49. Drew #2
As the guys laugh, I glance surreptitiously at my watch.
Jules is hanging out with the girls’ tonight since all of them came out for the game and I’m waiting until it’s too late to go to her room.
Avoiding her and the situation isn’t the right thing to do, I’m aware of that.
On the other hand, I’m just not ready for what the confrontation is going to lead to.
***
The next morning, I find Jules in the hotel lobby as they’re checking out. We’re supposed to be leaving in an hour as well and heading to California and the girls’ are heading back to Boston.
Leaving her luggage in Elena’s care, Jules walks over to me, giving me the once over.
“I see you’re not grievously injured,” she says.
“We got back to the room late and I didn’t want to disturb you,” I say.
Tilting her head back, she stares up at me. It’s too dark in here to see the blue of her eyes clearly and I hate that. I’m quickly becoming obsessed with everything about her, if I wasn’t there already.
Every morning, I look at her and fall harder than before because she’s always new to me.
Jules opens her mouth, tilting her head to the side as a small furrow appears between her brow. “Are you…breaking up with me?”
“No! Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re acting weird.”
Shit, I am acting weird. Which means I have to tell her truth. Here, in the middle of a Las Vegas hotel lobby with people who are trying to win a fortune at the slots machine and the blackjack tables.
“Should we go up to my room and talk? Ford’s not there,” I suggest.
“Our cab is going to be here in five minutes.”
Right. Why would anything be easy? I guess we’ll talk here where I can feel my sister’s curious eyes digging me into my skull.
“Did you query my graphic novel?” I ask.
Jules blinks as realization strikes her. “I didn’t query it so much as I told my agent who knows someone who knows another someone. Did someone reach out to you?”
“They did, and I don’t want it published,” I say. I try to keep my voice and my frustration at bay. I’m not going to tell her that she had no right to do something like before I know her reasoning.
Jules crosses her arms over her chest, no doubt sensing my unhappiness with the situation. “Well, you’ve already published it. It’s not a guarantee that you’re going to get picked up because an agent shows interest.”
“You shouldn’t have done it in the first place,” I say. I keep my voice low because I have no reason to yell at her, not even if I’m upset by her actions.
“You weren’t going to do it,” she grumbles, crossing her arms.
“Because I don’t want it,” I repeat.
“Is it because you don’t want it or because you’ve convinced yourself that hockey is more important?” She points a finger at my chest. “Don’t lie to me.”
This is her way of showing she cares for me, I understand that.
Hell, I fucking pulled out her short story from the garbage because I knew she shouldn’t have thrown it away.
Our circumstances are different, though.
For me, doing the right thing has always meant playing the game.
The game has kept me out of trouble and it’s made me who I am.
If I can’t be captain of the Titans, then who am I?
“Hockey is more important,” I tell her. “I’m not lying. This is my career we’re talking about and I don’t want to play around with it. It’s who I am and maybe that’s not good enough for you, but I can’t change it. Why can’t you be happy with that? Why are you trying to force this?”
Jules rears back, looking struck. I regret my question almost instantly. Maybe my being an athlete means she isn’t able to trust me all the way, no matter what she says. Maybe she thinks if I quit, she’ll feel better.
“You are an absolute arse, Drew Callahan,” Jules says, anger flashing in her eyes.
“How dare you accuse me of not being happy? I’m forcing this because I love you and I hate to see you in pain and pretending that it’s just part of the game.
The Titans aren’t going to fall apart without you, I can’t say the same about your body.
Quit forcing yourself to play the game when your body is telling you to give it a rest. But clearly I’m the one at fault for thinking the best for you. ”
Her words strike me through the heart. Time slows down to a thick trickle like molasses and all I hear repeating in my mind is I love you.
Juliet loves me.
She loves me.
And she’s angry at me because I’m throwing undeserved accusations at her.
I am an absolute arse.
Before I can recover from the shock of her words and realizing I’m an absolute arse, Lavinia is pulling Jules away. “Our cab is here, say goodbye to your boyfriend. He’ll be back in a few days.”
By the time I’m moving, Jules is already walking away.
“Wait!”
I reach out for her, not realizing how far she is. A group of tourists arrives just at that time to start checking in, further separating us. I keep my eyes on her blonde head as I weave through the crowd and by the time I get outside, the cab is peeling off with them inside.
“Fuck!”
I thrust my hand into my hair.
What kind of idiot says nothing when his girlfriend says I love you? I don’t want the first time I tell her I love her to be on the phone after we’ve fought. Knowing her, she’ll think I’m only saying it because she said it first.
I’ll have to wait until we get back. Yes, that’s exactly what I’ll do.