12. Summer 19
“What about a kangaroo?” I ask.
“I’d like to think I’d be something less basic than a kangaroo. Do I look like a kangaroo to you?” Andrew glances at me from his spot in the driver’s seat, sees my face, and frowns. “Don’t answer that.”
I burst into laughter. “Alright, fine. You don’t look like a kangaroo.” I continue scrolling through a list of animals that jump. “What about…Oh, a klipspringer! It says they’re five feet tall and can jump up to ten times their height! That’s so cool. And look how cute they are!” I hold my phone out to him.
He stirs in his seat. “It looks small. I’m 6’3. I deserve a bigger animal than that!” He huffs.
“You came up with this game. We could’ve sat in silence as we drove home from the store, but you insisted we figure out what animals we would be.”
“Well, I guess my game was stupid.” Andrew’s tone is annoyed but one look at his face indicates he’s having just as much fun as I am. It’s been a week since our trip to the bookstore, and we have quickly reverted to our old ways, laughing and teasing. The thought builds a soft warmth in my chest.
As I read the next animal from the list of jumping animals on my phone, I can’t help but break the silence. “How about a kangaroo rat? They’re even cuter than the klipspringer and can jump forty-five times their own body length, making them the strongest mammals relative to their body size.”
“Why do I have to be something cute? Can’t I be like a jungle cat? They’re strong and agile. I’d like to think I’d be something like that.”
I reach over and pinch one of his cheeks teasingly. “But Andrew, you are cute like this little guy.” I hold up the photo of the kangaroo rat. “You don’t look or act intimidating like a jungle cat. When I first met you, you were looking all sweet and innocent playing with one of the neighbors. Every time you open your mouth, your words ooze sweetness.”
He looks appalled. “See, I know it’s a compliment to say I’m nice, but I can’t help but feel like that was meant to be an insult.”
“No, it was a compliment,” I clarify. “You’re a nice guy, Andrew. I like nice guys. That’s why we hang out.”
He seems to be reflecting on my words and what they mean when I hear the song playing on the radio. “Andrew, turn it up!” I shriek in excitement as I reach over to turn the volume up myself.
“Why even bother asking me to turn it up if you’re just going to do it yourself?” Amusement spreads across his face.
“Shhhh! Listen. Rebecca showed me this song last summer, and I love it. It’s such a cute story.”
I watch him glance at the song title across his screen. It’s “Porch Swing Angel” by Muscadine Bloodline. “Who the hell is Muscadine Bloodline?”
I roll my eyes. “They sing ‘Can’t Tell You No’ and ‘Me on You.’ They’re not super big. Now shut up and listen, the good part is coming up, and it sets up the whole story.”
Right as I finish, I hear the last words of the intro and the first verse begins.
I get lost in the lyrics. It’s like this song was made for me. It perfectly describes how I feel about Andrew. The lyrics perfectly explain the fear and the aching need to put an end to the charade and be honest about how I feel. That’s a big part of why I’ve always enjoyed books. They have the power to turn these abstract thoughts and feelings I experience into words. Rebecca has shown me over the years how music has that power too, and I’ve been thankful for that gift she has given me because I can’t imagine my life without music now.
The chorus repeats to end the song, and Andrew’s gaze meets mine and lingers.
“Rebecca showed you that song? It doesn’t seem like her style.” He chuckles to himself. “One time she lectured me on how this total hardcore metal song had a really deep meaning. I couldn’t get past the first ten seconds of screaming to get anything out of it.”
I burst into a fit of laughter. “Andrew,” I pause, “you didn’t know?”
He gives me a puzzled look. “Know what?”
“She was totally pulling your leg! She told me all about that during one of our Facetimes. I defended you! I insisted you knew it was a joke and were just messing with her right back, but I guess I was wrong.” I shut my mouth for one moment and then burst out laughing again at the thought of Andrew concentrating on the song and trying to find meaning.
“Hey now! You can be pretty na?ve too.”
I lean into him teasingly. “Please enlighten me on how I’ve been na?ve.”
He straightens up in his seat and his voice goes up an octave. “Oh, there have been so many times!”
“Okay, then tell me about them.”
“How about the time Rebecca and I convinced you we were going to get you a snake for your birthday? You were having an absolute meltdown at the thought of us shipping this snake to you and you being stuck with something that clearly would’ve freaked you out.”
I shrug. “That’s one. Good job. Way to highlight the many times I’ve been na?ve.” I give him a cocky smirk and throw in a slow clap for good measure.
His next words burst back. “How about every time you’ve believed we are just friends?”
