Chapter 44
CHLOE
I watch the planes move around the tarmac, their lights flashing in the low light as I wait for my gate to open. Unsurprisingly, there weren’t many last-minute flights from Bozeman to Florida, and so I’ve been stuck catching a red eye. Which is ironic, given how red and puffy my eyes are.
After my call with Rachel, I managed to stop crying long enough to call Maddie, give her an excuse for needing to delay my start, book a flight and catch a bus to the airport.
I considered wearing a pair of sunglasses to hide behind, but I couldn’t find them in the mess of my apartment, which means I’ve been on the receiving end of more than a few sympathetic glances.
I’m a mess.
So much of a mess that I can hear Kade calling my name even though I know that’s not possible. I don’t know how I’m going to cope if I’m haunted by the sound of him at the airport of all places.
Resting my forehead against the cool window, I wrap my arms around my body as I silently plead for the pounding in my head to go away.
“Chloe.”
I lightly knock my head against the glass as if doing so will rid me of the sound of his voice. This is going to be agony.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
I spin around when I realize he’s never said those particular words to me, which means he’s really here. The breath gets lodged in my chest as I whisper, “You have?”
He nods, shoving his hands into his pockets. Is this real? Or am I hallucinating?
Oh God, is this the start of my spiral into madness?
“I wanted to apologize.”
I search his eyes, the familiar blue and green hiding nothing from me.
Okay, yeah. I think I’m losing my mind. Who drives this far to apologize?
“You don’t need to.” I turn back to the window, resting my head against the glass as I close my eyes.
“Are you okay?” There’s an undercurrent of genuine concern in his voice, but I know that this is my brain—and probably heart—playing a cruel trick on me. I’ve barely slept, so it’s not out of the realms of possibility that I’m seeing things.
Mumbling under my breath, I reply, “Yeah, just waiting for you to go.” When I open my eyes, I catch him in the reflection of the glass. He’s still here. I rub my temples as I face him again. “Are you?” I pause, huffing out a breath even as I shake my head. “No.”
He reaches out, and I recoil when his warm and very real fingers touch my shoulder. Kade drops his arm to his side, hurt flashing across his features.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” His words trail off, and he runs a hand through his hair, tugging on the strands before continuing, “This isn’t how I imagined this would go.”
My mind is racing with questions. What is he doing here? Did Autumn tell him I left? Of course she did. He’s her family. How did he get past security?
“I bought a ticket.”
I touch my lips when I realize I asked the last one out loud. This isn’t my imagination. He’s really here. And he wanted to apologize. To me?
“I’m messing this up.” Kade’s chest expands when he pulls in a breath.
“I was wrong to be mad at you for posting that picture. I never should have assumed that you did it on purpose. Chloe, I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t have forced my hand.
I never should have said that you did and if I could take it back, I would.
“The truth is, I shouldn’t have put my lie on your shoulders and then blamed you for the truth being exposed.
I fucked us up.” He shakes his head, and when his eyes meet mine, I see the moisture pooling in them.
“You shouldn’t forgive me. I was a dick for everything that happened after I found out the picture was shared, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t apologize and beg you to stay. ”
I’m still focused on the hurt he left me with back in my apartment, which is why, instead of acknowledging what he’s saying now, I remind him of what he told me then.
“You said that loving me was a mistake, Kade. How could you tell me that you loved me like that?” A tear slips free, tumbling unchecked down my cheek.
Kade steps forward, reaching out to wipe it away, but I step back.
“Please don’t cry, buttercup. I should have told you sooner, but since the day I met you I’ve felt this deep connection to you, like I’ve known you my entire life and probably in lifetimes before this one.
Loving you is the only good thing I’ve ever done.
Better than any prize I could win or business deal I could negotiate.
But I was a bull seeing red and not thinking straight.
You didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my anger.
Especially when I was more angry with myself than you. ”
I want to believe him, I really do, but those kinds of hurtful words don’t come from nowhere. My voice is barely a whisper when I say, “You said you never wanted to see me again.”
