31. Penelope
THIRTY-ONE
I hadn’t realizedwhat it would be like to see Jamie with Connor. I had never dreamed far enough to let myself imagine the way his eyes would crinkle when he smiled down at my son, or the way he would walk around the room, rocking him gently. I didn’t realize that Jameson holding Connor while shirtless, was such a fucking turn-on, and I certainly didn’t know that I had to wait six agonizing weeks before I had sex with him again.
“This is torture.” I groaned, holding the heating pad to my stomach.
Jamie had Connor in his arms, like usual. I had expected him to head over to the Chaos Kings, show off his new little rider, or to make another statement about loyalty, but he hadn’t. Jameson had stuck with me every single day since we arrived home from the hospital. Every night when Connor would wake up to feed, Jameson would turn on the television for me, so I wouldn’t fall asleep. Sometimes he’d talk to me about anything and everything.
He”d ask if I still picked wildflowers, and I realized I hadn’t even thought of making a wish because so many of them had come true. Nights when he’d flirt were the hardest because I couldn’t have sex. I couldn’t even masturbate without feeling pain. One night Jameson had let me watch him masturbate, and that was so agonizing that I ended up throwing a pillow at him.
Which brought me back to once again feeling tortured.
“What, the cramps?” Jamie asked from his place on the floor. Connor was asleep in the little swing next to him, and my husband was doing push-ups. Not just push-ups, he was also doing crunches, lunges and other stretches that highlighted his sculpted ass and broad chest. He’d even worked up a sweat and was slightly glistening.
I threw another pillow at him. “You, you idiot.”
His sexy smirk wasn’t making things any easier.
“What’s wrong, does my wife need some relief?”
I stared up at the ceiling, praying for patience.
We’d been home for a week, and while I hadn’t torn, I did get my period in the worst possible way. I was wearing the world’s largest pads, while still icing because I wasn’t sure when the nurse said to stop. All I knew was they said I could not have sex for six weeks. It didn’t help matters that my milk came in and my tits were now beyond massive. They hurt all the time, so Jamie couldn’t even touch them.
I did however catch him staring at them while he stroked his cock inside his sweats.
“Jameson King, if you don’t stop working out and being sexy all over the place, I’m going to wait until I’m not bleeding and then sit on your face until you can’t breathe.”
He crawled up to the bed and got in-between my legs, while placing gentle kisses on my stomach and chest.
“Death by pussy, an admirable way to die, Mrs. King. Very on brand for my current position in life.”
“As a motorcycle club leader?” I laughed, pushing my hands into his hair.
His warm brown eyes held more peace these last few weeks than I had ever seen. It made me wonder if being that leader was really what he wanted.
“Can I ask you something?” I stroked my thumb over his eyebrows.
He turned my palm and placed a kiss there. “Anything.”
“Is the club really what you want long term…I know it’s in your family, and I’m not downplaying it. I’m trying to ensure I help you obtain your happiness.”
His face became deadly serious, and it made my own drop with dread.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have?—”
“You and Connor are what make me happy, Pen.”
I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. He just started kissing my stomach, and I pulled his face, until he was moving, and his lips were on mine.
I might not be able to fuck him, but I could kiss him, and the man was damn good at kissing.
I was sipping coffee, watching as Connor napped peacefully in his swing when Jameson walked in through the front door.
“Babe, I have a surp?—”
“Let me see him.” A female voice echoed through the room, which had me spinning around.
Jamie’s mother walked into the small cabin and set her purse down, then walked over to the kitchen sink and washed her hands.
“How are you feeling, honey?” Margie was suddenly in front of me, gently taking my face in her hands. “Beautiful as always, you look amazing, Penelope.”
I smiled, unsure what I was supposed to do.
“Can I meet your son, Pen?” Her eyes matched Jameson’s and it made my stomach flip. I set my coffee down and got up.
“Of course, here, take a seat.” I set the pillow aside. She obliged and settled on the sofa as I pulled Connor out of the swing and then gently set him in her arms.
I watched as she held him and stared down in awe. “Hello, sweet boy. I’m your grandma, and I love you so much.”
My chest nearly caved in.
Jameson moved behind me, his hand settling on my hip as we watched his mother gush over Connor.
