CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Lexi breathed heavily as she and Mikhail sat in the kiss and cry, waiting for the score of their long program. Irina was sitting next to Mik, while Lev—who’d joined them since he had other skaters in the competition—sat beside her, his presence a heavy weight on her.
They all knew that a gold medal might not be won in the short program, but it could definitely be lost. Their short program had left them in third, which, since they hadn’t competed together in over a year, wasn’t bad. At least in her mind.
Mikhail had been ticked, and Irina hadn’t been happy either. Considering where Mik had been placing with his previous partner, she thought he should be happy that they were at least that high in the ranking.
In the past, third would have made her as ticked as Mik currently was. But given the journey they’d travelled to get there, they were actually sitting pretty well.
Lexi knew that Mik and the coaches were hoping for gold. She had slightly lower goals. She was just hoping to make the podium, even if that meant third.
Winning gold would pretty much guarantee that they would make the Olympic team. Silver or bronze would still mean they’d be considered. Anything less than that, it wasn’t as likely they’d be given one of the coveted spots.
Lev continued to mutter to her about what they’d missed, as if she hadn’t seen their stumbles just played out on the rerun. She kept herself perfectly still as she smiled, aware that the cameras were on them. There was no way she was going to let the world see the turmoil going on inside of her.
Other skaters and some fans might not want her there, but she belonged on the ice. These past few weeks had proven that she still had something to give. Whether that was as a skater or a coach, she couldn’t walk away yet.
A roar sounded from the crowd as the scores came up. The knot of anxiety in her stomach unraveled. They were in first, which meant they were guaranteed at least third place, since only the pairs that were first and second after the short program were still left to skate.
They’d done their best. Now their future was in the hands of the two last pairs to skate. One of which was on the ice, skating a few more minutes of warmup while they waited for their turn.
Now that they had their scores, the four of them stood up and moved away from the kiss and cry area. There was another area set up for the current first, second and third place teams to wait. The pair that had been in third got up and left, while the other two pairs shifted down to give Lexi and Mik the first-place seats.
Lexi didn’t want to be sitting there with the other skaters. She knew what they thought of her. A couple of them had been very vocal about her following her dad’s arrest.
Weighty silence settled over the area, but Lexi kept a serene expression on her face. She was not going to let them see her sweat. Never had, never would.
As she sat there, she kept her gaze on the large monitor, but her thoughts were a million miles away. Or at least as many miles as it was to Serenity Point, Idaho.
The past few weeks had been hard. For the first time in her life, the training hadn’t had her total focus.
She’d known that she’d made the right decision in putting distance between her and Wilder, but it hadn’t been easy. There hadn’t been a day where she hadn’t thought about him. Wondered how he was doing. Wished she could see him.
It was only after he wasn’t around that she became aware of how much he’d taken care of her. Making sure she was eating. Checking to see if she needed anything. Bringing lightness and laughter to her life when it had been at its darkest.
She hadn’t known that laughter was such an important part of life until Wilder had befriended her. He’d shown her that even though she had to take certain parts of her life seriously, she didn’t have to be serious all the time. She wished she’d taken the time to tell him how life-changing meeting him had been for her.
Instead, she’d told him that she didn’t have a place for him in her life. It had been more important to protect herself than to maintain a friendship with him.
Was he watching? Had he seen her and Mik skate?
His text had said that they’d be supporting her, so Lexi hoped that meant he’d be watching. She probably should have worked out a signal to give the camera in the kiss and cry to let him know she was thinking of him. Her signal to her mom was touching the necklace her mom had given her, which she always wore.
She missed Wilder so much. More than she had thought possible, and her heart ached with the loss of him from her life.
Love at first sight wasn’t something she believed in, but from their first conversation, something was there. She might not have recognized it for what it was initially, but soon enough, her heart was telling her that Wilder was someone special.
Though they’d become friends, her heart had wanted more, even though she’d known it wasn’t going to work.
Come the snow melt, Wilder would be off on his world travels once again. And her life was going to keep her in the US.
It had taken her years to fall in love with Mikhail, but with Wilder, she’d fallen faster and deeper. She wished with all her heart that they had a chance.
When Mikhail let out a groan beside her, Lexi focused on the screen again. The pair in second place had just taken over first from them, with one pair left to skate.
As the pair came into the waiting area, the pair in third got up and left. She and Mikhail and the other pair shifted down to free up space for the new first-place team.
