CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
With a winter storm closing in on them, Wilder left the ski shop by two on the Monday following the new year. With no one allowed on the ski slopes because of the weather, he decided to head home. He could have hung out at the ski shop for the last couple hours of his shift, but Trev assured him there was really no need to stay.
Once he reached his car, he slid behind the wheel and started the engine. He cranked the heat, hoping to chase away the chill in the air, then got back out and cleared the snow off the windows.
Hopefully, Kayleigh had left already because he could see the snow piling up in the parking lot. The road between the resort and Serenity would be impassable by nighttime if they didn’t get the plows out quickly.
He also hoped that Lexi had left the rink. She was from Maine, so he would think that she’d dealt with winter storms in the past. Enough that she’d know that she needed to get home before it got too bad.
The temptation was there to go to the rink and make sure she’d left already, but he resisted. She’d made it clear that she needed him to back off.
In the days between the fundraiser and Christmas, something had changed with Lexi. At first, he’d thought it was just her being busy with training. But when he’d again issued the invitation to spend Christmas with them, she’d declined. But then she’d added that she thought it would be best if they didn’t spend so much time together.
He’d pressed her for a reason, and when she’d given it, he couldn’t argue with her. She was right. Their friendship had kept edging into territory that wasn’t just friendship. And he knew that she was also right when she’d said their lives were just too different.
He hadn’t thought seriously about switching up his plans and the way he lived his life. But he’d always assumed that when he decided to settle down, he’d be staying in Serenity.
If Lexi’s return to competitive skating went well, and she was able to start coaching at a higher level, Serenity was probably not where she’d want to stay. Even though Alexander had offered her the use of the rink for that purpose. Or maybe she’d even decide to continue to skate with Mik if they had a successful run at Nationals and the Olympics.
It hurt to think of not having Lexi in his life. He’d had a girlfriend in high school, but no one since. However, his feelings for that girl didn’t even come close to what he’d developed for Lexi. He had done his best to respect their “friendship only” relationship, but it had been a challenge.
It wasn’t until she’d essentially cut him out of her life that Wilder had realized that in the back of his mind, he’d been hoping that somehow, they’d be able to figure something out to enable a romantic relationship. With her career in flux, he’d known it couldn’t be something they worked out for a while, but now it didn’t seem like it was likely at all. And in the process, he’d lost a friendship as well.
It hurt, and Wilder didn’t know how to handle it.
Since Lexi didn’t seem to want him checking on her, he sent a text to Kayleigh instead. Hudson was out of town, but he was probably aware of the weather.
Hope you’re at home. Hudson will kill me if anything happens to you.
Kayleigh: Hudson’s been after me to leave, so I’m on my way now.
Good. Slopes are closed, so I’m headed home too.
Kayleigh: Drive safe. Love you.
You, too.
Setting his phone in the cup holder, Wilder reversed out of his parking spot. He flicked on his wipers as he left the nearly empty parking lot at the ski shop, clearing the wet snow that kept gathering on his windshield.
He drove slowly along the road, watching for anyone who might need help. There were other cars on the road, but most were all-wheel drives, which meant that he’d need their help before they’d need his.
When he got home, everyone but Blake, Lee, and Janessa were there. The city appeared to be shutting down for the blizzard. All the kids, Will, and Charli were home since school had dismissed early because they didn’t want to chance the buses getting stuck because of the increased snowfall and dipping temperatures.
“Hot chocolate, Uncle Wilder?” Amelia asked. “Layla’s…” She paused and frowned for a moment. “Mom is making it for us.”
“Sure. That sounds great.” He peeled off all his outerwear and put everything in the closet before heading into the kitchen. There he found Will sitting at the counter with Shiloh, while Charli was at the stove stirring something in a pot.
“No Janessa?” he asked as he joined Will.
“Lee’s picking her up. Both clinics are staying open a bit longer.”
“Is school cancelled already for tomorrow?”
“Yep,” Charli said as she turned to take several mugs off the wrought iron mug tree. “So an extra long weekend for us, with the exception of the few hours we had to go in this morning. They should’ve just let us have the whole day off when we knew we were getting snow.”
“Is Blake still at work, too?”
“He’s on his way,” Charli said. “He’s swinging by the store to pick up a few essentials.”
“Essentials?” Wilder asked, reaching to take the baby from Will.
The man hesitated for a moment, then relinquished the little girl. “I want her back.”
“Getting your practice in?”
“You know it.”
“So, what essentials?”
“Let’s see…” Charli began to ladle hot chocolate into mugs. “Chips. Frozen pizza. Chocolate. You know. All the necessities when we’re snowed in.”
“Do you need to cancel your presentation on Sunday?” Will asked.
“I shouldn’t have to,” Wilder said, thinking about the church in Spokane where he was scheduled to give an orphanage presentation. It would be the second one he’d given, and each one felt significant and like he was doing something important. Which he was. Thankfully, Trev had been willing to give him a little leeway in his start time on Sundays to make his presentation at the churches that weren’t in town. “I think the plows will have gone through by then.”
Charli slid a mug across the counter to him. “You should probably still contact them.”
