Chapter One – Ensley #3
I shook my head and eyed the rocking chairs Caden had on his back porch, thinking I might need to sit.
But it was a warm October day, and I needed to feel the sun on my face, so I walked down into the yard instead.
Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes and tried to find comfort in the warmth on my skin.
“You know I’m here if you ever feel like you’d like to talk.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I smiled at my mother.
She’d always been there for us kids, and she was my rock in the months after Colt left.
I couldn’t even count how many times I’d crawled into her bed and cried while she held me those first few weeks.
I never really thought about what she might have given up to spend all that time with me.
She never complained, never said she couldn’t… she was simply there for me.
Sighing oh so dramatically, I looked out over the pasture behind Caden’s house.
“I had a dream last night that I was decorating a nursery…and I woke up feeling so broken.”
My mother walked over, hugged me from behind, and set her chin on my shoulder. “You know you’re only thirty, sweetheart.”
“I know, but sometimes I think I’m never going to fall in love again, Mom. I’m at the point where I’m thinking of having a baby on my own.”
She moved to stand in front of me and raised her brows. “On your own?”
“Why not? Are you saying being a single mother would be a bad thing?”
“I’m not saying that at all. I think you’d be a wonderful mother, with or without a partner. What are you thinking? Adoption, IVF?”
I shrugged. “I think IVF. There are plenty of men who donate their sperm these days.”
“So, this is something you’ve looked into, then?”
I nodded. “I have. It’s an option, and one I’m leaning toward more and more.
I want a baby, Mom. I see Emeline and Lilibeth with their children, and I long for that.
It feels like something is missing in my life.
I used to think it was Colt…and maybe it still is, to a degree…
but even more, it’s the dream of my own family. ”
Her blue eyes were filled with love. “You know your father and I will be right there to support you in whatever you want to do. But Ensley, I want you to really think about this. Not just from a financial perspective, but from an emotional one, as well. You only just turned thirty, your biological clock isn’t about to reach its end. ”
“You were twenty-three when you had Caden. Twenty-six when you had me. By the time you turned thirty, you’d had Gatlin and Emeline, as well. Four kids.”
She took my hands in hers. “Ensley, you cannot compare your life to mine. My timeline was different. I got married young, and yes, we started having kids early. That doesn’t mean you have to align your life to what I did in mine.”
“I’m not. But look at Emeline. She just turned twenty-six, and she has four kids.
I know three aren’t biologically hers, but she has the family I’ve always wanted.
And now Caden has a child. I feel like I’m sitting back on the sidelines, wondering when I’m going to get my chance to get in the game. ”
“What happened with that nice boy you dated…Doug was his name?”
I laughed. “Mom, he wasn’t a boy. I really did like him, but…” My voice trailed off.
“He wasn’t Colt.”
Blinking back sudden tears, I shrugged. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Mom.
I gave Caden hell about not getting over Rachel, yet I’m doing the same thing.
I think my problem is that I have this stupid hope that someday he’ll come back.
That stupid promise is what gives me hope.
Or used to give me hope. Then I hate myself when I think that I’ve actually waited for a man this long.
He’s never even once tried to reach out to me. ”
“Have you tried to reach out to him?”
I glanced at the ground. “No.”
“Do you want to know what I think you should do?”
I nodded. “Tell me what I should do.”
“Call Doug.”
Staring at her, I let out a disbelieving laugh. “What?”
“Call him. Right now.”
“Mom, I think he’s dating someone. He was talking about moving to Estes Park for her.”
“You don’t see him in town anymore?”
I had to stop and think about it. “No, not in the last couple of months.”
“I still think you should call him.”
For a hot second, I almost pulled out my phone. Then, with a quick shake of my head, I said, “No. If it was meant to be, we’d be together.”
One brow rose slowly. “I think you’re afraid to find out if he’s still in town, and still very much single.”
Narrowing my eyes, I studied her. “Wait a minute. Wait a damn minute, Vivianne Wilde. What do you know?”
She had the audacity to feign innocence. “I don’t know what you mean?”
“Bullshit. What do you know about Doug?”
A slow smile spread across her beautiful face. “I know he’s single, and I know he’s still living in River Falls.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “How do you know that?”
She shrugged. “A mother knows these things. I should get back in there before someone comes looking for us.”
She started back toward the house, then turned and walked backward. “By the way, he works a twenty-four-hour shift starting tomorrow morning. Just in case you happen to be near the fire station.”
My mouth fell open in shock. Once she’d walked through the door, I shook my head and laughed.