I freeze, and I see him pale a little as he pulls off the road. What is he talking about? What is he doing? Why are we pulling off the road? It’s then that I realize I don’t even recognize where we are. We didn’t go back the normal way. We should’ve been pulling into his driveway by now. I peer out the window, squinting in the early afternoon sun. “Andrew, what…where…what are we doing?”
He leaps out of his truck and comes around, opening the door for me. He grabs my hand to help me step down and closes the passenger door behind me. He locks the truck and starts walking up the path hidden amongst the bushes. The trail looks like it hasn’t been used in ages. There are inklings of new growth in the dirt, and the branches from the bushes on either side grow across it. To add to its sketchy nature, the trail has a very steep incline.
“Andrew!” I stay close behind him, trying to grab his shirt so he will stop and talk with me. Not only does he owe me an explanation of what is going on right now, but he owes me an explanation of what he said a moment ago in the truck.
I finally get close enough to grab his arm. I tug him back, and he stops. “Where on earth do you think we are going?” I ask. “This is exactly how people get killed in horror films.”
“No, it’s not.” He swats his hand at me. “There’s still plenty of hours of daylight left. If this were a horror movie, it’d be pitch black out right now. We are perfectly safe.”
He tries to spin around, but I grab him again. “Oh no you don’t! You need to tell me what you think you’re doing.”
“We are going up this trail because I’ve always wondered where it leads to. Then we will see what happens.”
My eyes grow huge at his nonchalant response. “What?”
He grabs my hand and starts leading me up. For some reason, I follow him. Clearly, my brain has turned to mush since his comment earlier about believing we are just friends. That’s the only logical explanation for why I continue to follow him.
“You remember what I said a week ago about living part of your life spontaneously?” He doesn’t wait for me to respond. “This is me trying to do that. I took Angie for a drive around the lake two summers ago, and I saw this trail. It was a lot more prominent back then, but I knew she wouldn’t get out of the truck to check it out with me, so we didn’t. Ever since then, I’ve wondered what we missed out on. It could be absolutely nothing, but I might as well go for it. Rebecca would’ve.”
“Okay, let’s go see it,” I say, sounding much calmer and more confident than I feel. I’m still reeling over his remark in the truck earlier, trying to understand, but the moment has passed and we are focused on being spontaneous right now, which, surprisingly, I think I can get behind.
We quickly find the path only grows steeper. We practically have to rock climb to get up the darn thing. Andrew helps, following me and supporting me as I go up. At the top, it opens to a grassy patch, shrouded by trees in every direction. I can’t help but feel disappointed. There’s nothing here.
“This can’t be it,” Andrew insists.
I look around. “I think it is, Andrew. It’s okay, you were still being spontaneous, even if it didn’t go as planned.” The look of disappointment on his face makes me want to wrap him up in my arms. He looks like a little kid who dropped his ice cream cone.
He wanders into the trees. I just watch him as he explores, but then he disappears. Growing paranoid, I quickly jog over to where I saw him enter the trees.
“Em, you’ve gotta come see this!” I hear him shout somewhere from the depths of the trees.
“Where’d you go? I don’t like this. What if we get lost?”
“Then it’ll be so worth it.” He walks back my way to come get me. Once he knows I see him, he turns around again. “This way.”
I follow him through the trees and reach another ledge. This one has a much better view than the grassy patch we just found. I take in the water below us, glistening in the afternoon sun. “You can see the whole lake from here. Where are we?”
“I think we are on the south side of the lake.” He points off toward a cell tower. “We camped near there two summers ago.”
I take it all in. This is incredible. This has to be the highest point on the lake. “It’s too bad you didn’t take Angie here. It would’ve been so romantic.”
He nods. “Yeah, it is.” I note his use of the present tense. I’m analyzing every word he says right now. “Do you think we can get down to the water from here? It’s calling my name. It’s so damn hot out.” He begins fanning himself.
“We did just climb up a giant hill.”
He starts scoping out the drop-off. “Oh yeah, we can totally get down there. Come on! It’ll be fun.”
Again, I don’t know why, but I follow him.
It’s easier to go down than it was to come up here. We have to scoot down on our butts a bit, but we make it to the water in just a couple of minutes.
Andrew immediately pulls his shirt off at the bottom and kicks off his shoes.
“What’re you doing?” I blink my eyes in shock.
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
I look him up and down. “It looks like you’ve gone temporarily insane.”
“Ha ha.” He deadpans. “Are you coming?”
I shrug. “I think there’s a flaw in your genius spontaneity plan. I don’t have a swimsuit.”
