Chapter 5
Alayah
“I can’t believe my baby is leaving me,” Carissa said, cupping my face.
I gave her a teary smile. We were in my cell while I packed up my things.
My release was only an hour away, and I still couldn’t believe that I was leaving these walls behind.
While I wouldn’t miss this place, I was truly going to miss Carissa.
For ten years, she was the only mother figure I had in here.
She treated me just like a daughter, and for that, I would always have love for her.
“I’m gonna miss you so much.”
“I’m gonna miss you, too, Riss. Thank you for all you’ve done for me the last ten years. I’ll never forget you.”
“I know you won’t. Promise me, you won’t come back here, baby. You survived, but you don’t belong here. Promise me you’re gonna do something with your life. I want you to be happy. Go find you a man and let him love you and give you a shitload of babies.”
I giggled as she swiped my tears. “I promise.”
She kissed my forehead and pulled me in for a warm, motherly hug. “I love you, Alayah. I mean that.”
“I love you, too.”
Our embrace lasted for a while before we parted ways, and she grabbed my hand.
“Come on. The ladies are waiting to celebrate with you.”
She pulled me out of my cell, and I immediately teared up at the sight. The ladies had decorated a table just for me. There was food, drinks, and gifts. Music was being played. Somebody had even made a little cake. They clapped and smiled as we approached them.
“You guys didn’t have to do this,” I said as I made my rounds hugging each of them.
One woman, affectionately known as Juicy, waved me off.
“Of course we did. It’s not every day our lil’ baby gets parole. We’re gonna miss you around here, boo. Not the screaming in the middle of the night, but we’ll miss you.”
“Definitely not the screaming,” Luna agreed. “Who’s gonna do my hair now? I’m gonna be back to looking like a damn bird.”
I giggled. “Luna, I showed you how to take care of your hair.”
“Yeah, but it’s better when you do it.”
I shook my head as the rest of the ladies nodded in agreement.
“Open your gifts,” Juicy urged.
Carissa ushered me into a seat. I looked around at the gifts all wrapped in newspaper.
I didn’t know what to open first. Closing my eyes, I randomly picked one.
When I opened it, I found handmade little paper roses and a vase made out of a toilet paper roll and pebbles.
The second gift was a handmade purse fashioned out of chip bags.
I already knew that came from Luna. She’d made them for several of the ladies on the block.
There were a few hand-drawn cards and pictures and a journal.
My heart was overjoyed at the love they showed me.
“Thank you all so much,” I whispered, fighting back tears.
“You get out of here and make us proud,” Juicy said.
All I could do was nod as Carissa massaged my shoulders. They allowed me to have a moment before Luna turned up the radio.
“Alright. Enough of this sad shit. Today is a happy day. We’re gonna eat good and party a little before you say goodbye. Get your pretty ass up, mama.”
I giggled as she pulled me from my seat and started dancing with me. Time seemed to fly by after that. We ate and had a good time, and before I knew it, CO Judy was calling my name.
“Chambers! Let’s go! You’re outta here!”
I hugged the girls again before gathering my gifts and taking them to my cell to place them with my other things.
With my box in my hand, I made my way to the door where CO Judy was waiting.
With one last look back, I offered the girls a tearful smile before I left them forever.
The entire way to the front and through the check-out process, my heart raced. This was it. It was really happening.
I was going home.
The walk to the gate seemed to be the longest of my life. The rays from the sun warmed my face. The air was cool and fresh. The sounds of nature seemed to amplify outside of the barbed-wire fences. Everything was so beautiful now that I could take it in from the other side.
I could see my aunt and uncle waiting beside their car.
She clung to him with tears streaming down her face as I got to the entrance of the gate.
The minute it began to open, they started toward me.
When there was just enough space for me to slip out, I broke into a run to them.
Placing my box on the ground, I fell into their arms, crying profusely.
“You’re free,” Aunt Penny whispered, kissing my cheeks.
“We’re so happy to have you home, baby girl,” Uncle Clive added.
“Thank you.” I pulled back to look at them. “Thank you for never giving up on me. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you—”
Aunt Penny placed a finger to my lips. “None of that. You are our niece—practically our daughter. We love you. There’s nothing in this world we wouldn’t do for you.”
She kissed my cheek and pulled me back in.
It felt so good to hug them. I could feel the love flowing through them and into me.
I needed that like I needed air to breathe and food to sustain me.
They loved me. They’d spent thousands of dollars fighting for me for ten years.
Every week, they were there for visitation.
And now, they were the first people I saw when I stepped out of prison and back into normal life.
I wasn’t sure what lie ahead for me, but as long as I had them in my corner, somehow, I knew I’d be okay.
We pulled up at the home I’d spent much of my childhood in.
Everything was just as I remembered it. Uncle Clive still kept a neatly trimmed yard.
Aunt Penny still had the beautiful rosebushes lining the front porch.
The tire swing I used to push my sisters on still hung from the big oak tree, and the familiar birdhouse my uncle and I had built was still there, too.
