Chapter Twenty-Six
KILLIAN
W hen the guys left the bar, Tris and I lingered a little longer. The air between us was thick with unspoken words. I had let the manager know I’d lock up when we were done.
After the place cleared out, she wandered the room, exclaiming over the things that had changed and remarking on the things that had stayed the same.
Tris stilled by the stage. “Would you play something for me?”
“It’s late.” I knew my hesitation was because when I free-played my emotions let loose, and I had no idea what would come out.
“Please. Just this once.”
And like always, I couldn’t say no to my girl.
She’s not yours.
But she felt like she was mine. The deeper we went into this ruse, the harder and harder it got not to think of her in that way.
I retrieved the guitar I kept in the back office and settled myself on a barstool like old times, waiting until Tris sat on the edge of the stage in front of me. The second my fingers touched the strings, the new song I’d written began to come out. We were planning to record it later this week.
“I’m still working on this one,” I told her, “but inspiration struck, so I went with it.”
Shadows of the past, they haunt me still
Memories of your touch, a bitter pill
I built these walls, brick by lonely brick
Now you’re back, and my defenses are wearing thin
Is this a cruel joke or destiny’s design?
Can I risk it all one more time?
Second chance serenade
Playing with a heart that’s afraid
Missed opportunities and wasted years
Can we rewrite our story, face our fears?
Is this our moment to ignite?
Or just another lonely night?
I’ve been down this road, I know how it ends
Heartbreak and regret, unwelcome friends ? —
I strummed a few more notes and ended the song. “I’m still figuring out the rest of it.” I let the little white lie roll off my tongue. I’d finished the song, but the ending verse made it impossible to hide that the song was about Tris.
Not that I’d done a smashing job of hiding my feelings with what I’d already sung. Tris was smart. She’d probably figure it out.
I dared not look up and meet her eyes. This was an epically bad idea. I should’ve shut my mouth and refused to play. Now, I’d have to see her look at me with pity over my broken heart.
A soft sniffle echoed in the quiet space.
I chanced a glance up, exposing my vulnerable heart to what I might see.
Tears streamed down her face.
Could she know? Or did my words describe how she felt for Peter?
“That was beautiful, Killian.” She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“Tris … ” I snapped my mouth shut.
My insides were raw, like someone had tried to scoop everything out from my heart, smash it, and was attempting to stuff it all back in.
Fuck.
Before I could decide what to say next, Tris launched herself at me. I set my guitar on the floor and wrapped my arms around her.
“Killian,” she whispered against my throat, her voice thready.
“Tink,” I struggled to speak.
I held her tight to me, afraid to move or let go in fear of shattering this tenuous moment. No matter what she said next, I wanted to treasure having her in my arms.
Even if it was for the last time.
Because surely she’d figured it out and felt so bad for me that she’d find a way to let me down gently.
The warmth of her body heated mine. I sighed at this level of contentment that I didn’t know was possible. This is exactly where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with. I rubbed her back lightly as I concentrated on all the fine details of this moment. How her head fit perfectly just below my chin. How her curves molded to my body like she was made for me. And how her lavender scent seeped into my lungs.
Her arms were twined around my neck and she toyed with my hair. Did she have any idea the effect she had on me? Each innocent caress would make keeping my distance that much harder. My body trembled with the need to possess her, to make her mine. And if she didn’t let go of me soon, I’d beg her to give me a chance, just once, and damn the consequences.
The tension between us built and crackled like lightning in a stormy sky. She shifted, and when I looked down, the gentle swell of her breasts between the ties of the dress had me thinking about everything I wanted to do to them. And to the rest of her.
Fuck me. Why did I have to buy her this dress? I already knew what it did to me. But I wasn’t prepared for the jealousy spiking through me and the need to brand her as mine when I’d seen the covert looks men tossed her way tonight.
I wasn’t a saint, but I felt like one tonight as I forced myself to look away.
Tris’s heavy-lidded blue eyes met mine. The look in them was familiar and not all at the same time. I dared to hope it was longing sparking in their depths.
Need drove me to push the line. I’d craved her for far too long. I gave in to the desire strumming through me, a symphony, simple in its beauty and grace.
One that played only for us.
I let the hand that was stroking her back take charge, daring it to go lower. When it brushed the top swell of her ass, she shivered in response.
“Killian,” she whispered, her voice low and husky and her nose almost touching mine. “That song. Was it for me?”
My heart was in every single word and note of that song. I couldn’t lie to her. Not anymore.
I dared to give it to her straight. “You know it was.”
Her hands stilled at the nape of my neck. “When?”
I knew what she was asking. When did I realize I had fallen for her? “Fourteen years ago sounds about right.”
I wasn’t sure what was different about tonight that gave me the courage to do and say things I should have done and said over a decade ago. I only knew that I was tired of lying.
Tired of pretending I didn’t feel something for her.
Tired of wondering what if .
It was time to lay myself bare to her. Until now, I’d withheld my truth, and from the moment I walked away, I let fear win.
