Chapter 36
“Are you okay with being in the Manor?” Hope asked gently. “As long as you don’t have to go in your room?”
I tried to think about that. “I can handle being in the Manor,” I said. “When I’m not in my room, I can forget, mostly. I don”t think about it. When I”m in my room, it”s all I can—” I stopped short. I didn”t want to keep talking about this. I’d never wanted all of them to know, and now that they did, I was done.
“You can’t stay at the inn,” Griffen said. “And the hunting cabin—” He shook his head. “Aside from it being too far out to be practical to live in, it”s also too hard to secure. But you don”t have to go in that room again, Quinn. Not ever. This is a fucking forty-thousand-square-foot house. We’ll find another option.”
“What if you take my room?” Finn asked. I shifted to see Finn and Savannah standing in the doorway to the butler”s pantry. They must have come straight up when Thatcher got to the kitchen.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I moved into the cottage with Savannah and Nicky,” Finn said. “I took all the stuff I wanted out of the room. It”s just sitting there. It”s a totally different layout than your room, different colors, and it’s on the opposite side of the hall, so it has a different view. And it’s closer to the head of the stairs, so you wouldn’t even have to go past your old room. It would need new furniture, but—” He looked at Savannah. “There”s stuff in the attics, right?”
“Plenty,” she said. “We could probably furnish this house another time over with everything that”s in the attics.” Savannah tilted her head to the side, thinking. “Finn”s room has those dark blue walls with white trim, and that pretty rug with the vines woven in it. More Quinn’s style than Finn’s anyway.” She looked to Parker. “There”s that sofa we”ve been trying to figure out what to do with.” She looked at me. “It”s a twin to the one in the gatehouse, in the same lovely mustard green.” She rolled her eyes.
“Do you think that would work?” Hope asked, and the understanding in her eyes nearly broke me.
“I don”t know,” I said as honestly as I could. “But I think I should try.”
Tenn pushed back his chair and stood. “None of us has anything to do for the next few hours. I bet we can get everything switched out while you two pack your stuff.”
“It”s already packed,” Hawk said. “But let”s go upstairs and take a look. Then maybe you,” he said, looking down at me, “can go with Parker to the attics and see what you like.” Quietly, too low for anyone to overhear, Hawk said, “Do you want this? If you don’t, we’ll figure out something else.”
Truthfully, I wasn’t sure this would work. Could it really be as simple as moving down the hall into another room? But there were two very good reasons I had to try. First, Heartstone Manor was my home. I didn”t want that creepy asshole, that nightmare from my childhood, to scare me away for the rest of my life. This was my house, not his. My family was here, and I didn”t want to be afraid anymore. I wanted a place under this roof, and my family was ready to give it to me. I had to try.
And second, Griffen and Hawk were right. Heartstone Manor was the safest place in Sawyers Bend. Safer than the gatehouse. Far safer than the cabin or the inn. This wasn’t over. It wouldn’t be over until we caught the man who’d attacked me. And I had a lot to live for. I’d always had a lot to live for, but now I had Hawk. We had a cat. We had a life. I was in love with him. I was pretty sure he was in love with me. He definitely seemed happy to keep me around. I wasn’t going to risk any of it by getting myself killed. Not out of fear.
“I don”t know if I can do it,” I said in a whisper. “But I can try. I want to try.”
Hawk wrapped his arms around me, tucking me into his chest, my forehead against his warm neck. “We”ll try,” he said in my ear. “And if it doesn”t work, we”ll figure out something else. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Hawk’s arms tightened around me before he let me go. “All right,” he said to the room. “Let”s go do some decorating.”
I let out a surprised laugh at words I never thought I”d hear out of Hawk”s mouth.
Parker stood and sprung into action. She’d always been organized, smart, and had great taste, even when we were kids. But until Griffen put her in charge of renovations around the estate, I”d never seen her bossy side. Not like this. She was a pint-sized general.
To Savannah, she said, “Why don’t you direct traffic upstairs while I take Quinn to go through the furniture options.”
“I”m on it,” Savannah said, heading for the stairs.
Parker rounded the table, stopping in front of me and Hawk. “I’ll get the gatehouse done as quickly as I can,” she said to me, her eyes brimming with fresh tears.
I leaned in to hug her tight. “I know you will. Don’t cry, Parker. Please. You weren’t even here.”
“Not at the end,” she said quietly, “but I was here when it started. I should have seen it was more. I should have?—”
“Please, don’t take this on, Parker. It’s not your fault. The only ones to blame are Prentice and his asshole friend.”
