Jules
FIFTY
I was worried this was going to happen and I foolishly let myself hope and feel a modicum of optimism because that’s how naive I am.
My adult card should be revoked because I’m as gullible as a child.
Bailey jumps onto the bed, nudging her head on my shoulder and climbing on my lap. I wrap my arm around while I scroll through the letter on my phone.
It’s a motherfracking lawsuit.
An actual lawsuit.
I’m being sued by my parents for unpaid rent on the apartment. If that’s not enough, my mother wants some of Gemma’s things which she’s claiming always belonged to her and Gemma had no right to leave them to me in her will.
“You are so lucky you don’t know who your real parents are, Bailey,” I say, burying my face into her fur. “No one will love you as much as Drew and me.”
I fall back onto bed, pulling her with me. She’s a giant teddy bear and right now, she’s the only one offering me any comfort.
The door to the room opens and Lavinia steps inside, still dressed in sleep shorts, a sweatshirt, and socks. She slides into the bed and curls her body to face me. After we returned home yesterday, we picked up Bailey from her parents’ house and decided to spend the night at her apartment.
The team played their game in California, flew to New York yesterday and played a game against them, and now they’re on their way back and have another game tonight.
“Drew is blowing up my phone trying to find out why you’re not answering his calls or replying to his texts,” she says.
Bailey picks up her head at Drew’s name, eyes brightening in excitement. I don’t blame her. My heart has the same reaction to his name.
“We were on the plane yesterday,” I say, as if that’s reason enough.
“Hmm. Did you two fight?” Lavinia raises her eyebrows.
“I told him I loved him and he looked at me I’d lost my mind,” I say. I wince at the remembrance of his face. Actually, he looked at me like he couldn’t believe I’d have the audacity to fall in love with him. Like I’d dare to do something so foolish.
He looked at me like he was figuring out a way to tell me I’d completely misinterpreted our whole relationship and I should have known better than to fall in love with him.
So, no, I haven’t answered his calls or replied to his messages. I’m trying to preserve my dignity and figure out a way forward.
“I’m sure that’s not how he looked at you,” Lavinia says. “It was dark and loud.”
“He looked at me like he couldn't imagine anything worse than me being in love with him,” I say.
I startle when a sudden black shadow jumps onto the bed. It takes me a second to realize it’s Salem. He slinks across the blanket, butting his head against Lavinia’s chin before curling in against her.
“We’re just two girls who fell in love with single fathers and their children,” I say.
“How can you not love these faces?” Lavinia coos, as she kisses the top of Salem’s head and reaches out a hand to rub Bailey’s neck.
“You know I don’t blame him for looking at me like that,” I say, shrugging a shoulder. “I’m never going to recover from the heartbreak, but it’s not Drew’s fault that he doesn’t want to love a woman who brings so much trauma with her.”
“Drew loves you, trust me,” Lavinia says. “He wouldn’t be blowing up my phone if he didn’t.”
A tear slips out the corner of my eye and I quickly wipe it away. Maybe he shouldn’t love me. Maybe he should love someone whose parents don’t hate her so she doesn’t have to hide all her achievements and live like a shadow.
“Well, maybe he should find someone better,” I say through the lump in my throat. The tears are slipping out faster than I can stop them. “Maybe my mother was right and I’m not good enough for him.”
Lavinia rises onto her elbow, concern etched on her face. “One thing I can say for certain is that your mother is never right. Me, my brother, and my family are never going to find someone better than you.”
Gently, she wipes away my tears with the cuff of her sweatshirt. “What’s wrong?”
Picking up my phone, I hand it to her. She already knows the passcode so she logs in and reads the letter, her eyes moving along the screen quickly.
“Motherfracker!” Her eyes jump to mine, big and horrified. “These people are batshit crazy.”
“Exactly.” I nod in agreement. “Which is why I say Drew should find someone whose life isn’t about to become a legal mess. Whose parents don’t hate her.”
Lavinia sits up, crossing her legs and placing Salem in her lap. Shoving a curl behind her ear, she raises her hands. “First of all, quit it with the defeatist attitude. That’s not how I raised you.”
I can’t help laughing.
“Second of all, my brother dumps you, we’ll drop kick his ass to Mars and be done with him.”
Bailey whines softly, pressing her nose into my neck and Salem places a paw on my arm in support. As long as I have the fur babies, what can harm me?
“Do you think he’ll let me have joint custody of Bailey?” I ask.