This was definitely not something she’d missed. Most of the time, she and Mikhail had been the last or second to last to skate. Being third meant sitting through two more programs before knowing their final placement. It was excruciating, especially since there was so much riding on their performance here.
Mik muttered in Russian about how all their training time would have been wasted if they ended up third. Since they were at an event with mostly English-speaking skaters, it was unlikely any of them understood what he was saying. But still, Lexi responded—also in Russian—telling him to shut up.
Russian was a strong second language for Lexi. Since very young, she’d been surrounded by people who spoke the language. Mikhail’s parents both spoke it, which was why he did. Then to have coaches who were also Russian, it had just been inevitable that she’d pick up the language.
“ Just settle. It’s not done yet.” She continued to speak in Russian, keeping her expression placid so the others in the area didn’t have even a clue to what she was saying to Mik.
“ But we needed to win.”
“We’ll be fine.”
He kept muttering in Russian, but Lexi tuned him out. Rather than space out to thoughts of Wilder and how much she missed the man, she watched the first-place team as they skated.
Inwardly, she winced as she watched them struggle. It wasn’t that she wanted them to skate perfectly, but it was never easy to watch someone falter, knowing it could happen to her and Mik.
She knew the moment when Mik realized what was going on. His body went taut beside her, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw him focused on the monitor.
When the program ended, the pair skated dejectedly to the center to acknowledge the crowd.
“ I think we have a chance.”
Lexi agreed, but she didn’t say anything. All they could do now was wait for the scores and hope that they’d done enough to end up with silver.
“ If we don’t get at least silver, they’re biased against us.”
All she could do was nod, because Lexi agreed. That performance should drop the pair down to at least third. But politics could still come into play. As much as they’d tried to make the sport objective over the years, it still had a subjective component to it.
A roar went up from the crowd, containing a mix of cheers and boos. Lexi’s breath froze in her lungs for a moment as the realization sunk in that they’d managed to do it. They’d won silver.
That position was honestly more than she had allowed herself to hope for. It wasn’t that she thought they hadn’t skated well enough to earn it. She’d just been uncertain that people would actually give them a fair shot, considering her past.
The pair who ended up in first jumped to their feet, screaming and hugging. Lexi stood when Mik did and exchanged a hug with him, though they didn’t react as vocally as the other team.
It was a relief to have this first competition over, and she could only hope that they’d done enough to get them a pass onto the Olympic team. If they were given a spot, they’d have about a month to prepare.
Once the medal ceremony was over, they gathered up their things and left the arena to return to the hotel where they were staying. They went to Irina and Lev’s room to discuss the competition. Or rather, the other three talked, and Lexi listened.
“If they put you on the Olympic team, we need to move back to Maine,” Irina said, pinning Lexi with her gaze. “You don’t need to stay in Serenity anymore. You’re not working.”
Lexi crossed her arms. “Alexander Remington is sponsoring me. I need to be on his property.”
Plus, she really didn’t want to leave Serenity. She had a feeling that Alexander probably wouldn’t care if she moved back to Maine. But for some reason, she didn’t want to leave the area.
It had offered her a soft place to land when she’d needed to find some direction in her life. And she knew that even though she had asked him to back off, if she needed something—anything—Wilder would be there for her. She wouldn’t have that in Maine. She’d be alone with people who had let her down when she’d needed them the most.
“And you need to reconsider Worlds if we make it to the Olympics.” Lev crossed his arms over his barrel chest. “Move back to Maine.”
Though Irina had been pressuring her, Lev ramped it up. He was used to calling all the shots. However, Lexi did have a backbone. One that had only grown stronger after they’d abandoned her when she’d needed them. She didn’t feel like she had to cave to his demands anymore.
“I’m not moving to Maine.” Lexi got to her feet. “So if that’s a deal-breaker, feel free to call Amberlyn and ask her to partner with Mik again.”
“You’d give up the opportunity to go to the Olympics over moving back to Maine?” Irina demanded.
Lexi put her hands on her hips. “You’d give up a chance to go back to the Olympics with a top performing team over a move back to Maine?”
It was a showdown, but Lexi wasn’t going to back down. She’d come to realize that going to the Olympics for the second time wasn’t the be-all and end-all. The result of this competition had been validating. She could still skate at a high level of performance.
But did she need a second Olympic medal?
Not if it meant leaving a place she’d come to think of as home. Maine had nothing to offer her but memories that ended in hurt and loss. She didn’t want that.
“You need me more than I need you,” she told Lev.
She could see the anger building in his eyes, but she didn’t back down. It felt like she was at a crossroads. A monumental moment in her life.