That stopped tonight.
I was done denying the feelings I had buried so deep. I thought I’d eradicated them—until I’d seen her again.
She blinked a few times and I was fairly certain she was doing the math. “You were sixteen. Why didn’t you say anything?”
I dipped my head to lay my forehead against hers. Opening up the wounds of the past was like stripping off layers of skin one-by-one.
It fucking hurt. “Because you wanted him.”
Her breath shuddered out of her. “But I,” her voice cracked. She leaned back and I realized her tears had soaked my shirt. “I wish you’d said … ”
“I do, too.” I slid off the stool and pulled her head to my shoulder. There were a lot of things I wished I had done differently. Especially in this moment as we stood together, finally seeing each other for what we could’ve been.
“I’m so sorry.” She pulled her face away. Her eyes shone. “You must hate me. No wonder you walked away. I was so stupid not to see how you felt. All these years … ”
“I don’t hate you.” But I did hate seeing her like this.
She traced my jaw, her fingertips skating along my five-o’clock shadow as she held my gaze.
It was almost as if …
No. Yet, it was right in front of me. With all the emotions we’d expressed tonight there was one missing.
I saw zero surprise.
“When did you know?” I asked, a sneaking suspicion beginning to weigh on my mind.
She turned her attention to the Quarters table in back.
Jack? Had that motherfucker told her?
“Come with me.” I led her past the stage and down the hall, into my office. After I acquired the property, I’d installed a shower in there and kept extra clothes in case I needed them.
She didn’t protest as I deposited her onto the small couch so I could find a washcloth and tissues. I wiped at her face with the soft cotton before handing her the tissues. Then I settled in beside her.
All of this seemed surreal.
“Why didn’t you say anything, Killian? Why did I have to learn that you were in love with me from the guys? You walked away and let me think our friendship had just run its course.” The tissue crumpled under the onslaught of her fisted hand.
“I figured by then I’d already lost you.” I took a deep breath. “I was an idiot not to fight for you.”
A fleeting grin flashed across her face. “Yeah, you were.”
I nudged her with my shoulder.
“So where do we go from here?” she asked. A frown tugged her perfect lips down, making me want to kiss it away.
“I guess that depends … ” I was afraid to say the rest.
“On what?” Her voice sounded a little higher than usual and hope shone in her eyes.
Or maybe I was imagining what I wanted to see.
I smoothed the furrow of her brow with a light kiss to her forehead and she didn’t push me away. “What do you want, Tris?”
She still hadn’t said anything about how she felt for me. The feelings we spoke of had been my past feelings. Neither of us had mentioned the present.
Her cheeks turned that beautiful shade of pink that I loved. “Well … I’m very attracted to you. And I’ve always cared deeply about you, Killian. It hurt so much not having you in my life.”
My heart lurched at her confession. “I’m attracted to you too.”
A shy smile appeared. “I can tell.” Briefly, her gaze flicked to my lap.
I grinned. “You can, huh?”
I was glad she’d cried her makeup off because her cheeks were flaming now, and I relished it.
She swatted my arm playfully. “I would like to explore what’s happening between us.”
“Good. Come here.” I tugged her onto my lap so that she straddled me. “I do too.”
“Then show me,” she whispered.
Her eyes closed. I lightly stroked her bottom lip, and instead of pushing me away or protesting, she drew my thumb inside her mouth and sucked on it. Hard. Then she opened her eyes, boldly challenging me to make the next move.
It was sexy as fuck.
My cock thickened and pressed up into the zipper of my pants. It too seemed to hope this was the day we got to explore the woman we’d loved for so long. I wanted her with a ferocity I’d never experienced.
Sitting like this, our height was even. I brushed my lips lightly over hers, still expecting her to protest. When she didn’t, I snaked my hand to the back of her head and gripped her hair tight, yanking her face to angle it into a better position for me to deepen the kiss.
We explored together, our teeth clacking from the intensity. Our tongues tangled as though we couldn’t get enough of each other.
It was hard to believe that after all the heartache that she was here with me, just as I’d always dreamed. My hands fell to her waist and held her tightly in place.
I was afraid if I let go I’d move too fast, and scare her away.
Tris tasted like the sweet, malty beer she’d consumed earlier. I moaned as the kiss ramped up until we were devouring each other’s mouths. This was so much more than our last kiss.
This time there were no questions that we both wanted this.
Needing to have her even closer, I slid my hand from her waist to her ass and gave the voluptuous curve a firm squeeze. Simultaneous tortured groans vibrated between us as her core ground over my aching cock. Even clothed, the slight friction was almost too much, and I was afraid I’d blow my load.
Tris lifted her hips up then slowly let them down. She tightened her thighs and moaned as she picked up speed, grinding against me. “Oh, God, you feel so good.”
“Imagine if we didn’t have all this fabric between us,” I husked into her ear.