“Your grandpa Mathias is watching down on you, and your grandma Wanda. You’ll feel their love in the warm breeze when it shifts and brushes against your face. They’ll love you in the way the sun will warm you, and the way the snow will fall when you least expect it. You’re not alone, baby boy. You’re so loved.”
I turned, pressing my face into Jamie’s shirt because the tears wouldn’t be refused. I hadn’t been expecting Margie to follow through with what she’d said at the wedding. I had assumed it was part of the ruse.
I didn’t think it was real, but there she was, blonde hair half up, those eyes that matched my husband’s, staring down at my son with adoration.
It finally clicked into place for me, that I was no longer alone. No longer unwanted, and perhaps I never had been. Maybe Jamie was there in the shadows wanting me all this time, just waiting for me.
I pulled the feeling close and let it sink into my soul. This gift was from my mom. I could feel her love surrounding me and if I could hear her speaking, I know she’d be choked up because she’d be so happy. Internally I smiled and said, “me too, Mom. Me too.”
Another week passed in complete bliss where we enjoyed Margie helping us with Connor. Jameson had offered to find her a place in town, but she demanded to stay with us, no matter how small the cabin, or the fact that we only had one bathroom. Jamie bought her a pillow top twin mattress and set it up right in the living room, with a sheet pinned up around her space, so she had some privacy.
It was actually nice to have her help. I was able to get some sleep while Jamie was able to go check in with Killian and Wes, and his club. She cleaned for us and cooked and generally just did everything I ever hoped my mom would have done if she were alive and here to help me as I stepped into motherhood. When it was time for her to go, I was extremely emotional. More so than I ever anticipated.
She hugged Jameson, but when it was my turn, I pulled her in so tight, she started crying.
Then she whispered in my ear, “you put us back together, Penny. Made me feel hope again since I lost Mathias. I can’t ever thank you enough for letting me be a grandma.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond so I just kissed her cheek and thanked her.
Harris stepped into the cabin as Jameson drove his mom off the property and to the nearest airport.
“Want me to watch the little prince while you take a nap, Penny?” Harris asked, smiling down at my son.
“I think I could use a walk up to the Stone Riders, actually.”
He gave me that warm smile and then pulled the baby sling down from the coat rack and slid it over his shoulder. “Okay, I’m ready for him.”
I smiled because this was our new normal whenever Jamie had to leave. Harris would use the sling and carry my son around the cabin while I napped, or if we wanted to walk outside.
I set my son inside and followed the biker out, heading up to hopefully see Natty or Laura. I needed some girl talk.
We went into town several times throughout the week to visit The Drip where Natty worked. She loved our visits. Regardless that we could see her at the club, we liked surprising her. She always had a little box of goodies set aside for us when we came in. She also stole Connor from Jameson immediately and abandoned her post at the counter to get baby snuggles.
We’d also walk by the harbor, and just get fresh air.
One afternoon, Jameson was driving us around town when he suddenly pulled into an upper-class neighborhood with tall, wrought iron fences, a private park for the guests and houses that were bigger than even Wes and Callie’s. The long gate to enter the neighborhood opened after Jameson gave the guard a small wave, and my mouth practically dropped open.
“What are we doing here?” I leaned forward, looking outside. A three-story mini mansion passed by our window with marble columns and ivy crawling up the side of the house.
Jameson kept driving until we reached the very end of a cul-de-sac. There was a house secluded on its own piece of land, surrounded by beautiful green grass, weeping willows and fruit trees.
“What would you think about a house like this?”
I shifted my gaze from the window and searched his face. “What do you mean?”
His eyes slid to the house again and came back to rest on me in an almost nervous way.
“I mean living here…raising Connor here.”
A laugh bubbled up through my chest as my gaze swung back to the house. It wasn’t as tall as the others, a modest two stories, but it had the prettiest black shutters set against the white house, the front door was black, a wooden swing was already connected to the limb of the weeping willow.
Jameson put the car in drive and slowly moved us from the street to the driveway.
“Jamie,” I rasped, unsure why we were doing this.
“I just want you to get a better look.”
He parked in front of the matching black garage door that was attached to the house.
I pushed the door open and stepped onto the asphalt. The scent of fresh cut grass and flowers filled the air as a soft breeze tangled my hair. I noticed the for-sale sign and realized that Jameson was serious.
