30. Drew
THIRTY
DREW
The puck slaps against the boards and Ford rushes in, pulling it toward him. He passes it to Roman and he crosses the center line with the puck ahead of him. As he passes it to me and I get ready to take a slap shot with Kai ready to stop the goal, all I can think about is Jules.
Jules and her concern that Kai must get hurt a lot because of the force with which the shot comes.
A whistle blows sharply before Coach Cross says, “Callahan, have you forgotten how to play or do you need a written invitation?”
I wince. “Sorry, coach.”
I make the shot and Kai stops it, just like I knew he would.
In a strange way, I’m happy for Coach’s admonishment. It means we’re officially back. He’s always a little harsher when the season starts, like he hates coming back here, and then he mellows out a little during the season if we’re playing well.
Roman pats my shoulder on his way back across the line.
“Everything okay?” Ford skates up next to me.
“Yeah, why?”
“Never seen you pause before taking a slap shot.” Ford peers at me and I look away from his assessing gaze.
I’m not ready to admit to anyone what’s happening. I haven’t been able to wrap my head around it myself and I need time before I start admitting it to people.
“Let’s run the play again,” Coach says. “Breakout into a neutral zone transition.”
“Oh, come on, Coach, we’re not fully training yet,” Reese grouches.
Coach zeroes in on him. “Take a lap, Miller.”
Reese groans.
“Make that two,” Coach calls.
Reese isn’t wrong. We’re not officially training yet. We always use these first few days to get back into the routine of being a team. That doesn’t mean Coach is going to go easy on us.
I was hoping that being back would distract me from the blonde in my house, but all it’s doing is reminding me more of her.
The look in her when she told me that I was uniquely me.
The way her scent surrounded me. The brief moment when her eyes fell to my lips and I thought she was going to kiss me.
Christ, I’ll do anything to have her kiss me. But I’ll keep my boundaries and respect hers, always.
My home is her home for as long as she needs and I don’t want her to feel even a little uncomfortable.
Right now, though, I need to focus. I can’t fail at being captain the same way I’m failing at ignoring Jules. It's my responsibility to set the tone of practice and if I start half-assing my through it, I’ll never hear the end of it from Coach.
As it is, I can feel his brown eyes on me, watching my every move. I get in position by the boards, ready to get the puck.
Everyone decided to get drinks at Archer’s Pub tonight to celebrate being back.
The pub is already crowded and half the team plus the Snack Pack makes it even more so.
Even Coach came out and he never socializes, at least not with us.
Not that he’s sitting with us. He’s at the bar, talking to Mr. Archer.
Jules is standing next to Lavinia, looking absolutely radiant. She has the biggest smile on her and I almost catch myself smiling at her smile. The jeans she’s wearing curve against her ass perfectly. She matched it with a red corset style top that does nothing to help my fascination with her tits.
They’re just so…perfect.
“What’s going on with you?”
I look away from Jules to find all the guys staring at me. Their eyes swing to Jules and Lavinia across the pub and then back to me.
“Did you and Jules…?” Reese breaks off, his eyebrows rising.
I roll my eyes. “No! We’re just friends.”
Although I never agreed to that, did I? I do want to be her friend. I also want something more. The two things are completely separate from each other and one doesn’t affect the other.
“You’re not looking at her like she’s just a friend,” Holden says. His blue eyes look at me knowingly.
“You look at her like I probably used to look at Lavinia before we got married,” Roman says, smirking at me. He lifts his beer bottle and takes a sip, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Guys, leave him alone,” Kai says, always the voice of reason. “It’s probably not easy having feelings for someone you’ve known your whole life.”
“I didn’t have a problem with it.” Roman shrugs.
“You’re a special case, Roman,” Ford says with a roll of his eyes.
“Do you think it’s obvious?” I ask, since the cat is out of the bag. I have to tell someone and at least the guys won’t share it with anyone. My eyes swing to Roman and I point a finger at him. “Don’t tell Lavinia.”
He looks like it physically pains him to agree to that. I get it, I wouldn’t want to keep anything from my wife, especially not if her brother tells me he’s messed up over her best friend.
“Fine,” he agrees with a grumble.
“If she hasn’t figured it out, you’re hiding it well,” Kai says.
“She doesn’t want to date an athlete,” I say.
“You could try convincing her?” Holden suggests.
I’m already shaking my head before he finishes. “I’m not going to make her think she’s been coerced into a relationship she doesn’t want. I’m not her friend just so I can have more. I’m not going to make her feel like our friendship is a stepping stone for me to something more.”
