Chapter Four
KILLIAN
M otherfucker.
I sipped my glass of scotch, the smoky liquid burning a path down my throat. I’d moved from the bar to a smaller table across the room. The hushed conversations provided a soothing backdrop to the turmoil of my mind.
I could see Tris and Peter from my secluded section, but they couldn’t see me. I’d felt her eyes on me from the moment they sat. Her gaze burned a hole into my back, stripping away another piece of the armor I’d placed around my heart when it came to Trissabelle Byrd—the girl I once loved.
The soft, warm lighting of the restaurant created a golden glow on Tris’s blonde hair, reminding me of the countless summer afternoons spent together. I couldn’t help but notice how her excitement vibrated through her body. That dick had just handed her a piece of jewelry, the unmistakably marked box from an expensive store in downtown Providence.
Tink was so stunned by the piece that she sat there, barely breathing.
Fuck.
I’d tried not to follow Peter or Trissa over the years. It hurt too much. I hadn’t heard they were together, but after Peter’s display of possession and giving her this gift, I wondered if I had missed the signs because I hadn’t wanted to believe them.
From my place in the shadows, I’d seen that spark, that fire that lit her from the inside, dim the longer she was in Peter’s presence as his assistant.
But maybe I’d been wrong all this time.
My grip tightened on the glass, the cool crystal a stark contrast to the heat of my palm. Was he proposing to her? After all these years of stringing her along? The thought sent a jolt of pain through my chest, a feeling I thought I’d long since buried.
Wait.
I narrowed my eyes to get a better look. It wasn’t a ring box. Even from this distance, I could see it was a larger piece of jewelry resting on top of the dark velvet lining.
Her shoulders tightened, and I wished I could see her face, to read the emotions I knew would be written there, but she stayed seated, not once giving me a chance to figure out what her reaction meant.
I nursed my drink, staring at them and almost losing track of time. I decided to run to the restroom before I headed to the back to meet the guys. It was better to go now before I ran into Peter or Tink once again.
The second I exited the bathroom, I realized my mistake.
I’d waited too long.
Trissa had just emerged from the women’s room across from me. She seemed to be in a daze. Although, I’d probably look that way too after having to listen to Peter drone on about himself for longer than fifteen minutes.
I needed to leave before she noticed me. It had been years since I was her go-to person. Years since we’d even talked. I was an idiot if I thought she’d even want to see me right now.
I ran a hand roughly through my hair, the familiar action momentarily grounding me.
She froze. “Killian,” she said breathlessly, her voice a mixture of surprise and something else I couldn’t quite identify. “What are you doing here?” She glanced at the men’s restroom door across the hall and then back at me.
All the reasons to walk away were right there in front of me. There was no use getting involved in their mess. And after years of convincing myself I didn’t care about her anymore, why was my first instinct to see if she was alright? Why did I even care after all this time?
I shrugged.
Trissa’s eyes narrowed, a crease forming between her brows. “After ten years of radio silence, you just happened to be standing outside the women’s restroom.” She glanced behind her. “Oh, are you waiting for someone else?” Her na?veté was adorable and frustrating all at the same time.
“Tink.” The nickname slipped out before I could stop it, familiar and foreign all at once. “Are you okay?” I asked, my voice gruff with suppressed emotion.
“I’m fine.” Her chipper voice grated on me. I knew I’d seen something earlier.
“Are you though?” I growled, concern and frustration mingling in my tone.
She shook her head, a strand of hair falling across her cheek. “It’s nothing you need to worry about.”
Unable to resist any longer, I gently pulled her toward the end of the hallway, which was darker and more private. The sequins of her dress brushed roughly against my hand, sending jolts of electricity through me. When she didn’t fight my handling, I tilted her chin up with the pad of my finger until our eyes locked. “What did he give you?” I pressed.
Her hands fluttered to her chest. “It was a pin.”
I waited, giving her the space to continue.
Her throat bobbed with her forced swallow. “Of a bird.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” The words exploded out of me before I could stop them. Peter was the biggest self-involved asshole ever. How could he not remember Tink’s massive fear of birds?
That day was firmly etched into my mind. The three of us were at the local park. Tris was eleven, and we were thirteen. We’d been standing on a low wooden bridge with her sitting on the top ledge between us. A flock of aggressive pigeons startled her, causing her to fall backward into the pond.
She’d been terrified. I’d never forget the image of her as she stood, bent at the waist, covering her head, curled into herself as the birds circled overhead. I immediately jumped in after her, lifted her into my arms, and safely carried her to the shore. Peter joined us soon after, helping to calm her down. It killed me when she reached for him.
