Wilde Hearts (Love is a Cowboy #4)

Prologue – Ensley

Ensley

Ten years ago

In my nineteen years on this Earth, I had never been to a funeral. Or a celebration of life. Grady Owens had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, and to know he’d been silently suffering about something and didn’t tell me, was enough to make me sick.

He’s gone.

Eighteen years old and so much life ahead of him, and he was gone.

His brother, Colt—who was also my boyfriend of two years—was sitting next to me on the other swing.

He’d hardly spoken at all the last five days.

The moment he found out that Grady had taken his own life, he retreated into himself.

He barely even talked to me, which hurt like hell.

It felt like I had lost both Grady and Colt at the same time.

The only difference was that Colt was alive, just lost within himself.

I swallowed the lump in my throat before I attempted to clear it.

“Do you want to talk at all?”

Colt turned his head to look at me. His honey-colored eyes were empty of all emotion. “About what?”

I looked down at the ground as I barely swung. “Grady.”

He sighed. Not in frustration, but in defeat. “Did he mention anything to you about being upset or depressed?”

“No,” I replied quickly. “I think that’s the worst part of all this. I don’t know why he did it.”

Colt stood and started to pace. He pushed his fingers through his brown hair, which looked like he’d done that same action a dozen times already.

My stomach churned as I asked my next question. “Did he say something to you?”

He stopped pacing. “No. Nothing. We spoke that morning, and I didn’t notice anything wrong. He told me he had plans that night with someone. I told him to have fun, then left to help a few clients. That was the last time I saw him.”

His voice cracked, and I quickly made my way over to him. I wrapped my arms around him, and he did the same. He held me tight as he whispered, “I should have known something was wrong, Ensley. I should have known!”

Tears streamed down my face as I looked up at him. “I didn’t know either, and he was my best friend. Your parents didn’t know, Colt. None of us knew.”

We stood there for a few minutes, holding each other, before Colt let go.

“I was his brother. I should have seen it. I should have felt it.”

I started to argue with him when I heard footsteps approaching. I turned to see Colt’s mother, Lynn.

“Colt, I need you to come inside, please.”

He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I’ll be right there, Mom.”

A small, sad smile appeared on her face before she turned to head back to the house.

This was the most Colt had spoken to me since the day Grady died, and a part of me was upset that Lynn was taking him away. I knew they had a house filled with people, but why couldn’t Colt and I have a few minutes alone?

I turned and let my gaze run over the pasture. A few horses were out grazing. Colt’s family’s ranch wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t small, either. They had over a hundred acres, most of it valley land. Perfect for grazing horses.

I took his hand in mine and squeezed it lightly. “Can we meet tomorrow for breakfast at Anna’s and then maybe take a drive up into the mountains?”

Colt glanced at me…and something passed over his face that I couldn’t read, but it caused a shiver to run down my spine.

He was withdrawing back into himself, and I told myself it was because he was preparing to face all those people in the house.

Friends and family who were all here to talk about and celebrate Grady, and Colt didn’t want to suffer through any of it.

“Please, Colt. I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers, and I don’t know what to do. I need you right now, as much as you need me.”

He tried to smile, but it was forced. “Sure, we can do that tomorrow.”

I smiled back at him, relief coursing through my body. I’d been missing him so much the last week, and to be able to spend some time with him, to maybe grieve together, would be good for both of us.

He leaned down and kissed me softly. “I love you, Pippa. I need you to know that. I love you so much.” Colt had started calling me Pippa not long after we began dating. It was short for Philippa, which meant lover of horses.

I reached up and held on to his arms. “I love you, too, Colt.”

Wrapping an arm around my waist, he asked, “Will you go in with me and stay by my side? I don’t think I can handle talking to all those people without you.”

My heart felt like it was breaking all over again. “Of course I will.”

We headed back into his parents’ house, and I was relieved to see that many people had left.

My parents, my older brother Caden, and a few friends of Colt’s parents remained.

We sat on the sofa as stories of Grady were shared quietly.

I thought hearing them would be comforting; instead, they made me feel worse.

I was already looking forward to spending some time alone with Colt tomorrow. It would be a balm to my broken heart.

When it was time for us to leave, Caden approached. My brother had been closer to Grady than to Colt, which was always a running joke, since Caden and Colt were actually closer in age. But Caden had grown close to Grady through his long friendship with me.

Reaching a hand out, Caden said, “I know it doesn’t help to keep hearing people say it, but I really am sorry.”

Colt nodded. “Thank you, Caden. Thanks for coming today.”

“Of course.”

My parents gave their goodbyes to Colt’s parents while Colt walked me out to the car. Caden had driven over on his own and was already gone.

I leaned against the car and looked up at him. His eyes were filled with sadness, and it killed me that I couldn’t take his pain away.

Reaching for his hands, I said, “I still don’t want to believe it’s true.”

“Well, it is true.”

His words were sharp, and I tried not to let it feel personal. He was hurting more than I could imagine. He’d lost his only brother to suicide and that wasn’t something that could be relieved with words of condolence.

He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Pip.”

I placed my hands on his chest. “It’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow morning at Anna’s and we can spend the day together, just the two of us.”

Again, something moved across his face that made me want to grab onto him and hold on for dear life.

Lifting up on tiptoes, I kissed him. “Tomorrow will do us both good. Just to be together.”

When he smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. He cupped my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. “I love you, Ensley. Never, ever forget that. No matter what. Promise me.”

A strange sensation swept over my entire body. “You’re going to meet me tomorrow, right?”

“Of course, I am.”

I relaxed a little…but something still didn’t feel right.

“Promise me, Ensley. Promise me you’ll always know that I’ll never stop loving you.”

Swallowing hard, I replied, “I promise. I’ll always love you, too, Colt. Forever and always.”

A look of relief washed over his face. Was he worried I’d leave him? I knew he was somehow blaming himself for what happened, but surely he didn’t think I blamed him in any way?

Before I could say anything else, my mother and father walked out, said their goodbyes to Colt, and got into the car. I kissed him goodbye once more, and he drew me to him, hugging me so tightly I almost couldn’t breathe.

Then, he let go of me, turned, and walked into the house.

Little did I know then that he would break my heart into a million pieces. Or maybe I did know, that somehow that little inkling of intuition was louder than I wanted to hear…and I just simply couldn’t bring myself to believe it.