My eyes find her again and she’s laughing over something one of the girls just said.
“What if she feels the same way?” Kai asks quietly.
“She’ll have to say something because so far, she’s made it perfectly clear she doesn’t,” I say.
“So what are you going to do?” The question comes from Ford. I don’t miss the subtle glances he throws at Sage when he thinks no one is looking.
“Nothing.”
“I hate when two people who want each other can’t be together,” Reese says, his face falling.
Holden throws his arm over Reese’s shoulder. “So far, we only know that Drew wants her.”
Reese rolls his eyes. “But now Jules knows the lovable grump we know. Of course, she wants him.”
They all laugh at my misery and I can’t even blame them. “Just don’t say anything.”
“About what?”
I nearly choke on my beer as the girls appear at the table. The four of them look between us, my sister waiting expectantly for an answer to her question.
Roman gets out of the booth, wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her temple. “Nothing, Blossom, just talking about practice.”
Lavinia melts into him and I see the look of longing in Jules’s eyes. I want to reach out and grab her hand. Actually, I want to be back in Nantucket, lying under a blanket of fairy lights as her favorite movie plays on the screen and Bailey sleeps next to us. I’ve never felt more at peace.
“I saw it from the office, it looked bad,” Sage says, wincing slightly.
“Yeah, but it was just the first day, we’ll get back to it,” Kai says.
Jules reaches out, grabbing the edge of Kai’s sleeve. “Kai, oh my god, you have the scariest job. Drew took me to play hockey and until then I didn’t realize how fast the puck comes at you.”
Kai blushes under her gaze. Meanwhile my sister looks like her eyes are about to bug out of her head.
“You did what?” Lavinia asks.
Jules winces, turning to look at her. “I guess I forgot to tell you. Drew took me to play hockey after I moved in.”
Lavinia places a hand over her heart. “It would have hurt less if you’d stabbed me through the heart.”
“He gauded me into playing.” Jules points an accusing finger at me. “He said I was scared that I would lose so I had to do it. He taught me some things.”
Lavinia’s eyes move back and forth between her and me. “And now you love hockey?”
“Let’s not go that far,” Jules says.
Lavinia hums. “I guess we can talk all about it when you move in.”
The air leaves my lungs. I feel the guys glance at me and then look down at the table.
“You’re moving in?” I ask.
Jules shifts slightly, looking between me and Lavinia. “I mean, maybe? Lavinia thinks it’s a good idea for me to live with her. Them. Her and Roman.”
It’s probably for the best that she moves out. If she’s not around all the time, maybe I’ll stop looking for her in every room I enter.
“I don't think that’s a good idea,” I say. “She’s already moved once and she’s settled in. It doesn’t make sense for her to move to the love shack.”
I can’t let her leave. What the hell am I thinking?
Looking for her in every room and finally finding her in the best part of coming home.
When she’s sitting in a corner reading and looks up at me with a smile that brightens the whole room.
When she tells me excitedly that she reached her word count goal or solved a plot hole that had been bothering her.
It might make me a selfish asshole, but I’m not willing to part with those small moments just yet.
Elena snorts. “He’s not wrong. I don’t want to be around you two either.”
“We’re not that bad,” Lavinia protests.
“Yesterday, I found the two of you making out in the elevator,” Ford says drily.
“We kissed. Once. We weren’t making out.” Lavinia looks embarrassed while Roman looks entirely too pleased with himself.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “The decision should be Jules’s.”
Everyone looks at Jules and she flushes slightly, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
“And she shouldn’t have to decide right now,” I add.
“Drew’s right.” Lavinia squeezes Jules’s arm. “Whatever you want to do and whenever you want to decide.”
Jules nods, looking grateful that she doesn’t have to make this decision right now. Even if she decides to leave, I’ll have a few more days with her. Days in which I can memorize her presence and fill my house with her memories.
Do I sound pathetic? I feel like I do.
The girls retreat back to their corner and I escape the table to head to the bar because I don’t want to talk about Jules anymore. It feels wrong to talk about her when she’s not aware of my feelings.
Coach glances at me as I step up beside him.
“Can I sit here or do you need more solitude?” I ask.
“You’ll know how I feel when you’re in my position,” he says, nodding at the stool.
“I don’t think I’m going to be coaching the Titans any time soon,” I say.
Coach pauses mid-sip, peering at me with his knowing brown eyes. “I used to say the same thing when I was your age.”