Chapter 15 Royce
FIFTEEN
ROYCE
The ride home was spent with Taryn talking a million miles a minute about how annoying Connor was. I stared out the window, absently running my finger over my lips.
I kissed Ford Ryan.
Ford kissed me. He cradled my jaw, pulled me close, and slid his mouth against mine.
“Are you listening to me?” Taryn snapped.
“No.”
She made an irritated sound. “Why was Connor even in town, has he told you?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
“What’s with you? You’re acting weird.”
We were nearly home, which meant I could push Taryn off a little longer. I needed some time to be alone with my thoughts.
“Ford kissed me.” I picked at the shoebox in my lap.
Taryn swung her head over. “I had a feeling things were headed in that direction. Was it good?”
“Huh?”
My sister laughed. “Oh my God, are you okay? You’re out of it.”
My lips still felt numb, my skin pebbled from where he touched me. The way he whispered something against my ear.
“Royce, I swear if you let this asshole break your heart again, I’m going to kill him. No joking this time. I have some ideas on where I could bury the body.”
Taryn parked, and I slid out of the Jeep, tucking the box to my chest.
“Are you going to be okay?” Taryn came around and held my elbow.
I nodded. “I just need to shower, after cleaning up at the cottage.”
We turned and went inside the house. Mom was curled under Dad’s arm while they watched some TV show, in the living room.
Seeing them still enjoying one another all these years later made my heart ping around in my chest. All I had ever wanted was the kind of love that they shared.
Twenty-five years together and they still stared at one another as if no one else existed.
Dad still called her “Daisy,” which Mom shared with us a long time ago that it was the most precious thing he could ever call her.
It made me wonder what someone might call me if they loved me with that sort of abandon.
My wild rose.
“Hey, girls!” Dad called, snapping my mind away from what Ford had said. Mom lifted her hand in a wave.
Taryn and I both mumbled-out hellos while we made our way upstairs.
Once I was in my bedroom, I set the shoebox down on my desk.
Despite wanting to read the card, I wasn’t lying about feeling gross after the cottage.
I hadn’t had a chance to go through my regular routine after falling asleep in Ford’s lap the night prior.
I needed to feel like myself before I read a letter that was addressed to fifteen-year-old me.
Once I was under the hot spray, I tried to replay the things Ford said.
I tried to think past his words and go deeper to the way his voice shook and pitched in various ways.
There were pain points that surfaced through those cracks inside the cadence of his confessions.
It was as if he’d pulled open a drawer and I was dropped inside, forced to sort through the jumbled mess until it made sense.
I knew I needed to process all of this logically.
That Ford and I had a physical attraction that was calling all the shots regarding that kiss…
but the irrational part of me wanted to call this something more meaningful.
Finally, back in my room, I settled into my bed with the box in between my legs.
The top lifted easily, and I carefully plucked the Christmas card out. Gold outlined a green tree on the front, and when I opened it, the printed text wished me a Merry Christmas. The uneven, black scrawl was where my gaze dropped and began to read.
Dear Royce,
I know you probably don’t want to read this, and I don’t blame you.
I haven’t been nice to you, but in my defense…you’ve been just as cruel to me. Which is a stupid excuse, I know that. But I’m tired of fighting with you, Royce. I’m tired of holding a grudge against you for not choosing me.
I know you want Connor.
I know you probably won’t ever want me, and I can live with that. But there’s a few things I need you to know first before you make your choice.
First, I’ve loved you my entire life. I know you might not believe that, but you were too young to remember when Connor used to walk around, telling everyone you were going to marry him one day.
Your mom and his thought it was so cute, and by that point, I knew it would be too late to tell my side, that I wanted you too.
I used to watch you when you were young, and I’d tried not to care about you.
You became this test to me, that I had to pass.
I wanted to prove that I didn’t care that Connor wanted you for himself, or that you seemed to like him better than me.
