Chapter Sixteen – Ensley
Ensley
The door creaked ever so slightly as I pushed it open.
It had been ten long years since I’d set foot in this room.
After Grady’s death, I came up here to see if I could find a note or something that he may have left behind.
I hadn’t searched in depth; I figured if he’d left something, it would be visible.
When I couldn’t find anything relatively quickly, I walked out, shut the door, and never came back.
It was just too painful, being in my best friend’s space.
Colt let go of my hand as we walked into the room. He turned in a circle while exhaling a long breath.
“Where do we even start?”
“His clothes? I brought up some large black bags your mother gave me for those. She mentioned taking them to the orphanage.”
Colt nodded. “Makes sense to put the clothes in bags.”
He walked over to Grady’s small closet and opened it. When he didn’t move, I stepped over to stand next to him.
“Do you want me to do this?”
Turning to look at him, I saw he was smiling.
“He had the worst taste in clothes.”
I couldn’t help it; I laughed. “He really did.”
“Fuck, I miss him.”
Sliding my arm around his waist, I rested my head on his arm. “I know. I miss him, too.”
We stood there for a few moments before Colt nodded his head. “I’ll get to work on the closet. Do you mind cleaning out the dresser? After the clothes, we can go through his personal items. It still feels a bit…”
“Intrusive?”
He looked at me. “Yeah. Doesn’t it?”
“It does, yes. But it’s something we need to do.”
“Yeah,” he replied, as he reached in and grabbed a handful of shirts. He removed the hangers, tossing them into a pile on the floor, then he folded the clothes before placing them in one of the large bags.
At the long and low dresser, I smiled as I reached out and picked up a frame. It held a photo of Grady and Colt sitting on the tailgate of Colt’s old Ford F-150. They had their arms around each other as they smiled into the camera. The photo was taken by me, a year or so before Grady’s death.
Setting the photo down, I picked up another.
It was a family Christmas photo. I ran my finger over Grady’s handsome face.
It would be his last Christmas, but none of us knew that at the time.
I held the photo to my chest, closed my eyes, and focused on keeping the tears at bay.
No wonder Lynn and Jacob didn’t ever want to come into the room.
I set the frame down and pulled open the top right drawer.
“I cannot believe how many T-shirts Grady had,” Colt said. “He has this same one in five different colors. And who hangs up T-shirts?”
I laughed. “Grady did.”
Colt returned my laugh with one of his own.
I reached into the drawer and pulled out a white envelope that read “Granby Ophthalmologist Center.” Under the envelope was a small leather book. My hand started to shake as I set the envelope down and stared at the brown book, a memory popping into my head.
“Ensley, I need you to listen to me.”
I looked up from where I was attempting to reshoe a stubborn horse. “I’m listening the best I can, Grady.”
“In my bedroom, I have a brown leather journal.”
“Okay.”
“I’ve written down some private information in there that I don’t want anyone to see, if anything happens to me.”
I nodded. “Got it.”
“Ensley! I really need you to listen!”
Stopping what I was doing, I straightened. “Grady, I heard you. You’re just telling me where your journal is. Anyway, isn’t that something Colt should do? Hide your dirty little secrets and fantasies from your parents?”
He rolled his eyes. “I wanted to tell you.”
“That you have a journal…”
“Yes.”
“I got it. Brown journal, in your bedroom. Get it before your mother does.”
“I keep it in my desk.”
Confused, I slowly shook my head. “Grady, why are you telling me this? Is everything okay?”
“Yes, of course. But I have some personal stuff in there about…girls. Sex. Things like that. If I ever get in an accident, you cannot let my mother find it.”
I started to laugh. “You write about your sexual encounters in your journal? That’s so cute!”
Rolling his eyes once again, he said, “Ensley, there was a particular night that I really don’t want anyone to know about.”
“The threesome night?”
His mouth fell open. “How did you know about that?”
“Um, because you called me to come pick you up and take you home. Don’t you remember?”
“No!”
I winked. “Just be glad you called me and not Colt.”
I drew in a sharp breath when I realized the book in that drawer was Grady’s journal, the one he’d told me about. I’d completely forgotten all about it.
Hands still shaking, I picked it up and opened it, noting the first entry date was from Grady’s freshman year. I skimmed through it until I got to a date a couple of months before his death.
