Chapter Twenty-Five
TRISSA
D uring a break, a local DJ stepped in. I took a gulp of my beer and faced our mutual childhood friends. Jack, Archer, and Luke had been more than clear how much disdain they held for me. I was done with their snarky side comments and their undisguised dirty looks, which had only gotten worse in the ten minutes since Killian left. “Okay, let’s lay it out on the table. What’s your problem?”
They seemed to be just as surprised as I was by my blunt question. A sense of satisfaction swept over me at speaking my mind. It felt more right than every other time I’d backed down in life over the last few years.
Jack shrugged. “Peter’s a dick. He fucked Killian over. Why should we welcome you back with open arms just because you’ve convinced our friend here to blindly help you?”
“No he didn’t. Why do you think that?” I gripped my chair and shifted so I could face Jack head-on.
He eyed me with suspicion. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. The record deal, for one.”
“What about the deal? I get that he and Peter had planned their music career together, but it’s not Peter’s fault that Umbria wanted to sign him separately. Just because Killian turned down their offer doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have all been happy for Peter.” Why did they have to be such assholes about this?
Archer snorted as he rubbed at his five o’clock shadow.
I whipped my head around to glare at him. “What’s that for?” And why did I feel like I was dropped into the middle of an episode of the Twilight Zone?
“I can’t tell if you’re really this stupid, or just na?ve,” Jack retorted.
I wanted to throw my beer bottle at his big, fat head and then take a pair of scissors to his long hair. Even I remembered Jack’s ritual of not cutting his hair during the playoffs. Dick.
“Jack—” Luke began. His eyes, an enviable shade of bluish-green, looked discreetly towards Killian across the room. Thankfully, he wasn’t paying us any attention since he was in a heated discussion with the bartender.
“No, she fucked our friend over. She doesn’t get a second chance,” Jack snapped, then downed the rest of his beer.
“Did Peter tell you about the deal Killian was given?” Archer asked, using air quotes studying me and my reaction.
“Of course he did.” When Jack’s eyes flashed I knew there had to be something else going on. He pushed his seat back and before he could stand I put my hand on his arm. “Stop. Explain. I’m missing something and you need to tell me what it is.”
Luke stared at me for a second before asking, “What did Peter tell you?”
“That they signed Killian, too. He said Killian turned it down because he was jealous he wasn’t signed first.”
Jack slammed his hand down on the table making me jump. “And what did Killian say about it?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Exactly.” Jack leaned in so close I could smell the beer on his breath. I forced myself not to react. His attempt at intimidating me would not work. “He said nothing because they fucked him over and Peter lied to you.”
“Peter didn’t lie to me.” Peter might be a dick, but he wasn’t intentionally cruel. He’d been excited when they’d both been offered a contract.
But if what the guys were saying was true, then maybe it wasn’t as good as what Peter made it out to be?
“Always taking the golden boy’s side,” Jack growled. “I see nothing’s changed in all these years.”
“Shut up, Jack,” I spat. “I think the truth is somewhere in the middle.” And I’d get to the bottom of it. “Why didn’t Killian say anything?”
Luke leaned back in his chair. “He didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to hurt you or put you in the middle.”
“But … ” Pieces were falling into place and my heart hurt like someone had crushed me under a boulder. Back then, Killian hadn’t wanted to talk to me about the deal and he’d been so mad at Peter. I had brushed it all under the rug and hoped he’d come back to us after his anger settled. “So he walked away instead of talking to me.”
Somehow, that hurt even worse.
“What else was he supposed to do, Trissabelle?” Jack taunted. I hated the way my name sounded on his lips. “The dude was so fucking in love with you and you couldn’t see past your Peter love goggles. And Peter was too caught up in his ego he didn’t think about how Killian would react to a sub-par deal. So he decided it was better to just leave.”
My lungs seized, constricting so tight I struggled to draw in a full breath. The pieces that had been slowly falling into place clicked together to complete the puzzle I’d struggled to finish all this time.
My eyes darted between the three of them. “But he didn’t say … Why didn’t … Someone should have told me ,” I responded lamely. “Why didn’t any of you tell me?”
“Would you have listened?” Luke asked, far more gently than I deserved.
“Killian must hate me,” I whispered past a tight throat. “So why is he helping me now?”
