Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“But you guys will totally kill the vibe, Mom,” Emma complained with the melodramatic whine that was apparently standard issue for kids.
Lou drew in a deep breath, strongly tempted to tell Emma just what she could do with her vibe. These early teen years were already trying and Lou had barely begun to dip her toe into them. She still had many years to go with Emma and then three more kids. Heaven help her. But Lou was the mother. And, despite her feelings to the contrary, she had to remain mature.
“Em, I don’t see how your siblings and I eating at the same pizza place as you and your friends will kill your vibe. Hazel wants to eat at the same place as her big sister but I’m not forcing you to come with us. This is a perfectly acceptable compromise.”
The frown on Emma’s face spoke otherwise.
“Wait, did you say siblings? I don’t want to go. Can’t you just bring me home some pizza?” Aiden asked from in front of the TV, not even glancing back to where Emma, Lou, and Hazel stood in the kitchen.
“Yeah, me too,” Cash, at his brother’s side, added.
Lou let out a deep breath, knowing her extreme irritation was unwarranted. Her kids were just behaving like kids. She was going to blame her short fuse on the fact that it was almost that time of the month as well as on her favorite scapegoat, her ex, Harvey.
Earlier that afternoon, Harvey had dropped the bomb on all of them that he was moving from Whisling. The place where he’d lived nearly all of his life. The place where his kids lived. His reason for moving? He didn’t want to run into his ex. According to Harvey, the woman was ruining the island’s dating scene for him.
And though Lou could see how that could be a problem, was it really enough to take him away from his family? His children who counted on him and adored him? At one time Harvey had been an absentee dad and her kids probably wouldn’t have known the difference. But now . . . he was over at her house multiple times a week, at almost every sports game, and now he was just going to vanish?
He claimed he was just moving to Seattle and he’d be back often enough, but Lou could already foresee what that distance do to their family. Harvey would slowly begin to drift away, becoming a Disneyland dad at best and a-call-on-your-birthday dad at worst.
And even though they weren’t a family in the traditional sense, they’d found their bearings, made things work for their kids’ sake. And everyone had been happy, or at least close to it.
But now this. Lou had wanted to scream and yell but knew that wouldn’t have made a difference. Especially when Harvey had added a snide comment about how if Lou had been willing to work it out with him then he would have been more than happy to stay on the island.
Of course, in his mind, this was somehow Lou’s fault.
But when Lou had ignored his comment, he’d been firm in his resolve. He was leaving. The island and the kids. Harvey had at least manned up and had told the kids himself; old Harvey would have left that unpleasant task to Lou.
So although she’d seen improvements in her ex, she was still pretty sure that Harvey’s announcement was the reason for her teen’s attitude that evening, her youngest’s need to stay close to her sister, as well as the indifference her sons were showing toward the rest of them. They were all grieving and processing in their own ways, Lou included.
However, Lou was the adult and needed to focus on the problem at hand, push past all of her own emotions, and try to help her children figure out how to deal with what they were feeling.
“Did I hear it’s family pizza night?” Jax’s husky voice came into the room just before the slamming of the front door.
As he entered the kitchen, Lou debated declaring an audible Hallelujah but decided on sending Jax a smile instead.
The beautiful man beamed right back before turning his attention to Lou’s children.
Lou had shot him a text just after Harvey had left, telling him the news. A quick rundown of the immediate devastation it had caused and then the sudden way each and every child had covered up their true emotions. Lou hated that her kids were pros at hiding their disappointment because it meant they’d had way too much practice at it.
She’d even added a side note that she was hoping pizza would bring her kids around but was worried about how Emma would feel about the rest of them joining her and her friends.
And though Lou had told Jax about their hard day, she hadn’t expected him to show up . . . with a plan in tow. But of course he had. Because he always showed up for Lou and her kids.
“Family pizza night?” Emma asked tentatively, inching closer to where Lou and Jax stood.
Before she’d been trying to get out of the house, but now she was drawn in. The contrast was stark and Lou would have been offended if she weren’t feeling so darn grateful for Jax.
“Yeah. I mean, I know you’re the cool teenager and probably have way better plans but I thought maybe your mom, Hazel, and I could find a table far, far away from you and your friends and grab a pie as well,” Jax explained masterfully.