“Yes, Mom,” he said with a laugh, then snuggled Shiloh’s neck, making her giggle. “Right, Shi-Shi. Yes, Mama.”
“Here you go, Will,” Charli said as she handed him his mug.
It wasn’t long before the front door opened. Amelia went to see who it was, and Wilder heard her greet Janessa. When she came into the kitchen, Lee followed her with Rori. The woman carried a duffle bag over her shoulder, so Wilder assumed she would be hunkering down with them for the blizzard.
Rori dropped the duffle bag on the floor by the entrance to the kitchen, then came to join them at the counter. Charli handed out more hot chocolate and offered them cookies.
Since there weren’t enough stools at the counter, they shifted over to the breakfast nook. As she slid onto the bench across from Wilder, Rori said, “Looks like we’ll see how Lexi and Mik do at Nationals this week.”
“Yep.” Lexi might have put distance between them, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of what was going on with her professionally.
“Have you read the forums and stuff about Lexi and Mikhail being partners again?”
Rori was aware that Lexi had chosen to focus on her training instead of hanging out with them, but Wilder hadn’t shared that it went deeper than that for him.
“I have, and it seems like people’s opinions are all over the place.”
“I wish we could see her again,” Layla said. “I miss having her coach us.”
“Once the Olympics are over, she’ll be able to coach you again,” Charli said as she sat down at the breakfast nook. She cast a questioning look at Wilder, but all he could do was shrug.
“Don’t people like that they’re competing again?” Layla asked Rori.
“Some are thrilled that they’re back together. Those seem to be the people who’ve been big fans all along. I think the ones who don’t want them competing again are fans of other pairs who will be negatively impacted by their return.”
Layla was old enough to be aware of what had gone on previously with Lexi and Mik, and she didn’t think it was fair what had happened to Lexi. So now, she was definitely a big fan of the couple. Well, a big fan of Lexi. She seemed to be reserving judgement on Mikhail as a person.
“There are lots of people who think they won’t be able to rise to their former glory,” Rori said. “I hope that how they perform at Nationals will shut a lot of those people up.”
Wilder wished that he could text Lexi, but he was also trying to respect her wishes.
He knew that his siblings had experienced bumps in their quest for love. None of them had gone from point A to a committed relationship in a straight line. But he’d figured that was because they were more intense than he was.
Wilder was more easygoing, taking things as they came. His mom had always said to just live his life, doing what God led him to, and that he might end up meeting someone with similar interests. He’d thought that might have been the case with Miriam, but in the end, he’d only felt friendship for her.
But instead of falling for someone who had a similar outlook as him, he’d fallen for a woman who couldn’t be more different from him. The only thing they had in common was their faith, but he didn’t think that was enough.
“I wish we could go see her compete in person,” Layla said.
Wilder definitely wished that, too. “I think we’ll probably have a better view of them skating if we watch it on the big screen in the basement.”
“That’s true,” Charli said as she reached over and took a fussing Shiloh from him. “And we can make a big deal of it with snacks and stuff.”
“It starts Thursday, so we don’t have much time to get ready.”
Wilder couldn’t help but wonder how Lexi was doing as she prepared. He wanted to talk to her. To assure her that she had their support.
But maybe that didn’t matter to her. It seemed she’d had a fairly small team of support previously, so maybe she was fine not knowing that she had a bunch of people in her corner.
He wondered if her mom would attend, even though she’d said her mom didn’t like going to her competitions. Maybe she’d make an exception since her ex-husband—her daughter’s father—was in prison and couldn’t make it to her competitions anymore.
Once the girls were done with their hot chocolate, Charli sent them up to their room to get their bedding since apparently they were going to have a sleepover with Rori in the basement.
“Have you talked to Lexi?” Charli asked once the girls had left.
“Nope.” Wilder slowly spun the mug between his fingers. “I told you that she said she needed to focus. She doesn’t want me bothering her.”
Charli frowned. “You two seemed to get along so well together. I honestly thought it would become something more.”
“It would never have been anything more than a friendship,” he said, staring down at the mug. “Our lives are just too different.”
“I’m sure you could have figured something out.”
“Which one of us would have had to give up their way of life?” he asked.
“Definitely you,” Janessa said without a moment of hesitation.
He lifted his brows. “What? Why me?” Wilder couldn’t deny that there was a big part of him that would have loved to show Lexi the world. To travel to his favorite places with her.
“You’re getting older, Wilder,” she said. “It’s time for you to move forward. Stop gallivanting all over the world. Settle down.”
Those two words made Wilder cringe. Settle down? It sounded so boring, and definitely not what he thought he’d do until he was well into his thirties. He didn’t have a plan in place to make that kind of transition yet.
But would he do it if Lexi would give him a chance?
The yes that echoed through his mind took him off-guard. It wasn’t something he’d seriously considered because at first it had just been a friendship, and then they’d decided that was all it could be. And then… well, she’d shut down even that.
Still, he couldn’t help but pick up his phone and tap out a message.
Hope everything is going well for the competition this weekend. We’ll be praying for you and cheering you on. Take care!
