Chapter 9 It Hurts
They’re so damn conceptual, these feelings. And yet, they don’t give an inch’s worth of shit; they just strike. They cut through you so fast – their blades true and sharp – that you have no option but to give in.
I’ll never fully understand why I care so much about what others think – of me and my choices. Why I can’t brave brushing aside outside scrutiny and do what matters the most to me. If only I could put the right amount of emphasis on the idea of going with the flow.
On the things I simply wanted to have.
Her anger had slammed against me like a bolt of lightning.
The pain on her face towards my cowardice had been torturous, to say the least.
And those two words she’d written in my diary before walking away from me – they’d been just as painful to read as the question she’d asked before them.
It hurts.
God, it really did hurt. Knowing that I’d put tears in her eyes, distrust on her mind, and maybe even hatred in her heart, wasn’t exactly a comforting feeling.
No wonder she’d left me alone in the living room in the wake of a fresh wave of disgust towards myself. She didn’t owe me anything, not after what I’d said to her.
Her time was rightfully reserved for the people in her life who actually understood the importance of her presence. They are the ones who deserve her smiles, her laughter, her touches.
Not me.