“You don’t know?” Archer asked. Maybe it was the sight of my tears or maybe he felt a shred of pity for me, but he didn’t sound as pissed off any more.
“He keeps saying it’s so he can help me.” I rubbed my hands over my chilled arms. “I was starting to think that maybe he might want something more than just getting back at Peter, but now I can see how much I hurt him, so that can’t possibly be right.”
“He wants you to be happy, Tris. It’s all he ever wanted. And he’s probably still in love with you.” Jack took a long swig from his bottle of beer. “Why? I have no fucking clue.”
Killian had been in love with me? And still might be?
How could he still love me after all that I did to hurt him? It had been unintentional, but pain was pain whether it was on purpose or not.
I’d made such a mess of things.
“He doesn’t believe you’ll ever be over Peter,” Luke revealed. “He’s not going to put himself out there, Tris. When you chose Peter, you destroyed him.” His words hit my heart with the crushing force of a sledgehammer.
How could I have been so blind? I’d considered these men my friends so long ago. I realized something else. “I hurt all of you when I let my relationship with Killian just fade away, too. I’m so sorry. I can see how it looked like I chose Peter over our friendship now.”
Their tight lips told me that my betrayal still cut deep. They had felt Killian’s pain as though it was their own.
I had to try to fix this. “And while I am more sorry than you could ever know, I need you to also see I wasn’t given a choice. You’re right that I was blind to how Killian felt about me and I hate that I hurt him like that, but he made a huge decision that affected both of us, and I never had the chance to weigh in on it.”
Jack rolled his eyes.
His complete lack of empathy sent a flame of anger surging through my veins. “Fuck you, Jack. Seriously? You can all hate Peter as much as you want, and I’m pretty pissed knowing that Killian’s deal wasn’t all that great, but you all cut us off. You cut me off. Not the other way around. You assumed I fucked Killian over along with Peter. Well, I didn’t. I had nothing to do with that. I never wanted to lose your friendships, and I certainly never wanted to lose Killian.”
We’d all screwed up. If someone had just said something, maybe all this pain could’ve been avoided.
My misplaced pain pining for Peter.
Killian’s pining for me.
Luke squirmed in his seat.
Archer winced.
Jack, still unconvinced, wasn’t going to let any of it go or give me the benefit of the doubt. “You still chose Peter, whether you had all the facts or not.”
“Maybe I did,” I responded, my voice scratchy with the agony that Peter’s stupidity and Killian’s omission had caused. “But it’s done, and we can either get past it or not.”
Luke and Archer gave me a chin nod, but Jack stared me down. It didn’t surprise me that he was the hold out.
I stood and pointed to the edge of the darkened space. Killian had kept the old Quarters table. It sat at the back of the room with a few guys on either side. It was only right to ‘fix’ things —old school. “Let’s settle this like we used to, Jack. Playing Quarters. If I win, you need to stop being an asshole and let us all enjoy the night. Maybe even give me another chance.”
Not one to back down from a challenge, Jack flashed a cocky grin. “Deal.”
“I’ll get the quarters,” Archer practically jumped off his stool and headed to the bar.
My stomach lurched.
“You don’t have to do this,” Luke implored. “Jack will get over it.”
I shook my head with a rueful smile. He’d misinterpreted my hesitation. “Now that we’re older, I’m just starting to wonder why we never questioned the cleanliness of the quarter when it hit the floor and we reused it.”
Luke threw his head back and laughed. “You’re a brave soul,” he teased.
I lightly whacked his arm. I’d missed this camaraderie.
By the time we arrived at the Quarters table, Jack had convinced the guys already there to move along. Although, with their wide eyes and the way Jack was signing used napkins, I’d bet money they were hockey fans.
Jack held up a large red plastic cup and a small shot glass. “Ladies’ choice.”
I narrowed my gaze. “What are you? A candy-ass pansy? It’s always the big cup.”
Jack grunted. His sign of respect hadn’t changed much over the years. He placed it in the middle of the table. We stood across from each other while Luke grabbed another bucket of beer.
“How many until we determine a winner?” Archer asked, falling quickly into his old role of making sure we had the rules in place and everyone understood them.
“We stop at thirty.” I scrunched up my face to appear fierce and gave a firm nod. At this point. I was only pretending to be in total control of this situation.
Plot twist.
I was not.
Jack’s eyes sparkled with glee. Knowing him, he likely thought getting to thirty would be easy.
