40. Chapter Forty Lakey #2
I blinked at her, then a slow grin spread across my face. "Damn, Rose. Where's this energy been hiding? I like it."
For a moment, I was right there with her. The thought of watching Chimera go up in flames was enticing. But then reality came crashing back.
"And how exactly are we gonna do that?" I asked. "Walk right in the front door? 'Scuse me, evil scientists, mind if we just destroy your life's work real quick?'"
Kyle cleared his throat. "Technically if we go at night, there's less chance of getting caught, but after our break-in, I'm sure security enhancements have taken place. So, while I share your sentiment, Rose, we need to actually find the head of the snake. That's the only way."
Sarah came up behind Kyle, placing her hands on his shoulders. "And Lakey, you might be able to help."
And just like that, all eyes were on me again. My stomach twisted into knots. They wanted me to remember. To dig into the cesspool of my fucked-up mind and fish out whatever horrors were lurking there.
I glanced at Sarah, then Rose, anger boiling in my gut that Cam was off doing God knows what and not standing with me.
Protecting me. He'd been disappearing more and more over the last few days.
Taking walks, he said. Checking the perimeter.
But I knew what he was really doing. He was running from the same shit I was, just in a different direction.
I ran my mouth. He ran his legs. Same coin, different sides.
Their faces were a mixture of concern and determination. They believed in this hypnotherapy bullshit. Believed it could help.
Part of me wanted to tell them all to go to hell.
To grab Cam and run as far and fast as we could.
But another part, a tiny, annoyingly hopeful part, wondered if maybe this could give me some answers.
If maybe, buried under all the blood and darkness and blank spaces, there was a memory of who I was before they got their hands on me. A memory of something that wasn't pain.
I chewed on my lower lip, tasting blood. The sting of it centered me, a small hurt in a world of big, unknowable ones.
"I... I don't know if I can do this. Don't know if I want to."
Sarah leaned forward, her eyes soft and understanding. It made me want to punch her perfect face.
"Lakey," she said gently, "we can create a safe space for the hypnotherapy. Somewhere you feel comfortable and in control. And remember, you can stop at any time if it gets too intense."
I snorted. "Safe space? What, we gonna make a pillow fort and sing camp songs?"
But Sarah didn't rise to the bait. She just smiled, patient as a fucking saint. "We'll do whatever makes you feel secure. This is about helping you, not pushing you past your limits."
I hated how her kindness was getting under my skin, making me actually consider this insanity. My eyes darted around the room, looking for an escape route, when they landed on Cam who had finally come inside.
He stood silent in the doorway, a looming presence of barely contained violence. Dirt on his boots, a scratch on his forearm he hadn't had when he left. His dark eyes were fixed on me, intense and unwavering. I could practically hear his thoughts: I've got your back, babe. Always.
But there was something else there, too.
Something he was trying to hide behind the hard set of his jaw.
He wanted me to do this. Not because he thought I was broken, or because Sarah had talked him into it.
But because he was drowning in his own memories and he needed me to go first. To be the brave one so he could follow.
He'd never ask. He'd sooner cut out his own tongue than admit he needed anything.
But I could see it, the way I'd always been able to see every ugly, beautiful, terrifying thing inside him.
My heart did that stupid flutter thing it only does for him. Cam might be a sadistic bastard to the rest of the world, but with me? He was my anchor in the storm. I was still pissed he'd left me alone for this long, but I'd forgive him later, after he kissed me better.
I took a deep breath, the scent of Cam's cologne grounding me. Pine and something darker, something that was just him. Maybe I could do this. If it meant protecting what was ours, if it meant burning Chimera to the ground...
If it meant I could help him, too.
"Fine," I growled, glaring at Sarah. "But if you try any weird mind control shit, I'll carve out your eyeballs with a spoon. Got it?"
"I'll have the spoon ready, if that makes you feel safer, Lakey."
I almost smiled at that.
I nodded at Sarah, my teeth clenched so tight I thought they might crack. "Let's do this before I change my fucking mind."
Sarah's face lit up. "Wonderful. I promise, we'll take it slow."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Just get on with it before I decide to use you for target practice instead."
As Sarah bustled around the room, setting things up, I watched her.
She moved with purpose, every gesture deliberate.
She dragged over the only single chair this place had, positioning it just so, then dimmed the lights to a soft glow.
The cabin's concrete walls looked less harsh in the low light, the steel edges softened into something that almost passed for warm.
"Really going for that 'womb of tranquility' vibe, huh?" I muttered, but my snarky comment fell flat. My palms were sweating and my heart was galloping in my chest. What the fuck was I getting myself into?
Sarah arranged some throw pillows, creating a nest in the chair. "There," she said, stepping back. "How does this look? Comfortable enough?"
I eyed the setup suspiciously. It looked... nice. Too nice. But then I caught Cam's eye again, saw the slight nod he gave me. Just a dip of his chin, barely perceptible, but it said everything. Do it. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.
If he thought this was okay, then I should trust in that. I'd trusted him with my life a thousand times over. I could trust him with this.
"It's fine," I said, my voice coming out smaller than I intended. "Just don't expect me to start sharing my feelings or some shit. We do this, we find out what Chimera did, and then we burn those fuckers to the ground. That's it."
Sarah nodded, her face serious. "Of course, Lakey. This is about uncovering the truth, nothing more."
As I settled into the chair, sinking into its softness, it felt like I was walking into a trap of my own making.
But for Cam, for our fucked-up little family...
I'd face whatever demons were lurking in the dark corners of my mind.
I'd do it for the little girl who pulled wings off ants in the yard because she had nowhere else to put her rage.
I'd do it for the teenager who carved her first kill's initials into her own thigh, so she'd never forget the rush.
I'd do it for every version of me that had ever existed in the spaces between the memories I couldn't reach.
I sank into the chair, my fingers immediately finding the hem of my shirt and twisting it. The fabric bunched and wrinkled under my restless hands. Fuck, I was nervous. Me, the girl who could gut a man without blinking, trembling over some hypno bullshit.
"You're safe here, Lakey," Sarah's voice drifted over. "Just focus on my voice and relax. Close your eyes, just breathe."
I snorted. "Relax? Sure, no problem."
But even as the sarcasm dripped from my tongue, a part of me desperately wanted to believe her. To let go and find out what horrors were lurking in the shadows of my memory.
I glanced at Cam one last time. He'd moved to the corner closest to me, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, his body angled towards the door.
Guarding me. Not from Sarah or Rose or Kyle.
From whatever was about to crawl out of my own head.
He'd kill it for me if he could. He'd take every memory, every needle, every cold table and white coat and swallow them whole if it meant I didn't have to feel them.
But he couldn't. This was my fight. He could only stand at the edge and wait to catch me when I fell.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself. Whatever nightmares were about to surface, I'd face them head-on. For Cam. For us. And for the sweet, sweet vengeance we'd rain down on Chimera when this was all over.
"Alright," I said, my voice steadier than I felt. "Let's dig up some demons."
Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to plunge into the darkness, hardly hearing Sarah as she asked everyone to leave us for the next hour and go find something to do.
I heard the shuffle of feet, the creak of the floor, Rose's quiet footsteps heading upstairs.
Kyle's heavier tread towards the front door. But one set of footsteps didn't move.
"Cam," Sarah said gently. "I need you to step out too."
A pause. The kind of silence that had weight to it, that pressed against the walls.
"I'll be right outside," he said. Not to Sarah. To me.
Then the door clicked shut, and it was just me and Sarah and the black behind my eyelids.
"Okay, Lakey... just listen to my voice. Three... two... one..."