Chapter 43
KADE
I’ve been sitting on the couch with the curtains closed ever since I got home.
Aimlessly staring at the wall like it might fix the mess that’s waiting for me with my family.
I know it’s there. I’m just not ready to face it.
My mind is still reeling from seeing Chloe, playing every second after she opened her door on repeat.
When I stormed through my door, my anger was still burning like a wildfire.
I poured out a glass of whiskey before throwing it in frustration at the wall, the glass shattering on impact as the amber liquid clung to the paint.
And now my senses are assailed by the drink I remember tasting on her tongue.
Did I handle this in the best way? No. And, in the heat of the moment, I said some things I’m not sure I actually meant. Hell, I know I didn’t mean them, but I can’t take them back. Just like she can’t undo posting that picture or wipe away the stain of my lie.
There’s a pounding on my door, and I close my eyes as my stomach twists.
I know what’s coming just from the urgency, and if I’m being honest, I don’t think I’m ready for it.
Selfishly, I want to hide away a little longer, wallowing in my heartache.
But instead, I suck in a deep breath, steeling myself as I head for the door.
“Mom?” I question, panic squeezing my chest as I look over to Grayson, who stands a little behind her on my front porch.
He shrugs as Mom pushes her way into the house like she owns the place. When he passes, he claps me on the shoulder and says, “Maybe if you’d been answering our calls and messages, she wouldn’t have insisted on coming over to check on you.”
I look at my truck, haphazardly parked where I’d left it in my angry haze. “My phone’s still in the truck,” I mutter.
Ignoring me, Grayson follows Mom into the living room. His nose wrinkles in disgust before he asks, “Why does it smell like The Wildflower in here?”
Mom tsks, heading for the kitchen, leaving Gray and me to stand in the loaded quiet.
Just what I need, Mom giving me the silent treatment.
If this is a sign of what’s to come, I wish I’d never answered the door.
At least in my own company I could have pretended everything was okay for a little longer.
Tension swirls in the air. I’ve never felt more out of place in my home before as I wait to find out my fate.
“Where’s Chloe?” Grayson asks, looking around the room as if she might appear, apparently either unaware or uncaring of the torment I’m in.
A muscle ticks in my jaw as pain shoots through my chest at the mention of her name. “Probably at her apartment.”
“Have you spoken to her?” he asks, like this is an everyday conversation.
“Yes,” I grit out. Stuffing my hands in my jeans pockets, I demand, “Can we get this over with?”
Gray tilts his head, scrubbing a hand over his jaw before saying, “Sure. Wanna start with why you didn’t tell us about the riding?” There’s a calmness to his demeanor that is completely at odds with the chaos rushing through me.
I rock back on my heels. “You know why.” When all he does is look at me expectantly, I huff out a breath and continue, “After Uncle Kurt died, I made a promise to Dad that I’d never ride.
I broke that promise the second I entered the arena as anything but a spectator.
” I pause, running a hand through my hair, giving him space to talk, but all he does is level me with a steady stare.
“It wasn’t something I ever meant to do.
The lying or the riding, that is. But the longer I did it, the harder it got to tell anyone. ”
“Except Chloe?” Mom asks as she enters the room, three cups of steaming liquid in her hands. She hands one to Grayson before crossing to me.
“Yeah, except Chloe.” I feel the shame wash over me. How fucked up is that? I spilled my truth to a stranger over my family. What does that say about me?
I follow Grayson as he moves to the couch, and take a seat in the armchair that faces it.
Mom sits next to him, both of them watching me, their faces a mask.
I hate that I can’t get a read on them, not in the same way I normally can.
What’s worse is, I don’t know what to say because everything I could possibly utter will only be an excuse.
The fact is, despite knowing what we all went through when we lost Uncle Kurt, I kept a secret for over a year, and instead of coming clean myself, I was outed by someone else.
Grayson sits forward, sliding his mug onto the coffee table.
“I don’t think Dad would have been mad, Kade.
” His words hang in the air between us. My immediate reaction is to tell him he doesn’t know shit, but I bite my tongue as he continues, “I think all he ever wanted—all any of us have ever wanted—is for you to be happy. And I think any promise he made you make would have been because of how devastated he was when Uncle Kurt passed. Sure, bareback riding is dangerous, and he wouldn’t have wanted us to lose you, but if he saw that you were happy, he’d have been okay with it. That much I know for sure.”
Emotion lodges in my throat like a rock, even as relief douses my body. It feels too good to be true.
Licking my lips, I look down at the steaming mug in my hands and say, “I didn’t want to disappoint anybody. And as much as I love riding, every time I’d get on that horse, I’d be hit with the guilt that I was letting him down, so as time went on it just got easier to keep it to myself.”
My mom stands, crossing the room and wrapping her arms around me as she holds me against her chest. “Oh, my baby boy, you could never disappoint us. None of you could. Being your parents was the greatest accomplishment your father and I have ever had. And yes, losing Kurt was heartbreaking, but he died doing what he loved and it could very easily have happened when he was out tending the land. I don’t like that you didn’t think you could tell us about this, but I understand why. ”
I breathe in her comforting scent—a hint of honey mixed with something that is uniquely her—as I finally let it all sink in and give in to the tears that have been threatening to fall since I left Chloe’s.
“You’re really not mad?” I ask, trying to keep the relief at bay.
Grayson shakes his head, as if my question is hard to believe, and Mom squeezes me tighter against her chest.
“We’re not mad, Kade. A little disappointed and saddened that you felt you had to carry this weight all this time, but definitely not mad,” Gray reassures, running a hand through his hair as he sits forward on the couch.
Mom leans back, swiping at the moisture on my cheeks. “You’ll tell Chloe that we’re not mad, right? That she’s not to blame for this?”
My face crumples, and I croak out, “I broke up with her. She’d been encouraging me to tell you, and so when she posted the picture, I thought she’d done it on purpose to force my hand.”
Shaking her head, Mom cups my cheek as she huffs, “You’ve really been doing some silly things recently, my boy.”
She’s not wrong there. I said some really stupid shit.
Grayson’s phone pings, the sound punctuating the air. “I think we should get out of here, Mom.”
A frown mars her features before she looks back at Gray. “I don’t think so. Kade needs us.”
He stands, shoving his phone into his pocket before giving her a look. “We should. Kade needs to get to the airport. Autumn just texted, and apparently Chloe is flying out in a few hours.”
No.
My stomach drops to my feet, and I bolt upright, trying to remember where I put my keys.
She can’t leave.
I need to make this right.
Grayson holds up my keys before he throws them across the space. I call out a quick “thanks” before racing from the house, not bothering to shut the door behind me as I rush to my truck.