Chapter 49
CHAPTER 49
The mortal steel in Zack’s eyes had been replaced with a crimson color that belonged to a much older vampire. As a mortal, he’d slouched a little, let his shoulders dip whenever he wasn’t sure of himself. He’d been full of rage and tears, but he had been sweet, too.
Now he stood tall, with his chin level and his shoulders straight. In a voice laden with an ethereal quality, he repeated his demand. “Seriously, you have to let me out of here.”
When Zack had initially reached for the door, Roger had reacted on instinct. His arcane power had known the shape of his will before the instant he’d realized what he wanted. This was his one chance to speak to his lovers after a month, and he wasn’t about to let it slip away.
Even if something was clearly wrong between them. The turmoil was obvious in the way they were avoiding each other, and seeing that strengthened Roger’s resolve that the three of them needed to talk.
“You’re worried about the bond with your sire,” Roger said, fighting through his numbness. He’d rehearsed different speeches in his head, and though he’d hoped it wouldn’t come up, he knew that sires and their sirelings could share each other’s strong emotions. He had never expected Zack to flee because of it. “All we need to do is create a believable lie for whatever you’re feel?—”
“He can read my mind,” Zack snapped.
That’s new .
Zack hurried for the door again.
Roger closed it with telekinesis.
“Roger!” Zack hissed.
“I have been fighting for a month to see you. I am not about to let you run away,” Roger replied.
“He could?—”
“Fuck him. This is about us.” Roger swept forward and held Zack’s cheeks with both hands. “You are not going anywhere until we talk. If I have to unleash an earthquake upon Candide’s beautiful palace, I will. I don’t care. You are what matters.” He reached a hand out to Takashi as he met his gaze. “The two of you are all that matters.”
With a wan smile, Takashi took hold of Roger’s hand and squeezed.
“I imagine that our time apart has been eventful for you like it’s been for me,” Roger said. He took Zack by the hand as well and drew both his lovers toward the desk. If Zack tried to zip out again, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to pull off the feat of getting the door shut. Zack was faster than any fledgling he’d ever seen, almost as quick as himself.
He rested his backside against the desk and held on to Zack’s and Takashi’s hands. The two of them drifted off to either of his sides. They had their mental defenses up. Takashi’s was fierce as a fortress. Zack’s was paper-thin. Roger could slide through both, but he didn’t need to. Zack had apologized with a tone of voice Roger knew came from the broken place inside him; Takashi was withdrawn the same way he’d been when he said his goodbyes in 1921.
Additionally, their hurt was the sort that had to come from deep feelings. At the Winter’s Grand Ball, they had danced, and they had sparkled together, but they hadn’t shone with love. Somewhere along the line, they fell in love without having to go through me . He loved that for them. When he had told Zack that he deserved all the love he could handle, this was the sort of thing he’d meant.
What they needed was patience, and Roger found a well of it. Rushing the mending of hearts would only shatter them further. But their time was also limited, and he needed them all on the same page before he left. Or, at the very least, in the same book.
He kissed Zack’s fingertips, then Takashi’s. They were still as statues.
“I have plenty to say, but first, what’s happened between you two?” Roger asked.
Both looked toward the floor in the opposite direction of the other.
His lovers were intent on keeping up their shields, so Roger decided to lower his own. He let the ache he had harbored for both of them since they’d been taken from him out from his heart. Rather than stowing the fear he’d felt for their safety, he untied it from its mooring and let it loose.
They would have to choose to read him.
After a long moment, Zack slumped and put his hand to his face to cover his tears. Takashi tightened his grip on Roger’s hand.
They must have peeked at what he’d shown them. They knew how deeply he loved them.
“I fucked up,” Zack said. “I … I massively fucked up.”
Takashi looked to the ceiling, batting his eyes so that his tears wouldn’t start. “In trying to build something, I have become nothing .”
Zack frowned at him.
“I know how that feels,” Roger said gently. “I have been struggling with that myself. But you are not nothing, Takashi. You could never be.”
Takashi laughed, a bitter, brittle sound, and strayed farther to the side. “You don’t know what he’s done.”
“I do, too!” Zack stepped toward the other wall as he turned to face Takashi. He still clutched Roger’s hand. “And I am so, so, so fucking sorry.”
“Not you,” Takashi said, wiping away a tear. “At least, not just you.”
“I need more information,” Roger said.
Takashi shook his head, his tears running down his cheeks.
“Fine, you want to know? I told Seamus that Nell wants me dead,” Zack replied. “He’s been nice to me. He … it’s weird, and it’s fucking twisted, but Seamus loves me like his son. As much as Seamus can love anyone. More than my actual dad does.”
