Chapter 12
Victoria
My nerves were shot by the time I arrived at Jordan’s place.
I’d spent the whole day wondering if his friends were going to like me, if things were going to be awkward, and if this was a mistake.
Luckily, now that I’m here I’m feeling better about everything.
Jude and Chloe are laid back and nice. Maybe a little reserved but that’s to be expected when you first meet people.
They live in a beautiful house in an affluent suburb, which makes sense considering what Jude does for a living. Chloe’s a doctor, though, which I find fascinating, and I ask about her work as we hang out chatting.
“It’s exhausting,” Chloe admits. “I’m in the E.R. right now because that’s where they had an opening but next year I plan to transition to the private sector. I can’t keep up these sixteen-hour days. Especially if we’re ever going to start a family.”
“Is that in the plans?” I ask politely.
She glances at Jude and smiles. “I think so? We’ve talked about it in theory but not really in practice. But definitely not while I’m working at a hospital. The hours are just too much.”
“I’m good either way,” Jude says. “Kids or no kids, I’m happy with our life the way it is. We work hard, but we also play hard. Travel a lot in the off-season, buy whatever we want, sleep in on our days off...”
“You know you want a bunch of little boys you can teach to play hockey,” Chloe says, nudging him with her elbow.
He laughs. “No doubt that would be fun.”
I glance at Jordan and he’s smiling, but it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking.
Does he want kids? Four years ago, it was nowhere on our radar until I missed my period.
I was so upset when I found out I was pregnant, and then for a long time I blamed myself for the miscarriage.
As if I somehow willed it to happen even though it was almost entirely related to the trauma from the car accident.
“When do you graduate?” Chloe asks me.
“In May,” I say. “Really, right around the corner.”
“Do you have a job lined up?”
“Not yet, but my advisor is helping me put together my resume so I’m going to start searching. Hopefully, I’ll find something right away.”
“You don’t want to take any time off in the summer?” Jude asks. “Travel or anything?”
I hesitate. “Well, I can’t really afford it. Whether I get a corporate job or keep working at the place at the mall, I have bills. My car payment, insurance, all of that. I can’t take much time off.”
Chloe nods. “That’s understandable, but it would be nice to celebrate and enjoy yourself a little before you jump into the deep end of working for the rest of your life.”
“If I get some money for graduation, then I’ll definitely consider it.”
“Maybe we can take a long weekend,” Jordan says, squeezing my shoulder. “Do you still want to go to New York? That was on your bucket list. Did you ever get there?”
I shake my head. “The only place I’ve been in the last four years is Disney, because my parents wanted to take Charlie.”
“Who’s Charlie?” Chloe asks.
I explain about Ivy and her son, and then wind up showing them some pictures, which brings the conversation back to kids.
“Two years,” Chloe tells Jude. “I think that’s when I’ll be ready.”
“Whatever you say, babe.” He smiles patiently and she wrinkles her nose at him.
“Don’t yes me.”
“Yes, dear.”
We all laugh, but I’m suddenly a little uncomfortable.
Jordan offering to take me to New York—that was my dream trip four years ago—reminds me of a time when I still dared to have dreams. I don’t do much of that lately, far too focused on the here and now. It’s also too soon to start thinking in terms of Jordan and I traveling together.
Right?
Is it too late to slow down?
We haven’t even slept together again yet.
“You okay?” Jordan asks, lips close to my ear.
“Sorry, just enjoying the company.”
“Me too.”
Our eyes meet, and we exchange what feels like a knowing smile. Because it’s that easy when we’re together.
“Well, I’m going to bed, guys,” Chloe says, standing up. “I have an early shift.”
“It was nice to meet you,” I say, getting up.
Chloe gives me a quick hug. “Come over any time. It’s nice not being outnumbered for once.” Her eyes twinkle, once again making me feel welcome.
“Thank you,” I whisper, hoping I don’t sound as emotional as I feel.
Jude and Chloe disappear upstairs, and then it’s just Jordan and me.
Alone.
On a couch.
I rest my head against his shoulder and soak in his warmth.
“It’s still a little surreal,” I admit.
“What is?”
“Us being here. Together.”
“Yeah, I know.” He slowly runs a hand up and down my arm. “I’m having a little trouble believing it too.”
“Jude and Chloe were great. They really made me feel welcome.”
“I told you they would.”
“It won’t be like that with everyone else. Your coach. Your parents.”
He shrugs. “Your parents aren’t exactly going to be rolling out the red carpet for me either.”
“Oh, believe me, I know.”
“You sound like you have doubts.”
“Don’t you?”
“Yes and no. I know it won’t be easy but I also know we wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t a reason. We just need time to work through it all.”
“It’s going to be hard to see each other.”
“Yeah. We have practice tomorrow and the next day we leave on a road trip. I’ll be gone ten days.”
I’d forgotten about the long periods of time apart.
“I forgot about the travel. I mean, not entirely, but how extensive it is.”
“Maybe it’s a good thing. Forcing us to talk on the phone, getting to know each other again. We’ve talked about this a lot, but the answers are murky. Like, is blue still your favorite color?”
I laugh. “Nope. Now it’s purple.”
“See?” He’s teasing but he also has a point.
We may have changed in ways neither of us considered.
“What’s yours?” I ask playfully.
“Red.”
“And you still love barbequed ribs.” Somehow, I’m positive this hasn’t changed.
“More than anything in this world.”
We smile at each other.
“And I’ll still eat pasta any day of the week.”
“I really have to take you to Cicero’s.”
“Oh, I go there quite a bit. I love the food. Maria always packs extra for me when I pick up—she says I’m too skinny.”
His eyes darken for a moment, and he runs a hand over the curve of my hip. “You’re not skinny…you’re perfect.”
“You think so?”
“Oh, yeah.”
Our mouths move together, and I’m swept up in his touch. The warmth of his body. His strength. The gentle way he caresses me coupled with the arousal he elicits. It’s exciting and passionate but also terrifying. Because once we cross that line, I don’t know that there’s any going back.
Warm fingers slide beneath my blouse in the back, softly skimming the skin there. He shifts so he can pull me onto his lap, and my arms wind around his neck. His mouth is possessive and greedy while his touch remains gentle.
Even when fingers skim the side of my breast, sending tiny shocks of pleasure through me.
When he cups my breast, kneading softly, and rubbing his thumb lightly over my nipple until it’s a hard, needy little peak.
And when my legs part, because I’m so desperate for more.
Fuck.
Not yet.
I can’t.
Emotionally, it’s too soon.
So, as much as it pains me—
“I’m not…” I pull away reluctantly. “I’m not ready, Jordan.”
“Okay.” As always, there’s no irritation or frustration, just simple acceptance.
“Once we make love, I think everything will change.”
“For sure.” His eyes search my face. “If we’re being honest, I may not be ready either.”
This right here is one of a zillion reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.
He’s so tough and burly on the outside but so damn considerate and patient on the inside.
He never rushed me into giving up my virginity, and I know he’ll wait as long as I need him to now.
It’s not the first time, but it’s a new beginning for us, one we have to be infinitely careful with.
“Soon,” I whisper, pressing my forehead to his.
“However long it takes, we’ll figure it out together.”
Yup. I’m in trouble.
I’m already falling for him. Hard and fast.
Just like last time.