Chapter 54
fifty-four
ELLIE
I grip my hand on Rowan’s wrist while I listen to him pour his heart out to me. I’ve never had anyone fight for me like this. Little did I know, the man who’s loved me since we were teenagers has always been fighting for me in his own way. He didn’t run after me and go to New York, but I know I never left his heart.
He finishes talking, and I soak everything in. I don’t want to let him go. I can’t let him go. He said I went after what I wanted and that I made him do that with his dad. And now he’s trying to make things happen again between us. He told me to stay, but he deserves someone who would never leave him like I did. He should be with someone who realizes just how lucky they are to have someone like him and to never let go.
“I’m scared, R-ro,” my voice breaks.
“I know. I know you’re scared of starting over. But I won’t let you do it alone. You forced yourself into the situation with my dad when I went to see him. Now, it’s my turn to force myself in your situation. We’re a team, and we will get through this together. I promise. Now, will you stop crying? I hate seeing you like this.”
His hands are still cupping my face when he presses a kiss to my forehead and then to my lips. He lingers there, and I can feel my entire body melt. My shoulders drop, my jaw unclenches, and I breathe.
He leans his forehead on mine and closes his eyes. “I need you in my life. Please stay. Stay here, stay with me. We can make this our home. You’re my girl, Ellie Thompson . I love you.”
My cheeks heat up when I hear those three words, I never thought I’d hear again. Never thought it was possible to have that from him again. I know I can trust him. He would rather fail if that meant saving me from my own despair. My body and soul aches for him. I’m his, and he’s mine.
“I love you, too,” I whisper.
He lifts his head and looks at me in disbelief. “Can you say that again?” he asks softly.
“I love you, Rowan.”
He searches my eyes like he’s making sure I’m here, in front of him, before saying, “I hope I'm not dreaming. I would really hate to wake up right now.”
I laugh softly and say, “I promise you that you’re not dreaming. I never stopped loving you. I left and still loved you. It wasn’t fair to Charlie because I knew it would never be what we once had.”
He looks at me with his smile, which makes my knees weak, and kisses me softly. Lovingly. It’s strong and passionate. Not rushed, harsh, or forced. It’s slow like he’s making sure that I’m here.
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in more, and we continue to kiss. He bites my bottom lip tenderly, and a small moan escapes me. He only allows himself to pull away for a second before telling me he loves me again. I smile against his lips, telling him I love him.
But there’s a moment when I feel his lips leave mine, and I look at him. His eyes are no longer on me. His head is turned down, and before he places his gaze back on me, he says, “There’s something I need to tell you.”
I can feel my heart begin to beat faster because his eyes changed in a matter of minutes. The spark that was just there has now been taken over by something heavy.
“What is it?” I ask quietly.
“When you came back home from New York after you were done with school…” He pauses, and I feel this overwhelming sense of worry.
“What?” I ask.
He rubs his face with his hand and sits back on the couch, his body facing away from me. Then he sits forward, his elbows on his knees while he looks down at the floor. “I, uh, I was planning on proposing to you when you got back. But then you said you were going to stay in the city for another two years.”
I suck in a breath out of pure shock. That was the absolute last thing I ever thought he would tell me. I think back to that day, trying to remember if I missed something. I told him I was going back, and that I had to take the opportunity that was given to me.
I close my eyes, forcing myself to concentrate. His hand slid down into his pocket, and what I thought was him clenching his fist out of heartbreak or hurt…
“Rowan,” I say, my voice breaking. I cover my mouth while trying to hold back the tears that so desperately want to come out again.
His eyes are still on the floor, and he fidgets with his fingers. “I didn’t want to get in the way of something that could have led you to bigger things. And it did. You became someone that everyone wants to meet. You made a name for yourself.” He lifts his head to look at me, and his lips curve into a tiny, sad smile.
I swallow the lump in my throat, not knowing what to say or what to do. I just sit there while emotions thrum through my body and mind. The biggest emotion is anger. Angry at myself. I feel my hands turn into fists on my lap.
Yes, I’ve made a name for myself, but I ended up being miserable and feeling broken. All this time, I could have made a different life for myself. Maybe created something here, as Addie suggested. I could have been with Rowan this entire time, and maybe we could have had a family by now.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Hey,” he says in a low, soft voice.
I feel his hands on mine, willing them to relax.
“Ellie, look at me, please.”
I let out a shaky breath before setting my gaze on him. The prickling sensation consumes me as I fight away the tears.
“You never left my mind, Ellie. I never hated or resented you. I did what I thought was best for you. I had a hard time and didn’t go about it in the healthiest way after you left. But that was the reason I didn’t speak to you for those two years. But do not blame or hate yourself because I know that’s what you’re going to do, and I refuse to let you do that.”
“Rowan, I?—”
“Ellie.” He shakes his head and smiles at me. Smiles.
I pinch my eyebrows together, waiting for him to continue.
“I would still marry you to this day. You’re the only person for me. It’s always been you. Always. And if I ever get that chance to ask you to be my wife.” He lets out a small laugh and then wipes away a tear I didn’t feel falling down my cheek. “Well, I would be the luckiest man. I’ll wait for you, Ellie. For as long as I need to because there’s no one else. I love you, Ellie Thompson.”
I sit there, looking at the man that I’ve dreamt about proposing to me. Maybe I can make that dream a reality.