15. Penelope
FIFTEEN
I was very obviously staring.
There really wasn’t any way I wouldn’t stare, and I think any person with eyes would agree. Jameson was currently shirtless, working on my car in the large open bay of the Stone Riders’ clubhouse. Half their club was converted into a sleek garage, and they’d opened it up for Jamie to use.
He had abs for days and fucking days. Smooth, hairless skin greeted me, with ink that covered his shoulders and connected over his upper chest and collarbone that resembled feathers. Black feathers, which reminded me of a raven’s wings. There was a skull wearing a crooked crown, indicating the patch insignia for the Chaos Kings. He also had a few verses of text right below his belly button that seemed to act as an arrow down to his cock. The words were simple, and in script…
My midnight ruin.
Starlight eyes, burning flesh and bone.
A bruised heart, crushed by all our good intentions.
I had stared long enough to catch every word, especially after I had wandered over to hand him water, beer and a sandwich. Each time narrowing my focus on his lower abdomen. I wanted to know what it meant. Who he was talking about, and why it seemed like there was so much pain behind each word.
“Are you done eye-fucking him, because we need to settle on a menu.” Laura clicked her pen, keeping her gaze on the laptop screen in front of her.
We were at the bar, Laura and Callie were seated on either side of me, and Natty was hustling around in the kitchen, using a piping bag on some sweets. They were all helping me plan my fake wedding. I’d explained to them the entire situation, which Jameson said we weren’t supposed to do, but I had a feeling their significant others would tell them eventually if they hadn’t already.
“I’m not eye-fucking him,” I argued, while spinning on my stool to grab my water. Red had added a slice of lemon for me and then set a bowl of fruit in front of me.
Callie snorted, snacking from her own bowl of fruit. She was behind me in her pregnancy, but Red had taken care of both of us with fruit, water, and snacks.
“You do eye-fuck him. A lot.”
I glared over at the dark-haired tattoo artist. “Surely you of all people can appreciate that I was merely staring at his ink.”
Natty laughed this time, brushing a stray piece of blonde hair out of her face.
“It’s true!” I argued, but Laura merely lifted her pen and clicked it again.
“Seriously, we have to get this stuff planned. Once Natty is finished with her baking, we’re going back up to her room because you can’t watch that man fix your car without drooling.”
He was fixing my car, and he was doing it shirtless while laughing and joking with members of the Stone Riders while he did it. I was slightly swooning, possibly drooling, but most definitely picturing him naked.
“What do you have so far?” I set my attention on Laura.
Her eyes moved over the screen. “Okay, we have the date, this Friday—which can I just say again, how insane you two are—then we have the space, which will be held at the senior center bingo hall.” Laura shuddered the smallest bit before moving farther down her list. I knew the bingo hall didn’t sound romantic, but it was practical for fitting the members of both clubs, whom we’d invited.
“The nice thing is the hall comes with chairs and an arch.”
Natty poked her head over the bar. “And then we’ll head to The Drip afterwards for a reception.”
The entire thing felt strange to even process. They all knew it was fake, and yet they were sitting here with me, planning and helping me not to feel so overwhelmed or alone. It made me emotional.
“Thank you, guys.” My voice cracked as I tried to meet every one of their eyes.
Callie reached over and hugged me, then Laura jumped off her stool and did the same. “You’re one of us now, and we take care of each other.”
I was still fighting back tears when Jameson walked over.
“You okay, babe?” The term of endearment shot straight to my core, making me wet in a way that I hadn’t been since last night when he’d texted me the emoji of the lock.
The one indicating that he was taking care of himself. I had sat there pondering what had gotten him so worked up. It wasn’t like anything had happened to make him react like that…he’d just suddenly needed a shower. Although lately it was starting to be like that for me too…randomly I’d be desperate for release just randomly throughout the day. It was getting more and more difficult to take care of myself the larger my stomach became. When he’d texted me that emoji, it had taken every bit of self-respect not to storm in there and demand he make us both come.
It only took two seconds to remember that Jameson didn’t want me in that way.
He hadn’t shown a shred of interest in me ever since that one night we nearly had sex, but stopped when he realized I was still a virgin.
“I’m good, we’re just wedding planning,” I finally replied, clearing the tightness from my throat. He was staring down at me with that crooked smile, and he had grease stains on his face and chest. I lowered my gaze briefly to see the script again and withheld the urge to trace it with my finger. His finger came under my chin, stopping me.
