Chapter 13
Jordan
Long road trips are usually fun for me. I love to travel, and at this point I have places in most cities that I enjoy when I have a little free time.
Restaurants, bars, even museums I’ve come to appreciate.
We tend to stay busy with hockey—games and practices, team meals and travel—but we almost always can sneak in some time for fun.
This week we’re playing in multiple cities in and around New York, which means my parents are going to be at all the games.
I come from Rochester, so while it’s closer to Buffalo, they’re coming to the game in Manhattan tonight.
As well as the one against the Islanders tomorrow night.
And they’ll be at Sunday’s game in Buffalo as well.
It’s fun to see family and friends but sometimes it’s a distraction.
My dad always wants to come into the locker room and see everyone, which is fine, but then Mom feels left out.
My older sister can’t take the whole week off work so she’s constantly texting me, asking what our parents are up to.
And my brother, who’s still in college, is bummed he can’t get away to be with us.
They act like this is a fun vacation and even though they know intellectually that I’m working, they don’t act like it. The demands on my time and attention are frustrating, especially after a hard game when all I want to do is take a hot shower and relax.
Instead, we’re out at a fancy Manhattan restaurant having a late dinner. Thankfully, we won tonight, so conversation is light and we’re having a good time. Jude, Milo, and Aiden came with us so my dad is enjoying himself and Mom just likes being able to spend time with me.
“How’s life?” she asks me when Dad, Milo, and Jude start talking about advanced stats for the season.
“Pretty good,” I say. “Hockey keeps me busy.”
“So…no special someone in your life?”
There’s a loaded question.
But I don’t want to blow up our evening by telling her about Victoria.
“I’m doing some dating,” I hedge. “I’ll let you know if anything changes.”
“You’ve been single for so long,” she presses. “I know what happened with Victoria was hard on you, but there are lots of wonderful women out there. You just have to give someone a chance. They’re not all manipulative little bitches.”
I wince and then defend her before I can stop myself.
“She wasn’t manipulative. She was young, and her father was putting a lot of pressure on her.
We had a condom malfunction that resulted in pregnancy and then bad luck with that car accident.
None of that was her fault. It was bad luck and bad timing.
No one was manipulative. Except maybe her father. ”
Mom’s brows inch up toward her hairline. “Last time Victoria’s name came up, you had a lot of opinions.”
“I still have a lot of opinions, but she wasn’t manipulative.” I take a sip of my beer, hoping my mother will let this go, but no such luck.
“Have you talked to her?”
Well, fuck. In for a penny, in for a pound.
“We ran into each other at a club,” I say with a shrug. “We had a chance to talk about things and it was cathartic, to be honest. Getting things off our chests, both good and bad. I wasn’t completely blameless, you know.”
She frowns. “Jordan. You’re not thinking of doing something stupid, are you?”
I sure am.
“Mom, leave it alone. We’ve talked a few times. It’s not a big deal. In fact, it’s good to let go of all the negativity.”
“You were always blind when it came to her. I thought you’d changed, Jordan. Think about everything she cost you!”
Now that Victoria and I have talked, I understand that most of what happened wasn’t her fault. Maybe indirectly, just by virtue of us being together, but at the end of the day we failed each other and let other people manipulate us.
“Mom, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“If she worms her way back into your life—”
“Mom.” I give her a pointed look. “Stop.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t because I love you. You’ve come so far over the last couple of years, please don’t ruin your life again over this girl. She’s nothing but trouble. Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time around?”
“That’s not going to happen. We’re just friends. It’s not a big deal.”
But obviously, it’s going to be once people find out we’re seeing each other again.
* * *
I don’t get back to my room until after two so it’s probably too late to call Victoria. Besides, I don’t want to tell her about my conversation with my mom and since she knows they were coming to the game, she’s bound to ask. If I’m honest, the conversation with my mom pissed me off.
Why is everyone determined to believe everything that happened was Victoria’s fault?
Probably because that’s what I believed too, up until a week or so ago.
I fed into that narrative because I didn’t know all the facts, and I was pretty vocal about it too.
Now that I do, I need to fix this. Otherwise, we won’t stand a chance. I have to man up this time because deep down I know I let her down before. She thought I would fight for her because I told her I loved her. I promised her the world and then when things got tough, I walked away.
I’m supposed to be a man. Back then, I was a young and inexperienced one, but I don’t have that excuse anymore. And if I’m going to be better this time, I have to prove it.
The first step is by coming clean to my family, letting them know the truth about what happened four years ago. Yes, Victoria played a part in everything that went down, but she didn’t get pregnant by herself and she wasn’t driving when we had the accident that caused her miscarriage.
No, there are too many misconceptions and I’m going to start clearing them up. First with my parents and then with whomever else I have to.
I have to prove to Victoria that, while I’m still the same guy she fell in love with, I’m not the same immature boy who let her down. I’m a grown man now, and if we’re going to give this another go, I have to act like it. For my parents. For Victoria. And for myself.
Grabbing my phone, I send her a quick text.
JORDAN: Hey, babe. Sorry I wasn’t able to call after the game, but I just got back from dinner with my parents. I know you’re probably asleep, but I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you.
To my surprise, she responds right away.
VICTORIA: I’m not asleep. Working on a paper.
JORDAN: How’s it going?
VICTORIA: The paper is a pain in the ass. Everything else is fine. Work was really busy tonight so I couldn’t study at all. Usually, I can sneak in a little but not tonight. The mall was a zoo.
JORDAN: You should get some sleep, though.
VICTORIA: Yeah, I’m winding down. How are your parents?
JORDAN: They’re doing okay. My dad is always excited to hang out with the team, and my mom wants to hear all the details of my life.
VICTORIA: Did you tell her?
JORDAN: About us? No, but I’m going to when we go to dinner. I don’t want you to feel like some kind of dirty little secret.
VICTORIA: Are you sure?
JORDAN: I’m very sure. It’s time to clear the air, too. Just like I didn’t know all the details, they don’t either, so I’m going to fix that.
VICTORIA: What if they still hate me?
JORDAN: That’s on them. I can’t control how they feel.
VICTORIA: But they’re your parents.
JORDAN: Exactly. They love me so they’re going to come around. It just might take some time.
VICTORIA: I don’t think I’m ready to talk to my parents.
JORDAN: That’s okay. One step at a time. There’s no rush. I just want you to know that you can count on me this time. No more bullshit or misunderstandings. I think going forward that’s what we have to focus on. Honesty. Communication. So that we don’t end up in the same boat as last time.
VICTORIA: I like that. I’m totally on board. As long as you can be patient.
JORDAN: We have all the time in the world. No rush.
We talk for a few more minutes and then I let her get some sleep.
I feel better now that I’ve made the decision to talk to my parents. They won’t be happy, but they’ll be open-minded once I explain. At least, I hope so. The truth is, I don’t need their approval. I’d like to have it, but it’s not mandatory.
I’ve spent four years missing the only woman I’ve ever loved—I’m not walking away again unless I’ve done everything possible to make it work.