Chapter 15
“Come on, Max. It’s time to go inside.” Benjamin’s voice was hoarse, and he wondered if the boy could even hear it over the sound of the church bells. They’d come out here half an hour ago when Max had grown restless greeting the long line of mourners who had come to pay their respects before the funeral. It had nearly ripped Benjamin’s heart out to leave Summer’s side, but it was either that or risk Max throwing an all-out tantrum at his daddy’s funeral—and that wasn’t a memory Benjamin wanted for the boy.
Max looked up from the handful of sticks he’d been collecting. “Can I bring these in?”
Benjamin laughed a little in spite of the ache in his middle. “I think we’d better leave them out here.”
“What if someone steals them?” Max’s eyes filled with tears, and Benjamin almost relented. Until he pictured Max wielding the sticks like swords during the service.
“How about we hide them behind this bush?” Benjamin pushed aside some branches on a bush next to the church to make a little hiding spot. “Then you can get them after church, okay?”
Max nodded reluctantly and stashed the pile. Then he stuck his hand into Benjamin’s and looked up with such trusting eyes—eyes that looked so much like TJ’s—that Benjamin had to swallow hard. He really would do anything for this kid.
Even if it meant convincing Summer to marry him.
He’d spent the past two days thinking about it, and it was still the best solution he could come up with, although he’d refrained from saying anything more about it to Summer. Once they got past the funeral, he could sit down with Dad, make all the arrangements, and then she would see that everything would work out.
“Be very quiet,” he whispered to Max as he pulled open the church door for the boy.
But instead of the solemn hymn music he expected, there appeared to be some sort of commotion at the front of the church.
Benjamin hurried Max forward, and his eyes fell on Summer and her mama, both standing in the aisle near the front pew. Summer’s face was pale and mortified, her mama’s twisted and angry as she said something Benjamin couldn’t hear. Benjamin’s feet carried him swiftly toward them, Max running alongside to keep up.
Benjamin had noticed the faint smell of liquor on Summer’s mother when they’d picked her up earlier, but she’d seemed fine—if a little surly—in the receiving line before Benjamin left to take Max outside.
Dad reached Summer and her mother from the front of the church at the same time that Benjamin reached them from the back. He stood as close as he could to Summer without touching her, though everything in him wanted to shield her from whatever this was.
“Let me help you to your seat, Mrs. Ellis,” Dad offered.
Summer’s mother sneered at him. “I see the way you all are judging me. Wondering what kind of mother I must be to come here like this.”
“I think you’re a mother who is hurting,” Dad said quietly.
Mrs. Ellis made a strange choking sound at the back of her throat that may have been a strangled laugh. “He wouldn’t even talk to me, did you know that? Six months and not a word. From my own son.”
Benjamin winced. It had been years since Benjamin’s brother Judah had talked to Dad. But Dad’s expression didn’t falter.
“Mama,” Summer started.
“And you.” Mrs. Ellis whirled on her daughter. “Doing all of this without me?” She waved her hands wildly as if to encompass the whole room, and Benjamin’s jaw tightened. Both Summer and his father had asked Mrs. Ellis to be part of the planning, but she had refused.
“You think I wanted all these people here?” Mrs. Ellis’s voice rose. “You think any of them cared about my son?”
“I think we all cared about your son very much,” Benjamin said firmly, and Summer shot him a look that could have been gratitude—or reproach.
Mrs. Ellis eyed him but didn’t say anything for a moment, and Dad used the opportunity to say, “If you’d like to take your seat, we’ll begin the service.”
Mrs. Ellis shook her head. “You all go ahead and have your service. Summer, take me home.”
“Mama.” Anguish twisted Summer’s plea, but Mrs. Ellis ignored it and started down the aisle.
“I’ll take her,” Benjamin murmured, though the thought of leaving Summer and Max to go through the funeral alone knifed at his insides.
He squeezed Summer’s arm, then tucked Max’s hand into hers and followed Mrs. Ellis toward the lobby. As he passed his family’s pew a few rows behind Summer, his siblings stirred. He glanced over his shoulder to see them shuffling out of their pew and filing in to surround Summer and Max, and his heart swelled into a great lump that seemed to lodge in his throat.
The only one who didn’t sit was Zeb, who followed Benjamin instead.
“I’ll take her home,” Zeb said as soon as they reached the lobby. “You go back inside.”
Benjamin hesitated, watching Mrs. Ellis struggle with the outside door.
“You need to be in there,” Zeb insisted. “Summer and Max need you.” He strode toward Mrs. Ellis, making the decision for Benjamin.
Zeb said something in a low voice to Mrs. Ellis, who shook her head adamantly. But Zeb spoke again and then opened the door for her. She stumbled a little as she stepped through, and he caught her arm, holding it as he steered her toward the parking lot.
