gloves when the living room got toastier due to the ongoing heater next to the entrance.
There were random wet and matted-down spots on his caramel hair because of ice having melted on them, and his face was a clear shade of pink – due to the heat or the outside weather, I couldn’t tell.
The tan-and-beige winter coat he had on stood out against his complexion, but complemented him perfectly.
“Maybe we can discuss things once you’re back from the shop?” he suggested, but it came across as a hesitant question.
I shifted on my feet, and again, our eyes met. God, when was the last time I’d had such an experience? I honestly couldn’t remember.
There was an unknown warmth in my chest; a tingling flush coursing through my skin. I let go of a short breath and smiled, and then gave Myles a thumbs up.
He glanced at it first, then my face, and then broke into a sudden chuckle before mirroring my gesture.
I laughed, and began stepping backwards as I waved at both him and Av?.
When I finally turned and headed for the door, I hastily opened my purse and pulled my car keys out from inside it.
Contain yourself, woman. Get a damn grip, I told myself. You’re being ridiculously weird for a twenty-seven-year-old.
I shook my head, pushed open the door, and exhaled against the chilly morning air.
Good fucking morning to you, Carina Ribeiro.