CHAPTER ELEVEN
Emma tried to gather her thoughts the next morning over a cup of tea. Audsley had awakened her in the pre-dawn light and they’d made love once again. She didn’t think she’d ever grow used to the passion between them, but it was becoming more natural, like a secret their bodies shared.
It had been difficult saying good-bye to him at the door, which was silly since she’d see him again in a few hours for their walk to Grace and Carter’s house. He had insisted on coming to collect her, saying he now had two times the reason to worry about her, now that she was with child. Emma was almost certain a walk wouldn’t overwhelm either her or the babe, but she hadn’t argued since she wished to see him, anyway.
Emma thought about all the ways her life would change now that she’d be a countess, along with all the responsibilities that title would bring. Emma had been in love with Audsley the man, not the earl. As a girl, she’d heard how scornful her parents had been about the ton. They’d done their best to avoid that world, despite having been born into it. While Emma thought it would be wonderful not to have to worry about money anymore, she’d never had the desire to live in a grand Mayfair mansion or spend more on her clothing than many families would earn in a lifetime. Though, of course, a few new gowns wouldn’t go amiss. She also thought about gossipy Mrs. Canterbury’s reaction when she realized both Moore sisters would now be countesses. Emma would rather like to impart the information herself, just to see the woman’s face.
But then Emma had a rather sobering thought. Her child would be raised in the ton. If it was a boy, he would one day be the Earl of Audsley with all the responsibilities of his father. He’d be sent to Eton at an abominably young age and Emma almost cried to think she would have to say good-bye to him for a good part of the year. She hadn’t even met her son – she didn’t even know if she was carrying a boy – and she was already incredibly sad to have him leave.
Was this what was meant when pregnant ladies were said to be emotional?
Four hours later, Audsley called on her for their walk. She invited him in because it would have been rude not to, then they ended up back in her bed for half an hour. She had to admit that of all the parts of marriage which scared her, this physical relationship with Audsley seemed to make up for most of them. Perhaps all of them.
“I’m not sure you should be walking to Carter’s house,” said Audsley, just as they were about to leave.
“Why?”
“You are with child,” he said, as if this should be obvious.
“I don’t think the babe will be born along the way, if that is what concerns you.”
“I am concerned about many things, not the least of which is the exertion you must undergo to walk to your sister’s house.”
“It is barely a mile!”
“Which is a long distance for someone in your condition.”
“Really, Audsley, I am certain it will not tax me so very much. Besides, if you are that worried about my exertions, I have to think what we just did upstairs and early this morning and late last night would certainly tax me more than a mere walk.”
Audsley looked stricken. “I never thought of that. Do you think we placed the babe at risk?”
“No! I’ve heard enough whispers through the years to know that marital relations are perfectly acceptable, at least until toward the end of a woman’s confinement. Now, before you mention we are not yet married, I was using the polite term for what we did, and our marital status hardly matters. Why do you look so surprised?”
“I did not know you were familiar with any polite terms.” Then he grinned, and Emma’s stomach did a flip-flop.
“You make more jests now. I like that.”
He reached out and brushed a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. “You make me feel joy.”
“Shall we go?” asked Emma, once she’d regained the power of speech.
They walked to Grace and Carter’s house in companionable silence, though he insisted on helping her around any uneven ground, no matter how minor. She held on to his arm, something she’d done in the past, but marveled how any touch now reminded her of the passion between them. She was about to suggest returning to Jasmine Cottage and another rendezvous in her bed, when he said, “How should we tell them?”
That certainly got Emma’s attention. She hadn’t even considered how she’d tell Grace she was getting married and she couldn’t be sure that her sister would be in favor of the match, given Emma’s uneasy relationship with Audsley though the years. She would also have to tell Grace about the baby, though it was going to be humiliating when Carter learned of it. “Perhaps we should tell them separately.”
“As you wish,” said Audsley.