Our eyes connected, silently speaking those words he’d always say when he’d do this.
He broke our stare first, moving his finger from my chin. “Your car is fixed. I greased the door, replaced the timing belt and did an oil change.”
I forgot how talented he was with vehicles. Used to be that there wasn’t a mechanical problem he couldn’t fix. When I’d moved back to the clubhouse and started dating Luke, I didn’t see Jamie that often because he’d started up his own garage in the city. Everyone in the club took it hard, wondering what had forced their president to open a non-club funded or affiliated business in the busiest part of Richland. He’d handed most of the responsibility of the club over to Luke, and only came around on the weekends to party. I remembered in vivid detail because he’d always have a new girl on his arm, or in his lap. He’d never look at me.
In fact, he treated me like a stranger.
He’d broken my heart, and to this day, he probably didn’t even know…or if he did, it was likely that he didn’t care.
Red was in front of us and handing something over to Jamie. “Thanks, Red.”
She nodded, then rubbed my belly before taking off. She’d asked if I would mind, and I told her I didn’t. The older woman was starting to grow on me, and maybe because my mom was gone, and I had no family left, but this club was starting to feel like home. It was possible that I’d ask to stay here when Jamie eventually took his club back and returned to Richland.
The thought made a tiny fracture in my already broken heart. I pushed it down, though, and focused on the folded leather in Jamie’s hand.
“Here, Red got it done sooner than expected.” He unfolded the leather, revealing a cut.
On the front left side of the vest was my name sewn in white, under where it should have CKRV, for Chaos King Richland Virginia, it was blank. It made me curious if he just wasn’t sure what to put, or if he was having the same thoughts about staying that I had.
I flipped the cut over and smiled so big my face hurt. Fake or not, wearing Jameson’s name on my back had been a dream of mine since I was old enough to understand what they meant.
Sewn in white were the words: Property of Jameson King
The insignia of the club was next, and under that was the club name. Chaos Kings.
It was the small title along the shoulders that got my stomach flipping. On each shoulder, there were white stars sewn in, along with patches that read: President’s Wife.
It was the first thing I’d seen since the ring that indicated I’d be marrying him soon. My chest expanded with excitement, hope and longing.
I was out of my seat and in front of him, gripping the leather. His brown eyes tracked my movement, that smirk I loved so much tilting his lips, only in the corner. As if he wouldn’t allow himself to fully give himself over to the way he wanted to smile.
Bracing one hand on his broad chest, I lifted on my toes and pressed my lips to his.
It was quick, and I fell flat on my feet a brief second later, but Jameson’s hand was around my waist, securing my back as he leaned down and molded his mouth to mine. It was hot and firm. I wanted to moan into the kiss, to wrap my hands around his neck and lose myself to the way he made me feel completely undone. He was warm sunshine on a lazy summer day. Heat soaked dirt and fresh grass. He was peace. My peace. The one steady thing I’d clung to for half my life.
Finally, he gently broke the kiss and allowed his gaze to roam over my features. There were words there…something he wanted to say. I knew because it was how he used to look at me in school when Luke would show off, and Jamie would stay quiet. A thousand things he likely wanted to say but never did.
“You guys are too cute.” Laura sighed from the stool next to us.
The room came back into focus, and I felt my face flush.
Jameson cleared his throat and let me go, helping me adjust so that I didn’t fall. “Here, let me help you into it.” I held my arms out and felt the cut come up over my arms and then fall to the sides of my pregnant belly.
I felt safe in his patch, like standing behind a massive boulder as an oncoming wave swept in. He was protecting me from the Chaos Kings and everything Luke had done to ruin me. I wrapped my hand in his and gave him a dopey smile.
“Let’s take your car back, we need to stop in and see the Chaos Kings.”
And just like that my smile faltered. I didn’t want to see them, but I understood why we needed to. He wanted to show off my patch and to prove to them that this was real, and no doubt remind them of the wedding they were required to attend later this week.
The giddy feeling in my stomach flared again as I considered being married to Jameson.
Married.
Legally.
Not real.
I let out a sigh as I followed Jameson, shoving down the reminder of my reality the entire way.
The Chaos Kings were all spread throughout the house, and as usual, it was loud. It was also hot and muggy—in desperate need of a window being cracked. The second we stepped inside, my insides seemed to squirm at the wrongness of it all. The feeling so different from being over with the Stone Riders.