“I doubt that.”
Zack rolled his eyes, then sighed away his sarcasm. He said sincerely, “Look, I know you’re brimming with happiness that you’re able to hold us again, but my father?—”
Roger released Zack’s hand and held up one finger to make him pause. Once Zack clamped his jaws shut, he said, “I have something for you. From him.”
“From who? My dad ?” Zack asked. “How?”
Roger took the envelope from Thomas out of his pocket and handed it over to Zack. “I needed help from someone with your wealth of knowledge and the practical experience I seemed to lack. I reached out to your father, and he answered. I don’t know what that letter says, but I do know that he has been trying to right his wrongs. He called you courageous.”
“You’ve been working with my dad?” Zack scowled at Roger. “Seriously?”
“And your sister,” Roger said. Takashi’s mental shield was cracking. The desire to scream and howl his pain was growing. Not knowing what was causing the break, Roger held on to his hand firmly. The comfort of his touch was all he had.
“She’s just a kid!”
“Seems she shares a family trait. She’s stubborn as hell,” Roger replied. “Even your father can’t convince her to sit on the sidelines.”
“What about my mom? Cal?” Zack asked hesitantly.
“Your mother never showed. I did try to break into the mansion to rescue you, but I was only able to save Dmitri, and only then because Anton allowed it. Cal came along on that mission but made it clear he wasn’t a trustworthy ally. Thomas sent him away.” Roger turned toward Takashi, angling his body in his direction. “Sweetheart, believe me when I say I have been fighting my doubts longer than you’ve been alive. Until I saw the two of you, I wasn’t sure the course I’d picked was the right one. But I am with you. Because of the two of you, I am discovering lost pieces of myself. Why did you say you’re nothing?”
Takashi started to pull away.
Roger tugged him closer. If kindness wouldn’t do it, he’d have to bring out a bit of his own stubbornness. “All right. Then someone needs to tell me what Zack meant about Nell wanting to kill him. Is that true?”
“It is,” Takashi whispered. “I called her. Oh God, you don’t know. It was Nell.”
“What was?” Roger asked.
“She was the one to make a deal with a fey to lock you in a coffin,” Takashi continued. Once begun, his pace quickened. “She wanted you to come back to Chicago and cause a civil war so she could pick up the pieces of the GLC. I don’t know her exact plans, but Zack waking you wrecked whatever she had in motion. When I told her that Zack was now Seamus’s fledgling, she insisted that I kill him.”
Epiphanies lit like firecrackers, one after another of bright light, leaving him in a shadow of depression as they passed. Nell had been a friend. An ally. And she’d played him. Roger took a deep breath. His lovers needed him to be their buoy right now, and he would do anything to keep them afloat. “Because if Zack dies, he’ll take a measure of Seamus’s power to the grave.”
“Power I think we’ve been underestimating,” Zack added. “Have either of you ever seen his eyes go completely black and red?”
“I have,” Takashi said. “They became like voids with rubies when he was threatening me. Zack, I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you tonight, but I didn’t know what to do … I still don’t. Seamus … he accused me of trying to seduce Anton. Then he ripped off Evander’s head and sent it back to Nell, basically declaring open war on her. He made a point of telling the representative that he knew about the threat on your life. The only way he would have known that?—”
“Would be if you or I told him,” Zack said. “That’s not a hard leap to make, especially for a creature as old as Nell.”
“And Takashi has built his career on being Nell’s loyal ambassador,” Roger said. The conclusion spilled out of him as he traced the map of logic he found between Takashi’s behavior and his own knowledge of covens. “Siding with one’s sire is expected, even after leaving their coven. The fact that you’ve officially moved, that you’ve been seen standing beside Seamus, and then that message, everyone will know that you’ve switched your allegiance. If you’re willing to move away from someone so powerful, who has given you so much, then others will assume that what you really care for is your own status and prestige. They will believe you are a false friend at best and an active saboteur at worst.”
“I will be welcome nowhere,” Takashi said with a nod. “Seamus has made it clear that he will draw out the agony of my life before snuffing it. Everything I’ve ever done is ash.”
Zack launched himself at Takashi and wrapped him in a fierce hug.
Gently, Roger let go of Takashi’s hand. With all that he had learned, he needed a moment to adjust to his shifting reality. Nell’s betrayal stung, but it wasn’t unexpected. Not entirely. She had been forceful about Roger going back to Chicago, and she’d demanded that he come up with a plan to take the leadership as soon as possible. Her claim that Takashi was her assurance that she would be paid back had made sense at the time, but he had never stopped to think about why she cared so much for a few scant million. The whole reason they had settled on that amount was that it wouldn’t hurt her to extend the loan for some time.