Emma wasn’t certain if he was offended by her request, but she didn’t want to risk Grace saying something which would hurt his feelings. Not to mention Emma hadn’t had a person to talk to about her condition other than Audsley and she couldn’t really talk to him since he was one of the reasons she was confused.
Moments later, they were admitted to Grace and Carter’s house and were shown into the sitting room. The butler, Wyler, told them the earl and countess were currently indisposed but would be down in a moment. That had been the case on a few of their previous visits and Emma had never questioned it. But once the butler left and Audsley looked at her, Emma suddenly realized just what Grace and Carter were doing. She blushed, then Audsley took her hand, turned it over and slowly kissed her palm.
They really should depart right now and tend to their own indisposition.
But before they could, Grace and Carter entered the room. Grace’s color was heightened, but Carter seemed extremely relaxed. Was that how she and Audsley appeared after they had been together?
Grace hugged her, followed by Carter’s kiss on her cheek.
“It is so good to see you,” said Grace. “Carter and I…”
“We are getting married,” blurted out Audsley to everyone’s surprise, particularly Emma’s. Actually, even Audsley looked surprised by what had just come out of his mouth.
There was a moment of shocked silence until Carter broke it with a grin. “Congratulations, Audsley,” he said, shaking his friend’s hand before turning to Emma. “My very best wishes, my dear. I know the two of you will be very happy.”
Emma smiled at him, but hadn’t been able to look at Grace, who hadn’t said a word. Her sister finally broke her silence by smiling warmly at Audsley. “I am glad to call you brother,” she said, as Audsley kissed her cheek, though it was a bit stilted on both their parts. Then she folded Emma into her arms. “This is wonderful news,” she said.
“It is!” said Emma, who then broke down and sobbed.
* * *
“I think this calls for a drink,” said Carter after Grace had quickly escorted a crying Emma from the room.
Audsley had wanted to go with them, but one look from Carter had him staying where he was. “Yes, please.”
Carter poured them both two fingers of whiskey, an unusual choice this early in the afternoon, but Audsley had to admit the occasion called for it. Carter gave Audsley his glass, then sat in one of the club chairs and waited.
“Many ladies get emotional about their weddings,” said Audsley, knowing as he said it that this wasn’t the case. This was Emma he was talking about. He couldn’t imagine her having a fit of the vapors about a wedding. This reaction was about the marriage. A marriage she was forced into because Audsley hadn’t been able to control himself in the maze or at any time since.
But Carter didn’t say anything. He just took another sip of his drink.
Audsley continued. “I fear this is my fault. She doesn’t have a choice about the marriage.”
Carter stopped drinking, the glass midway to his mouth. “Would you care to explain? She is my sister-in-law, after all, and I have a vested interest in her happiness.”
“There is a babe to consider. Emma and I…” He couldn’t figure out a way to describe what they’d done.
“I believe I take your meaning. But knowing you, I am certain it was a mutual act.”
“Of course, it was! I’d kill any man who would do otherwise. This is Emma we’re talking about.”
“I believe we’ve already established that. But surely, the two of you must have known there was a possibility of this outcome.”
“We weren’t thinking too clearly at the time. Nor any of the times since.”
Carter smiled. “So, you and Emma came together more than one time. I believe she is much more in charity with this situation than you imagine.”
“She wants the babe. And I cannot think of a better mother for my child.”
“Or your children. Given your activities, I cannot imagine you’ll stop at the one.”
“You will cease referring to our ‘activities,’ unless you want a facer.”
Carter smiled and put up his hands. “I meant no disrespect. It was just an observation. And if you’ll permit me a few others, I’ll say that you may be inventing a problem which does not exist. I haven’t known Emma long, but I believe she is a young lady who knows what she wants. If she hadn’t wanted to lie with you, she wouldn’t have. Do not think her tears have anything to do with anything other than a mix of emotions coming together all at once. Ladies who are expecting tend to have these outbursts at the oddest times.”
“What makes you such an expert?”
“Because, old friend, I’m also going to become a father,” said Carter with a broad smile.
