Chapter 57
“Are we going to talk about it or what?” Zeb spoke around steady breaths as he ran next to Benjamin.
“Talk about what?” Benjamin’s own breaths came harder than usual, his whole body crying out for rest after his sleepless night. Around dawn, he’d given up and texted his brothers that he was driving into the Smokies to make an impromptu final training run on the trail where Saturday’s race would be held.
He’d been relieved that Zeb was the only one who could make it. He wanted to run today, not talk. And Zeb was good at not talking.
“About that phone call from Summer you ignored in the car.”
Benjamin huffed. He should have taken into account that Zeb may not be a talker—but he was an observer.
Benjamin had stared at his phone, watching Summer’s name, his finger hovering over the button to answer. He wanted so badly to hear her voice. To try one more time to convince her not to go through with the divorce. But when his finger hit the screen, it was to send the call to voicemail. He’d been too afraid that he’d answer, and she’d say it was already done—that she already had the paperwork in her hands. And the fact that she didn’t leave a message only solidified his fears.
“So?” Zeb prompted.
Benjamin shook his head. “If I wanted to talk, I would have run with Simeon.”
Zeb snorted but didn’t push.
They ran side by side, the weight of what he wasn’t saying—what he hadn’t told anyone—punching at Benjamin with every footfall.
Finally, he couldn’t go any farther. His feet stopped, and he bent in half to catch his breath, wrapping his hands over the top of his head.
Zeb’s footsteps continued past him for a few beats, then stopped and doubled back.
“You okay?” His brother’s hand landed on his back. “Leg cramp?”
Benjamin shook his head and forced himself upright, still fighting to regain his breath. “I’m fine.”
Zeb inhaled and exhaled, watching him, not saying anything.
The weight pressed on Benjamin again, and he couldn’t do it any longer. He couldn’t pretend. “She left me. She wants a divorce.”
Zeb didn’t flinch, didn’t react, and Benjamin wondered if that was a result of years of training or if it was because he wasn’t surprised. Maybe everyone else had seen it coming.
“Do you want one too?” Zeb finally asked.
“Of course not.” Benjamin lifted his shirt to his face to scrub away the sweat.
“Did you tell her that?”
“A thousand times. But she refuses to believe me, no matter what I say or do.”
“Why?” Zeb asked simply.
Benjamin threw his hands in the air. “I have no idea.” But then he considered the question again. “She keeps saying that none of this was part of my plans. We got married so she would get guardianship of Max. Now that we have it,” he continued, the truth smacking him like a branch to the face, “she thinks I’m going to resent her for what I gave up.” He looked at his brother. “But I don’t feel like I gave up anything. I feel like I gained everything I didn’t even know I wanted.”
Zeb smiled a little. “She’s probably the one you should tell that.”
Benjamin laughed, then hit his brother on the arm. “I’m going to do more than tell her. Come on.” He started off in the direction they’d come, checking the distance on his fitness watch. They’d run eight miles in. That meant they had to go eight miles out. Plus the drive home was almost an hour.
He picked up his pace, his feet eating up the trail as he formulated his plan. When they got into the car to head back to town, he had too much pent-up energy to sit still. He tapped the door to the rhythm of the song on the radio until Zeb sent him a quelling look.
“Sorry.” He breathed out a heavy sigh of relief. If everything went well, this whole nightmare would be over by tomorrow. And Summer would know that he wanted to be with her all the rest of his days.
His phone rang, and he pulled it out of his pocket, his heart leaping as Summer’s name appeared on the screen.
“What a difference a few hours can make,” Zeb muttered with a grin as Benjamin eagerly answered.
“Summer, hey. I’m on my—”
“Benji.”
Benjamin froze at the fear in Max’s voice.
“What’s wrong, Maxerooni?” He worked to keep his own voice steady even as his heart slammed to a stop.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Zeb reach to turn the radio down.
He pulled the phone away from his ear and put it on speaker.
“Aunt Sunny has a tummy ache. And grandma tried to get up to help her but then she fell down.” The boy’s words ran together in one long string.
“Hey, Max. Slow down. Who fell down? Sunny or Grandma?”
“Grandma. Her eyes are closed, and she won’t get up.”
“Can you talk to her, Max?” Zeb asked calmly. “Does she say anything?”
“No.” Tears filled Max’s voice. “Is she dead?”
Benjamin closed his eyes, praying the boy wouldn’t have to witness his grandmother’s death on top of everything else he’d been through.
