Chapter 33 Elliot
THIRTY-THREE
ELLIOT
I’m not quite sure what I planned to say to Holly when I got back to the Hinton Grove, yet as soon as I saw the guy leering down at her I knew I had to step in.
I’ve heard about this sleaze before; it’s a small town and people love to gossip.
The second I saw him, I knew he was her ex, the big-shot musician who left her behind.
To be fair to Holly, she is standing her ground and I have no doubt in my mind that she can face this guy alone.
However, my protective instincts kicked in and I was moving towards her before I realised what I was doing.
Over the years I’ve become pretty good at separating my feelings for my family, and my feelings towards everyone else.
I’m friendly and genuine with everyone, but it’s all surface-level emotions, and I never let myself get too deep.
The fact that I’m acting this way over Holly without even thinking shows that my feelings for her are deeper than I’m allowing myself to accept.
With my body wrapped around her, it’s difficult to keep my mind on track. Her curves feel fucking amazing beneath my hands and I can feel the stirrings of my arousal. Focus, Elliot. If this does come down to a fight, I don’t want to be doing it with an erection.
There’s a heavy pause as her ex sizes me up, and at one time I might have been impatient, but right now I don’t mind as it gives me an excuse to hold Holly for longer.
He looks like he might be thinking about fighting this, and part of me wants him to.
I have this energy in my body, a pulsing need to do something to shift this feeling, and a fistfight might be exactly what I need right now.
The sting of the air against my bleeding knuckles, the ache in my jaw of the bruise starting to form.
Who knows, it might knock some sense into me.
The guy – Jake, I think she called him – narrows his eyes at the possessive arm I hold around Holly. Despite my bloodlust, I don’t give him any indication of aggression, I don’t win my battles that way. Instead, I let him see in my expression that I’m not giving up easily.
I wish I could say that this was all an act, but the longer I stand here and stare down at the asshole who hurt Holly, the more I realise just how much I’ve been masking my feelings.
Jake realises he’s not going to win this and returns his attention to Holly once more, his face contorted with anger. “You’ll change your mind.”
The surety in his voice stirs up anger in my gut, and as Holly shudders in my arms, that feeling only grows. Neither of us says anything as he waits for an answer he’s not going to get, and he finally spins on his heels and stalks off.
“Are you okay?” My voice is soft, a deliberate decision on my part as I continue holding onto her.
With us like this, I can pretend for a moment that this facade is true.
I know that my question will break whatever spell she’s under, but I have to ask.
I’ve been worried about her after I left yesterday, and now this…
She shrugs and slips out of my hold, taking several steps back and wrapping her arms around her torso as though she’s trying to comfort herself.
She looks so small, and I hate that I might be part of the reason.
Holly wouldn’t have wanted to seem weak in front of her ex, so of course she would go along with my little act.
If only she knew I wasn’t acting. Now, though, as I watch her trying to piece herself back together, I can’t help but worry that I’ve only added to the damage.
“Thanks for stepping in there.” She flashes me a tentative, awkward smile that makes my chest tight. “You didn’t have to.”
All of the strength I just saw in her as she stood up to her ex seems to have melted away. Am I the cause of that? I fucking hate this.
“Holly–”
She makes a strange noise in the back of her throat, holding her hand up and gesturing for me to stop. “It’s okay. I know you only said that stuff to get him off my back.” She waves her hand awkwardly between us and won’t look me in the eye. “I don’t hold you to anything after the kiss–”
“Okay, stop.” I shake my head with exasperation, unable to hear anything else she’s about to say.
That’s what this is about, and why she won’t look at me?
She thinks that when I left yesterday, I did it because I regretted our kiss?
The strong urge to laugh at the irony of it builds up, but I don’t let myself release it.
That would not help the situation right now.
My only regret about our kiss is that it didn’t last longer, and the way I ended it.
Before I allowed myself to go any further with Holly, I knew I had to speak to my brothers first. The kiss had awakened my true feelings for her and I wanted to go much, much further.
That did mean that I had to be honest with Clay and Bear first, though.
I haven’t exactly been very supportive of their relationship, and now I have to convince them to allow me to date Holly too.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to share her bed like the two of them do, but I know now that I need Holly in my life.
A car passes in the distance and I’m reminded where we are now. Sighing, I gesture back towards the buildings. “This is not the place for this conversation. Let’s go somewhere else.”
She nods in agreement, a sadness in her eyes that makes me want to rip out trees and pummel rocks into dust. Slowly, we walk back to her apartment in silence, the atmosphere heavy with unsaid words.
I’m aware of people watching us from inside the bakery but I pay them no heed, my focus on the girl beside me.
We reach the site of the building and I follow Holly up the stairs towards her apartment, staying quiet as she lets me in.
Stepping inside, I’m immediately greeted by her cosy living room, the space decorated in such a way that it’s like being surrounded by her.
I wish I had been here before, and now I am here I never want to leave.
I feel her watching me as I slowly walk around the room, her tension rubbing off on me, and I know I can’t hold this off any longer.
“I need to apologise.” I turn to face her fully. She is standing there biting her lip, arms wrapped around her middle, trying to hold herself together like she fears I might be the wrecking ball that breaks her.
“It’s okay,” she jumps in, her voice high and tight. “The kiss was a mistake–”
I cut her off by holding up my hand, not allowing her to finish.
“No, the kiss was not a mistake,” I tell her firmly, waiting for her to meet my gaze.
When she does, it’s with hesitation, but I see a hint of hope shining back at me.
What I say to her now will be make or break, and she has to know how I feel about her.
“I need to apologise for the way I left things yesterday. I was so confused by my own reactions that I didn’t stop to consider how it might feel for you when I just disappeared.
It was a long drive to where Clay and Bear are, so I had ample time to think about what happened and what I should have said to you then. ”
Emotions surge up inside me, all fighting to be seen, making my chest tight and putting me on edge.
Instead of letting myself push them away as I usually would, I allow myself to feel them.
Previously, any emotion that felt unhelpful would be dismissed; it was the only way to survive my early life.
However, I realise now that this might have been stopping me from entering into meaningful relationships and now if I don't learn to accept them, I might lose Holly.
That's something I don't think I could survive.
Taking a deep breath, I pray that I can find the right words to express myself.
“I’ve had feelings building for you since the day we met.
I’m not good with emotions, as my past has taught me only bad things can come from them.
Clay and Bear are the only ones who are safe to me, the only ones who I can freely feel those emotions around without judgement.
The types of feelings I get for you scare me.
” I laugh but there’s no real humour in it, all aimed towards myself. “You fucking terrify me.”
“This is hardly easy for me either,” she replies, but the corner of her lip twitches upwards as she speaks, taking any sting out of the words. “As you saw, my love life hasn’t always been simple.”
She can say that again. Even if you were to ignore the crazy ex, she is currently dating two guys, after all. My thoughts return to Jake and my face shifts into a scowl. How someone as kind as Holly ever ended up with a self-centred jerk like that will never make sense to me.
“What did you ever see that guy?”
At the mention of her ex, her nose crinkles adorably as though she has encountered a bad smell.
“It wasn’t always like that.” She reaches up and pushes some of her golden curls behind her ear, a nervous tick of hers that I’ve noticed.
“We grew up together and were always close, so when we got into a relationship it was only natural as we had never been apart. Things changed so slowly that I didn’t notice how different we had both become.
” She smiles, and her eyes are full of sadness.
“Ashley was the only one who saw him for who he was – she hated him. To be fair, he barely tolerated her. The whole town knew us as a couple and just accepted that it would always be that way. Not much changes in Hinton Grove. When he left, that’s when I fell apart… ”