“Well, I don’t think you’d have to sit that far,” Emma conceded.
“Wait! I want to go to family pizza night,” Cash piped up.
“Me too,” Aiden chimed, turning in his seat and then rising to his knees.
Again, Lou couldn’t be offended. Because seeing the way her children craved family time? She knew they felt their situation was lacking when all they had was Lou, but when Jax was thrown into the mix . . . In a perfect world Lou would be enough for her kids. And she knew deep down that, when push came to shove, she was.
But she also knew that many of her kids’ friends had dads and moms who were still together. Family, to them, was that mother-father-kids household. Jax coming along let them feel like that again, a taste of the normalcy they craved. So instead of being offended, Lou would continue to feel nothing but thankful to Jax.
Hazel cocked her head as she took in Jax’s proposal.
Lou was surprised; she would have guessed Hazel would have been the first on board the family pizza night train.
“Family pizza night?” the little girl asked, her big brown eyes full of question.
Jax nodded.
“So does that mean you’re a part of our family?” Hazel continued, way too perceptive for her six years.
“Hm, that’s a good question,” Jax began before glancing up at Lou, the same questioning look in his gaze.
Lou knew what he was asking.
They’d talked about moving forward with their relationship. They’d been through so many ups and downs but Lou knew this was it. Jax was it. For her. And Jax, heaven help him, seemed to feel the same way about her. But Lou could not—would not—move forward in her relationship with Jax until her kids were ready.
She knew they no longer fantasized about Harvey and Lou getting back together. Harvey’s marriage had helped to squash that, but despite that, she didn’t know that they were ready to let anyone else in. Sure, they all loved Jax. And yes, Jax totally adored them. But Lou had been scared. So Lou and Jax decided to let things progress slowly and naturally, feeling things out with the kids. Let them lead. And it looked like Hazel was taking the bull by its horns.
Lou gave Jax permission with a slight nod. She’d let him start this conversation even though they were her kids. Hazel had asked Jax, after all.
“I’d like to be,” Jax began, taking in each child’s expression.
Cash beamed, Aiden contemplated, Emma tried to hide her grin, but it was Hazel who wore a poker face. What was her youngest thinking?
“So you’d be our new dad?” Aiden asked.
“Because our old dad is moving away?” Cash interpreted.
“No to both of those,” Jax said, softening his response with a smile. “I can never and never would even try to replace your dad. Harvey will always be your dad. He loves you and his moving away doesn’t change that.”
As mad as Lou was at Harvey, she loved Jax all the more for speaking only highly of her children’s father.
“But you could be a stepdad,” Hazel piped up after a moment of deep contemplation.
Jax nodded. “I could. Would you all be interested in that?”
Lou held her breath. Asking about Jax becoming their stepdad? That meant marriage. And no matter how many times she and Jax had discussed the possibility, to hear it laid out like that? Lou blinked as the rest of her was shocked still.
“Yes!” Cash answered immediately.
“I think you’d be a chill stepdad,” was Emma’s response. She tried hard to look nonchalant but her lips curved up in spite of herself.
“Will you kiss Mom in front of us?” Aiden added dubiously.
Jax chuckled. “I’m afraid I’d have to. It’s what husbands do.”
“Get to,” he mouthed over the boys’ heads, meeting Lou’s eyes.
“I saw that,” Emma declared smugly, putting her hands on her hips but not really looking disapproving.
“How about you only kiss her when you’re really happy,” Aiden compromised, ignoring his sister.
“I think I can agree to that. But I have to warn you. I tend to be really happy around your mom. Like, anytime I see her,” Jax replied.
“Ugh,” Aiden groaned but didn’t cast any more objections.
Jax and Lou turned their attention to the only holdout. Who would have thought?
“What about you, Hazey?” Jax asked, dropping down to his haunches so that he was at eye level with Lou’s youngest.
Hazel pursed her lips, her eyes reflecting little of her thoughts.
She finally spoke, her words hardly audible. “Are you going to leave us like Daddy did?”
Lou barely kept herself from gripping her heart. This poor little girl. She loved her dad so much. She loved her mom too, but Hazel had been through the worst of it between the things Harvey’s ex had said to her as well as the bullying she’d experienced in school. Lou wished she could take every moment of that pain away. She’d take it upon herself tenfold in a heartbeat. And yet she couldn’t. She could only wait to see what Jax would say, because as much as Lou would have liked to swoop in and say all of the right things, only Jax could really answer in the way Hazel needed him to.
