Chapter 48
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
A flash of headlights caught Noah’s eye as he rubbed a sand block over a rough spot on a new table. Cassie was home. Not that it mattered, since he was leaving her alone.
Their last interaction had been terrible, and she hadn’t shown up for her volunteer shift at the rescue. Knowing that she hated him was horrible.
But what could he say? “Sorry, I’m in love with you, but I can’t be with you because the inevitable destruction of this relationship by me will result in the downfall of the family business I swore to protect?”
He went back to the table, sanding again to take his mind off the turmoil.
His emotions had been all over the place since the surprise therapy session.
He was reexperiencing the day that he lost Bobby against his will.
Flashes of stormy waves and snippets of Izzy’s cries infiltrated everything he did.
It didn’t help that a hurricane was now barreling toward the coast. But at least it wouldn’t make landfall until after Will’s Fourth of July party. It was the last holiday Bobby celebrated, and it was about to be Noah’s last chance to save the sanctuary.
He couldn’t say goodbye to Huck or any of the animals. It had to work.
The curtains over Cassie’s bedroom window fluttered, and she climbed out onto the porch roof with a book in hand. He turned away so he wouldn’t have to watch.
Minutes passed while he sanded until the table was smoother than the glass surface of a pond.
A sudden guttural yell came from next door, and he dropped the sanding block and was out the door before he had processed the sound.
Had she fallen?
But no, she was still on the roof. Staring at the stars while tears streamed down her face. Something was very wrong.
“Why are you yelling at the sky?” he called over.
She flinched and looked at him, startled.
“I’m sorry, I—”
“Stop apologizing. Tell me what’s going on.”
“You’re the last person I want to talk to right now,” she said coldly.
“Maybe that’s exactly why you should. Let me have it,” he said.
She looked like she was making up her mind, then picked up the red book. “Listen to this.”
He approached the fence to hear better.
“I hope my Cassie has the best life, and I hope someday she’s able to understand why I chose this for her,” Cassie read.
“‘She was so loved and so wanted. I wish it could have been the two of us against the world, but I never want her to struggle. The Thompsons will give her a better life than I ever could, and this way, at least she’ll grow up with her real daddy, even if she doesn’t know it.
I don’t think this hurt will ever go away. Eighteen years is a long time.’”
He furrowed his brow. “What did she mean you’ll grow up with your real father?”
“My adoptive father is my real father,” she said.
“What the fuck?”
Cassie buried her head in her hands. “Everything makes sense now. Everything. Reading this is torture. The life I could’ve had… Yes, it would’ve been smaller, harder. I wouldn’t have Sammy. But Elizabeth—she really, truly loved me.”
She looked up at the stars again, like they might have an answer for this hurt.
“Do you want some tea?”
“What?” She looked at him like he had just offered a live slug.
“Tea. I drink it at night sometimes,” he confessed.
“Um, sure.”
She disappeared back into the house and came through his gate a moment later. She followed him into the kitchen, where he worked on two mugs of tea while waiting for her to speak.
He set it on the table in front of her. She was running her fingers over the grain, lost in her thoughts.
“I’m sorry you’re going through all this,” he said lamely. What else was there to say? Nothing he could say would change anything.
“Thanks.” Cassie clutched the mug like she was trying to keep her hands warm.
Finally, she spoke. “All my life, I’ve been terrified of people leaving. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like if my mother—my own flesh and blood—could abandon me when I was an hour old, what would stop anyone else from leaving?”
He reached across the table and held her hand.
“And then finding out that she decided she couldn’t be that person for me, but she went on to have two more daughters…
And now she’s gone, and I never even had the chance to meet her.
I can have pieces of her through my sisters and her journals, but it’s not the same as knowing her.
Even you know her more than I ever will. And frankly? That just fucking sucks.”
He rubbed his thumb over hers. She was hurting, and it was killing him.
“And then you,” she began, and he tensed up.
“You do all this stuff for me and you punch out my ex-husband and you look at me like…” She sighed.
“And then we had sex, and I’m feeling all these things I’ve never felt before, and you just abruptly say it can never happen again.
But now you’re making me tea and holding my hand? What the hell, Noah?”
His hand tightened on hers. This was killing him. He owed her an explanation. “If I break your heart, you’ll leave, and it’s not only me who suffers,” he explained. “It’s the whole town. The sanctuary. Huck. The stakes are too high. And beyond all that, you deserve better than me.”
She pulled her hands back and covered her face. “So you can’t date me because your mom’s business could lose free medical care? I’m so fucking dumb,” she muttered.
“What do you think would happen?” he asked quietly. “If we gave it a real shot, and things fell apart because I’m an idiot who doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. If that happened, what would you do? Would you leave town? Close up your clinic and find a new opportunity?”
She debated for a moment. “Maybe.”
“See?” He moved to her side of the table and knelt down beside her. “It doesn’t matter how badly I want you. My mom’s right—I’m in no shape for a relationship. No matter how hard I try not to, I will hurt you, and in the process, I’ll destroy everything I care about.”
He brushed a hand over her cheek, and she closed her eyes.
“You’re acting like you have no control over the situation. Like hurting me is inevitable.”
“It’s not a risk I’m willing to take anymore, Cassie. You deserve a beautiful life. I was selfish and impulsive and…just completely intoxicated by you. It makes more sense to end it here, before it’s too late and the feelings are too complicated.”
“I got a job offer from the Maryland Zoo,” she said abruptly.
“What?” A flare of panic entered his belly.
