Chapter 22
Absolute Darkness
Cora
It was always so dark here. Absolute darkness that no one, even a vampire, could successfully see through.
My throat tightened as I tried to control my breathing.
The damp air not filling my lungs enough.
The world swayed as I rocked back and forth.
My knees pulled tightly against my chest. I knew what came next. What always came.
The silence.
The darkness.
A vast amount of nothing.
Growing up in the Court of Ice, snow was to be expected.
Expansive mountains, endless clouds above in the darkening skies, and when the world was asleep, a certain type of quiet resting upon your shoulders.
The type of quiet that said small things were out and about, cowering in corners, unseen to the average eye while the silent hunters were looking from above, ready and waiting to strike.
In this room, this silent, damp, lightless room, I was the prey.
I was the one being hunted, watched, waited on.
My forehead against my knees, my nails digging into my bare legs, my eyes squeezed shut so hard small white dots formed around my vision. My eyelids ached as I tried to mentally force myself anywhere else.
“You should have listened to me, Cora,” a dark voice groaned from above me.
He felt so close, yet I knew he wasn’t. It wasn’t even real, but that didn’t stop the feelings from emerging deep within my chest. “You know I hate having to punish you like this. I don’t want to be the evil being in your story, but you force my hand every single time. ”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered through the wet tears streaming down my face. The tears I tried to avoid every time I ended up back here, yet I was never successful.
“I know you are, little dove, but I also know you’d do it all over again. Wouldn’t you?”
No words came from my mouth. They never did.
Just like the tears, it was inevitable. I never answered his question, and as my body started shivering, convulsing, I still didn’t speak.
The world became hazy, cold. My body leaning against the stone wall next to me, the damp feeling of it sinking into my bones.
A shuffling noise came from the far corner of the room and I couldn’t stop the scream that erupted from my throat.
“No!” I yelled, over and over again. The word, the plea, fell from my lips.
I could hear a voice trying to quiet me, but I wouldn’t be listening to that—not again. He couldn’t have me, not here.
Not again.
Not in the darkness.
Warm hands ran over my thigh and I felt it, the magic, as if something was pulling at my very soul, telling me to listen.
“Princess, open your eyes,” the deep voice commanded. My head shook, but something grabbed my chin and his voice washed over me like a warm cascade of rain. “Cora, look at me, Princess.”
I blinked rapidly, as if the movement would clear the fog from my eyes and the fear from my soul.
He didn’t let go of my chin, forcing my eyes to bolt around the room.
Only it wasn’t a room anymore, we were on a hill covered in wildflowers.
I could feel the sun on my back as my gaze fell back to his.
His deep chocolate eyes felt like a warmth I hadn’t felt in a great many years.
“Focus on my voice, okay?” I felt myself nod as much as his hold would allow. “You’re not there anymore, and if I have anything to say about it, you’ll never go back. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered. I had no idea how he could confidently make such a promise, a vow, but he sounded so sure that I couldn’t find it in myself to question him on it.
“Tell me what you see.”
He still hadn’t let me go, and I wasn’t going to ask it of him. So instead I let my eyes wander around, muttering out small things I could see from this vantage point. “The tree behind us, purple wildflowers beneath us, a blue sky above us, the white of my dress, and brown…”
“Brown what?” he asked when I trailed off.
“Your eyes,” I whispered.
He released my chin, gently but quickly, and then sat back on the grass beneath him. “Do you want to talk about it?” he questioned after a moment of pause.
“Talk about what?”
“Where were you before? What Keres was talking about?” I tried to hide the flinch at the sound of his name out of Cedar’s mouth, but I knew I wasn’t successful.
“In a dark cell, and I’m not sure what you mean. How did you get us out of there?” I asked, eager to change the subject away from what was happening in that particular nightmare. If it were up to me, he’d never see, never fully understand, that part of my life.
“I’m not sure. I just… I wanted you to open your eyes to the sun.” He leaned back in the grass, one arm folded beneath his head as he stared up at the cloudless sky above our heads.
We sat in silence for a few moments, his gaze up to the sky, and my arms wrapped tightly around my knees.
“Can I ask you a question?”
His dark gaze slid over to me, one eyebrow raised. I decided to take that as a yes, and I continued on.
“When you…” My voice trailed off as I tried to word the question in a way that would make sense. Letting my knees go, I shifted in the grass so I could fully look at him.
“When you shift into your raven, are you… him? Or is he his own… animal?” I stared down to see a small smile growing on Cedar’s face. “You know what? Never mind.”
“No, no, don’t worry. I understand what you mean. Are the animal and I one in the same, or are we separate?”
I found myself nodding. “I’ve just always been curious. Keres, he has a few shifters in his guard rotation, I guess you could say. But they aren’t permitted to speak with us and then—” I stopped myself, not wanting to bring up Oren right now. “They aren’t to speak with us.”
Cedar nodded knowingly. “It’s complicated at best. When I’m me, my raven lives within me.
Almost as if we share the space. He has his own thoughts and desires, some of which I can make out clearly and others are more primal, more animalistic you could say.
And when he’s out, I’m there. I’m half in control, but he’s in the seat of control.
” His hand dropped down, his fingertips running over the blades of grass beneath us.
“It can be a harmonious relationship most of the time.”
“Most of the time?” I found myself questioning.
His eyes flicked up to mine. “Yes. Most of the time. Other times we don’t agree on things and things can become… chaotic.”
My teeth sank into my lower lip and I nodded once more.
“What about you, Princess? What witchy abilities did your dear ol’ mama pass down?”
The question wasn’t snide or condescending in any way, but it caught me off guard. That he wanted to know about me in any way.