“Shit, Tink,” I said, the nickname slipping out again before I could stop it. “He didn’t remember, did he?” There had also been a time in her childhood with her dad, when birds surrounded her at a park and scared her. The incident with us only reinforced her fear.
She shook her head. “No, but really it’s not a big deal, Killian. It was a long time ago.”
Why it surprised me that she could so easily forgive his actions, I don’t know. I guess I’d thought that after all this time she wouldn’t be so blinded by Peter. That she would’ve figured out on her own what a self-serving ass he was.
She might not have thought she needed comfort, but I couldn’t stop myself from reaching for her. My arms firmly banded around her, enveloping her in my warmth and pulling her snugly to my chest. Trissa melted into my embrace. The familiar scent of her shampoo—lavender and something uniquely Trissa—washed over me, bringing with it a flood of memories.
The world around us stilled as I held her for the first time in far too long. I stroked her back. This moment achingly familiar like no time had passed at all, yet the weight of the years between us hung heavy in the air.
Finally, Trissa pulled away, her eyes soft. “I’ve missed that. I’ve missed your hugs. I’ve missed you, Killian.”
Her innocent comment tore at me. I hated and loved hearing she missed me. The feelings I’d buried deep inside my heart tried to peek out from the darkness they had resided in since the day I walked away from her and didn’t look back.
She rested her hands on my chest. With her low heels on she was only a few inches shorter than my six foot three frame. “I’m okay.”
I pressed my lips into a hard line, wishing Peter were in front of me so I could punch him like he deserved.
“Really,” she insisted. “He didn’t mean anything by it. Thank you for worrying about me though.”
I gritted my teeth together. It wasn’t up to me to burst the bubble she wore, deflecting all of Peter’s asshole decisions.
She patted my pecs, and I fought the urge to cup her hand and hold it there. “It’s really good to see you, Killian. I hate that we just stopped talking to each other.”
My head jerked back. That’s what she thought happened? I’d walked away to preserve what was left of my sanity. She’d chosen Peter one time too many times and I couldn’t stand there and watch it happen for the rest of our lives. Maybe a part of me thought she’d come after me. That she would refuse to let our friendship die.
“Everything okay?” she asked, a furrow formed between her brow.
“Yeah, of course.” The words I wanted to say stuck in my throat.
“Okay.” She stepped back not looking convinced and stumbled.
As I set her on her feet laughter bubbled out of her. “This is why I barely wear heels.”
A warmth filled me at her laughter, a sound I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed.
Trissa’s eyes darted toward the entrance. “I should probably?—”
“You should probably tell me what’s happening with you and Peter.” The words came out demanding, and I had no intention of softening my request, or even knew why I asked. It wasn’t my business.
Her eyes narrowed. “What is going on with you?”
“Tink.” Her name came out as a plea, heavy with unspoken words and regrets.
Her shoulders slumped. “Nothing. Unfortunately, nothing. I’ve loved him for years, Killian. Ever since we were kids… After all this time, I thought that if I stuck by him, he would eventually see me as more than his assistant or childhood friend.”
A sharp pang hit me in my abdomen. I’d always known this, but it still hurt to hear it out loud.
I drew in a sharp breath, determined to be her friend, even if it was just for this moment. “But he doesn’t, does he?” I asked.
She shook her head, and a tear slipped down her cheek. “No.”
“You’ve always been too good for him, Tink.” The words tumbled out before I could stop them. Reminiscent of all the times I told her this.
She sighed, her gaze fixating on a painting behind me. I could practically see the gears in her head turning as she thought over her next words. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Little did she know I could deny her nothing. It had been the purest form of hell for me to walk away from her that day.
“Do you think that I might have the smallest chance with Peter? If I try a little harder, maybe change myself, would he finally see me?”
My stomach clenched into a hard knot, acid churning uncomfortably. Despite everything and the evidence to the contrary staring her in the face, she still held out hope for a future with Peter.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her no, to make her see she deserved so much better than Peter. But looking at that tiny thread of hope in her beautiful blue eyes, as much as I wanted to disagree, I couldn’t dash her dreams.
“Tris. Is that what you really want? Is pining for Peter making you happy?” I asked, not disguising the bitterness in my tone.
She bit her lip, a gesture so familiar it made my heart ache. “I think so. He’s been a part of my life for so long, and I’ve had these feelings for just as long. It’s hard to envision my future without him in it.”
I took a step back, her words like a million tiny nicks slicing my heart into a bloody mess. A heart I’d hardened over the years, and now with an innocent, unintentionally hurtful sentence, it lay open and bleeding. The spiteful retort skated through my mind, she’d been able to see a future without me in it just fine .
Her fingers loosened on my arms with the small distance I’d created between us, a slight frown marring her beautiful, clueless face.