As happy as I was to be here, I was too nervous to get out of the car.
Every negative thought flooded my brain.
What if I couldn’t survive out here? What if my aunt and uncle decided they didn’t want to help me anymore and put me out before I could take care of myself?
What if I was doomed to go back behind those barbed-wire fences and concrete walls?
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t hear my uncle open the back door.
He stooped down and took my hand. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m scared.”
“What are you afraid of, baby girl?”
“That I’m not gonna make it out here.”
“Listen to me: Penny and I didn’t fight this long and hard to get you out to let you fall by the wayside. You’re home. This is your home for as long as you want it. We will always be by your side, Alayah. If you don’t believe anything else, believe that.”
I looked from him to my aunt who simply smiled and nodded.
“We can take all the time you need,” Uncle Clive said. “When you’re ready, we’ll go inside.”
I sat there for a moment with my eyes closed.
Fear was once my worst enemy. It was the one thing that held me captive for so many years.
Fear of speaking up caused me to be subjected to unspeakable acts.
It led me to taking a life that ultimately cost me my freedom.
I was free now. Rodney was dead, and he could never hurt me or anyone else again.
I had a second chance at a new life, and I had to make the best of it.
Opening my eyes, I turned to my uncle. “I’m ready.”
He nodded and stood to help me out of the car then grabbed my belongings.
I followed my aunt up to the front door.
When she opened it, the familiar scent of lavender and honey floated into my nostrils.
I hesitantly stepped in behind her. Aside from new furniture and new paint on the walls, it looked almost as I remembered.
I slowly walked around the living room, looking at the pictures on the walls.
There were several of me and my sisters.
I stopped in front of one of the three of us from the last Christmas we spent together.
I was sitting on the floor, and the two of them were sitting on my lap, all three of us wearing big smiles.
There was so much pain behind my smile, but I always managed to put on a brave face for Adrienne and Amiyah.
Reaching out, I touched their faces. I missed them so much. If nothing else caused me pain, it was not being able to see or talk to them in ten years. Tears pooled in my eyes as I looked at the picture.
“Do they still come over?” I asked.
“Adrienne comes whenever she wants,” Aunt Penny said.
“She’s the rebel of the two of them. Her and your mama don’t get along, but Kennedy refuses to let her come live with us.
Amiyah is a little more timid. She doesn’t like confrontation and tries her hardest to appease your mother.
Sometimes she comes with her sister, but she mostly calls or FaceTimes us. ”
“Are they safe with her?”
She sighed. “I’d like to think so. I always ask Adrienne if there is anything going on that we need to know about. She always says no. I do know that Kennedy has a new man. She’s been with him for a while, but he isn’t allowed to stay over or be around the girls without her being there.”
I gave a sigh of relief. At least she learned from me. It would kill me to learn that she’d allowed yet another man to do to my sisters what Rodney had done to me.
“I miss them so much, Auntie.”
She came up behind me, resting a hand on my shoulder. “I know, baby.”
“I need to see them.”
“Kennedy knows you’re living here. The day of your parole hearing, she called and cursed me out for allowing it. Apparently, Rodney’s mother called and told her everything. She forbid us to see the girls as long as you are here.”
The tears in my eyes stung so bad as I tried to hold them back.
It was no use. Before I could stop it, I was in full-blown tears.
My knees weakened, failing to hold me up as I fell to the floor and cried.
All I wanted was to see two of the four people who’d ever really loved me.
I wanted to hold them and hug them and tell them how much I thought of them every single day for the last ten years.
I wanted to tell them how sorry I was that I’d committed such a vile act while they were present—that I’d done it to protect them from suffering the same fate I did.
I accepted what I’d done, but I was a victim.
If I hadn’t done something, Rodney would have preyed on me until I was no longer desirable to him.
If it wasn’t me, there would have been some other helpless little girl, and I’d be damned if it had been my sisters.
“Come on, baby,” Uncle Clive said, helping me to my feet. “Let’s get you to your room. Maybe you should lie down for a bit. Today has been a lot. You get some rest and then come eat dinner with us.”
I allowed him to lead me down the hall. We came upon the bedroom I’d slept in as a child.
When he opened the door, I was pleasantly surprised to find that they had completely transformed it with new furniture fit for a woman of twenty-eight.
There was a black queen-sized bed with matching nightstands and a dresser.
The bedding held a pretty black, white, and gold pattern.
The white walls had a few pictures with positive affirmations on them.
In one corner of the room was an oversized white papasan chair.
In the other was a black desk and bookshelf combo.
The bookshelf was filled with all kinds of books I couldn’t wait to read.
I smiled, remembering telling my aunt about all the time I spent in the prison library.
I’d always loved reading, but prison only deepened that love.
“Do you like it?” Aunt Penny asked.
“I love it.” I turned to face them. “Thank you. I love you both so much.”
I went into their arms, the one place I’d always felt safe. If I had to start over with anybody at my side, I was forever grateful that it was them.