She chuckled softly as my body and mind cheered for my deepest fantasy coming true. My hips rocked up, meeting each one of her thrusts. I didn’t care that I reverted to my horny teenage self, humping her with my clothes on. It didn’t matter. I wanted her any way that I could get her. With each frantic gasp, the rustle of our clothing, the moans that escaped our lips. I seared each sensation into my brain, demanding it to become a core memory.
Her whimpers grew louder as her movements became more erratic.
“Use me,” I growled into her ear.
“I’m so close, Killian, I’m … I want … ”
“What do you need?” I had to get her across the finish line soon because the way my balls were tightening, I knew I didn’t have long left. And everything in me demanded she come first.
“My nipples,” she panted each word.
With a growl, I used my teeth to pull at the strings at her chest and nuzzled my face between her breasts. The moment her tits were free from her bra, I sucked a dusky pink bud into my mouth. Wishing I had an extra hand, I slid one up from her ass and palmed the other, using my thumb and forefinger to pinch it lightly.
“Harder,” she groaned. Her hands dove into my hair, winding the strands and knotting them between her fingers. Pain tingled along my scalp but it only enhanced the euphoric sensation. She could yank all she wanted, and she did. The pain became pleasure as her hips continued their torturous assault.
A loud clang echoed in the air. “Is someone here?” she asked, her dazed eyes struggling to flutter open.
I groaned, pulling my lips free of its bounty. “It’s the maintenance staff. They won’t get to this hallway for a few more minutes.”
“Killian, we can’t … ” Her words were saying one thing but her hips were doing another as they continued to grind into my dick, making it so hard I could’ve pounded nails with it.
“You can. Can you be a good girl and stay quiet?” I licked and nipped at her parted lips.
Her pupils dilated further. “I can be quiet.”
“Show me.” I sucked her nipple into my mouth, biting down lightly and skimming my hand up her bare thigh until I reached the seam of her silky underwear.
“What’re you waiting for?” The slight whine in her voice made me smile. “Please, Killian, touch me.”
“That. Consent is sexy as hell.” I swiped my fingers through her dripping folds, then traced two fingers around her entrance.
“And you giving me what I want is even sexier.”
I loved this bratty side of her that was emerging.
I slipped my fingers in up to the first knuckle and gently worked them in and out, pushing a little further each time.
Her hips circled over my hand, trying to find an angle that would force them deeper.
Tink’s tight heat was going to make me come before she did.
“More,” she commanded.
I curled my two fingers inside her and rubbed them into the spot that I knew would drive her as mad as she was making me feel.
“Oh, oh fuck … oh, Killian.” My name on her lips stoked the fire of my desire to an inferno.
I didn’t even care if I got off. Watching her come undone was worth every second that my dick cried in unfulfillment.
Her walls fluttered and tightened around my intrusion, and I knew that she was almost there. The sounds of the maintenance crew grew closer, and if the way my hand was soaked was any indication, I think my little fairy might be a bit of an exhibitionist.
I pumped a few more times and sucked and pinched her nipples just as her body tensed and she emitted a loud, guttural moan. The sound of her coming on my hand—literally—was the hottest thing I’d ever seen in my life.
I wanted to burn this moment in my memory forever.
As the tremors from her orgasm subsided, her head dropped to my shoulder while she worked to steady her breathing.
“That was … ” she paused.
I pressed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. “Fucking epic.”
I reluctantly slid my fingers out from her.
“But you didn’t … Did you? ”
I slipped them into my mouth to lick them clean. “Tonight was about you.” Not my blue balls. I’d take care of them later.
I tugged up her bra and tied the string at her chest, then adjusted the dress over her ass and around her boneless body.
Her long slow blinks showed me that she wasn’t used to guys who didn’t expect her to reciprocate. I made a mental note to be sure she knew otherwise. Before I could say anything else, the door squeaked open and one of the cleaners walked through.
He stopped short, startled. “Mr. Hook I had no idea you were here. I’m so sorry. I can come back.”
“No need.” I eased off the couch, slowly, guiding Tris until her two feet were on the floor. I kept my arm around her waist for good measure. “No worries, man. We were just leaving.”
Tris’s shoulders shook as we snuck past him.
I sent a text to Max to meet us outside.
“Do you think he heard us?” She bit her lower lip, a mischievous twinkle shining in her eyes.
I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you mean heard you?”
She lightly hit my shoulder with an ineffective fist. “Shut up.”
If I’d known the night was going to end like this, I would’ve made sure we had the place to ourselves and compensated the staff well for the inconvenience.
Max was waiting outside the back door. On the way back to my place, Tris cuddled up to me while I ignored Max’s questioning look in the mirror. I tucked her in closer and laced our fingers together, still amazed at the intimate moment we had shared.
For the first time, Tris was choosing me.
Choosing us .
Yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that things could come crashing down any minute. And God help me, I was in deeper than ever.
With her sitting by my side, the taste of her still on my lips, I knew I wasn’t getting through this intact if she changed her mind.