The smile on his face is immediately erased as the realization hits him. I can practically see the wheels turning in his head. “We didn’t come all the way down here not to swim. I have a solution if you’re up for it.”
“Sure.” I eye him skeptically.
“A ‘sure’ is binding under these circumstances.” He mutters quickly.
“Wha—”
Before I can get off another question, Andrew launches into his solution. “You can just skinny dip. I’ll do it with you if it makes you feel better!” He takes a look at the skepticism on my face. “There’s no one here to see; the closest house is at least a half mile away.”
“The nearest house may be far enough, but there’s still another person awfully close by.”
“Where?” Andrew begins looking out at the water for a boat or a swimmer.
I throw my hands out in front of me to gesture to him. “You, silly!”
“Oh, come on, Em! I won’t look. You know that. You’d do it with Rebecca, right? What’s the difference? You and I have been friends for just as long.”
I note his use of the word ‘friends.’ This boy couldn’t be more confusing, remarking on how I’m na?ve to think we are just friends but then labeling us as friends fifteen minutes later.
“There’s a huge difference, and you know it.”
“Well, I’m going in. Feel free to join me if you’d like, or don’t.” He slips his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts, turning around. “I suggest you don’t look.” I don’t even have to see his face to know he’s baring that cheeky grin of his.
I quickly turn away and hear the sound of shorts drop, followed by pounding footsteps and a splash as he leaps into the water. I turn back to inspect the scene and find both his shorts and briefs sitting on the rock in front of me. He must’ve jumped off from there instead of climbing the rest of the way down to the sand, which surely would be a hard task without clothes for protection.
He treads water for a bit and then leans back a little with his hands behind his head. All I can see are his shoulders and bare chest, nothing I haven’t seen before. “The water feels fantastic! Hurry up and get in!”
A twinge of a smile crosses my face. “Since when were you so much like your sister?” A mixture of love and sadness whirl inside of me at the thought. We were having such a good day until I had to go and miss Rebecca.
“This is what we said we were going to do,” he explains, as if it’s that simple to just suddenly throw caution to the wind and be spontaneous. “Someone had to do it, or our summer would be so boring.”
“Hey, I like going to the bookstore and getting ice cream with you. And we still would go swimming.”
He nods, agreeing. “I enjoy it too, but there’s something about this that makes me feel so free. I can’t believe I’m doing this because it’s way out of my comfort zone, but I’m proud of myself for doing it anyway.”
His words settle in, and I groan, realizing he’s convincing me to do this. But I’m not doing this because of my feelings for Andrew or because I give in to peer pressure easily. I’m doing this because I know Rebecca would’ve loved it, and I trust Andrew whole-heartedly. Without Rebecca, he truly is my best friend, and I know I won’t regret making another outrageous memory with him.
“Turn around!” I shout to him.
A huge smile cracks across his face, and he spins around swiftly. I tug my shirt and shorts off first. Then I unclasp my bra, using one hand to cover my top half while I slip my panties off with the other. I get a running start off the rock and dive in.
My head rises out of the water, and as I wipe the lake from my eyes, I find Andrew sitting about three feet away from me. “What’re you doing? Don’t get so close. If we are going to do this, we need ground rules!”
He laughs. “Relax, Em. I won’t come any closer, and I can’t see anything from here.”
I peer over at him, testing to see if I can see anything too. Nope. My shoulders relax a little. “So, I’m in the water, now what?”
He splashes me. “Loosen up a little and enjoy the moment.”
I scoop water into my hands and splash him right back. He pulls away. “You did not just do that!” A menacing smile crosses his face.
“You started it!”
I watch him wind up as he splashes me with twice as much vigor this time. I shriek and turn my head away, but the blow fills me with determination. I swoosh over toward him, reaching out to dunk him under. His eyes grow wide. “Okay! Okay! Let’s call a truce. I can’t properly defend myself when we’re like this.”
It’s then that I remember we are both completely naked. I wrap my arm across my chest and back away. “I’m sorry.”
On instinct, he comes a little closer to comfort me in my timid embarrassment, but he catches himself and stops. “It’s okay.” A grin creeps onto his face. “Most guys wouldn’t complain about being in this situation, myself included,” he admits. “But I’m a gentleman, so I have to draw the line somewhere.”
His words sink in, and I can’t help but be reminded of his earlier remark about us being more than friends. I’m reminded of the look he gave me while we listened to “Porch Swing Angel”and Rebecca’s chiding in my dream a week ago. I think about the moments we shared last summer when I was so sure we were headed in the exact direction I’ve always wanted to. The air is charged with electricity, and the words I say next just slip out. “Andrew, can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“What are we?”