30. Drew #2
“For a forty year old man, you sure do talk like you’re sixty,” I say. I wave at the bartender for another beer because why the hell not? Jules and I took a ride share together and she’s probably not ready to leave.
“Talk to me when you’re forty and you tweak your back getting out of bed in the morning,” Coach says.
I scoff a laugh. “I guess I have a lot to look forward to.”
I look at him closely. He’s only eight years older than me, but he’s got two kids and a divorce under his belt.
He retired from the Titans when he was a little older than me and came back to Coach at the beginning of last season.
This will be his third season coaching. Safe to say he’s got a lot more life experience than me.
“Would you ever date your sister’s best friend?” I ask.
Coach sighs, looking at me and then his eyes automatically swing behind us. I don’t even have to look to know he’s looking at Jules.
“My sister’s best friend is a gay man, so no, I won’t date him. Even if I am so inclined, I’ve met him and it’s safe to say he’s as crazy as my sister,” Coach says.
“But would you ever?” I ask.
“Depends on the friend, depends on the sister.”
I roll my eyes. “Can you try to be more cryptic? I think I can almost understand you and I’d appreciate it more if I can’t.”
“Just for that you’re taking ten laps tomorrow at practice,” Coach says. With a sigh, he turns to face me more fully.
“You have a good relationship with your sister. Jules has a good relationship with your family. You have to ask yourself if it’s worth the damage you can potentially cause to all these relationships.
This isn’t something you try for a few months and end if it doesn’t work out.
Not if your sister and mother start wedding planning as soon as you announce the relationship. ”
Everything he says makes perfect sense. I’m not worried about my relationship with my family. Hell, I’d rather they disown me for hurting Jules. I don’t want to make it impossible for her to be around them. My family is her family, and I don’t want her to lose them.
When I look at her, though, it doesn’t feel like a whim. It doesn’t feel like these thoughts and feelings sprouted from nowhere. It feels like they were always there, buried deep, like a magical flower that only blooms when the time is right.
“You’re a smart man. I’m sure you know what to do,” Coach adds.
I don’t think I do, but I appreciate his faith in me.
Jules finds me an hour later, still sitting at the bar. Coach left shortly after our chat because he had to pick up his daughters from his sister’s house. I’m watching the basketball game on the screen above the bar when I feel her standing next to me.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” I turn my head and find her looking at me wide-eyed.
“I might have had more to drink than I realize and I’m trying not to say anything stupid.”
I almost smile. “Ready to go home?”
She nods.
I pay the tab and she hugs Lavinia one more time. “We’re going to have to find a new place to record the show.”
“We can do that at our place,” Vin says. “We can set up the equipment in the spare room.”
As soon as our ride share arrives, Jules gets in the back seat and lowers the window. It’s only mid-August and summer is already threatening to leave. Her head drops onto my shoulder and I have to fist my hands so I don’t reach out for her.
I look out the window, letting my head fall back onto the head rest. Boston passes us by in a dizzying blur. Jules must fall asleep, but as we’re nearing home, she finally speaks up.
“Can I ask you something?” She moves her head until she’s looking up at me. Her face is a contrast of shadows and lights when the streetlights flood the inside of the car. She’s so close her lips almost brush the side of my neck.
I want her to touch me. I’ve never been desperate for someone to touch me as much as I am right now. One moment, one night. I’ll be whoever and whatever she wants me to be as long as she touches me. To be touched by her would be my ultimate salvation.
“You can ask me anything,” I say, my voice rough.
“Why don’t you want me to leave?” She stares up at me, wide-eyed.
“Because you’re comfortable here and you’ve already moved once. It doesn’t make sense to move again until you’re ready.” I repeat the same things I told Lavinia because they’re the partial truth I can say out loud.
Jules pouts. “Is that the only reason?”
The driver rolls the car to a stop in front of the house and I get out first, holding the door while Jules exists. I walk behind her as she leads us up the path to the front door, waiting while I unlock it.
We step into the shadowed entry way and I lock the door behind us. Bailey doesn’t immediately come running.
“Drew? You didn’t answer my question.” Jules stares up at me. Even though she said she had more to drink than she realized, she doesn’t look drunk. In fact, her eyes are clear as she stares up at me.
“What other reason could there be?” I ask softly. My head tilts towards her just a little.
She licks her lips, her eyes dropping to my mouth so quickly and then away, I think I’m hallucinating.
“Maybe…you don’t want me to go,” she whispers, her voice barely audible.
“That’d be a bad idea,” I say, reminding myself as much as her.
Doubt flickers in her eyes and she looks away, hiding them from me. “You’ll tell me if my being here gets too much?”
It will never be too much.
“You can stay as long as you want,” I say instead.
With a nod, she turns and starts to climb up the stairs. I head to the living room, my head dropping into my hands. I’m not sure how much longer I can continue pretending that her being here doesn’t affect me.