“But the caveat is we need to each have at least four sets of three in a row,” I added.
We’d always liked to tack on extra rules when playing.
“Done,” Jack raised an eyebrow. “If you win, I have to stop giving you shit. What do I get if I win?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. What do you want?” Show no fear and all that.
An evil grin slowly emerged on Jack’s face. “Peter’s lucky pick.”
I sucked in a breath. We all knew that at any given time Peter had one. I straightened my shoulders, not ready to back down. “Deal.”
Luke and Archer counted out six red plastic cups each, set them up in triangles at each end of the table, and filled them halfway with beer.
“May the best man win.” Jack high-fived Archer.
The competition started out slow. We each sank three in a row, twice, but as the game wore on and more drinks passed through our lips, the tosses got sloppier. I wasn’t drunk, but I did have to focus extra hard on the last few throws. By the time Jack finished his last toss, we were both tied for the four sets of three in a row and had well over the thirty minimum we set. Up until now, I’d been playing my best, but I knew that if I won, it would be a hollow victory.
“We need to decide a winner,” Luke reminded us. “Or we call it a tie.”
I tossed my hair over my shoulder, and pretended to slightly stumble. “I don’t do ties.” Luke was kind enough to prop me up and I grinned, hoping they’d think I was too drunk to be a threat.
“You good?” he asked.
I hiccuped and had to hide my grin when Jack shot me a smug look. “Yup.”
“Neither do I. No ties,” Jack concurred, and fist-bumped me, clearly forgetting we started off the night as enemies.
“Sudden death,” I crowed, a giggle erupting from my mouth.
“Yes!” Jack’s bellow had those around us laughing.
We’d named the sudden death round Turbo Quarters.
At this point we’d amassed an audience. I’d like to believe it was Jack’s loud boasting and my quiet determination that transfixed people over who might win. Although, it was far more likely they hung on because Jack and the other guys were famous. In the far reaches of my fuzzy brain, I acknowledged that a few people had their phones out, but I couldn’t find it in me to care.
We collected more quarters and made sure each of us had a stack of twenty. “Whoever sinks the most quarters in thirty seconds, wins,” Archer declared.
I sensed him before I heard him.
“What the fuck is going on? I leave for thirty minutes and you all get her drunk?” Killian’s voice boomed far too close to me.
I winced. “Shhh, it’ll be alright,” I assured him. “We have an important bet going.” I didn’t look at him. I needed to concentrate, and if I turned my full attention to the rock god just inches away from me, there was no way I would stop thinking about the secrets the guys spilled tonight.
I squinted my eyes, keeping up my ruse. Jack tapped the table, shifting a quarter between his fingers.
“Go!” Archer yelled.
The two of us tossed quarters like our lives depended on it. We missed more than we landed, and once we were out, we began grabbing whatever we could scrounge off the table and the floor.
Somehow my earlier concern of germs didn’t seem so important now.
“Time!” Luke called.
I turned to Killian with a grin so wide my lips hurt.
His stern gaze and crossed arms indicated he didn’t approve of this.
Oh, well. He and I had a lot to discuss later, but first I had to win over his friends.
Luke slowly counted Jack’s, then my quarters. When he finished he faced us solemnly.
“I think I won,” I said loudly, making sure to sound super confident, only ruining it slightly when I lost my balance and had to grab onto Killian’s arm.
Stupid heels.
“It was super close.” Archer beat an unsteady rhythm with his hands on the table as Luke built up the anticipation by waiting a few seconds to declare the winner. “I’m sorry to say Tris, but Jack won by a single quarter.”
“What?” I forced a frown to my face and pointed at Luke. “No way. You fixed this. Count them again.”
“Yes!” Jack did an unsteady victory dance. “Victory and Peter’s lucky pick are mine!”
Luke stacked the change in two cylindrical towers, and sure enough mine was short one quarter.
I couldn’t have planned it better if I tried. I bowed my shoulders, hoping I looked defeated.
“You don’t have to do this,” Killian reassured me.
“Fuck yeah she does.” Jack insisted.
“A deal’s a deal. I’ll get it for you,” I groused. Now I had to figure out how to get Peter’s pick without him noticing. Never mind after tonight’s confessions how much I was really pissed at him. Maybe I’d take the pick and tell him it was compensation for him being such an asshole.
