Chapter 50
CHAPTER FIFTY
Clouds were rolling in on the horizon, dark and dense, as Noah and Gloria made their way through the throng to Will’s backyard. Hopefully the rain would hold off long enough for everyone to get home safely.
He couldn’t tell what he was more nervous about—the outcome of the fundraising efforts, or a potential confrontation with Cassie.
Will was by the bar, as unbothered as always. He and his dad were laughing with a group of old men in expensive-looking polos and deck shoes. He was always the life of the party. And he had really come through for Noah when he’d asked.
He owed Will a table. Everyone, really. Lyra and Andi had rallied around him even though they were probably mad at him for pissing off Cassie. They had taken Will’s idea and run with it, working tirelessly to get all the pieces in place.
Everything was riding on tonight. He had locked in a contractor who had had a last-minute project fall through, but they couldn’t start without the funding.
He let out a long breath and looked around. Red, white, and blue decorations were everywhere. The stage had been erected, and the bartenders were setting up. Lyra was chatting with the caterers, and Andi was in the side yard rearranging auction items.
“Oh, are those pickletinis?” Gloria wandered off with her cane, leaving Noah alone.
He scanned the crowd for Cassie, but she was nowhere to be seen.
People started to trickle in, bopping to the beat of the cover band’s ’90s setlist. An absurd number of hot dogs waited to be grilled for the children, and a series of long tables had been joined end-to-end and covered in butcher paper.
It was uncomfortable, standing here in the middle of it all. All the attendees knew that the sanctuary needed money. That he had failed. And now he was begging the town to rescue them.
He ordered a beer and made idle small talk with Will while staff began to stream outside with steaming pots full of crabs. As uncomfortable as he was, there was no denying that the atmosphere was electric.
Bobby would’ve loved this.
The band ended a song, and Gloria’s voice boomed out of the speakers. He didn’t even know she was planning to make a speech.
“Happy Fourth of July, everybody,” she said.
There was a smattering of applause. “I can’t thank you all enough for coming together to raise money for the sanctuary.
It seems like it’s been one thing after another for the last couple of years.
I wasn’t sure how long we could keep going when we lost Patrick.
But you’ve all proven time and time again that we take care of our own.
Thank you for your generosity. And thanks to Dr. Cassie for almost single-handedly turning things around just when we were ready to give up.
” Gloria held a hand up to her eyes and scanned the crowd. “She must be in the bathroom.”
Noah’s stomach hardened. He should’ve known she wouldn’t come. Of course she wouldn’t, not after their conversation this morning. He still couldn’t man up and fucking tell her.
“Let’s eat!” Gloria said to the crowd.
People gathered around the crab feast table, oohing and aahing over the haul. People of all ages and statuses rubbed elbows at the table, digging into the bounty.
It was a perfect night, but it didn’t mean anything without Cassie there.
Another couple of hours passed while people placed their bids in the silent auction and kids laughed and screamed in the sea of inflatables. Finally, Will, Lyra, and Andi retired to the house to tally everything.
In minutes, Will hopped onto the stage. “Friends, I can’t thank you all enough for coming together for a good cause this evening.
There have been times in my life where I’ve thought about moving away, but Aster Hollow has something special.
It’s not the bay or the award-winning seafood pierogies.
It’s not even the uncommonly beautiful women who call this place home. ”
There were a couple catcalls from the audience.
“It’s the community. There is such power in this place. We might disagree on things like politics or which pizza is the best—it’s Angelo’s, by the way.”
“Hey,” said someone in the audience.
“Sorry, Giuseppe. You’re a close second.
Like I was saying, we might disagree on things sometimes, but at the end of the day, we’re a community.
A team. And we show up when there’s a need—whether that’s repainting the side of the steak house after those kids spray-painted a bunch of genitalia on it, or coming together to help our beloved animal sanctuary survive against crazy made-up fence laws. ”
Will put a hand on his heart. “I’m honored to live here, and I’m honored to call you my friends. Now I can see Noah’s about ready to pass out, so without further ado…” He made a show of unfurling a paper.
“Tonight, this community and all the people of the world who contributed to the online fundraiser have raised…$75,000,” Will said.
The crowd cheered. Gloria clapped a hand over her mouth.
Holy shit. That was more than enough for the new fences. With the income from all the new events they had on the docket, it just might be enough to keep the sanctuary in the black through to the next season. His promise to his dad had been fulfilled for another year.
So why wasn’t he happy?
The evidence was all around him. They owed all of this to Cassie. She had clawed them back from the brink of financial ruin while asking for nothing in return. Nothing but the truth, which he couldn’t even give her.
Everything in him screamed for him to go after her. To make her understand. To beg her not to leave.
Once again, he’d fucked everything up. Why couldn’t he just tell her the truth? This uncertainty couldn’t be worse than whatever the outcome was.
He was so fucking weak. No wonder he hadn’t been able to save Bobby.
Will called Gloria up onstage, but Noah barely heard what he was saying as he helped her up the steps.
The crowd cheered. The band played. Everyone was celebrating, but he felt like he’d chugged a bottle of vinegar for dinner.