Jax took Hazel’s right hand and sandwiched it between his own, meeting her gaze squarely. Lou was sure he felt the eight eyes piercing him in question, ten if he included Lou’s. Her kids were hungry for the answer, yet fearful at the same time.
“I can’t see the future. No one can. I love your mom a whole lot and she loves me. We’ve worked on our relationship every day and I promise to continue to do so. And though I think, hope, wish, and dream that the love your mom and I have will last forever, I won’t promise you that it will because that promise has been broken before.”
All four kids nodded, hanging on Jax’s every word.
“But what I can tell you is that no matter what happens between me and your mom, I love you kids. And this kind of love that I have for you doesn’t ever grow sour or go away. It’s the same kind of love your mom has for you. And can you ever imagine your mom going away?”
“Maybe for like a weekend with Aunt Alexis. But not forever,” Cash helpfully supplied.
“Exactly. Because she loves you too much, right?” Jax asked.
Again, four nods.
“So I can’t either. It would break my heart in a way that I couldn’t live with. So I guess that means you’re stuck with me forever.”
Hazel threw herself into Jax’s arms and Lou put a hand to his back to steady him; Jax was a powerful man but the force of her six-year-old had been something to behold. Hazel’s hold round Jax’s neck was tight as Lou’s heart grew three sizes. She finally understood what the Grinch had meant.
“Does that mean Dad doesn’t love us as much as Mom does?” Emma asked.
Lou closed her eyes. This was no longer a question for Jax. She was up.
“Absolutely not. You know that your dad loves you so much. He’s moving, but he’s not leaving you guys behind,” Lou said, her tone firm.
“Then why does it feel like he is?” Emma’s voice cracked.
Lou took her daughter into her arms and then welcomed in her boys when she saw that they too needed their mom.
Hazel wiggled her way under the pile of arms to get into the middle of the hug and Lou felt Jax hug them all from behind her.
“Dad’s having a hard time too. He’s trying to figure out his own future. But I promise that he loves each of you,” Lou stated, not wanting to speak for Harvey but also knowing she had to say something.
She felt Emma nod against her shoulder.
“So we can still be a family? Even with Dad living in Seattle?” Cash asked.
Lou realized her few minutes of talking to her kids after Harvey had left hadn’t been near enough. She was glad she was getting this second chance, that they could wrestle through their questions together rather than bottling up their trauma.
“Of course. We’ve always been a family. We will always be a family,” Lou replied.
“And you all would have been a family with or without me. But I sure am glad that I get to be a part of you all. Because you are the best family I’ve ever met,” Jax said, his breath brushing Lou’s ear.
Having a partner in this, having a partner in life? Losing that partner had been the worst part about what Harvey had done to her. But now . . . she had a much better partner—even Harvey couldn’t be too upset by her assertion, considering how he’d treated her—and that thought boosted every part of Lou.
“If you’re a part of our family, does that mean you’re moving into our house?” Hazel asked.
Jax chuckled, seeming to enjoy the way Hazel’s question had made Lou squirm.
“That’s a discussion for another day,” Lou said firmly before adding, “But who’s up for pizza?”
“Me!” came the collective reply, Jax’s loudest of all.
“Last one to the car is a rotten egg,” Jax declared, and the giant hug dissolved as four children frantically raced for the car.
Lou watched as her family stampeded toward the front door. Miraculously there was no complaint that this game was too childish (Emma), no anger at losing (Aiden), no whining about someone cheating (Cash), and no crying that everyone else was too fast (Hazel). They were somehow each so happy.
Lou knew this wouldn’t last forever. The shine of Jax would rub off, at least for her kids, though Lou was pretty sure Jax would keep his shine in her eyes forever. There would be messes. And hard days. And crying. And days they all wanted to give up.
“Mom’s a rotten egg!” Aiden declared triumphantly from the garage.
Lou chuckled.
But whatever came, they’d deal with it. Together, as a family.
And bonus? One day Jax would live in their house.
Lou’s cheeks warmed at the thought. Yeah, the future was looking pretty dang good.