I shoved down the irritating feelings that buzzed within me, keeping my mask of indifference firmly in place. “You’re amazing, Trissabelle. It’s time for you to find someone who sees that, who cherishes every little thing about you, not someone who forgets your biggest fear.” The truth sat like glass in my throat, sharp and painful. I wanted her to see reason. To realize what she had so callously thrown away so long ago. Me. And yet, I didn’t. I steeled myself, knowing my heart didn’t need to be broken unintentionally by her again.
She shook her head, not noticing my turmoil. “He’s just not himself lately.”
I hated how she made excuses for him. “I’m not sure how much I know him now, but I tend to doubt it.”
“He’s still that same guy underneath it all. He just lost his way.”
“Tink—”
“Please, Killian,” she pleaded. Her blue eyes beseeching me, filled with a mix of hope and desperation that tugged at my heartstrings. “I need my friend. I know it’s a lot to ask, probably too much after all this time, especially with how things ended between you and Peter, but I need your help to get Peter to notice me. I need you to teach me to attract him. I need you to be my–my love coach.”
Well, fuck.
How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? Anger surged through me directed at both myself and Tris. I should’ve told her all those years ago that I was in love with her, because if she’d known she would never ask this of me now.
“You know him best,” she continued on. “And I don’t know what else to do.” Her heartbreak was evident by the lines etched in her face and the tear tracks down her cheeks.
I shook my head, battling the urge to tell her to fuck off. This was Tris. She had no idea what her request was doing to me. Or that my innate desire to give her everything she wanted was at war with my common sense.
She misinterpreted my headshake. “You do. You know who Peter is at his core. I need you to teach me how to get Peter to notice me. Help me become someone he’d ask on a date. A real one.” A frown tugged at her lips. “Even with everything that’s happened. there’s still good in him.”
“I’m probably not the best person?—”
“You are. You knew us before he became famous. Before the drugs and partying.” Her fingers dug into my shirt, holding tight. “He and I have a soul connection. I can’t just give up on that. And I need to try one last time to get him to see me in a romantic light before I give up for good.”
With every syllable of her request, my heart squeezed tighter, sharp pain lancing through it. I wanted to shake some sense into her. To get her to see that Peter wasn’t the right guy for her and never had been. “I don’t know, Tink,” I said. My throat was so tight I could barely choke out the words. To buy myself time, I scrubbed a hand down my face, focusing on how the stubble roughly scraped the palm of my hand.
Tris’s teeth sank into her bottom lip, and her chin trembled. Gently she let go and brushed her hand at the crumpled fabric created by her grip. “No, I get it. It’s too much to ask. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I stood there, torn about how to respond. The logical part of my brain screamed at me to walk away, to protect myself from the inevitable heartache that would come from getting involved. But my heart, the treacherous thing that it was, urged me to stay, to help her, to be close to her.
“It’s okay, Killian.” Her soft hand cupped my cheek, the gentle touch sending sparks across my skin. “It really is. And I mean it when I say I’ve missed you. Maybe next time we won’t wait ten years to say hello.”
She was too damn understanding.
The smile on her face wobbled. “I hope if I don’t see you again though, that you know I think of you. I want you to be happy.” She lifted on her toes to brush a kiss across my cheek, and then she turned away.
My skin burned. Instinct drove me to reach out for her, to grasp her wrist tight enough that she had to turn back. The second it hit me what I’d done, I dropped her hand.
I’d never hurt her. Not willingly.
The words tumbled out of me. “Give me a few days to think about it.”
She nodded and threw herself at me. Her arms wrapped tight around my waist in an exuberant hug. With her face nestled into the crook of my neck, her breath feathered across my skin, sending shivers down my spine. “Thank you. You won’t regret this.”
Now I’d fucking done it.
As I held her, a sense of foreboding washed over me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this decision would lead to unforeseen consequences. Although, if I did the unthinkable and agreed to help her, maybe I could work Trissabelle out of my system once and for all. If time and distance hadn’t broken the love and desire I felt for her, then maybe helping her win the one person I hated the most in the world would.
Just then, a waiter bustled past us with a tray full of champagne flutes, forcing us to press closer to the wall. The brief moment of additional contact sent a jolt straight through my body to my dick.
As we pulled apart, our eyes met, and for a split second, I thought I saw a glimmer of desire in her gaze. But it was gone as quickly as it had appeared, leaving me to wonder if I’d imagined it.
Tris smoothed her hands over her dress. “Let me give you my phone number.”
“Is it the same?” I’d kept her number in my old phone even when I deleted Peter’s.
She nodded and gave me a wistful smile.
I couldn’t help but feel like I’d unknowingly stepped onto a broken rollercoaster, and my designated car was about to get thrown off the track.