Kade drops to his knees, holding on to my hips as we draw stares from bystanders. I want to tell him to stand, but the words don’t come.
“I’m begging you not to go, Chlo. I didn’t mean anything I said. I was angry and hurt. It’s no excuse, I know, but I can’t lose you.”
The time in my apartment plays on repeat in my mind. “You refused to listen to me. Nothing I said was getting through to you. I made a mistake, Kade. I would never have intentionally done that to you, I tried to tell you that.”
“I know.”
Lifting my chin, I reply, “But, for a moment at least, you thought I did, and that’s just as bad.”
Panic flares in his eyes, his grip on my hips tightening as if he’s afraid to let me go. “I’m sorry. I should never have said that. I should have heard you out.”
“You should have.”
We don’t know each other. Not really. It’s been a matter of weeks, and as much as my soul feels tethered to his, we still have a lot to learn about each other.
“Please. Don’t go.” It’s a whispered plea, one I’m trying hard not to give in to.
“I can’t stay knowing that the next mistake I make you’d react the same way.” My throat constricts, but I force the words out. “You should have stayed. Should have talked to me. Not walked in, unwilling to hear me out, and then left me to deal with your hurtful words.”
Moisture pools in his eyes, and he stands, removing his touch from me.
I feel the loss of him all over again. He jerks his chin with a heavy acceptance.
“You’re right. I don’t deserve you.” I want to tell him that he does, but I bite my tongue.
“I’m sorry, Chlo. I wish I could change how things went down, and I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting how I acted.
” He pauses, his head down, a tear slipping free and tumbling down his cheek.
“I hope you find everything you’ve ever wanted.
Lord knows you deserve it.” He presses a kiss against my forehead, his lips lingering for a moment before he steps back, a lost look in his eyes.
I watch him walk away, every step feeling like he’s ripping my heart out and taking it with him.
My eyes are locked on his back, my body unmoving.
Flashes of the memories we’ve made assail me, each one a reminder of how happy he’s made me, how he made me feel seen in such a short space of time.
I made a mistake, and he overreacted. Am I doing the same thing now?
His mistake was a lot worse, sure, but is it really worth losing the best thing I’ve ever had over it?
My feet move before my mind has fully grasped what I’m doing or what I will say when I reach him. I weave between the benches, tugging my bag higher up on my shoulder as I race after him.
I can barely catch my breath when I catch up to him, reaching out to touch his arm. He turns toward me, wiping at the wetness on his cheeks.
“We’re going to have fights, but we have to talk it out. You can’t shut me out like you did and not listen to my side of things. I’m not perfect, Kade, and neither are you. You’re allowed to get upset, but don’t ever throw me away again like you did.”
Hope flares in his gaze, but he blinks, and it’s gone, as if he’s afraid to feel it. “I promise, I won’t. I never should have assumed the worst. And I don’t ever want to hurt you like that again. Hell, I won’t be keeping secrets anymore, Chlo, about anything.”
I should chalk this up to experience and walk away. But my heart belongs to him, and so I close the distance between us. Standing on my tiptoes, I cup the back of his neck and dust my lips over his. It’s a soft, gentle and testing kiss. When I pull away, he places a hand on either side of my face.
“I’m sorry. I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know how much I love and trust you, buttercup. You can count on it.”
I search his face, finding nothing but the truth reflected back at me. “I’m sorry the picture got posted.”
The corner of his mouth kicks up. “It was a pretty cool picture.”
“My favorite one.” I grin before falling serious. “Have you spoken to your family?”
He looks away sheepishly for a second. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have doubted them. They were more mad that I kept it from them than the fact that I was doing it.”
I rest my head against his chest, banding my arms around his waist. “Seems like you might need to work on that. But, also, I told you they would be.”
He kisses the top of my head before resting his chin on it. His chest rumbles under my ear when he replies, “Yeah, you did.”
Leaning back, I stare up at him. “Kade,” I whisper. “Take me home.”