“Everything is going to be fine, Max.” Zeb’s voice exuded calm even as he grabbed his own phone and hit the emergency call button.
“Max.” Benjamin sought the same calm tone as Zeb but didn’t achieve it. He forced himself to take a breath. “Where’s Sunny? Can I talk to her?”
“She’s in the bathroom,” Max answered. “I think she’s throwing up. She keeps making weird sounds.”
Benjamin let out half a breath. At least it was nothing life threatening. “Can you let me know when she comes out?”
“Yes.” Max’s voice sounded so small and helpless, and Benjamin hated that he wasn’t there to take care of them. He never should have run away this morning.
“An ambulance is on the way,” Zeb said quietly.
Benjamin nodded. “Listen, Maxerooni. An ambulance is going to come help Grandma, okay? If Sunny isn’t feeling well, you’ll have to let them in. And then stay out of their way. They might have to take Grandma to the hospital, but that’s okay. Everything is going to be fine.”
“Can you come over?”
“Yeah, Max. I’m on my way.” He glanced at the landmarks out the window. They were still a good forty-five minutes from home.
“Text everyone,” Zeb said, as if reading his mind.
“I’m going to have someone come hang out with you until I can get there, okay? One of my brothers or sisters or maybe my dad or Mia. You can let them in when they get there.”
“Okay,” Max whispered. “I’m scared.”
Benjamin’s heart twisted. “I know Max. But you’re a brave boy. You did such a big boy thing to call me. I’m going to stay on the phone with you the whole time, okay?”
Benjamin clicked over to his texts while he talked, quickly scrolling to the family group chat.
“How was school today, buddy?” Zeb asked as Benjamin typed.
Can someone go over to Summer’s mom’s house to check on them? Her mom fell. An ambulance is on the way, but Summer is sick too, and Max is scared.
“It was good.” Max’s voice was strained. “We went on a leaf hunt. I found a big red one.”
“That sounds neat.” Zeb kept talking to the boy, drawing him into conversation, and Benjamin was in awe of his brother’s calm. He knew it was his job, but it was more than that. It was a steadiness of character. He never lost his cool. Never lost his faith.
Benjamin wished he could be like that. Please give me strength, Lord. Help me to trust in you.
Sirens sounded in the background, and Benjamin breathed out.
“The ambulance is here,” Max shouted.
“Okay, buddy, I need you to go open the door for them, all right?” Zeb’s jaw was tight, but his tone was encouraging.
“Yes, I’m go—” Max’s voice suddenly disappeared, and Benjamin glanced down at his phone.
Call lost.
“No, no, no.” He hit the screen to dial again, but the call refused to connect.
“Signal always drops here. It’ll come back in ten miles or so.” Zeb’s continued calm irked Benjamin.
“Yeah, well, I don’t have ten miles. That’s my wife and kid—” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, a wall of regret slammed into him. “Zeb, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“I know what you meant, Benjamin. And I know how you feel. I’m getting us there as fast as I can, I promise.”
Benjamin nodded tightly.
“Would you like me to pray?” Zeb’s question was quiet, and Benjamin looked at him in surprise. Though all of the Calvanos had grown up praying out loud as a family, Zeb was rarely the one to volunteer to do it. Benjamin knew that wasn’t because of a lack of faith but because he wasn’t a naturally outspoken man.
“Yeah.” Benjamin’s voice was hoarse. “I’d like that. Just don’t close your eyes.”
Zeb snorted as Benjamin bowed his own head.
“Heavenly Father.” Zeb’s voice was quiet but strong. “You are everywhere at all times. Help us to trust that you are with Summer and Max and Mrs. Ellis, even when we can’t be. Help us to trust that you know exactly what each one of them needs and that you will provide it. Be with the paramedics and the doctors and give them wisdom. Be with Max and give him courage. Be with Summer and her mother and give them healing. Be with Benjamin and give him hope. Be with our family and help us to be there for all of them. Surround them with your love through us, Lord. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.”
Benjamin opened his eyes slowly and lifted his head, blinking a few times to clear his vision. “Wow, Zeb,” he finally said. “I had no idea you were so . . .” He almost said sweet, but that wasn’t the right word. “Eloquent,” he finally settled on.
The side of Zeb’s lip lifted in a half-smile. “Carly used to tease me that she could only find out how I was really feeling about something by listening to my prayers.”
Benjamin laughed, his heart aching for his brother and the wife and child he had lost.
“I miss her,” he said without thinking.