Perhaps it was simply how this club had made me feel, and regardless that I was now wearing the president’s patch, or the fact that we were about to be married, it all just felt wrong.
“Prez is here!” someone shouted, sounding very drunk. There was something that crashed to the floor, and then more men were yelling. Tonight, I noticed there were a few Sweetbutts milling about, some had likely come over from Richland…but a few were maybe from Pyle, a neighboring town that had the only local strip club.
I clung to Jamie’s hand as we walked through the club. Someone handed him a beer, and me a withering glare. Jameson must have caught it because he ignored the offered drink and continued past the man. Harris was playing cards again at the table with one of the members; he smiled up at me, nodding his head in hello. I smiled at him as we made our way past him.
Brick walked up to us with a big smile on his face, a beer in one hand, and a bottle of water in the other. “Here Prez, this is for your old lady.” He handed me the water. I took it hesitantly and ensured the cap was still sealed. Jamie glanced at him, then back at me and thanked Brick.
He was likely gunning for the new VP spot that Luke had vacated, but I didn’t care. Someone had finally offered me a shred of kindness in this stupid club, and I wasn’t going to turn it down.
“Here, you can sit over here.” Brick led the way to a massive armchair, where Jamie sat and brought me into his lap.
I heard snickering, and even a few of the Sweetbutts eyed me, like they would be able to snatch Jameson right from under my swollen, pregnant fingers. I wanted to smirk back and explain that he was free to fuck, free to do whatever he wanted…and maybe he did. Maybe Jameson had already been over here, making his way through all the available pussy.
The thought flitted away just as quickly as it arrived.
That had never been Jameson. Even when I was with Luke, and he did have girls on his arm, he was always very respectful with them in public, and there had only ever been two girls. We all assumed he’d been dating girls from the inner city since he started working there, but it wasn’t like I had ever had the opportunity to ask him.
Jamie’s hand was on my thigh, pulling me closer as he talked to Brick, and a few other people. I watched the room while sipping my water. It wasn’t until I heard a familiar voice slither up my spine that it stiffened.
“New cut, I see…and rumor has it, you’re getting married.” Bones walked over to us, glaring down at me with those hateful eyes. Kline was next to him, leering while tossing back a beer. His eyes were red-rimmed, and he smelled like body odor and tobacco. My heart felt like a snared rabbit, desperate to run to safety. I did not like these men being this close to me or being able to stand over me.
Jamie’s grip tightened as if he could sense my unease, so I turned into him, hid my face in his neck and whispered, “I want to go back to the cabin.”
Jameson’s hand traveled higher on my thigh as his lips moved to my ear. “I’ll walk you.”
We stood, and Jameson was careful to position himself in front of me. The glare he gave the two men was death incarnate.
“Leaving so soon, Prez? We wanted a chance to talk to your pretty new fiancée.”
“You don’t get to speak to her. Ever.” Jameson warned with a deadly tone. “Now get the fuck out of my way.”
Kline’s gaze stayed fixed on me, red, watery eyes just glaring.
Jameson pushed Kline, so he stumbled back. “You don’t get to look at her.”
Brick was behind us in a second, pulling his gun out but keeping it low. A few other members fell into line behind us as well.
“You think because you’re putting a ring on her hand, we’ll suddenly accept her?” Bones rasped, focusing his glare on Jamie. Kline groaned, still trying to regain his footing.
Jameson looked over his shoulder at me. “Cover your eyes, Pen.”
Bones laughed, peering over his shoulder to find Kline. “Baby King thinks he can take us both out.”
I gripped Jamie’s wrist, silently begging him not to do what I already knew he didn’t have a choice in doing. Being president meant he kept members in line, and considering he’d already had enough dissention, I knew he walked a narrow line regarding the allegiance of his members. Jameson very likely would have already removed Kline and Bones after what they’d done to me, the fact that they still lived told me he was trying to bide his time and make it look like an accident.
“Penny, come with me.” Harris showed up from behind Brick, holding out his hand. Jameson let me go, while keeping his eyes on the two men. I rushed off to the older Stone Rider without a second glance.
Harris ushered me out of the house, but I heard the gunshots on my way out. I steadied my breath as I crawled on the back of Harris’ bike.
“I’ll be careful on the bumps.” His sweet voice said in a soothing fashion. I hadn’t been on the back of a bike in months. Not since I discovered I was pregnant. True to his word, Harris was gentle with his movements, and the way he navigated the bike. Before long, we were in front of the cabin, and Harris was helping me off and into the house.