Jack nodded. “That’s what I’m talking about! And just because I’m nice, I’ll stop giving you shit. Win-win.” He held up his hand and I gave him a lukewarm high-five.
“Gee, thanks.” I slid my arm around Killian’s waist and tucked my head into his neck. For the first time, I really noticed how his arm banded tight around me and wondered if maybe all along these displays of possession and affection hadn’t been for show. “Do you think he’ll lay off now that he’s won?” I whispered low enough for him to hear.
“You didn’t—” I should’ve known Killian would figure out I threw the game.
“I did.” I lifted my head to look him in the eyes. “It was the only way.”
He rubbed his hand up and down my back as he led me to the table we’d vacated. I loved how unlike when we were younger we didn’t have to worry about someone taking it from us just because we’d gotten up.
Killian motioned for the guys to follow. “Can we just sit and enjoy the music like we came here to do?” He didn’t hide the frustration in his voice. There was no doubt he’d let his friends have it when I wasn’t around.
He sat and pulled me onto his lap, securing an arm over my legs when I started to slide off to go to my own seat. “Stay,” he demanded. “Please?”
I bit my lip and gave a tiny nod. And now that I knew about Killian’s feelings for me all those years ago things felt different between us.
As the music started up again and the guys and I settled in around the table, I sensed a renewed respect from them towards me. The tension and animosity had eased, and while it was likely a temporary truce, I’d take it. We were all friends again. I hoped.
During a pause in between bands, Luke turned the conversation to me, “So, what did you go to school for, Tris?”
Graduating from college seemed more like a lifetime ago rather than six years. “I double majored in Business and Music Production.” I couldn’t help but wonder what my life would be like now if I’d known about Killian’s feelings.
Killian stiffened behind me. “When did you change your major?”
It had been after I started college and Peter had taken me with him to one of his first recording sessions. “After the first semester, I think.”
“Why didn’t you do anything with Music Production, then?” Killian’s tone sounded both interested and concerned.
“I needed a job and … ” I hesitated. Knowing what I did about Peter and Killian, what I said next would feel like I was throwing it in his face. “Peter offered me one. The money was too good to pass up.” We had zero extras at the group home. The security of the job Peter offered was like the call of a siren to me. It meant I didn’t have to worry about a place to live or if I could afford to eat.
“Would you ever want to get back into it?” Archer asked.
I shrugged. “It’s been six years. People usually get a job through their internship, but it’s been so long I doubt mine would consider me.”
“You could ask Jareth to let you intern,” Luke suggested.
I winced. “He’s not my biggest fan right now. But maybe at some point I could see if he might have openings.”
“I could talk to him,” Killian’s deep voice rumbled against my back.
Oh this sweet man, I wanted to let go and curl into him and tell him how amazing he was and apologize for never questioning why he left.
“I’m not ready for anything like that right now.” I slid my arm around him, my mind jumping with all the thoughts in my head.
I wanted to ask him why he never told me how he felt. When did he realize he loved me? Did he still?
Luke, always one to read a room, changed the subject. “Remember when Killian tried to crowd surf at a gig here?”
“Oh, God, yes! He ended up face-planting because there weren’t enough people to catch him.”
Luke recounted the story and had us laughing—him so hard he was crying.
I remembered that night very clearly. The guys made sure I didn’t drink when I watched them play, saying they didn’t want to contribute to the delinquency of a minor. I was pretty sure it was because they didn’t want to babysit my drunk ass.
“Hey,” he protested, a smirk belying the annoyed tone he’d affected. “I was trying to be a cool rockstar.”
“You never had to try, Killian.”
I think the man actually blushed.
Well. How about that?
As if embarrassed by the compliment, he turned back to the guys.
I loved watching Killian interacting with his friends. He was laid back and always had a comeback for whatever burn they tried to get over on him.
I’d missed this side of him. And tonight I saw the old version of him again—the one that was sweet and caring—before he became a badass rockstar.
I wondered what life would have been like if we’d gotten together.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when my phone buzzed with an incoming text. I pulled it out of my purse to check the message.
PETER
Call me.
“Everything alright?” Killian asked.
I tucked my phone back into a side pocket and nodded. With the way I was feeling about Peter right now, it was best I didn’t call him back until I cooled down.
I had a lot to say to him.
And besides, tonight was about Killian and me.