Jules #2
That told me everything I needed to know about how these men went about in society and really the male loneliness epidemic needs to be bigger than it is.
I stopped telling people the truth until Drew. He didn’t make me feel like I’m less, like I was at fault. He didn’t question what I said or did. He believed me, comforted me, and made me feel safe. Is it any wonder I fell in love with him when he made it possible for me to do so?
I thought he might love me as well. Until he looked at me like I was a silly, stupid child for having the audacity to fall in love with him.
And okay, yes, maybe I shouldn’t have told my agent about his work. I didn’t think she was going to start the ball rolling on acquiring him. I’ve been in this industry for long enough to know that’s not how shit works. It’s never as easy as some people want to think.
Drew doesn’t know that he got lucky, but I do.
If it was my decision, I’d absolutely want him to take the opportunity because it’s a lot easier than worrying about him.
I wish he’d realize that he’s got so much more to offer than being a hockey player.
That he can be who he wants to be without being stuck in this one tiny box.
That being messy doesn’t mean he’s a failure.
We take my car to the storage facility since it’s an SUV and both Bailey and Salem can easily ride in the back plus we can add any boxes we want to take from storage.
Lavinia takes Salem for walks now and seeing the little guy on his leash is the cutest thing ever.
Buffy and Sabrina, their other two cats, refuse to lower their standards and go on walks.
“Ready?” Lavinia turns to me when I park the car.
Taking a deep breath, I nod and unclick my seat belt. I’ve driven past the facility in the last ten years, but I haven’t stepped foot inside once. A few years ago, there was a major flood and the manager called us to check on the items so Lavinia came in for me.
“I have it written in my will that everything goes to you, including the contents of the storage locker,” I say, as we enter the facility.
It’s eerily quiet and I’m glad we brought Bailey and Salem for company.
“You have a will?” Lavinia asks.
I nod. “Gemma was only a few years older than us when she died. If she didn’t have a will, I’d probably still be stuck in litigation with my mother. I don’t want my parents to suddenly show up if anything happens to me. You’re the executor of my will.”
“How come you didn’t tell me before?”
“As a general rule, my death is not something I like to think about,” I reply.
“It’s not something I like to think about, either,” Lavinia says, hooking her arm through mine.
“No, we’re going to grow old together. Roman and I will buy a house next to you and Drew and we’ll have a big shared yard with a pool.
There will be plenty of space for Bailey to run around and the kitties to sun themselves.
Our kids are going to grow up next to each other. ”
There’s a wistful to her voice as she paints our bright and happy future.
“That’s if your brother doesn’t break up with me,” I say.
Lavinia’s face falls.
We come to a stop in front of the storage unit and I stare at the door. Behind it are memories of my aunt that I’ve locked away for so long because it hurts to think about them.
I pull the key out of my purse, my hand shaking slightly. Lavinia reaches out and takes the key before walking to the lock. She looks over her shoulder at me, waiting for me to offer my agreement. I nod once.
Unlocking the door, she steps back and I help her pull the shutter up. I’m immediately surrounded by the scent of lemon and verbena, still as sharp and bright as it used to be when Gemma was still alive.
I look at Lavinia just as she looks at me.
“Gemma,” we both say at the same time.
She reaches for my hand, squeezing it. We walk inside and I’m not even sure where to start. I’m sure there’s absolutely nothing of my mother here. Their styles were completely different and anything that Gemma appreciated, my mother would have called “kitchsy” and not in a good way.
Her sewing mannequin is standing in the back from when Gemma decided she could sew. She sewed mine and Lavinia’s prom dresses.
“I don't know how she did it, but that prom dress is still one of my favorites,” Lavinia says. Her voice is soft with sadness.
“Look at this,” I say, opening a box. “It’s all her supplies from when she was into making beaded bracelets.”
“These are all her books,” Lavinia says, opening another box. Reaching in, she pulls one out and raises her eyebrows. “The Kamasutra?”