“I’ll be right out here until Jameson gets back.”
My voice cracked as I stood in the entryway, watching as the older man backed out of the house.
“Wait. Could you…would you…” I stumbled over my words, hating that I was out of sorts over seeing those men again. Regardless that I now knew they were dead because Jamie had killed them, I still couldn’t shake this shuddering feeling in my chest.
“I have cards and coffee. Would you want to stay in here with me until Jamie comes back?”
The smile Harris gave me was mostly hidden by his beard, but I was starting to read the way his eyes lit up and how the space next to his eyes wrinkled.
“I’ll take some coffee, and I’d love a game of rummy.”
Relief sailed through me to the point I was nearly in tears. I hated being alone. I just wanted Jamie, and if I didn’t have him, then I wanted to be over with Natty.
Harris pulled out a chair and sank into it. I put on a pot of coffee and relaxed as he began talking to me about how he’d learned the hard way not to ever get in between Red and Brooks arguing. I was laughing so hard, my stomach began to ache. I sipped tea while he sipped coffee, and we shared turns winning hands at cards.
It was at least an hour or two before Jamie finally came home.
“Hey.” He searched over the table, and when his eyes landed on me, it was like a warm ray of sunshine had found a way through winter, sneaking into my heart and warming it up.
Harris stood and walked his coffee cup over to the sink. “Thank you for the company, Penny.” He winked at me, and then nodded at Jamie. “Prez.”
Jamie thanked Harris, walking him out of the cabin and then was back inside, securing the door, seconds later.
“You didn’t want to be alone?” he stated, straight away while removing his cut and boots.
I nodded slowly.
“You been sittin’ in that chair this entire time?” He moved over to me and held out a hand, helping me up.
“Well, yeah…we were playing cards.”
My back screamed in pain as I straightened.
Jamie must have noticed because he gave a small hiss. “Fuck, you’re going to be in pain now. Remember the last time you sat there to peel potatoes, and that was only for half an hour.”
“I forgot.” My emotions were all over the place as I held a hand to my back. All I wanted was a big, fat soaking tub that I could crawl into.
“You weren’t this pregnant then either. You’re almost due, Pen.”
“I still have a few weeks.” I lifted my chin, trying to ignore the fact that I had zero supplies, and the nesting thing everyone talked about was like having a tiny raccoon under my skin. I had cleaned the cabin and reorganized the small kitchen at least ten times, but I needed baby items. I just didn’t have the money to get them. Maybe I could find a thrift store, or something…Mom had left me some money, but I had been living off the funds since she passed. I needed to get back to work, but how was I going to do that now that the baby was coming?
“You’re worrying, stop it,” Jameson said, helping me to the bathroom. I released my lip from being pinned by my teeth while he turned on the shower.
“This will have to do the trick for now, I’ll give you a massage when you get out.”
Emotion clogged my throat as I stood under the spray. I washed my face and body then shaved as much of my skin as I could reach and then just let the hot spray hit my back. It felt nice but I was eager to get out and talk to Jameson. Turning off the shower, I toweled off and then slipped back into the bedroom.
Jameson was sitting on the bed, his eyes on his cell, but they lifted the second I walked in.
His gaze seemed to linger on the white towel, which with my stomach, barely hid all of me. My breasts were pushed up, and my upper thighs were on display. With my hair in a bun on top of my head, various strands kissed my neck.
“Hi.”
Jameson’s lips quirked. “Hey.”
“I should get dressed…” I walked to the dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts and a tank top. Both were too small on me, but I had limited options. Jameson stood from the bed and walked toward the door.
“I’ll give you some privacy.”
I hurried, not wanting him to get called away. He felt like this elusive cloud of smoke that was constantly drifting in and out of my world, only staying long enough to get me addicted, then gone again.
Reaching for the doorknob, I pulled and peeked out. “All done.”
My nerves were like a bolt of electric heat hammering along my veins as I sat back down on the bed. You’d think we were going to have sex with how nervous I was. My eyes lifted and trailed Jameson as he walked in. His wheat-colored hair was tousled deliciously, his brown eyes were warm whiskey and that jaw seemed to twitch as he fought a smile. His plain white t-shirt was tight against his firm muscles and at some point, he’d changed into gray sweatpants.
My eyes nearly fell out of my head when I saw his dick imprint.
Holy Shit.
