7. Hazel
Ilifted the heavy tote trying to bring all the Christmas decorations into the living room before Jareth could change his mind. He’d stepped away to return an important call and would likely be back any minute.
His entire life revolved around work. If I had my way he’d be swimming in so much holiday cheer these next few weeks he wouldn’t know what hit him. And maybe, throughout it all, I could show him we belonged together or at least that he deserved to have a life outside of making money and getting revenge.
Tonight when I’d been packing our lunch and noticed him in the doorway, I saw something in his eyes that told me not to give up. It was the way his eyes softened and the faint smile on his lips. He looked almost nostalgic. And while I knew that I might be seeing what I wanted instead of what was, I had to give us another shot. Another chance at our happily-ever-after. I needed to at least try.
As though having a sixth sense that I needed him he strode around the corner into the living room. With a lot less grunting than I’d done over the stupidly heavy container, he lifted it from my grasp. “You should have waited for me.”
I rolled my eyes. “You left thirty minutes ago. I got tired of waiting.”
His seemingly ever present frown returned. “I didn’t have a choice,” his deep voice reminded me.
With a sigh I touched his arm. “You always have a choice.”
Work, or whatever the call was about, shouldn’t control his life. Although, I had a sinking suspicion the person on the other end of the phone didn’t have anything to do with the businesses he ran. Otherwise he’d have stayed in the room with me and listed off tasks we needed to take care of the next day.
The only calls he seemed to keep private from me involved his investigation into his father’s death and the once a month call he didn’t think I knew about. I’d accidentally overheard him one morning rattling off a business name and didn’t think anything of it. When I noticed he took a call every first Monday of the month at the same time my interest had piqued along with curiosity when I heard that the business he mentioned was on the news. Sensitive information had gotten out about unfair labor practices and the organization was under investigation.
“Where do you want this?” he asked, ignoring my statement.
I pointed over to the tree I’d set up in the corner. While I preferred a real one I figured it was best for Jareth to step into holiday cheer in stages. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine.” His use of ‘fine’ had the back of my neck tingling.
“It doesn’t seem that way.” To everyone else his bluster all seemed the same. He sounded like an arrogant jerk and those same people didn’t try to look any deeper. Sometimes I thought I might be the only one that saw him, truly saw him, underneath it all. I was likely the only one who noticed the scared little boy beneath the grumpy, stern fa?ade he showed most of the world.
When he looked at me, his passive expression should’ve shut down any conversation, yet I saw the edge of desperation that shadowed his eyes. The same look I’d noticed accompanied information about his dad. Over the years, he’d trusted me enough to know that he was intent on finding the people responsible for the death of his father and making them pay, but not the details associated with his search.
“I thought we were decorating tonight, not prying into my private life,” he ground out between clenched teeth.
“Fine. Let’s just bottle up all our emotions. You seem good at that,” I said in an overly cheerful tone that likely grated on his nerves. Good. I pushed past him to open another tote I’d brought in earlier.
Why was it so difficult for him to trust me?
“Hazel.” He sighed, the hard edge to his voice now absent.
“What?” I tossed the lid of the box to the floor and yanked on the strand of fake cranberries I wanted to wrap around the tree or maybe his neck. I still hadn’t decided. He was infuriating. How could I hope for us to develop anything more than a boss and employee relationship when he wouldn’t open up?
The darn rope got stuck under another decoration in the box. I tugged harder. When nothing happened I planted my feet to get better traction and yanked again. The rope released and I stumbled backward, the cranberry strand flying out of my grasp.
His strong arms wrapped around me from behind. My already erratic heartbeat stuttered even more. For the tiniest moment I let my body relax and sink into him. To pretend this was our normal. His familiar spicy scent filled my nose and I fought against the need to turn around and bury my face in his tanned neck. When he didn’t immediately let go I stayed put not wanting to miss out on this rare chance to be close to him.
“I don’t want you mixed up in any of this,” he whispered against my ear.
A shiver worked its way through my traitorous body. A body that seemed to suddenly sit up and cheer. My core clenched, my nipples pebbled, and it took everything in me not to shift so his arm brushed against my breasts.
This was the best and worst kind of torture.
I twisted my head around so that it now lay against his rock-like chest, the warmth of his skin seeping into mine. “You need someone who’s in your corner,” I answered. “Why can’t it be me?”
His nose ran along the curve of my neck. I’d been waiting for this, or something like this to happen, since the Christmas party. Not wanting to do anything that might make him stop, I forced myself to inhale slowly, and tilted my head further to give him better access.
“Leave it alone,” he rasped. His lips taking the same trail back down.
A tiny whimper left my mouth when his thickening cock pressed against my back. He wasn’t as unaffected as he wished me to believe. My lack of experience was glaringly obvious in moments like this when I wanted to be the aggressor but was woefully unprepared. Doubts seeped in, paralyzing me further. He clearly had the skills to seduce someone. I feared his interest would wane even further if he knew I had no confidence in myself and no idea what to do physically.