When we were ten, I finally caved and kissed you.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about that day, and if you ever want to try again, but this time on the lips.
I wonder what your lips taste like all the time, and I know that makes me sound like a freak, but I’m just being honest.
You need to know that if you were to ever forgive me, and you thought you could stand me for two seconds, then I wouldn’t make you regret it. I wouldn’t waste the chance to love you.
That’s all I’m asking for, Royce. One chance to show you that I could make you smile too. We’re in high school now, and I hate that you keep looking at me like you hate me. I’d give anything for you to look at me with a smile, or with that expression you give him.
Please, just give me a chance.
Love, Ford
My fingers trembled from holding the piece of cardstock. My face was wet from allowing tears of frustration and regret to stain it. He’d tried to tell me exactly how he felt, and now here we were, adults and being horrible to each other, all because I chose to reject his offered card.
Did Connor know that Ford felt this way? I wanted to go back to Ford’s and ask him to explain it all and tell me everything. I wanted to fight with him. I wanted to kiss him again.
I slid the box off my lap and quickly got up. How come he didn’t try again?
If that was really love, then wouldn’t he have tried again when we were older?
Connor and I were broken up for six years, and Ford hadn’t tried to bring it up.
He hadn’t attempted to do anything…there were no signs or anything at all that he still had those feelings. Which made a seed of doubt take root.
“Don’t worry, Rose. It’s long passed.”
His comment from when we were in that room resurfaced, making me rethink this entire thing. What if this was just young, teenage love, but he’d outgrown it?
A gentle knock sounded at my door, and my first thought was that Ford had found a way to come back. When I opened it, my brows flicked up in surprise.
“Connor?”
His frame wasn’t quite as broad or as tall as Ford, and it was an odd realization that as my ex stepped past me, inside the room, I had begun comparing the two. “Can we talk for a second?”
“Sure.” I turned with him as he settled on the edge of my bed. I shut the door and moved to the desk chair.
His dark hair was mussed from what seemed like his fingers running through it.
His blue eyes were red and watery, tired.
I found myself grateful for a warm brown gaze that made me feel like warm honey on a summer day.
Connor’s face was more narrow, still handsome, but he didn’t have the scruff along his jaw that Ford did.
The one I had fantasized feeling against my inner thighs.
“Did you and Ford get everything figured out?” He raised his head, his tired eyes earnest.
I nodded. “I think so…although I still have a lot of questions.”
“That sounds about right for him.”
That was true. Ford was notorious for being secretive.
“Did you know he had feelings for me?” I needed to know, so I asked.
Connor’s dark brows lifted to his hairline. “Ford?”
“Yeah…he had feelings for me about as long as you did. Tried to confess it when he was sixteen.”
Connor’s shock was genuine. “No shit?”
“So you didn’t know?”
He shook his head. “No. He argued with me all the time about not liking you or wanting you to be at gatherings. I assumed he really had an issue with you.”
I used my thumb to pick at a smudge of nail polish on my desk. “Yeah, me too.”
“Well, as much as I want you to be happy, Roy, I actually came here with a bit of a warning.”
“A warning?” The pink, dried gel polish wasn’t coming up, but it really helped to keep my mind off things.
Connor’s hands came together as he flicked his gaze to my door. “I came back here to give this same warning to your dad and the club, but you know how things go with passing down info.”
A laugh bubbled out of me. “Yeah, as in none of it gets passed down.”
“I heard what happened with you and your boss. You should know that Rodney is working with a rival club. A dangerous one from what I gathered. They’re called Murdoch Devil Riders, and as far as I know, they have territory south of Virginia breaking into North Carolina.”
My stomach flipped around as the first sign of that lurking danger seemed to finally draw near. “Any connection to the club that attacked us when we were kids?”
Connor shook his head. “Not that I know of yet.”
“How exactly do you know about any of this?” I stopped picking at the gel paint.
My thoughts began tangling and tugging like warm dough.