She looked him in the eye. “I went up there and toured the facility today. They sent an offer over while I was driving back.”
His hands went numb. “Well, you can’t, right? You put so much money into the practice, and it’s not even open yet.”
“I know. But there are a lot of positives. I won’t need to be a boss—because clearly I suck at that. The offer is also my specialty and something I worked toward for years. It’s even full-time.”
“That’s it? Three pros? That’s enough to make you give up on your dream of your own business?”
“I would still come back and round on the animals, so you can relax about that,” she said.
“That’s not…”
She couldn’t leave. The thought of an empty house next door—no blasting pop music, no Taco tunneling under the fence, no Cassie on the roof watching the stars on a clear night—was unacceptable.
“This is your home now,” he said firmly. “You won’t even have a support system in Baltimore. Who will take Taco out when you’re working twelve-hour shifts?”
“I’d hire a dog walker.”
If she did leave, she would be safe from him. Fuck.
“Won’t you make less money?”
“Yes,” she muttered.
“You pivoted to companion animals for a reason,” he said firmly. “Why?”
“Well, I had to,” she said. “But…”
“But what?”
“I do love the challenge. The chance to do surgery and problem-solve. It’s a different muscle to flex. And there’s nothing like having a whole basket of Corgi puppies come in for vaccines. It’s bliss.”
“It’s a lot to think about,” he said. He got up from the table so that she wouldn’t see the emotions brewing behind his eyes. It was too hard to look at her. He rifled aimlessly through his fridge.
There was no good answer here. He didn’t want her to leave. But he couldn’t say that. She deserved to have whatever she wanted. And if she was gone, she’d be safe from him.
A hand landed on his arm. He turned to look at her, and there was need in those green eyes. She pushed him against the fridge, slamming the door shut.
She stood on tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. He was too much of a wimp to demand that she stay. But maybe he could show her.
He dipped his head and kissed her, pouring every unspoken word into this one moment.
He lifted her onto the countertop, like that first night in the kitchen when he had nearly lost control and kissed her. But the stakes were so much higher now. He was in love with her, and she was trying to leave.
He kissed her now, correcting the original moment.
A sigh left her lips, and his dick twitched.
He lowered his mouth to her neck, and her head tipped back.
Her pulse beat in her neck, and he traced it down to her collarbone.
His fingers went to the buttons on her pajama top, and he popped them open one by one, tasting the flesh that was bared to him.
The shirt slid down her arms, leaving her completely exposed.
She was so painfully beautiful, topless on his counter in the dim overhead light. The thought that he might never see her like this again was enough to drive him crazy.
He picked her up, pressing their naked torsos together. Her skin was so soft under his grip. She kissed him intensely, like she was trying to convince herself of something. She smelled like vanilla and heat and something he couldn’t name.
He made for the stairs, clutching her tight. She kissed him as he climbed, and he elbowed the door to his bedroom open.
He leaned her back onto the bed. She lay beneath him, hair spread out in a halo. He bent to kiss her again, savoring her breasts and the delicate softness of her skin. Her fingernails raked over his back, and the dents in her hips drove him mad.
She flipped onto her belly, rising onto her knees and welcoming him with a sultry look.
Every angle of her was more beautiful than the last. As much as he wanted to see her reaction to his every touch, it was easier this way.
He didn’t have to control whatever emotion dared to wander onto his face.
He committed every inch to memory, marveling over a sprinkle of freckles here, a small scar there.
He stroked her with deft fingers, eliciting a breathy exhale.
He didn’t want to let her go to roll a condom on, but she waited for him as he dug through the nightstand, looking over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow.
He dropped to his knees to kiss her below, making sure she was primed and ready.
Her thighs shook, and he stood to take her from behind.
A moan left her lips, and it made him even harder. He entered gradually, inch by inch. Finally, he was as deep as he craved to be. She was so warm, so perfectly made for him. He gripped her hips as he thrusted, slow at first, then harder.
Cassie was a fantasy come to life. He’d imagined her like this so many times since that night on the roof, but even his fantasies didn’t come close to the feel of being inside her.
He pulled out and gently guided her hips to flip her over. Feelings be damned, he needed to see her. He kissed her again, bringing his hand between them to cup her breasts. Every part of her was soft and warm, a place he wanted to stay forever.
She caught her bottom lip with her teeth, and he was nearly undone. He dragged her to the edge of the bed, pausing to kiss his way down her stomach before taking his mouth to her with long, slow licks, like she was a dessert he never wanted to finish.
He was so hard that it almost hurt. His body cried for release, but he needed to give her every ounce of pleasure he could first.
She fisted her hands in the bedsheets, and her back arched for a second before she let out a shuddering gasp. She bucked against him, sending a wave of pleasure over him.
He had an insane urge to stop and ask if she was sure she wanted to leave, but then she dragged him up her body and kissed him again. She skated her hands over his back and clamped around his ass.
“Take me, Noah,” she said breathily.
The sound of his name on her lips was almost enough to finish him. He plunged in again, harder this time.
They watched each other as he thrusted, one hand planted next to her and one tracing the curves of her body. Her fingers twisted in her hair. Her back was arching again, and she was rigid as an oak plank beneath him. With a swirl of his thumb, he sent them both over the edge.
The release was so intense that his knees almost buckled. He gathered her to him and rolled, collapsing onto the bed with her on his chest, still joined together.
He would give anything to keep her like this forever.
They lay together as their breathing slowed. He played with the curls draped over his arm, and she sighed contentedly. They stayed like that until they drifted into oblivion.