“Me too.” Zeb’s voice was wistful.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
Zeb shook his head. “It helps to know that other people miss her too.” He nodded to the phone in Benjamin’s hand. “Try again. You might be able to get through now.”
Benjamin tried with both his phone and Zeb’s, but he couldn’t get a call to go through. Which didn’t stop him from reattempting it every ten seconds.
Finally, when they were thirty miles from River Falls, Benjamin’s phone buzzed with a text from Ava.
They’re taking Summer and her mom by ambulance to the hospital in Brampton.
He read it out loud, then muttered, “Why would they take Summer in the ambulance too?”
“She probably wanted to ride along with her mom.” Zeb’s answer made complete sense. And yet a strange uneasiness filled Benjamin.
He texted Ava back, Is Summer okay?
She’s in a lot of pain. They think it might be her appendix. They’re afraid it might have ruptured.
“Oh.” The word came out of him with the force of a punch. “They think her appendix ruptured.”
His phone dinged with another text. We’re halfway to the hospital now. Max is with us. I hope that’s okay.
He stared at it, then his fingers somehow managed to type, Yes, thank you.
“Keep praying,” Zeb said firmly as the car surged forward.
“I’m trying,” Benjamin clutched desperately at his phone, but there were no more messages. “I don’t know how you did this, Zeb. How you got through losing Carly and the baby without losing your mind. Or your faith. I don’t think I’m strong enough for that.”
He felt his brother’s eyes on him. “Of course there were days when I thought I was losing my mind. And my faith. Still are.”
Benjamin turned a sharp eye toward him. “It never seems like it.”
Zeb shrugged. “Doesn’t make it any less true.”
“But how?” Benjamin asked.
“How do I get through it?” He glanced at Benjamin, who nodded.
“God’s Word. You all.” He sent Benjamin a pointed look. “That’s one of the good things about having such a big family, you know. You never have to go through anything alone.”
Benjamin swallowed. He’d been trying so hard to prove that he wasn’t too young and foolish—that he could handle things on his own—that he’d lost sight of that. Which only proved that he was the most foolish of them all.
They fell silent, and Benjamin knew Zeb was praying as fervently as he was. When they finally pulled into the driveway of the hospital, Zeb drove straight up to the emergency room doors. “Go in. I’ll park and be there in a minute.”
Benjamin sprinted toward the building, a sharp breeze kicking up and trying to steal what little breath he had.
He pushed through the doors, nearly plowing into a group of people. It took a moment to realize that they were his people as arms surrounded him from every side.
For a second, he couldn’t speak. It wasn’t only Joseph and Ava here with Max. It was Dad and Simeon and Abigail and Lydia and Mia.
“The others are on their way,” Lydia said as she gripped him tight.
Benjamin nodded, blinking back his emotion that they had all come to be here with his wife.
“How is she?” he rasped.
“They took them both straight in for tests. We haven’t gotten any updates yet.”
The group settled around him, and Benjamin had never felt more keenly what Zeb had said about the blessings of a big family.
It felt like six years before a doctor finally approached them. Benjamin meant to stand up, but Max was on his lap, and he couldn’t get his legs to work anyway.
“I’m Dr. Duma,” the petite woman said. “I’m the physician treating Summer.” Her face was grave, and Benjamin heard himself swallow.
Lydia gripped his hand.
“I’m afraid she has appendicitis. The good news is her appendix hasn’t ruptured.”
Benjamin let out a breath so big he was surprised it didn’t blow the doctor away.
“The bad news,” Dr. Duma continued, and Benjamin’s lungs seized before they could pull in another breath. “Is that the surgery is always trickier during pregnancy.”
On either side of him, Ava and Lydia gasped. But Benjamin could only gape at the doctor.
Had she said pregnancy?
“You should know that there is a chance of fetal loss during or after surgery. But if we don’t do the surgery, there is a much greater risk of losing both mother and baby.”
Benjamin stared at her. Losing them? He couldn’t lose them. He’d only just found out about the baby. And he and Summer still had a whole life to live together.
“Do the surgery,” he said hoarsely.
The doctor hurried off, promising to update them as soon as she could.
Benjamin watched her go.
“I guess congratulations are in order.” Joseph reached across his wife to clap Benjamin’s shoulder.
Benjamin was too stunned to answer. But he bowed his head gratefully as Dad offered to pray for Summer and their baby.
Their baby.
Benjamin shook his head. He had never known it was possible to be this elated and this terrified at the same time.