He’d mentioned going to find more out about his bio dad, with the Chaos Kings.
Did that mean he’d pledged with them? He was always supposed to be a Stone Rider.
Jameson, his real dad was one, how could he not pledge with us?
Connor dipped his chin. “I’ve been helping Giles.”
“So, you’re a Chaos King then?” I challenged.
He smiled, but I bristled. How fucking dare he. My voice rose as I began berating him, “You were raised by Stone Riders. You were always going to be one of us. How could you pledge with them?”
“Because it’s part of my history, Royce.”
I stood, feeling infuriated by his disloyalty. “Rose Ridge is your history. The Stone Riders are your history. Your mom and dad’s story started here!”
He stood with me, gaining his own ire. “No, their story finished here. It started in Richland. Dad was the president of the Chaos Kings, and I found out my bio dad was the VP. Get off your high horse, Royce. You and Taryn act like your dad’s club is the only one that matters.”
“It is the only one that matters, Connor,” I snapped harshly.
He shook his head. “Look, like I told Ford, I don’t owe you my loyalty nor do I owe you an explanation. I’m merely trying to warn you about your boss, and another thing.” He blew out a breath. “Your dad asked me if I’d be interested in being your private security.”
“WHAT?!”
He glanced at the door with a wince. “I didn’t accept the job.”
“He was going to pay you?!”
“He’s worried about you, and he knows you want to move out. I think he’s trying to find a middle ground that he can live with.”
What the hell was wrong with my father? “So some other psycho is going to eventually accept that offer and I’ll have a private security detail?”
“Well, I’m not a psycho for starters, but I heard someone talked your dad out of it…”
“Not a chance. Dad couldn’t be talked out of protecting me or Taryn, unless…
” I tried to piece together who might be brave enough to stand toe-to-toe with him.
Not even Connor stood up to my dad when he’d told him to propose to me…
but Ford had. Ford stood up to my father more than once.
The memory of what he’d said on the road that day…
I think your father and I understand one another now.
Connor continued talking, cutting into my thoughts. “Taryn isn’t escaping so easily. Her constant trips to Richland are causing problems.”
So she was slipping off to Richland, just like I thought. “So, what does that mean?”
Connor’s cheeks flushed the smallest bit, and deep down I realized what was happening.
“She’s been going to the club in Richland, hasn’t she?”
His hands slid into the front pockets of his jeans, which made my gaze drop to his arms. He’d gotten so much ink since we’d broken up. Fuck, the Chaos Kings patch was right there on his forearm. How had I missed that?
“She’s there for a friend as far as I know, but Giles and your dad are worried about it. She’s been staying in the club.”
I tried to gather my thoughts. My chest was tight. “Oh fuck. In the club? That would mean she’s…”
“Seeing someone,” Connor supplied, but his voice went a little too high as he said it. I quickly turned to catch his expression. He didn’t like this.
I wanted to ask him why he didn’t like this, but he also looked…lost, and I knew how he reacted when he felt cornered or lost. He’d lock up and leave.
“I’ll look into it.” I waved him off.
“Look, I just wanted to touch base. Tell you I’m sorry if I messed anything up for you. I’m glad you didn’t tell me yes all those years ago, Roy. I’m proud of you for chasing your dreams, and for never being forced out of the one place you’ve always wanted to be.”
Emotion clogged my throat as Connor drew closer, and then his arms came out. I walked into him and wrapped my arms around his waist.
My mind flipped back to when we were dating and how different this felt. This felt like hugging a long-lost friend or brother. Someone I cared deeply for, that I would fight for but would never have romantic feelings for again.
“Roy, there’s another warning I’ll leave you with. Ford isn’t being entirely honest about everything…you’re not in any danger with him. He’d probably kill someone for you, Royce. No doubt about that, but protect your heart.”
With that, he pulled back. He gave me a sad smile before turning for my door and leaving.