“What? She used it as a coaster.”
We hold eye contact for exactly zero point five seconds before we burst out laughing. Bailey barks and Salem meows, jumping onto a box.
I look around at the boxes. “It doesn’t feel as overwhelming and sad as I thought it might. At the same time, I know I’m going to open a box and stumble upon something that’s going to make me cry.”
“Crying is better than keeping it all in,” Lavinia says. “You have to let the wound heal.”
We open more boxes, reminiscing over all things Gemma. The more of her stuff I see and touch, the more I realize that maybe the wound of her passing unexpectedly has healed. I miss her and I’ll never stop missing her, but it’s not as painful to be around her memories.
I open a box which is full of her cross-stitch things and start to close it again when something catches my eye at the very bottom of the box.
I dig in and pull it out, holding the frame in my hand.
It used to hang in our living room, directly across from the door so it was the first thing you saw as soon as you walked in.
It took her months to cross-stitch these words.
The world will call you beautiful to keep you docile. Don’t forget you’re an absolute beast.
The memories come flooding in like someone has shone a light into a dusty, dark room.
It’s Drew, standing next to me as we both stare up at this cross-stitch.
He’s tall and lanky, his hair a mess, glasses perched on his nose, his voice still has that squeakiness where it’s just starting to change from boy to man.
“Does that mean you’re a beast, Juliet?”
His eyes were the brightest shade of green behind his glasses.
“I’m absolutely a beast, and you should be terrified of me.”
He nodded, his eyes never leaving me. “I promise to be terrified of you, if you promise to always be an iridescent beast.”
Turning, I look at the garment racks. Gemma’s clothes are carefully preserved behind garment bags like she’s going to come back for them any day now. I walk over to them and start flipping through the bags.
“What are you looking for?” Lavinia asks. Bailey and Salem are curled up on the faux fur rug, watching us.
“It’s a dress,” I say, distracted. I know it’s here. I know she showed it to me. I was maybe fifteen and we were sitting in her room. It was summer and the sun was streaming in through the window. The material of the dress glowed like a pearl.
I still remember feeling appalled at what she’d suggested, but maybe she’d known something I’d never seen before.
My hand stumbles across the dress and I pull it out, my breath caught in my throat.
“It’s beautiful,” Lavinia says, when I unzip the garment bag.
“She wanted me to wear this when Drew and I got married,” I whisper. For all that she told me to stay away from him, my aunt was a big fan of his.
“What?” Lavinia looks struck by my words.
I shake my head in disbelief. I can’t believe I actually forgot this.
“I was fifteen and we were talking about boys. I asked her if she ever wanted to get married and she said no, but she knew that I would one day and she knew who I’d marry.
Then she pulled out this dress and said I should wear it when I marry Drew. ”
I laugh a little. “I’d never been so appalled in my life.
I told her my chances of marrying Drew are about as high as me becoming the Queen of England.
” I look up at Lavinia. “She told me to have faith because Drew might surprise me one day. Then she told me to stay away from him because he might break my heart.”
Lavinia and I look down at the dress. “What you’re telling me is, my brother has been in love with you for longer than any of us, including Drew, have realized?”
“I don’t know. This is Gemma we’re talking about, she could have just been daydreaming.”
“But you and Drew are together now, you’re in love. Maybe Gemma saw something neither of us had before.”
There are a lot of ifs, ands, and buts here. Gemma was a romantic at heart. I got my love of romance novels from her, it’s why I use her name as my nom de plume. Maybe I’m trying to make more of the situation than there needs to be. It almost feels a little too magical.
“There’s only one person who can solve this dilemma,” Lavinia says.
“If I get so much as I hint that he’s about to break-up with me, I’m going to break-up with him first,” I say.
“You have my blessing.”
I look down at the dress, running my hand over the silky material. My heart jumps at the idea of trying it on, of the possibility of Gemma being right. It’s such a silly little fantasy, but I suddenly so badly want it to be real.