She shook her head, wiping away her tears. “I’m going to make you a sanctuary in Finn’s room. In your new room. It’s bigger than yours, and the bathroom is in decent shape.” She wiped at her face again and looked at Hawk. “I have a few beds upstairs, but they’re all queens, and I don’t have a decent queen mattress available, or extra bedding. Can you and Griffen bring that stuff over from the gatehouse? Quinn and I will go to the attic and pick what she likes.”
“We’re on it,” Hawk said after giving me a long look to make sure I was all right.
I wasn’t sure if I was, but I was willing to follow Parker to the attics and see how it went. I nodded, and he left, meeting Griffen in the front hall.
Parker turned to Nash, Tenn, and Finn. “You three can empty Finn’s room. Savannah will show you where to store his things.” Her eyes swept up Sterling, Hope, Scarlett, and me. “Let’s go help Quinn pick a bed. And I think the armoire. Or maybe the bookshelf?—”
We followed her up to the attics, listening to her mumble furniture options as she climbed the stairs. Before I knew it, we were in front of a stack of disassembled beds leaning against a wall in one of the attic storage rooms.
“These are all queens,” Parker said. “I think the black iron would look good, but—” She pulled on the black iron frame, leaning it away from a wooden frame behind it. “I think this might be more your style.”
She revealed a bed that looked like it was made of tree limbs. The headboard was tall, framed in bark-covered logs about three inches in diameter and filled with narrower, peeled limbs crisscrossing to fill the space. I reached out to touch, expecting to find the wood delicate, but it was strong under my fingers.
“It has a low footboard, so there’s plenty of room to stretch out. And there’s a matching desk, armoire, and bookcase. When I found it, I thought of you,” Parker said.
“It’s beautiful,” Sterling said, reaching out to run a finger over the lacquered bark. “Why is it up here?”
Parker shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess someone decided it’s too rustic for the house, but?—”
“I love it,” I said. Whoever had banished it to the attics was right, it was too rustic for Heartstone. But so was I. And I knew Hawk would love it, too.
“Perfect. Then let’s go look at some artwork. Finn still has all those posters on the walls.” Parker wrinkled her nose. There was no world in which Parker thought posters tacked up on the walls was appropriate decor. “Hope and I found some beautiful landscapes of the mountains. And one of a fox I think you’ll love.”
By the time we were done selecting the paintings, a few end tables and a desk chair, Finn, Tenn, and Nash had the room empty of everything but the rug. Savannah was running the vacuum when we came in, our arms filled with everything we could carry down on the first trip. I only flinched a little as I turned down the hall, my eyes skipping to my old bedroom door, barely seeing it from Finn’s room. No, not Finn’s room. My room.
I stopped beside Savannah. When she turned off the vacuum, I said, quietly enough that no one heard under Parker giving orders, “Later, can you have someone empty my room? I want it erased. A blank slate. Can you?—?”
Savannah gave me a quick hug. “Absolutely. I won’t throw any of your things away. I’ll pack those up in case you want them someday. But I’ll get rid of the furniture, the rug, and the drapes, and paint the walls. Is that good?”
I nodded. The idea of it lightened the weight on my heart. I wanted that furniture, that bed, out of the house, somewhere far, far away. “Thank you,” I said.
In answer, Savanah just gave me another hug.
Parker stood beside the doorway, pointing and calling out orders as Finn, Tenn, Griffen, and Hawk carried, arranged, and assembled. It wasn’t long before they had the bed set up with our mattress and bedding from the gatehouse. The couch was, in fact, identical to the one we’d left behind, just as Parker and Savannah had said. The mustardy green velvet was as ugly as its twin, but it felt like home.
The room was more than big enough, with plenty of space for the bed, the couch, and a coffee table, along with an area for the desk and bookcase and an armoire for extra storage. Not that we’d need it. The closet was huge in comparison to the gatehouse, and the bathroom was three times the size.
I unpacked our things while my sisters and the guys hung the paintings. Someone found a small flat-screen television somewhere and set it up where we could watch it from the couch. I emerged from organizing our toiletries in the bathroom to find Griffen carrying in the huge litter box, Hawk just behind him, Leo’s travel crate in one hand and his food bowls in the other. Tenn brought up the rear, his arms overflowing with bags of litter and cat food.
“Close the door,” Hawk said, setting Leo’s crate on the floor. “Leo’s going to have to stay in here until we introduce him to Shadow and make sure they’ll be friends.”
“Why?” Sterling asked. Her Shadow wasn’t quite a kitten anymore, but she wasn’t a fully grown cat.
In answer, once the bedroom door was closed, Hawk let Leo out. He stuck his head out and swung it from side to side, glaring at so much company. Spotting me, he let out an annoyed trill. Seeing Leo here in this new place, I took a deep breath, the tightness in my chest gone, at least for the moment.