Benjamin let out a breath, thankful that Zeb was the one taking her home. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to hold his tongue after the way Mrs. Ellis had spoken to Summer.
He slipped back into the sanctuary and debated sitting behind Summer, since his family had packed the pew around her, but Joseph glanced up at Benjamin’s approach. He nudged Ava, who held little Noah, and the three of them slipped into the pew behind them.
Benjamin slid into the space they had left and moved as close as he could to Summer. Max climbed from her lap to his, and he wrapped one arm around the boy and one around Summer, who trembled against him.
“Where’s Mama?” she whispered, her eyes clouded with wariness.
“Zeb is taking her home,” he whispered back.
She nodded, and they both turned to listen to the service. Dad was reading from 2 Timothy 4:7. Benjamin recognized the verse because it was one he and TJ had studied before their last trail run together. “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”
Benjamin’s jaw clenched. Just a few weeks ago, those words had seemed to hold such promise. But now— Now he couldn’t help resenting God just a little for ending TJ’s race so early.
Summer stared into the side view mirror until the cemetery disappeared behind a bend in the road. If it weren’t for Mama’s humiliating outburst, the day would have been . . . not pleasant, but nice.
“Do you want to check on your mama?” Benjamin’s question was carefully neutral, and Summer rubbed at her achy eyes.
“Not right now.” She’d have to check on Mama later, but not with Benjamin. What must he and his whole family be thinking after her stunt?
The only good thing about it was that now Summer didn’t have to worry about Benjamin repeating that ridiculous proposal from the other day. There was no way he’d want to join himself—and his perfect family—to a family like hers.
“How long has she . . .” Benjamin glanced in the rearview mirror, and Summer knew he was checking if Max was listening. She glanced over her shoulder too, but Max’s eyes were closed, his head tipped to the side in sleep, the sticks Benjamin had helped him collect from church clutched in his fingers.
“As long as I remember,” she answered quietly, and Benjamin nodded, his jaw hardening.
“I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “She went to rehab once. When I was maybe eight. She came home and told us she was all better and we were going to plan a trip to the zoo. TJ said he didn’t believe her, but I did.” She shook her head. “He was right.”
Benjamin’s hand reached for hers, and she closed her eyes. The way his fingers wrapped around hers, the way his arm had held her tight at church, the way he had been there with her and Max every day—she wanted all of that to last forever.
But it couldn’t.
Still, she couldn’t quite bring herself to pull her hand out of his. Surely it couldn’t hurt to let herself indulge in this little comfort until they got home.
But the drive went much too quickly, and when they got back, Benjamin unbuckled the still-sleeping Max and carried him to his room for a nap.
Summer dropped onto the couch and used the whole time he was in Max’s room to convince herself to do what she knew she had to do. But when Benjamin strode into the living room, his eyes sad but his expression kind, almost tender, she nearly lost her resolve.
“We should talk.” Benjamin settled on the couch next to her and reached for her hands, and Summer was suddenly on high alert. She absolutely couldn’t let him repeat the proposal he’d made the other day.
“I was thinking that too.” She tugged her hands from his. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for us. I don’t know how I would have gotten through the past few days without you. But I think you should go now.”
His brow wrinkled. “Go where?”
“Home.” She almost couldn’t push the word out.
“Oh.”
The single syllable held too much, and Summer forced herself to go on.
“You need to get back to your life. And your work. And your—” She couldn’t bring herself to say girlfriend. “House. And I need to figure all of this out.”
“You don’t need to figure it out on your own.” Benjamin’s voice registered somewhere between a growl and a plea. “Have you thought about—”
But Summer wasn’t going to let him go there. “I need to figure it out,” she repeated firmly. “Max and I will be fine.” The panic slashing through her gut said she didn’t believe her own words. But she only needed Benjamin to believe them.
“This is really what you want?” Benjamin’s frown nearly undid her, but she forced herself to nod.
“I’m going to come by to check on you, you know.” His look dared her to contradict him. “And I’m going to help with the guardianship fight and figuring out all of the estate stuff. So don’t think you can keep me away.”
Summer nodded, wondering how long it would take before he got too busy with work and . . . other things to follow through on that.
Which she knew wasn’t fair to him. He’d stuck with her and Max all week.
But still, he had a life of his own.
“At least let me make you dinner before I go,” Benjamin bargained.
But Summer shook her head. She needed to do this now, or she never would.
“Okay.” Benjamin’s voice was soft and defeated. “Promise you’ll call me if you need anything.”
Summer nodded obediently.
“I’ll stop by tomorrow before work.” His gaze rested on hers for a moment, and he lifted his hand as if he were going to touch her. But then he let it fall and disappeared out the door.