Finally, Lev waved his hand dismissively in the air. “If you don’t win gold, you can’t blame us.”
Lexi turned and left their room, eager to get back to hers and take a long, hot shower. Her muscles ached, but it was an ache that testified to all the hard work they’d done over the past weeks. And it had paid off.
After her shower, she dressed in a pair of cozy pajamas, then placed a room service order. Mik and the coaches would probably go down to the restaurant, but she had no interest in that.
She curled up in a chair by the window and unlocked her phone to see if she had any messages. Warmth spread through her as she saw Wilder’s name on her screen. She went to her text app to read the whole thing.
Wilder: Congrats on getting silver! We’ve been praying for you, and you did such a GREAT job. It was a beautiful program, and you looked beautiful as well. Look forward to seeing you skate at the Olympics.
As she read the message, tears pricked her eyes. After the interactions with Mik, Irina, and Lev, it was a balm to her spirit, and it encouraged her in a way nothing else had.
Even though she’d put distance between them—pushed him away, if she was going to be honest—he was still in her corner. Still praying for her. Still wanting the best for her.
She pressed the edge of her phone to her forehead as she bent her head forward. After she’d lost her dad and Mik and the coaches had abandoned her, she was sure that the only person who would be there as a support for her would be her mom.
Her phone dinged and when she looked at it, her heart pulsed with an ache as she saw two more messages had come in. One from Layla and Amelia, and one from Charli.
Both messages were enthusiastic about her performance and the result of the competition. Even though she’d had to pull back from coaching for the time being, they still supported her.
It reinforced her feeling that she was meant to be in Serenity. She wanted to coach the girls, especially Amelia, and she wanted to work with others who might want to learn from her. She didn’t need to coach top tier skaters, though she did feel she had plenty to offer them.
She would fulfill her commitment to skate through the Olympics and possibly Worlds. She hadn’t made up her mind about that just yet. But then she was done with competitive skating.
No longer was her drive to be a better skater than everyone else. She wanted—needed—to find a new purpose in her life.
After reading through the messages, she sent replies to Layla and Charli, thanking them for their support. She’d just finished the message to Charli when there was a knock on the door.
Getting up, she went to answer it. The young man there gave her the order she’d placed with room service. After thanking and tipping him, she carried it to the small table in the corner of the room.
It was just a simple salad with grilled chicken breast, but it would be enough. She hadn’t been able to bring her meal prep with her, so she had to make do with what she could find on the menu.
As she ate, she contemplated her reply to Wilder. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she was still ever mindful of the fact that his life would be taking him away from Serenity. Until she was sure that her feelings for him were solidly in the friendship area, she couldn’t interact with him the way she wanted to.
Thanks. I wish we could have won it on our own merit, but a win is a win, and we did skate clean. Still don’t know about the Olympics. Hopefully, we’ll find out this week.
After she hit send, she went to her bag and pulled out her tablet. She found a site that had streamed the event and located their short program. Now that the competition was over, she was curious what the commentators had said with regards to her and Mik’s return to the ice.
She wasn’t as interested in their comments about their actual skating, though she did want to view it to see their performance for herself. Sometimes she didn’t remember the details since she didn’t dwell on anything that happened in the program until afterward.
Taking the tablet to the table, she set it up to play while she ate. As she picked up her fork, she took a moment to thank God for the food and for where they’d placed in the competition.
She wasn’t sure that God cared all that much about figure skating, but she was thankful for how well it had gone, so it felt right to thank Him for how it had unfolded.
During the short program warmup, the commentators touched on Lexi’s “retirement” along with Mik’s pairing with Amberlyn. They said nothing about what had led to their partnership dissolving almost two years ago and only seemed to have positive things to say about their return to competition.
She skipped the other pairs’ programs to get to her and Mik’s short program, then watched as they skated through it. The program wasn’t completely new, but they’d made changes to it, so the judges were seeing that revised version for the first time.
There were definitely a few issues, which was why they’d ended up third after the program. Their score was a an accurate reflection of how they’d skated.
Once that was done, she found the stream for the long program and once again listened during the skate warm up. The commentators didn’t say anything more than what they’d said during the short program warmup, and she had to say she really appreciated that they didn’t dip into the gossipy stuff that was found in the online forums.
And thankfully, they didn’t seem to feel that she didn’t deserve to be on the ice again.
After watching the long program, she felt like perhaps they’d been underscored, but not significantly. Not enough that they had been robbed of the gold.