“Um, well, lots of things, I guess. I’m still learning, of course.
Always. But I can influence others, those of weaker minds and willpower.
” Camilla’s splattered body flashed in my mind, bringing a soft smile to my lips.
“I can harness certain threads of magic, like I did with Vega. It’s hard and it has to be mind magic, but I’m learning.
I’ve also become quite talented at crafting poisons and projecting myself elsewhere, as you’ve seen now. ”
“How does that work? The projection?” he asked.
I shrugged. “It has to be somewhere I’ve been before. But I just focus on that place, and my magic does the rest.”
“Sounds convenient.”
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “Only when I need to ensure a certain raven doesn’t get himself killed with his smart mouth and desire to go out a martyr.”
“What a job to have,” he whispered. He stared at me for another moment, before he patted the grass next to him. “Lay back with me, Cora.”
Gazing down for a moment at the male before me, I decided I’d done enough fighting for the day. Leaning back in the grass and wildflowers next to him, I stretched out, letting my limbs sink into the soft blades of grass, and let the vision above us take over what little mental energy I had left.
It had been almost three nights since Cedar had returned to this room.
I hadn’t seen anyone aside from him, nor had I had the desire to venture outside of this room again.
I should have—I needed food, clean clothes, someone to converse with.
But without him here, I was too busy fighting off a desperate sense of unease.
Unsure of how I’d gotten to this point when it came to the shifter, I’d forced myself to bathe as soon as I’d woken up from a night without a single dream to distract me.
After the last time we’d dream shared and Cedar almost saw one of the few memories I’d held close, I disconnected—forcing my mind to not reach out, not think of him, not call for him. I wasn’t sure how I’d done so, but two restful nights now, and no raven shifter in sight.
Maybe I’d finally hit a stroke of luck and the blood magic had worn off, or at least worn down enough to not hold such sway.
A hesitant knock on the door drew me away from my thoughts.
Walking over and pulling on the metal handle, it creaked open enough to peek outside of it.
My cheeks heated as I became very aware of my nakedness beneath this absorbent material.
The lack of clothing options I had available became a main concern.
A wave of nerves and relief washed over me as I saw two crystal blue eyes peering back at me, a cautious smile on her face.
“Hi, do you think I could come in?” she asked as she rocked back and forth on her heels.
“Normally I’d just break down the door and apologize later, but I’ve been working on boundaries and not acting so…
impulsive—sometimes. Hence me waiting almost four days to come by and say hi since you haven’t left your room but once, and I’m almost positive when I tried to say something to you a few nights ago, you actually ran.
But that could totally be my mind playing tricks on me, who knows. ”
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
Silvana rolled her eyes and pushed the door open, welcoming herself into my room.
She glanced around and once satisfied with the still standing furniture, she turned back to me, her eyes going wide.
“Fuck me. You don’t have any clothes. FUCK!
Okay, don’t worry.” She stuck her head back out into the hallway.
“Alina! Do you think you could run down the hall and into my closet? I need a few sets of clothes for my sister. Comfort preferred! Thank you so much.”
My sister.
The words hit me hard enough that I forced myself to sit on the edge of the bed, my chest suddenly heaving. When she closed the door and turned back to me, I couldn’t help the words that tumbled from my lips.
“Silv, I’m so sorry,” I found myself whispering.
She rolled her eyes again, shaking her head. “Oh hush. We did what we had to, to survive. I’m not mad, Cora. I mean, I was pissed for a long time, but things began coming back when I bonded with Raiden. You kept us both alive.” Her tone held no sign of deception, no bitterness, nothing of the sort.
“How are you not angry? Why don’t you hate me?” I couldn’t help myself. I needed to know, even though the answers could hurt more than not knowing.
I watched as a pale brow lifted and her head tilted to the side. A soft knock on the door had her turning away, only to return with a small pile of clothing.
“Get dressed. Then we’ll talk.”
I nodded, dropping the towel and sliding on the clothes she’d brought. A soft pair of thick black tights and a white button-up top later, I was dressed.
“I should get you one of my bands,” Silvana said.
“Bands?”
“Yeah. I made them. It’s a band of fabric across your breasts but I added in holsters for my daggers.
” She smiled as she lifted her shirt and turned to the side, showing me the hilt of her dagger peeking out, and I couldn’t help the smile that I returned.
“It’s a great deal more useful when you don’t wish to wear those gowns all day with the built-in tops.
Of course, if you want gowns, I’ll make it happen for you. ”
I shook my head, hoping she could see just how grateful I was to not be stuck in a gown right now. Maybe one day I’d be okay wearing them again, but it felt nice to change it up after four hundred years of someone else telling you what you could and could not wear.
“How do you not cut yourself?” I asked, wanting to change the topic.
“Funny, Cedar asked the same question. Lots of practice.” She shrugged and pulled her shirt back into place.
“Anyway, to answer your previous question, while I don’t remember everything yet—it’s still coming back in phases—I feel as if I wouldn’t have been able to become myself without you, Cora.
You gave me the ability to leave with no strings and no history.
It left me open to becoming whomever I felt like I wanted to be.
It left me open to finding Raiden.” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“My only regret is that it required you staying behind without me there to protect you.”
I sat back down on the bed and she sat next to me, her arm wrapped around my shoulders. I found myself welcoming the closeness.
“You couldn’t have protected me, Silv. No one could’ve,” I whispered.
She leaned her head on my shoulder. “Well, we can protect each other now, and we will.”
We sat in silence for a while, but I didn’t mind. My sister was by my side and for the first time since I watched our father sell her off to a killer, I knew she was safe.