He cleared his throat, and then his knees dipped into the mattress, his chest aligning with my back.
“I’m just going to rub your shoulders…is that okay…I can go lower too, just tell me what’s okay and what’s not.”
“It’s okay.” My voice came out all breathy, like I wanted to get fucked.
Which I did.
His warm hands landed on my shoulders, and he began slowly rubbing the tension out of my neck, but every time he would hit a spot near my tank top, the fabric would get caught under his fingers.
“Can I lower these?” His breath washed over my neck, causing goosebumps to pebble along my skin. His smooth voice caressed something inside me that needed to be fucked, and fucked hard.
“Yea, of course,” I whispered back.
With a delicate touch, he gently lowered the straps, which made the shirt sag a bit. All I had to do was lift my arm to hold it in place.
With his hands back on my shoulders, and no longer being inhibited, the massage was divine. Rolling my neck, I let out a small moan of pleasure, which made Jamie freeze.
“Sorry…just feels good.”
His hands continued, then he cleared his throat. “It’s okay…um, but speaking of…feeling good, was it okay that I texted you the lock emoji yesterday?”
“It was fine, I’m glad you did.” I wasn’t sure exactly what to say and I couldn’t tell him it had made me all sorts of hot and bothered that he’d done it.
“But you…you don’t ever text it, and I just don’t want to be in this alone, or like I’m the only one trying to get off around here.” He laughed lightly, like he was trying to lighten the mood.
I chuckled softly because he’d only done it once, and this felt very much like he was trying to figure out a way to bring the topic up without being obvious.
“Well, I would, but my vibrator isn’t as pleasurable these days.”
Jameson waited before moving his hands lower. “Why not?”
Another moan escaped me as his thumbs pressed into my spine, and this time, I didn’t apologize for it. He seemed like he was giving me some hints, and he hadn’t done anything remotely close to it in so long. I was ravished for his attention.
“It’s a small wand vibrator, and with my stomach, I’m having a hard time reaching my clit without twisting to do it. It starts to hurt my side after a while.”
And the worst part was, the last week or so the aching was the worst it had ever been.
Jameson was quiet behind me, the only indication that I had about him possibly overthinking was how firm his hands became against my skin, how he slowly trailed the pads of his fingers over my bare shoulders…how his warm breath fanned the center of my back as he let out a resigned sigh. As if he were finally just going to give in.
“Would you—” he started then stopped. “If I could help…would you…”
He cleared his throat, and my face heated. Jameson didn’t fumble his words; he wasn’t shy or unsure, at least not that I’d ever experienced. The memory of when he’d gripped my hips and told me it was my taste he wanted that night, surfaced, making me squeeze my thighs together.
“I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” I said as a way to protect my heart. As much as I wanted to accept his help, I knew he would do something in true Jamie fashion that made me feel like I was just a giant regret.
His chest felt closer, against my back as he whispered in my ear, “It wouldn’t make me uncomfortable…it doesn’t have to mean anything. I just know you have needs…with the hormones and stuff. I don’t mind helping you. I can also just find you a longer wand online and have it shipped here.”
I shook my head. “Wouldn’t be worth it since I only have a few weeks left.”
His hands moved lighter, in soothing strokes. “Then…”
“I’d appreciate the help if you honestly don’t mind. I’ve been aching for a few days because it’s hurting my side too much to twist around to use the wand.”
Jameson shifted behind me, his hands dropping away from my shoulders.
“Okay. How do you want to do this then?”
“I could lie back on the pillows and?—”
Jameson was up, moving around the bed to help me and his massive, erect dick imprint wasn’t hard to miss…at fucking all.
“I can sit with my back to you, so you feel like you have privacy…”
His hands wrapped around mine as I shifted back and rested against the pillows.
“I feel like that would make it awkward, and I can’t do this if it doesn’t feel organic. Can we just slip into our fake fiancé roles like we do in public?”
His dark eyes assessed me, a flash of hurt before it was gone, and I panicked. I always said the wrong thing around him, but if I outright asked for this to be real, he’d tell me no. Pretending was the next best shot I had at feeling like it was genuine.
“So we pretend…we just?—”
I nodded, holding his gaze. “I mean, unless you don’t want to. I respect that too.”
“I think it might take me a second…I’ll have to balance how into the fa?ade we go, because it could go too far.”
Of course it could. I nearly rolled my eyes but withheld the urge.
“Whatever you think is best.”