“When he’s on Mars, Bailey will be yours.” Lavinia tucks my hair behind my ear and grins softly. “You’re just being hormotional, trust me, I know you better than you know yourself.”
There’s a voice in my head telling me she’s right and I’m being hormotional for no reason.
Telling myself Drew doesn’t want me is easier than admitting that I’m the one bringing this mess into his life and he’ll be better off without me.
I don’t have the courage to break up with him, so I’m telling myself that he wants to do it.
“Why does your brother have to be so…” I trail off.
“Rude, grumpy, annoying? All of the above?” Lavinia supplies.
“Darling,” I say. “Why does he have to be so darling and lovable? He’s wonderful and creative and he makes me feel safe, emotionally and physically. Why does he have to be that way?”
“It’s a family trait.” Lavinia shrugs. “When we find someone we love them with everything we have.”
“Do you know I used to be jealous of your family?” I say.
“Your parents are perfect, you had grandparents and a fun great-aunt. A built-in best friend with your brother.” I shake my head, the tears threatening to spill again as my throat clogs up.
“I’ve already lost Gemma. Your family is the closest thing to one I’ve got left. What if I lose them, too?”
Tears spill down Lavinia’s cheek and she wipes them away. Reaching for my hand, she sandwiches it between her own. “You’re never going to lose us. I’d sooner replace my whole family than lose you, okay? Trust me when I say you’re stuck with me.”
I rest my forehead on her shoulder as we sit in the semi-darkened room, our fur babies smooshed between us. Lavinia runs a hand through my hair softly.
“Have you ever looked through Gemma’s things?” Her words are a quiet whisper.
My heart thuds against my chest. “Not since we packed it all up.”
I’m ashamed to admit that I barely remember anything my aunt owned. I couldn’t stand to be surrounded by her things after she’d just passed, so I’d packed it all up and put it in storage. Through the heavy cloud of my grief, I didn’t pay attention to what we were packing.
I couldn’t stop thinking how fickle life is. One day you’re here, living with your things. The next you’re gone and everything you owned is nothing more than junk left behind. A whole life packed into boxes.
“I’m afraid if I open her things, I’ll bawl my eyes out,” I say quietly.
“We’ll go together,” Lavinia says firmly. “Better to give her what she wants than to let her continue her terror.”
“She’s never going to stop.” I shake my head, knowing that my mother is the kind of person who’ll take your whole arm if you offer her your hand for support. She wouldn’t care that you’re losing your balance. Proving that she’s the center of everything is more important to her.
“Which is where the next part comes in,” Lavinia says. Her eyes bounce between mine when I sit up to look at her. “You’re going to file a restraining order.”
I sigh. “We’ve already tried that, remember?”
I tried to file a restraining order against my mother, but since there was never any physical sign of abuse and I’d lived with Gemma most of my life, the lawyer said it would never happen.
“That was before,” Lavinia says. “Frankly, we never should have trusted a man’s opinion because some of them don’t even believe in abuse.
We’re going to talk to Ford and we’re going to get an Everett family lawyer.
Those women are sharks and they can smell blood in the water.
Trust me, you’re going to get your restraining order. ”
The spark of confidence in her eyes makes my own spine straighten a little. I don’t want to hope, but I’m tired of fighting this useless battle that’s mentally and emotionally draining me and has been for years.
“We have to go through Gemma’s things, though,” Lavinia says softly. “I can do it if you don’t want to.”
I squeeze her hand for fortitude. “No, we’ll do it together. I don’t think Gemma would have liked her life being put away in boxers, but I hope she understands why I had to do it.”
“She loved you so much,” Vin says, her face softening. “Of course she understands.”
We shower and get dressed, me in a dark green Titans hoodie which I’ve stolen from Drew, as is my right as his girlfriend. As soon as I pull it on, I’m drowning in his scent and I know I’m hormotional when it makes me want to cry.
As a general rule, I don’t cry. Sad movies and books make me laugh, maybe because I’m desensitized, maybe because I’m a psychopath, who knows. The last time I truly properly cried was when Gemma died and after I realized what Travis had been doing.
He’s the reason why I’m wary of people touching me.
Before Drew, I’ve had men consider me broken because I value consent in a relationship.
They try to use my sexual assault as a way to explain away my quirks and personality, made me feel like less of a woman because a man thought he had the right to my body while I was inebriated.
Don’t even get started on the men who thought my dating him gave Travis all the consent and he shouldn’t have had to constantly ask for it.