Chapter One – Ensley #2
I took her outstretched hands in mine. “I’m sorry I unleashed all of that on you, especially on your wedding day.
Sitting here in the silence with Nellie made me realize how far away I am from the life I want.
I see my friends moving on with their lives, and I feel like I’m stuck.
I can’t go back, and I can’t go forward.
At least not with a partner. So, I guess I need to move on alone. ”
“You don’t have to say you’re sorry. I’m always here for you, Ensley.”
We both stood. “We should probably get back out there.”
Lilibeth grabbed the baby monitor, and we headed out of the nursery. She softly shut the door and laced her arm with mine. “You know what I think we need?”
“What?”
“A night out. I’ll be the designated driver, and I promise not to drink.”
The last time we had a girls’ night out, I was supposed to be the designated driver, and my brother Caden had to take us home because I drank too much.
“Hey, I really didn’t think I’d had too much that night!”
She rolled her eyes.
“A night out does sound nice, though. Do you think you and Emeline would be able to get out?”
“I know I can, and I’m sure Emeline could, too. Actually, I bet we can get our parents to watch the little ones and we can all go out—the guys, as well.”
“Go out where?” my brother Caden asked as he joined us, then kissed Lilibeth on the cheek.
Lilibeth beamed up at her new husband, and I waited for her to melt into a puddle at his feet.
When they’d first met, they couldn’t stand each other…
or so they’d pretended, anyway. But there was no way either could resist the other.
Lilibeth was smart and funny, her hazel eyes always shining.
Her long blonde hair was braided today, and hanging over her shoulder, with her signature flowers woven into the strands.
My older brother, meanwhile, was the spitting image of our handsome father. His dark hair and blue eyes had always been the talk of the town. Growing up, all of my friends had crushes on Caden. He and Lilibeth were the perfect pair. And so crazy in love.
“Ensley needs a night out. Do you think your parents could watch Nellie? I can ask Emeline if Levi’s parents will watch Jackson.”
“I bet they would. When?”
“Next Saturday? That way, we have the week to arrange it with the parents.”
I frowned. “It takes a week to plan a night out once you have a kid?”
Lilibeth sighed. “For a new mom with a two-month-old, it does!”
The three of us laughed as we made our way toward the kitchen.
The house was filled with laughter and chatter, and the kitchen held most of the chaos.
Emeline stood by the island holding her son, Jackson, rocking back and forth on her feet as Levi gazed at them lovingly.
The way my sister looked at her son, then up at her husband, sent a jolt of jealousy through me—and I abruptly stopped walking.
The room suddenly felt as if all the air were being sucked out. My chest started to tighten, and I felt as if my legs were about to give out on me.
My mother suddenly appeared before me, blocking my view of Emeline.
“Ensley?” she asked, as she studied me with a worried expression.
“I need to leave.”
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head. I wasn’t sure where this was coming from. My chest felt like a heavy weight had been placed on it.
“I can’t breathe.”
She quickly took my elbow and led me through the kitchen and out the back door. Once we got outside, I attempted to draw in a deep breath—and couldn’t.
That was when the panic really kicked in.
“I can’t breathe!”
Suddenly, my mom cupped my face and tried to look into my eyes. “Ensley, look at me.”
My eyes focused on hers.
“You’re talking, that means you can breathe.”
I shook my head frantically. The panic overwhelming.
“Inhale for four seconds. One, two, three, four. Hold it. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Now exhale for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.”
We repeated the breathing exercises, and the pressure on my chest very slowly lifted.
“This is temporary, sweetheart, that’s it, keep breathing.”
I closed my eyes and tried to listen to the sounds around me. The wind blowing through the trees, the birds singing, and the river running in the distance. When the vise around my chest was finally gone, I opened my eyes and gaped at my mother.
“What the fuck was that?”
She barked out a laugh, then tried to get serious. “Ensley! Do you have to use such language?”
“Oh, please, Mom. How many times have I heard you drop the f-bomb? This is not the time to clutch your imaginary pearls!”
Once again, she laughed. “You had a panic attack.”
I took a step back. “A what?”
“A panic attack. It’s when—”
Holding up my hands to stop her, I said, “I know what a panic attack is. And I’ve never in my life had one. I have nothing to panic over!”
She gave me a look. “Apparently, you do.”