There were neighbors off to the left and right. I spun in a slow circle and took in the neighborhood. It was quiet, well-spaced and still felt private enough with the deep, inset driveways. Standing where I was, it felt like miles separated the homes, even though I knew that wasn’t true.
Jameson’s door clicked shut as he walked around, Connor in his arms as he gave me that nervous smile of his.
“Connor could learn how to ride his bike here.” Jameson scanned the long drive, then he gestured with his chin toward the willow tree. “He’d swing there…you could too.”
Emotion clogged my throat as I stared at the wispy branches, the leaves nearly kissing the ground as the breeze picked up.
Jameson shifted Connor in his arms, so his hand was free. He used it to tug mine up the front steps of the house.
“Jamie, why isn’t there a lockbox on this door?”
He pushed inside and gave me another smile. “I called ahead, the realtor is doing me a favor. I asked if we could look at it alone.”
The light flooded the foyer from a massive window in the attached parlor, all wood floors and built-in window seats with a view of the willow tree. The craftsmanship was so beautiful, so detailed, I trailed my finger over the walls and the banister that would lead upstairs.
Air was tripping in my lungs as we walked through the house. The natural light, the surrounding green grass outside the windows, made it feel like we were in a storybook. More trees filled the space around the house, including a wall of privacy trees that protected us from the view of anyone.
The kitchen was all white quartz counters, white cupboards, dark wood floors, and windows that faced the backyard. A paved patio led down to a large, landscaped yard, green, lush grass stretched from fence to fence, but a small gate led to a massive pond in the back.
“There’s a bridge over the pond, Jamie,” I gasped.
“That pond is ours, no one else can use it, figured Connor might want to catch frogs.”
I couldn’t hold it in anymore, tears began falling from my lashes.
“Jameson, explain this to me.”
He turned with Connor in his arms, a warm smile in place as he crowded me against the counter. “You asked me about the club…and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Pen. These last few weeks with you and Connor in the cabin…it’s put some things in perspective.”
Hope was a fickle thing, so I tried to tamp it down and not let it rise within me.
Wetting my lips, I asked, “Like what?”
His brown eyes found mine, the natural light in the room turning them amber.
“My future…I want to stay in Rose Ridge. I want this house, I want you, and I want Connor. That’s it. That’s all I want, Pen.”
I didn’t dare cling to his words as if he meant them. Things were still unsettled in our lives…but Jamie had let me go so many times simply because of his club. I would hold no delusions that he suddenly was ready to walk away from it, even with all the things happening with Luke and Jefferson.
Jamie smiled at me, and I smiled back.
This was fiction, and why not throw in a dream house? The shoe would drop eventually, until then I’d just press a flower into my journal and wish that this could be real.
I was sitting on the floor of Callie’s house, a large blanket was spread out next to me while Connor lay on his back, his beautiful eyes searching the space around us. Natty was on the opposite end while Laura and Callie reclined on the couch.
“He’s so perfect.” Laura sighed, and then glanced over at Callie. Her bump was starting to become more prominent. It was February now, and the weather was starting to warm and the possibility of an early spring was in the air.
It was perfect.
“I feel like we haven’t seen you in forever, Pen. Catch us up on what’s been going on with you and Jamie.” Laura waggled her brows. “The fake husband.”
Feeling a blush creep into my face, I lowered my head to grab hold of my son’s little fist.
“I want to know whatever happened to the ex…Luke. He barged into your hospital room. Have you heard anything about him?” Callie asked, sliding a hand over her own stomach while she watched Connor as his little feet kicked.
Luke. I hadn’t even thought of him since the conversation with Jamie about him using my phone to meet up with him.
“Last I saw, Wes and Killian had pulled him out.”
But I had no idea what had happened after that. “Did you both ask?”
Laura shook her head; Callie did the same. “They wouldn’t have told us anyway.”
It had been weeks. I pulled up my phone and looked through my texts, typing in Luke’s new number. It had been blocked.
I unblocked it, tempted to send a text…but I didn’t want to open a door of communication. It was a blessing that he’d stepped away. In the future, if he wanted to know Connor and was willing to change his ways then he would have the chance.
I’d let him be Connor’s father as long as he understood that Jameson would be too.
“You going to text him?” Natty asked hesitantly. I watched their faces, and then slid the phone back into my diaper bag.
“No…I’m sure he’s fine. Just back with the Chaos Kings…but I’m going to ask Jameson tonight.”