“Come here, Leo,” I said, spreading my arms and leaning down. “Let me show you your new home.”
He picked his way across the rug and sprang into my arms, sending me back half a step.
“I thought you said you got a cat, not a mountain lion,” Finn said, barely holding back laughter. “He could eat Shadow in one bite.”
Leo leaned into me, purring, butting my chin with the top of his head before squirming to jump down and explore. He followed Hawk to where he’d set up his litter box by the bathroom, his food and water on the opposite side of the room.
“He seems bigger over here,” Sterling murmured, giving Leo a cautious look. They’d met, but Sterling was right. The high ceilings and open spaces of the gatehouse fit Leo’s size. Heartstone had high ceilings, but not like the gatehouse. In here, Leo looked more like his namesake. “We’ll introduce the cats slowly,” she said.
I wanted to promise her Leo wouldn’t munch on Shadow, but the truth was I had no idea how Leo would react to the smaller cat. Better to keep them apart for now.
I spotted Savannah talking to Parker. The next thing I knew, Parker was clapping her hands for silence. “What do you think?” she asked me.
“I love it,” I said honestly. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel come bedtime, but so far so good. “Thank you, guys.”
“We love you, and that’s what we’re here for,” Parker said. “Now, I need some more muscle before I call Billy Bob and start talking about the gatehouse.” Her eyes came to me and Hawk. “You two stay in here for at least a half hour. Make yourselves at home in your new place. We have a little more work to do. Let’s go, everybody.”
We watched them all file out behind her. “Your sister is seriously bossy,” Hawk said. “Makes me want to hire her. She gets shit done.”
“I know. But I don’t think she’d work for you. She’s so good at this.” We looked around the room, taking in the rustic hickory bedroom set, the familiar couch, the view of our gatehouse. “I think this is going to work,” I said, and I almost believed it. I wanted to believe it. Everything felt different. I felt different. Free. Whole. New.
“Where did they go?” Hawk asked. “And why can’t we leave?”
“They’re clearing out my old room,” I said. It would take time to repaint, to pack my childhood things, but I knew in my gut that the furniture, that hated bed, would be gone before the thirty minutes was up. “Savannah knows I don’t want to watch. I just want it all gone.”
“Your family loves you,” Hawk said.
“I know.” We watched Leo sniff around the couch before jumping up and stretching out on the velvet as if it was his throne.
“You think they’ll really leave us alone for a half hour?” Hawk asked, closing the small distance between us.
“I think so,” I said, tilting my head back to meet his eyes, my chest warming at the heat I saw there.
“Good,” Hawk said, dropping his head to brush his lips across mine. “Because I had plans for this morning, and that busted pipe got in the way.”
“Really?” I asked, reaching up to wind my arms around his neck. “What kind of plans?”
“Naked plans,” he said, taking my mouth in a kiss that spun my head, his hands sliding under my camisole and up my back.
“I like naked plans,” I said when his mouth moved to my jaw and lower, to suck at that tender spot where my neck met my shoulder. Reaching down, I grabbed the hem of my sweater, catching all my layers at once. I leaned away from Hawk and whipped my clothes over my head. “Do you think you guys tightened all the screws on that bed frame well enough?” I asked with a teasing grin.
“Let’s find out.” Hawk lifted me off my feet, carrying me to the bed.
He tossed me on top of the comforter, and I bounced, but the bed didn’t move an inch. Pausing to lock the door, Hawk came back, tearing off his clothes as he crossed to the bed. His shirt gone, he unsnapped my jeans and stripped me naked, his face lighting in a wide smile.
“I love you,” he said, his words quiet and filled with truth.
My heart burst with joy. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve this man, but I wasn’t letting him go. I reached for him, but he was already coming down on top of me, his strong body surrounding me in safety and setting me on fire. I pulled him closer until our eyes were only inches apart. “I love you too, Hawk.”
He kissed me, giving me his heart with every touch, every breath. After, we dozed, the feel of the bed familiar even in this new place. This time, we woke with warm noses to Leo standing on top of us, demanding his dinner.
Later, after a meal with my family, where Hawk was quiet and everyone else acted mostly normal, we went to bed early. I lay awake for a while, waiting for the fear, the heavy dread to drag me down, but it didn’t come. There was a flash of nerves as we turned down the hall and I caught sight of my old door, but then we were in our new room, and it was nothing like the past. Tired, I turned into Hawk’s arms, my cheek on his shoulder.
“You okay?” he asked, stroking his hand down my hair.
“I think I am,” I said. Sliding my arm across his chest, I held him tight before relaxing against him and letting out a long breath. “I think I’ve never been better.”