An hour later, he and his mom drove home in silence. A stupidly large ceremonial check sat in the bed of his truck, held in place by a ratchet strap. It would probably blow away before they even made it home.
“All right,” his mother announced. “I give. Who pissed in your Cheerios?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The town just raised enough money for the new fence. We get to keep the doors open, keep your daddy’s dream alive. And you’re acting like Muhammed Ali just sucker punched your nuts.”
Noah was silent. He couldn’t handle another conversation. He needed to go home and swim until he couldn’t feel anything anymore.
They were almost to his mom’s home. Then he could be alone with his thoughts.
He pulled onto the gravel road that led in front of the house and threw the truck in park. She let him help her down, but the second he let go, she scrambled up and planted herself on his hood.
“Mom, what the hell are you doing? Are you trying to shatter your pelvis?” He reached for her, but she scooched away.
“I’ll sit on the hood of this truck until you tell me what happened,” she said.
He sighed. “I sort of told Cassie I loved her. And she left.”
Gloria blinked. “Oh. Okay, I can see why you’re upset. I imagine there’s more to it than that though.”
“She said she deserves someone who will tell her the truth.”
“You haven’t told her about Bobby,” she said knowingly.
“I can’t.”
“Can things really get worse than they already are?” she asked pointedly.
“They can. She’s also thinking about taking a job with the zoo in Baltimore. She said she’d come back and round on the animals still, but…” He shrugged hopelessly.
Gloria took a long pause. “If you really love her, you need to fight for her. You’ll regret it until your dying day if you don’t.”
Noah threw his hands up. “You said you didn’t want us to be together. That’s why I did all this. I broke her heart –and mine—to protect the damn sanctuary.” This was ridiculous.
“You didn’t tell me you were in love with her. That changes things, Noah. You opened your heart again after three years of darkness.”
She sniffed and looked up at the sky. Great, now he was making his mom cry.
“I love Cassie. And I love you. I know that if you’re brave and you tell her what happened, you could have something beautiful. Something like me and your daddy had for almost forty years. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Don’t let it slip away because you’re scared.”
“She’s going to think of me differently if I tell her the truth,” he said.
“She won’t. If anything, she’ll be relieved. She’s probably imagining the worst. Tell her the truth, Noah. The universe will take care of the rest.” She turned around and got a foothold on the tire before Noah swooped in to lower her down.
He walked her to the front door.
She paused with a hand on the knob. “Don’t give her up without a fight, honey. Be brave.”
He kissed her on the cheek and got back in his truck.
He couldn’t remember a second of the drive home. His mind raced the entire time. How could he make her understand? He needed to tell her the truth and trust that it would be enough.
The second he got home, he darted across her yard and hammered on the front door.
She flung the door open with a sour expression on her face. “What? What do you want?”
Taco didn’t seem to get the memo. He trotted over happily, wagging his tail so hard his entire back end drifted side to side.
Packing boxes were strewn all over her living room. She must’ve made her decision.
“Don’t go,” he said.
She dropped her gaze to the floor. “I’m not taking the job. But I can’t live next to you anymore. It hurts too much. And this way, you can have everything you wanted before I came to town—this house for your unwilling mother, and a quiet place where you can keep beating yourself up for eternity.”
“I’ll tell you everything,” he said.
She shut her eyes like every word he said pained her to the core. “It won’t change anything, Noah. I shouldn’t have to beg you to tell me the truth. That’s not how a relationship works.”
“Let me try. Please.”
She sat down on the edge of the couch. “Okay.”
He told her everything, pacing back and forth as he told the story.
When he finished, he dropped to his knees in front of her and took her hands. “I swear to you, I looked for him as long as I could. But he was just…gone.”
Cassie leaned back, seemingly thinking hard. “You’ve been torturing yourself for three years over something that wasn’t even your fault. You saved his daughter. She’s alive because of you.”
“She never would’ve been in danger if I’d watched her more closely.”
“She’s not even your kid. He’s the dad. He should’ve been watching her.”
Noah’s temper flared. “Bobby was a good dad. And Izzy is my goddaughter. If I had been paying closer attention, Bobby would still be alive today.”
She took a shaky breath. “Thank you for telling me the truth. I know that must have been really hard, and I’m grateful that you trusted me enough to tell me what happened. But all I’m hearing is you blaming yourself. You’re still in that dark place, and you think you deserve to be there.”
She stood and started pacing. “You refuse to look beyond this haze of guilt to see that Bobby wouldn’t want this for you.
You’re so desperate to atone for these imagined sins that you’ve shut out everyone in your life.
You’re hurting your mom, your friends, yourself.
They deserve better. You deserve better. I deserve better.”
She put a hand on his cheek. There was so much pain in her eyes. “I love you, Noah. But I can’t be with you. Not like this.”
He drew back with shaking hands. He ran outside, barely able to take a breath.
He had done it. He’d told her the truth. And the worst had happened. This was what happened when he tried to be vulnerable.
She was wrong, and he was right. He deserved this. He deserved to lose the love of his life because of the life he’d let slip through his fingers.
She was right to reject him.
He threw open his front door, hurtling himself up the stairs and into the shower. He blasted it on cold and sank to his knees, bracing against the spray.
He deserved this.