* * *
“Emma, what’s wrong?” asked a very worried Grace, as she sat with her sister in the morning room in the back of the house. She passed her a handkerchief and held her close.
Emma felt like a ninny as she continued to cry. She wasn’t even certain what had made her burst into tears. The fact she’d done so in front of Audsley and Carter was especially humiliating. “Grace, you’re going to be so disappointed in me.”
“I cannot imagine that will be the case.” She rubbed her sister’s back. “Can you try to tell me what has upset you so?”
“Do you remember all those years ago when I thought we might have to leave?”
Grace’s eyes widened as she pulled back from Emma to really look at her. She nodded.
“It happened again. And this time I’m going to have a baby.”
“Oh, Emma!” said Grace, as she hugged her again. “Is it wrong for me to say how excited I am for you? I’m sorry it’s not the most ideal situation, but I know how much you’re going to love this baby.”
“I already do! And Audsley was very good about it when I told him.”
“As he should be,” said Grace, beginning to get angry. “He didn’t blame you, did he? Some men can be terribly ignorant about their responsibility.”
“Oh, no, you mustn’t think that. He has been everything that is understanding and good. He went to London to get a special license after the first time we made love – well, the first time this time around. And I didn’t even know I was with child.”
Grace had a hint of a smile. “Would you care to elaborate on ‘the first time this time around?’ I take it you and he have come together more than once ‘this time around?’”
Emma blushed. “Yes.”
“And he went to the trouble of getting a special license before he even knew there was a need to marry?”
“Yes.”
“Emma, he must love you very much. I always suspected he did.”
“But he never showed it.”
“I think he did in his own way,” said her sister carefully. “Yes, he certainly made a mull of things seven years ago, but ever since then he has been most attentive to you. He has never raised the rent and I cannot imagine Mama and Papa left enough to cover a fraction of the time we’ve been there. He let us stay with him in London. He sent his men to turn Jasmine Cottage into a fortress after Lily left and, really, there have been so many signs throughout the years that he cared for you.”
“But he has never said it.”
“Some men aren’t very good with words.”
Emma raised a brow. “Audsley is not one of them. He is filled with words and has never hesitated to give his opinion or vent his displeasure.”
“But love is something else altogether. Confessing it can require great courage. And before you jump all over me, I’m certain Audsley is a man of great courage. But this requires a different type of bravery than dashing in front of a runaway carriage to save you.” Emma’s eyes were finally dry when Grace asked, “How do you feel about him?”
“Oh, Grace,” said Emma, as her eyes filled with tears again. “I think I’ve loved him since I was a little girl. I mean, in a different way now than back then. But I love him even more. I even loved him when he didn’t react the way I wanted him to seven years ago. It’s always been there. And you should have seen him when I told him about the babe. I think he has our child’s future all figured out. He loves this babe, which is what’s truly important. He just doesn’t love me.”
“I think you’re wrong about that, but for now I’ll let you persist in your odd notions. Now, before we rejoin the men, I have some news of my own which I’ve wanted to tell you. I am also with child.”
Now, both of them were crying as Emma and Grace hugged each other. “Our children will be able to play with each other!” said Emma.
“They will!”
“If they are both boys, I’ll feel much better about them going away to school so young if they’re together.”
“Oh, Emma,” said Grace, laughing. “You really have thought a great deal about all of this, haven’t you?”
“I have. And part of me is very happy. But I am worried.”
“I think that’s the perfectly natural reaction to becoming a parent. You just have to make sure it doesn’t interfere with the joy and the love.”
“Nothing could ever get in the way of my love for this baby,” said Emma.
“Or for Audsley?”
“Or for Audsley.”
A moment later they rejoined the men and Carter hugged Emma. “Congratulations on both pieces of your good news.” Then he whispered to her, “Have patience with Audsley. I believe you two will be very happy.”
As Emma looked at her brother-in-law, as serious as she’d ever seen him, she realized she wasn’t on this journey alone.
She had family.