When she finished her salad, she got up and put the dishes outside the door. She really wished that she was heading home the next day, but they still had to get through the Gala.
Her phone’s screen lit up with a message, and she wasn’t surprised to see that Wilder had messaged her back.
Wilder: I can’t believe that they wouldn’t give you a spot. You have a proven track record, and you also proved tonight that you still have the ability to put a top performance on the ice. We’ll be praying that it works out for you to be on the team.
It seemed like Wilder thought that God would be interested in her future in skating. So maybe she could pray about it as well.
Thank you.
Wilder: You’re welcome! Praying for you is an honor and a privilege. Be sure and let us know when you hear.
I will.
She wished she could video chat with him. It felt like forever since she’d seen his face, even though she’d seen him at church a week ago. But they hadn’t talked. She’d arrived right before the service started and left as soon as it ended. It had been an attempt to keep some distance between them.
Still, he had become so important to her, and she didn’t know how to accept a friendship with someone she loved.
Did he know how she felt? Did he care?
She’d done her best to hide her growing feelings from him, despite the fact that she’d opened up more to him than pretty much anyone else she’d ever met. The last thing she’d wanted was for him to feel like he had to let her down easy. There had been no indication that staying in Serenity was even an option for him.
No, it was best to keep her distance for as long as it took to get over Wilder.
Still, two days later, she texted him when they received news that they were part of the US figure skating team going to the Olympics. His enthusiastic response gave her warm and fuzzy feelings that showed that she wasn’t making a whole lot of progress getting over him.
The morning was dark and cold as she headed to the rink the day after they arrived back from Nationals. She opened the door, frowning when she noticed the lights over the ice were on.
When she stepped inside, her gaze went to the ice where there was a bunch of balloons. Holding them was Wilder. He also had a bouquet of roses and a big sign that said Congratulations, Lexi! We love you!
But it was seeing Wilder again that took her breath away. She had missed him more than she’d realized.
“What’s all this?” she asked as she reached the boards.
“Are you kidding me?” Wilder lifted the flowers and balloons into the air. “It’s not every day someone gets to go to the Olympics. That deserves to be celebrated! I know that you’re going to be focused on that, so the girls and I decided we’d just give you a little celebration before you got down to work.”
Lexi wanted to weep with the futility of her feelings as she went to where he stood. He was so amazing. So full of life and fun. So ready to celebrate others. So genuine in his actions and words. He’d lit up her life with his easygoing, carefree approach to life.
And it would be all of those things that would take him away from her in April.
“Thank you,” she said, taking the flowers he held out to her. It took every ounce of the emotional control she’d learned over the years to keep all of that sadness from showing. “This is all so amazing.”
Wilder beamed, his smile wide, his eyes sparkling. “You deserve it. You’ve worked hard, and I know you’re going to keep working hard. I’m not here to distract you from that. We just wanted to let you know that we’re in your corner, cheering for you. No matter the outcome at the Olympics, we know that you’re great.”
The emotion that rushed through her hit the wall she was trying to keep in place. But despite the cracks, it held. She needed it to hold.
When the door to the rink opened, their attention shifted to Mik as he walked in the door. He scowled when his gaze landed on them. Jerking his knit cap off, he stalked over to where they stood.
“We need to practice,” he muttered, dropping his bag on the bench. “With no distractions.”
“I’ll leave,” Wilder said. “When I’m finished talking to Lexi.”
Mik’s scowl deepened, but he busied himself with his bag.
“Let’s take this to your office,” Wilder said.
“It’s not really my office anymore,” Lexi told him. “But I can put everything there while I’m practicing.”
In the office, Wilder put the vase of flowers on the desk, then tied the balloons around the narrowest part of the vase. He set the sign on the chair.
“I’d better go before your coach arrives and assassinates me with a look.”
Lexi chuckled as they left the office. “Yep. She can do that.”
At the main door, she said, “Thank you again.”
He reached out his hand as if he was going to touch her, but then dropped it, giving her a soft, warm smile. “I know you need to focus on your training, but if you ever need anything, just give me a call.”
“I will,” she said, wishing he didn’t have to go. “It’s going to be pretty much nose to the grindstone time. We didn’t skate perfectly, so we’ll be having to make sure that doesn’t happen at the Olympics. Head down, skates on the ice.”
“You can do it.” With one final smile, he pushed against the door and walked out into the cold, dark morning.
Lexi watched him leave, feeling like he was taking a part of her heart with him.