He set his phone face down on the table, unwilling to sit there staring at it while he waited for her response. She’d get back to him when she was able to. Or maybe not at all.
“What would I do if I settled down?” Wilder asked.
His siblings were quick to rattle off a bunch of stuff. All of it was ludicrous to him. “I’m not going back to school, so doctor, nurse or accountant are out of the question. So is teacher.”
“Just use the degree you have,” Lee said. “I mean, you’re able to work as you gallivant around the world, so you should be able to stay in one place to do it.”
“True, but the view as I work while gallivanting is usually new and stunning.”
“Seriously though, Wilder,” Charli said. “You need to look a little further into the future.”
“I am looking into the future. I have already started to plan for when I leave in April.”
“But how about beyond that?” she pressed. “Do you have plans for that ?”
He didn’t, really. So much could happen before he made the decision to “settle down.” What was the purpose of planning that far into the future, when his plans might not line up with where God wanted him?
That was why he didn’t even plan a year into the future. It felt like a waste of time.
“You might lose out on an opportunity with someone or something if you’re unwilling to consider that settling down might need to happen sooner.”
Wilder felt unfamiliar irritation rise inside him. “You make it sound like Lexi wanted something with me, and I’m rejecting her to go gallivanting around the world. That’s not the case.”
“But if it was?”
“I would probably reconsider my immediate plans.”
He wasn’t sure what a future with Lexi might have looked like if she really was interested. It was hard to imagine living and raising a family anywhere but Serenity. No matter where he went, Serenity was always home for him. It was where he always came back to. And even in his nebulous future, it had always involved putting down roots in Serenity.
“Well, it’s a moot point,” Wilder said. “Unless Lexi changes her mind and wants to see if we could have something together, it really doesn’t matter.”
“But you need to open yourself up to the possibility of a plan for your future needing to come together sooner rather than later.”
“Okay, well, it doesn’t have to happen in the middle of a blizzard,” Wilder said.
Thankfully, everyone was distracted by Blake’s arrival with the “essentials” he’d picked up at the store. As they unpacked the bags, the discussion turned to what they would have for supper.
It wasn’t much of a discussion because they all agreed pretty quickly that the day called for a warm, hearty dish, and that dish was going to be chili and cornbread.
While Blake went upstairs to take a shower, the rest of them tackled dinner prep. Wilder pitched in to help Janessa make the cornbread muffins, retrieving the ingredients as she read them out to him, choosing to take on the supervisory role as she sat at the counter.
The icy wind continued to blow, and the snow steadily fell in the dark beyond the windows. But inside the house, there was warmth and laughter. Wilder participated, but his thoughts were split between the cornbread he was making and Lexi.
She still hadn’t replied, and he couldn’t help but be a bit worried.
When the cornbread was divided into the muffin papers in the tin, Wilder carried them over to the oven and slid them in.
As he sat down on the stool beside Janessa, his text alert sounded. He pulled his phone out and felt a swirl of relief when he saw the message he’d been waiting for.
Lexi: Thanks. We just arrived at our hotel and will have a couple of days to practice before our short on Thursday.
After considering a variety of replies, he finally settled on That’s great. Hope all goes well!
The sick pit in his stomach as he thought of her and Mik at the hotel took him off-guard. She’d made it clear she didn’t want anything with him, so Wilder didn’t know why he was so bothered.
Well, he did know why it bothered him. She might want distance from him, but he didn’t want distance from her. He wanted to be there for her, supporting her as she reached for her dreams one more time.
Instead, Mik was going to be the one helping her achieve them. It would be easier for Wilder to accept that if he could be there for her, ready to celebrate with her if it went well or commiserate if it didn’t.
“Stop moping around,” Janessa said as she jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. “If God wants you and Lexi to be together, He’ll guide you in that direction.”
“That only works if she’s willing to be guided.”
“Are you?” she asked.
“Am I what?”
“Willing to be guided?” She leaned on her arm on the counter and shifted to face him more fully, propping her cheek on her hand. “Are you willing to be guided?”
Wilder pondered her words. He’d always assumed he was. For years, he’d kept to the same schedule. Leave Serenity in April, travel outside of the US to produce videos, return to Serenity in October or November. Figuring if God wanted him to change up his schedule, He’d make that clear.
And it seemed that God had. When Wilder had encountered that situation in Thailand, it had sent him in a direction he’d been more than willing to embrace. And now the orphanage work was a part of his summer plans.
More recently, he’d taken on some responsibility for sharing information about the orphanages, and he was happy to do that too.
He realized that those two changes had fit into the life he already lived, so of course, it had been easy to accept God’s guidance in those. But how would he react if God seemed to be leading him away from the life he’d planned to live for years to come?
Maybe he wasn’t as willing to be guided as he’d always assumed he was. It was easy to accept God’s guidance when it aligned with what he wanted. Now he realized it wasn’t quite as easy when it might take him completely off the path he’d wanted to keep traveling.
Still, in this particular situation, if Lexi wasn’t willing to consider God’s guidance, it wouldn’t matter much if he was.