Chapter 50
CHAPTER 50
Zack’s parting words opened the shell of Takashi’s heart, and he wasn’t prepared to deal with the oyster of pain inside of it. As Roger spun toward him, one eyebrow raised, a welling of shame made Takashi look away. Because Takashi had had a choice, and he hadn’t chosen to run away with Roger. He had remained in the mansion. Why should he expect Roger to choose him when he hadn’t run after him into the night? When he’d longed for power instead of love?
Not that Roger knew any of that. Nor did Zack know the depth of his sins.
Despite the turn of events in the last few nights, Takashi couldn’t say with certainty that he would have run away with Roger after all.
“You shouldn’t worry about what Zack said,” Takashi said quietly. “I take it you’re planning some sort of attack. When?”
“Just before dawn. Tonight.” Roger neared Takashi and hooked a finger under his chin. He lightly tugged on him.
Wishing he could resist, Takashi let Roger drag his chin up. “What will you do?”
“I’m going to burn down the mansion and liberate you and Zack from it,” Roger purred.
There was a decisiveness to his tone that he had always lacked when talking about taking the coven. This wasn’t some mere idea Roger had; he was dressed in the sort of clothing meant for battle. He had risked everything to come see them because he was prepared to gamble everything. Including his life.
I underestimated him . Takashi jerked free of him and rounded the desk to gain distance from him. Having Roger close always made him weak in the knees, and he needed his strength. Besides that, he didn’t deserve Roger’s care.
“I can tell you’re twisting yourself into knots,” Roger said. “My plan has its risks, but it has Thomas’s and half a dozen others’ approval. This will be a coordinated attack.”
“You don’t know what’s going on in my mind,” Takashi said.
“Because I refuse to break through your defenses to know exactly what you’re feeling.” Roger motioned at Takashi. “Your agony is easy to see, if one knows how to look.”
“You shouldn’t be comforting me. You don’t know what I’ve done.” Takashi folded his arms over his chest.
Roger pulled out the chair from the desk and gestured for Takashi to sit in it. Once he had, Roger leaned against the desk right in front of him, slotting one leg between Takashi’s. They weren’t touching, but doing so wouldn’t take much effort on either one’s part.
“My absence will eventually be noticed. I should be heading downstairs sooner rather than later,” Takashi said. “What do I need to know about your attack?”
“We’ll be drawing security to the northwest, west, southwest, and east sides of the property. The intention is to spread security incredibly thin, then launch ourselves through the main doors to capture Seamus’s attention. I’ll be engaging him, trying to keep him distracted long enough for the others to set the building on fire in several locations. I’ll hold out as close to dawn as I can, then make a run for our rendezvous. With any luck, I’ll manage to kill Seamus.”
“You’re counting on luck?” Takashi said.
“He might not fall for the bait, and my team will be our best shot at putting him down. If Zack is right and he has been holding back, surviving is the priority. The coven, this bullshit that we put each other through, it’s not worth preserving. Tearing it down means humiliating him first,” Roger said seriously. “It’s not a perfect plan, but he ripped away those I love and made the two of you suffer. He made me suffer.
“Call it petty revenge if you like, but I want him to feel every ounce of shit he has shoved down everyone else’s throats. If he’s alive, a power vacuum isn’t created. He winds up being the one fighting a war within and without, and we’ll be able to rid ourselves of his truest believers. We clean house and perhaps find ourselves some allies for whatever we build after the GLC is destroyed.”
“I thought you wanted to rule,” Takashi said.
Roger offered Takashi his hands.
Slowly, Takashi put his hands in Roger’s. His touch was cool, though not as cold as Zack’s, and his hands were larger than his. Roger stroked his thumb along the back of Takashi’s hand. Reading his emotions was easier. As badly as Roger longed for Zack and Takashi to be at his side, what he truly wanted was a home.
That was something Takashi had never had.
“Our elite society inflicts agony in order to appease its appetites. There are better ways. We can find them. You, me, and Zack. We can build a wonderful new world, together.” Roger raised Takashi’s hands to his lips and kissed him. He squeezed as he said, “But if we hide parts of ourselves from each other, it’ll never work.”
“I had the chance to run away when you rescued Dmitri, and I chose to stay behind,” Takashi blurted out. He would have risen from his seat, but Roger was right there, trapping him. Caught, with nowhere to hide from Roger’s brown eyes, more words spilled from him. “I am not the noble thing I pretend to be. I craved power, believed it could be found within that house instead of with you. So I stayed.
“I stayed, not knowing Zack was going to rise a vampire, and once I knew, I thought that he might make the perfect leader. I pushed him to own that part of himself. To embolden him to make his own choices. And so he left his cousin to suffer, made a deal with a demon, and confided in the worst monster any of us know. Zack wasn’t the one to screw up. I was. I did it again just now by blaming my situation on Zack and Seamus. My weak yearnings were what dragged me to this place.”
Takashi tried to yank his hands free of Roger’s, but Roger held on to him. His grip wasn’t overly tight, but his presence made Takashi sink forward toward him. Roger slid off the desk and went to his knees so that their hug was easier.