As my thoughts beat a relentless tempo in my mind, he stiffened before gently lifting me away from him. “Where should I start?” he asked, moving closer to the fireplace. Far out of reach. I wasn’t sure if it was for my benefit or his.
“I, uh… ” His touch had scrambled my ability to speak.
With some of my senses returning, a frustrated growl left my lips at his less than subtle reminder that he didn’t need my support or anything else from me. I shoved away the sadness that loomed at his rejection. And while a blow to my ego, I reminded myself that he kept everyone at a distance. Not just me.
I plastered a smile on my face. He hadn’t had a lot of happy times since his father died. Decorating and creating new memories to replace the last twenty years was my newest goal. Even if this was the one and only thing I could give him. Regardless, if my plan to make him realize we belonged together failed, I still wanted to share my favorite holiday with him. Perhaps if he had more experiences that showed him there was more to life than revenge, he could find happiness. And if I was lucky I’d get him to lighten up and relax while I was here.
Jareth dug through the plastic tote he’d carried in and pulled out a snowglobe box. “What do we do with this? I thought we were decorating a tree.”
I moved closer, gently took the box from him, and gave him a pointed look. “I said decorate and that didn’t mean just the tree.”
His eyebrows drew together, and I wanted to laugh at the aggravation etched into the fast forming lines on his forehead. He opened his mouth, likely to tell me he didn’t have the time for such frivolity.
“You agreed,” I reminded him and carefully removed the snowglobe. One of the many I’d collected with my grandmother. When I dropped off the decorations I’d conveniently left out that they belonged to me.
I had so many at home I barely missed any of them. All except the snowglobes. I cherished each one. Yet it was more important for him to have something special to me in his home even if he didn’t know what it was.
I shook the globe, letting the snow gently fall back down over Santa’s cottage, with his sleigh packed full of toys and reindeer waiting outside. “Hey Jareth,” I bit my lip to hide my chuckle. “Do snowglobes ever get scared?”
His jaw tensed and I was about to continue when he asked after a resigned sigh. “I don’t know Hazel, do they?”
A grin now stretched across my face. “No, but occasionally they get shaken.”
I tilted the globe back and forth in my hand making the snow dance. At my movement his gaze shifted to watch the fluttering pieces of white. The motion under the glass was mesmerizing, and one of the reasons I’d loved snowglobes since I was a child. Everything inside the tiny glass object was perfect and safe.
“This is one of my favorites,” I said quietly, as I placed it on top of the fireplace mantel.
His head tilted as he silently regarded me.
“It reminds me of the innocence that children have and their belief in Santa.”
He took the next snowglobe box out of the bin, opened it, and handed it to me. “I thought you were going to say it reminded you of a time when you believed.”
I shrugged, my gaze firmly planted on the new scene in front of me, one with a happy family celebrating the holidays. It was kind of ironic this was the one he’d chosen. “I’m not sure I ever did believe.” I placed this one in the middle of the mantel. My finger traced over the glass. “You’ve never said anything, but I figure you know my family history.”
He took out another small box. His hands carefully opening up the top and sliding out the styrofoam that encased the final globe. “I know you were taken from your parents when you were six and sent to live with your grandmother.”
I nodded. When I talked about this part of my life, it was like I was a stranger looking in from the outside. There were days I could almost pretend it happened to someone else. “So you know about my parents.” I didn’t bother asking it as a question. Jareth was nothing if not thorough. He had to know how broken my home life had been.
I placed the last snowglobe on the end of the mantel.
“I do,” he said.
When he didn’t elaborate, I spun around, my heart in my throat. His face, chiseled to perfection, held that intense stare that told me he was considering his words carefully. I shifted my gaze to the floor, afraid of what he saw when he looked at me. Afraid that after he said the words out loud, he might treat me differently. Until now, I’d at least been able to pretend he didn’t know any of it.
Footsteps echoed in the room. I kept my gaze down until I saw his Ferragamo’s within view. His hand gently tucked a piece of my honey-blonde hair behind my ear. This tenderness was so unexpected it brought tears to my eyes. As he lightly traced my jaw from just under my ear to my chin, hope bloomed in my chest that this moment would mean something to us.
He tugged my chin up, so I had no other choice but to look into his dark black eyes. Ones that held a hint of compassion I wasn’t used to seeing. “I knew before I opened that file that what was in there wouldn’t matter and had no bearing on the job you held.”
I let out a shaky breath not able to tear my eyes from his even when his fingers tightened around my jaw.
“From the moment we met you were full of sunshine. It radiated from you and everything you touched.” He paused. “I also knew that your goodness and compassion far surpassed any I might still hold on to. That I couldn’t deal with them in the way I wanted only because it would hurt you too.”
