Chapter Fifteen – Colt #3
All she did was smile, which caused Ensley and me to laugh. My father stared at the bread for a long second, then shrugged and took a large bite, clearly deciding it didn’t matter whether it was hiding kale or not.
“Mom, Dad, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
They both looked over at me.
“Is everything okay?” my mother asked.
“Yes,” Ensley responded before I could. She quickly looked at me and mouthed sorry. I reached for her hand and held it as I focused back on my mother and father.
“I wanted to talk to you about Grady’s room.”
My mother’s face instantly drained of color, as my father leaned back in his chair, his expression suddenly emotionless. “What about it?” he asked.
“It doesn’t look like anyone has touched it in years, if at all.”
Mom cleared her throat and started to wring her hands. “I try to go in twice a year and dust.”
I looked at my father, who was silent for a moment, staring at the table, before he finally said, “I haven’t been in there in about four years or so.”
My heart aching for my parents, I said gently, “I think it’s time we cleaned it out.”
My mother sank into a chair and closed her eyes, her head down. “It’s beyond time.”
The sense of relief between Ensley and me was palpable.
Taking my mother’s hand in his, my father gave her a soft smile before focusing his attention on me.
“I agree with your mother. We just haven’t been able to bring ourselves to take that step.
We have talked about it…but it’s so hard.
Taking that first step is like trying to step across the Grand Canyon for your mother and me. ”
I relaxed a bit more in my seat.
“Colt and I can take care of it.”
My mother gave Ensley a hopeful look. “Would you? I just…I don’t think I can. Not even after all this time. I’ve tried. I really have. There are boxes in the basement…I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Lynn,” Ensley said quietly. “I can’t even imagine how hard the thought of packing up his things would be.”
“Is there anything you’d like me to keep?” I asked.
My parents exchanged a look. I wasn’t sure if either was going to answer, until my father finally did.
“I don’t think so. Unless there’s something either one of you would like to keep.”
I nodded.
Ensley cleared her throat as she put her napkin down and stood. “Let me help you clean up the kitchen, Lynn.”
My mother waved her off. “No need, sweetheart.” She looked at me. “Are you going to do this today?”
I stood. “We can. Are you okay with that?”
She smiled softly. “Of course. I may try to join you, but…I can’t make any promises.”
I made my way around the small table and kissed my mother. “Don’t stress over it, Mom.”
My father reached for my hand. “Thank you, Colt.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here to do this earlier. To take this on for you both.”
Placing her hand on the side of my face, my mother said softly, “You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”
Turning to Ensley, I drew in a breath and slowly let it out. “I’m going to go to the basement to get the boxes.
She nodded, and started to help my mother clean up. “Let me at least keep busy while Colt gets the boxes.”
I left Mom and Ensley talking quietly as my father followed me downstairs. We carried the boxes up both sets of stairs and set them outside Grady’s room. He handed me the packing tape he’d grabbed, as well, to put the boxes together and secure them after they were full.
“Dad, are you okay?”
He nodded and wiped away a stray tear. “I’m fine, son. Just memories and regrets surfacing.”
I put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. I knew exactly what he was feeling, and I needed to tell him.
“I know how you feel, Dad. It’s why I ran away.”
“You didn’t run.”
I shook my head. “I did. I blamed myself for Grady’s death…and I know you do, as well.”
His eyes met mine.
“It wasn’t either of our faults.”
He closed his eyes. “I’ve tried to tell myself that every single day since, but I still can’t help but bear the blame. Did you know Grady wanted to be a pilot?”
My head drew back in surprise. “You knew that?”
He smiled. “Your mother did. She told me a few months after his death. If I’d only just let him live his own dreams and stop trying to form his future by forcing him to run this place.”
I wrapped my father in my arms and hugged him tightly. “Dad, please don’t blame yourself.”
Feeling his body shake with sobs nearly undid me. I wasn’t sure how long we stood there, me holding my father as he let his tears fall, but I wasn’t about to let go first.
When we heard Ensley approaching behind us, my father turned, allowing Ensley to move closer and hug him, as well.
My father cleared his throat as he stepped back and pushed his fingers through his hair. “Your mother will be worried if she thinks I’m upset.”
Ensley smiled at my father with so much love. It only served to remind me of what a wonderful woman she was.
“I’m going to join your mom downstairs.”
“Okay, Dad.”
We both watched as he made his way down the steps. Then, turning to face the door, Ensley took a deep breath, wrapped my hand in hers…and reached for the knob.