My eyes are bothering me. They have been for a few months, but I kept telling myself it’s nothing. Now I’m starting to worry it’s something. I can’t be a pilot if my eyes are messed up.
Flipping forward a few pages, I was three weeks out from his death. I took several steps back and sank down onto the bed.
I told Gina I was still having issues with my eyes.
It’s getting harder to see at night, which isn’t good.
And yesterday, while we were flying, I had a hard time seeing from my peripheral vision.
Gina’s insisting I go see an eye doctor.
I probably do need to get an eye exam, especially since this seemed to come on pretty quick.
I need to be able to see to fly! She also wants me to tell my parents.
I think my eyes are stressed and that’s all.
When I turned the page, the date jumped a week.
I’m going to an eye specialist in Granby today. I haven’t said anything to anyone else. No sense in worrying my parents, Colt, or Ensley. Gina’s worried enough for everyone. HA!
My father jumped down my throat again today about the family business.
I’m going to have to man up and tell him about my plans, and he isn’t going to be happy.
He has Colt to take over the business, and I know he’ll do a great job.
I did tell Mom about the flying lessons and about Gina.
I couldn’t gauge her reaction. She seemed happy that I was doing something I’ve always loved.
She told me that when I was little, I used to talk about being a pilot.
I do think she’s worried about the age difference between Gina and me.
She’ll get over it! Once I get my eyes figured out, I’m going to tell my parents about my plans for the future.
Being a farrier isn’t one of them. And Gina is the love of my life. No matter what, she comes first.
Turning the page, I looked at the date. It was only a few days before his death.
I got terrible news today. Dr. Morris has a name for it.
Retinitis Pigmentosa. It’s a rare genetic eye disorder that causes light-sensitive cells in my retina to break down over time.
She said I’d most likely be completely blind by my thirties or, if I’m lucky, maybe into my forties.
My sight is going to get worse and worse, and I’ll only be able to see through a progressively smaller pinhole until my vision’s completely gone.
My days of dreaming of being a pilot are gone. Everything I ever dreamed of…gone. When I told Gina, she cried. Then she told me she thought it would be best if she went back to Denver. She said she can’t handle the fact that I’m going to lose my eyesight.
My mouth fell open. That bitch! She left Grady when he’d needed her the most. I slowly shook my head as I kept reading. The next entry was the day before Grady’s death.
I can’t do this. Not only will I not be able to be a pilot, but I can’t even follow in my father’s footsteps like he wants. I’m going to be blind. Who in the fuck would love a blind man? No one.
My dreams are over. Gina found out and left the same day. Colt’s marrying Ensley. I’m going to be all alone. I might as well just die.
A sob slipped free and I covered my mouth with my hand, closing my eyes.
“Ensley?”
I looked up to see Colt staring down at me, looking concerned.
“What’s wrong?”
With shaking hands, I offered him the journal. Colt took it and started to read it.
“What the…?”
He slowly sank down to the bed next to me as he flipped back a few pages. I could feel the tears roll down my face as I thought about Grady taking on this news, completely alone.
I was also going to track down that fucking bitch Gina and kick her ass.
“He was going blind?” Colt whispered.
“I’m going to kill her.”
I felt him turn and look at me, so I did the same.
“Who?”
“Gina! She left him, Colt. Left him to deal with this all alone! I don’t know if I’ve ever felt such anger in my life. She. Left. Him.”
Colt turned back to the journal. “This was here the whole time. He took his own life because he was going blind…and he never told anyone.”
I wiped my eyes and stood. “He told me about this journal.”
Colt looked at me, surprised. “He did?”
Pacing, I said, “A few years before, he told me about the journal, and I only remembered when I saw it in the drawer. He told me about it just in case anything ever happened to him, because he didn’t want your mother or father to find it and read it.
He has some…personal things in there. God, if only I’d remembered it after he died!
I could have looked for it. We would have known why he did what he did!
” I said, as another sob slipped free. “You wouldn’t have left, and your mom and dad wouldn’t have spent the last ten years asking why!
The answers were right here—and I forgot about the journal! ”
Colt set the journal down and stood, quickly pulling me into his arms. “He told me about it, too, Pip. And I forgot, as well.”
I drew back. “What?”
Nodding, he said, “I think when he was a sophomore in high school. He had an…um…an uh…particular…sexual experience he wrote about.”
“The threesome.”
Colt let out a shocked laugh. “Yes. That.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t remember the journal.”