I blinked, letting his words sink in. “Them? What did you do?” I whispered. My parents’ neglect shaped the person I was today. I had a childhood where I didn’t feel safe in my own home, never knew when I would be fed, and often slept curled in a ball inside a closet hiding behind whatever was in there to stay hidden from my parents and the low-lifes they allowed through the door.
I was self-aware enough to recognize that my need for lists and perfection combined with my ‘never say no’ attitude was a fail-safe in making sure people liked me. That if they liked me, they’d never toss me aside like my parents had. That I deserved their love and respect because I wasn’t any trouble.
He drew in a breath before responding as though his confession pained him. “I paid their debts and made sure their regular bookies and dealers wouldn’t supply them.”
“What?” I froze in place. Jareth’s words swirled around in my head. My eyes darted to this complicated man as I processed this un-Jareth like behavior. “How did I not know this?” I sputtered.
My parents only came around when they wanted money. It wasn’t until this moment I’d begun to realize why I’d seen less and less of them over the past three years. And not at all in the past twelve months.
Not waiting for him to answer my other question I jumped back in with the most important. “Why?”
“Someone had to look out for you.”
“My grandmother… ” I started but had to stop, the tears that filled my eyes ran down my cheeks, and clogged my throat.
He swiped at my tears with the pad of his thumb before he dropped his hand from my chin. “Did what she could.”
“Thank you,” I whispered as he stepped away from me. I didn’t try to stop him. Our conversation was likely the deepest he’d had in years and the shuttered look on his face was a reminder he was processing the moment. Others would see that he shut down, but I knew feelings of any type made him uncomfortable.
He raised a hand in acknowledgement and I forced my body to stay still and not throw myself at his back and hug him for as long as he’d let me. I wiped at my eyes and cleared my throat. “Don’t think because you finally told me that you did something nice for me, you can get out of decorating.”
A bark of surprised laughter filled the room, making me smile. “Of course not, Hazel. You are nothing if not ruthless when it comes to making sure our home is adequately prepared for the holidays.”
My heart fluttered at what I assumed was a slip of the tongue. He’d said our. In an effort to not call attention to it and keep things light I winked. “Now you’re getting it.”
His open palms reached out in front of him, as if beseeching me. “I am at your command. Tell me what we need to do next.”
My cheeks heated as the thought of saying those words back to him filled my mind. Followed quickly with images I shouldn’t be having right now. From only a few feet away, his eyes darkened as though he knew what I was thinking. I cleared my throat, not able to stop the raspy sound that came out. “We should wrap the cranberries around the tree.”
He nodded and picked up the strand that had started this whole oversharing moment. I reached out and grabbed the end of it. We wound it around the tree, keeping silent, except for his grunts of acknowledgment when I handed the string back to him. After placing three stands of it around the faux pine branches, I pointed to the box of ornaments. “We can add these next. When that’s done, we can finish decorating the mantle.”
“Got it.” We placed ornaments throughout the tree. He took care of the higher branches while I stuck to the middle and bottom.
I started humming Christmas songs as we worked. When his baritone joined in humming the same song I stopped abruptly. “What are you doing?”
“Well, if you need to ask clearly I’m doing it wrong,” he responded, a light teasing note to his voice. I liked this side of him.
“No, no, you sound great. It just surprised me.” I peeked my head around the tree to get a better look at him.
He shrugged, a faint smirk graced his lips. “I do know the songs even if I don’t sing them at the top of my lungs around the office.”
I frowned playfully at him. “It was just that one time. And only because Brenda from accounting said she knew more Christmas songs than I did.” I stopped hanging ornaments and began adding the small ceramic village houses to his mantle.
I jumped as he laughed loudly. “She should’ve known better.”
“There’s no question about that,” I grumbled.
Brenda and I were friendly, but I knew her unexpected trip to the office that day had been to see Jareth, and it had already set me on edge. When she threw out an off-hand comment about how well she knew every holiday song, I couldn’t help but challenge her. It was the most un-like me thing I’d ever done. But once the words came out I couldn’t back down.
I finished putting the last house up and plugged them into the power strip I’d hidden at the back. With a flick of my fingers, they all lit up. “Nice right?”
He glanced around the room, a faint lift at the corner of his lips, indicating he agreed.
I rubbed my hands together. “And now it’s time for a Christmas movie.”
He gave me a curt nod. “Perhaps I can find the time—” His phone’s shrill ring sounded from his back pocket.
“Or not,” I sighed.
He gave me an apologetic glance before he looked at the phone. “I need to take this.”
“I get it.” I wrapped my arms around my waist.
Jareth wasn’t even listening to me any longer. He turned on his heel and strode from the room, barking demands at whoever was on the other line. His voice echoed through the hall, allowing me to hear random words until the door of his office slammed shut.
As I picked up the decorations we didn’t use and stored them inside the correct totes, I thought about what else he and I could do to get ready for the fast approaching holiday.
Because no matter what he thought he needed, I knew better.