She’d sent Takashi for exactly the reason Zack had suspected in their first meeting. He was supposed to be willing to kill either of them if he had to.
The night the three of them had first slept together, Roger had delved into Takashi’s mind and seen a piece that he kept hidden away. Takashi desired to live his own life as he saw fit. Nell was a decent master—she had far more respect for her subordinates than many—but her underlings were still under her. Her fist was not clad in iron, but a hand in a leather glove was able to choke life and happiness, too.
Takashi had been out for himself, but that didn’t mean he was without love or loyalty. Freedom of choice was the greatest of liberties. That was what Takashi wanted to do. He had grown from a hesitant young vampire into a sophisticated charmer because there was power in saying the right things to the right people. He’d seen what their lives were like and wagered on political capital to grant him some measure of freedom.
It had been a murky decision, but Roger had done far worse to feel an iota of reprieve from Seamus. Takashi had done the best he could.
Zack’s fumble was understandable. Though some part of Roger wanted to scream that he naturally should have known better, he knew what Seamus could be like when he wanted to impress someone. Newly dead, bound to Seamus, with only Takashi to provide any counterbalancing logic—Roger had no trouble believing that Seamus could manipulate even someone as stubborn as Zack. And Takashi, for all his strengths, had believed in the social game. He might have known how dangerous Seamus could be, but that didn’t mean he’d been prepared. He had been a proponent of working inside the system to change it. He hadn’t come to the revelation that Roger had; change from within was impossible. The only path to liberation was with war.
Roger was also certain that Seamus had played a card that was only useful once and that the bastard’s hand was fully revealed. Neither Zack nor Takashi would fall for any of his shit again. Not that I want to give him the opportunity to try .
His lovers were consoling one another, their distance closing, and the embers of their fight drifting into ash. Roger knew far more must have happened, but his precious minutes alone with them were coming to a close. Though he longed to soothe every stinging pain in all their souls, he needed to keep his head level and his plans moving forward.
“I cannot tell you how much this reunion means to me, but I do have another purpose in being here,” Roger said. His voice drew their attention, and they lessened their hug to look at him. Zack had his forehead against Takashi’s temple, lightly pressed there. “Actually, stay just like that a moment.”
Roger took out his cell phone. Zack started to frown as he had his eyes closed and wouldn’t know what Roger was up to, but Takashi shushed him. Roger snapped a picture with his phone.
“Did you just pause whatever doom and gloom you were about to drop to take a pic ?” Zack asked.
“He did.” Takashi kissed Zack’s cheek.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Zack grumbled. He nipped Takashi’s jaw and then turned toward Roger. “You have to let me see.”
Roger showed him the photo.
Zack raised his eyebrows. “Uh, why didn’t anyone tell me I’m a hot vampire?”
“I believe I did,” Takashi replied.
“Okay, no one said I was a smoking hot vampire.”
Roger laughed and fought to not get carried away with the lightness it brought to his heart. He put his phone away. As much as he hated for the moment to end, he had to embrace practicality. “Zack, I love you, but if you’re scared that you’ll unintentionally share thoughts with Seamus, you do have to go.”
Zack narrowed his eyes, the same as he always had when he was calculating Roger’s intent. “You’re up to something?”
“You’ll know about it soon enough. I promise. For now, we have to part.” Roger brought him in for a kiss.
Zack’s touch was cool, his lips soft but chilly. His kiss was surer, his tongue pushing when he’d been pliant. It was a first kiss all over again.
Roger prayed it wouldn’t be a last.
It had to end. Zack was the one to pull away first. He gave Roger a tight hug, then gave Takashi a quick hug and lengthy kiss, and then went to the door. Before he opened it, he turned back to meet Roger’s gaze.
They’d had so many staring contests, and somehow, this was the first time Roger thought he might be seeing the true Zack.
A soft grin lifted one side of his lips, and Zack gestured at Takashi with a nod. “Our numbskull has a bad habit of thinking he’s not important to anyone. Don’t let him out of here thinking no one would ever pick him.”
Roger raised an eyebrow.
Takashi stiffened, hiding behind his persona of the consummate professional ambassador. Until Zack’s words, Roger wasn’t sure he’d noticed how often Takashi threw on that mask.
“I’ll do my best to change his mind,” Roger assured Zack.
“Good.” Then Zack zipped forward, snuck one last kiss from both of them, and then rushed out the door.