Chapter 21 #2
“We gave the Court of Raven’s names over to Paine, and he handled them within a matter of hours.
Our court has also been cleaned out. The only one left is Oren’s, but I can’t very well march in there and start killing people,” Raiden replied.
I watched as more shadows swirled off his arms and around the floor by him and Silvana, his anger permeating the room in the form of wispy death magic.
I smirked. “Well, I can.”
Rising from the chair, I wasted no time as I strolled out of the room. Should I have stayed and made a plan? Maybe. But I’d never belonged to a court, let alone a court’s circle. I didn’t see that changing now when I had work to do. I needed to fly and I couldn’t do that within these castle walls.
The wind of Darkmoor beneath my wings was exactly what I needed.
No snow. No ice. No wind chill whipping so hard I had to fight my way to safety. No. Just a gentle breeze off The Black Sea.
I dove, pulling up only to let the tips of my feathers run through the sea as I banked left and back towards the city.
The idea of going back to the manor had crossed my mind, but I pushed on.
Flapping my wings harder, pushing myself to fly faster, anything and everything, to feel nothing more than the wind.
Without another thought, I was home. Shifting back once I was through a cracked window Silvana and I always left open for me.
Chest heaving, I looked around the space.
Nothing had changed. The wooden dresser in the corner, the bed big enough for two of me, the mirror that had cracked years ago when I was attempting to show Silvana how to throw a dagger with calm precision and not pure rage.
My finger ran down the frame and a soft smile fell from my lips.
“I still don’t think I was that terrible back then,” a voice came from the doorway at my side.
“I don’t know how you killed anyone at a distance prior to my training,” I replied.
“I didn’t. I’ve always preferred my kills up close and personal, as you well know.”
I smirked and shook my head at the memories.
Silvana walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my sides and leaning her head on my chest, my arm around her shoulders pulling her in for a one-armed hug.
“I’m sorry if my words before upset you.
I just… I want all this shit to be behind us.
Ever since the memories of him started coming back, I can’t believe I left her there, Cedar.
In that place with those people.” She released me and walked to the window, her eyes looking out over The Black Sea.
“I’m sure it’ll enrage you to know, but I understand why she did it,” she whispered.
My brows rose and I stared at her back. “You understand why she took your memories? Your thoughts? Left you a blank defenseless vessel, and what? Went back to living her life as a princess?” I spat the last word and I watched her cringe at my tone before regaining her composure and turning to meet my eyes.
“Cedar, stop. I was okay before you. I’d survived on my own for years just fine.
Am I grateful I found you? Yes. But I wasn’t some helpless damsel.
I believe, no, I know, that some of me is inherently known.
She took my memories, not me.” She let out a deep breath.
“Cedar, if she would’ve left my memories?
I would’ve just turned around and went back for her.
I would’ve gone back and he would’ve slaughtered me, or worse.
She saved my life and in turn gave me the opportunity to save so many others—including you. We owe her our lives.”
I scoffed, shaking my head as I began pacing the room, at a loss for words as her own words swirled on repeat in my head. Logically I knew I was being stubborn and unreasonable, but I simply couldn’t let go.
“I don’t know what happened between the two of you, Cedar, and I’m starting to get the idea that I don’t want to know.
I’m not even saying there weren’t ulterior motives for getting me out of that castle, because I genuinely do not know.
I am saying that what she did for me? There isn’t a chance in this Fates-damned world she wasn’t punished for it.
So, just give her a chance, please.” Silvana smiled then.
“Anyone else I’d just threaten or kill until they agreed with me, but you’re my best friend and those are hard to find.
I’d rather avoid killing you,” she teased.
“There isn’t anything going on between—” I began, but she shook her head, interrupting me.
“Don’t lie to me. You’ve never been very good at it.”
My gaze dropped to the floor as I tried to find the words.
“She was the one small amount of light I could hold on to in that darkness, Silv. The one thing that could make me feel something that wasn’t the desire to meet the sun once more.
I don’t know if it was real, the feelings?
Or if it was some sort of trauma in my mind to help me hold on.
Fuck, I don’t even know what was and wasn’t real to begin with.
I’m almost positive Keres confessed to me being changed by someone in the original Eternal Outcasts.
But, nothing about my time there feels real.
So, no. Maybe there isn’t anything between us, nothing real, anyway. ”
Silvana nodded, a strange look in her eyes.
I found myself walking over and sitting down on the side of my bed, my head finding itself down upon my palms. “I think I just need some space, Silv.”
She walked over, her hand gently rubbing my shoulder briefly while she found words. “I get it. I’m going to head home, talk to my sister. See if we can figure anything more out tonight. Try not to get into any trouble without me?”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I replied back.
Her steps down the stairs and out the front door had me shifting back, the wind beneath my wings before she reached the end of the street. My inner demons eager to get dirty before the sun rose once more.