But the comfort was too much. Takashi pushed Roger away and darted out of the chair before he could crowd him again. “I am not worthy. I am a power-seeking leech.”
“I thought of the three of us, you were the one who knew themselves best, but I wonder if you’ve buried your heart too deeply,” Roger said.
“You are giving me far too much credit.”
“Takashi, why did you run away from home?”
“Nell—”
“Not from Nell.” Roger met Takashi’s gaze and held it. “Your mortal home.”
“I … my father made it clear that I wasn’t …” Takashi folded his arms over his chest and held on to himself tightly. “The circus was a place where I thought I could be myself. For the most part, it was. The only other time I’ve felt like that was …”
“Was with me and Zack?” Roger asked. “Perhaps the reason you wanted to throw Zack onto a throne was because you believed power was the only way to gain the freedom your heart begs for.”
“I don’t think I like this much insight into my soul,” Takashi murmured.
Roger grinned wryly. “Who does? The important part is that you are loved, Takashi. All of you. By me. By Zack. Nell, Josefina—and so many more hold affection for you.”
“Anton,” Takashi whispered.
Roger tapped his finger on the edge of the desk. “Has something happened with him?”
“Flirting. Too much of it.” Takashi ran his hand through his hair. He could feel Katie growing excited about something. Her bubble of energy brought a spotlight to the softer, more joyful parts of himself. He had been as excited about his new life as she was, once upon a time. But he cleared his mind, throwing up a wall between them so that she would not feel his murky sadness. “Seamus and Anton don’t have a seamless relationship. I thought pushing in between them would benefit us in the long run.”
“Anton is a monster.”
“I’m aware. I’ve seen his torture chamber.” Takashi leaned against the wall. “He has a succubus down there. Apparently, he fucks him while he’s shifted to look like me. That was part of what incensed Seamus against me. But I can’t help thinking … what would he have been like if someone had intervened? What would you be like if Zack and I hadn’t come into your life? When you robbed Seamus, he beat Anton, and Anton never lifted a finger to stop him. He is so … lost.”
“He has been raping Dmitri for centuries,” Roger said firmly. “Torturing others as well.”
“I’m not claiming he’s a good man,” Takashi said. “I’m not saying we should forgive him either. But wouldn’t our fight be easier if Anton were on our side? Betray him later. Punish him for every wrong—we could come up with that after. But if he wasn’t lending his strength to Seamus, our odds wouldn’t be so stacked against us.”
“I’m not delaying my attack,” Roger said.
“I didn’t ask you to,” Takashi sighed. “I’m not even suggesting we spare him if the opportunity rises to kill him.”
“I certainly won’t hesitate to do so.” Roger checked his watch. “I hate to say this, but I am running out of time. Is there anything that you can think of that might help me? I’ve had Vincent filling in details I didn’t know, but has anything changed about the mansion in the last few weeks?”
“Other than Zack rising more powerful than he should be, no.”
“What about that demon deal you mentioned? Do you know what Zack’s bargain is?”
“Anton’s succubus is the one he made the deal with. Once the demon’s out of his cell, there’s a one-year limit on his ability to invade Zack’s dreams.”
“Zack let him into his head?”
“He was thinking he needed to buy the demon’s silence.” Takashi pushed away from the wall. “Anton has made a sireling in recent weeks. Zack’s cousin, Dennis. He’s also locked away in the same dungeon area as the succubus. Anton’s been doing some experiments into immortality. Apparently, he plans to use Dennis as a test subject.”
Roger sucked in a deep breath and then ran his hand down his jaw. “Ah.”
“What is it?”
“Nothing we can do anything about now. As Zack would say, I need to do some research. Look, when you get back to the mansion, see how many doors and windows you can leave open or unlocked. Try not to get caught.” Roger put a hand on each of Takashi’s shoulders. “When it starts, and you’ll know when, do your best to run. There is a park due west of the mansion. We will have two vans there for those who have to flee the battle. You don’t have to fight.”
“I shouldn’t leave it all to you and your people,” Takashi said. “Zack won’t want to.”
“I know, but there will be other battles. The last thing I could stand is if you two—three with Kathleen. Yes, I know she’s yours—were to wind up stuck with the bastard when the smoke clears from the battle.”
Takashi slid his hand on top of Roger’s left one. “What about Zack’s bond? Seamus will be able to sense him.”
“I have warlocks that believe they can cover him for a day. After that, we’ll figure it out.”
“Together?”
“Yes. Everything together from now on.”
Takashi wished that could be true. The only way to turn wishes into reality is to try . He gave a tight nod. “I need to get back to the party.”
“And I have to go.” Roger kissed Takashi. “I love you. Be careful.”
“You too.” Takashi smiled at him.
Roger kissed him once more. Then he slipped the medallion back over his head and murmured two words in Latin. The illusion making him look like a blond man in a suit sprung back to life.
Takashi grabbed one last kiss before they left the room. Just in case the worst were to happen. Here I thought it already had. Why is there always a worst, worst-case scenario?