CHAPTER THIRTY
Wilder left the house earlier than he needed to in order to make his shift at the ski shop, but it was necessary. When he pulled into the parking lot of the rink, he wasn’t surprised to see Lexi’s Audi there already. In fact, he’d counted on her being there.
He’d had a feeling that even if Mik was still in the hospital, Lexi would be at the rink. He was pretty sure that she found solace on the ice when things were unsettled in her life.
Pushing open his car door, he stepped out into the cold, wintry morning. Plumes of frosty air appeared as he exhaled. Even with gloves on his hands were cold, so he shoved them into the pockets of his jacket.
It wasn’t the greatest weather for skiing. However, the die-hards would be out, regardless of how cold it was. They’d dress in layers and be ready to endure the cold for the sake of the thrill of a run down the slopes.
The more casual skier, though, would most likely hole up in front of a fireplace somewhere in the resort. Probably with a hot drink in hand.
Wilder hurried across the parking lot to the front door, eager to be out of the cold. Gripping the large door handle, he let himself into the rink.
He was immediately greeted by the sound of music drifting through the air. He didn’t recognize the singer, but then, he didn’t really listen to a lot of that style of music.
The song had a bluesy tone to it, and Wilder wondered if it meant something to Lexi.
He thought he’d see her skating, but there was no movement on the ice. It wasn’t until he neared the boards that he spotted her. She sat on the ice against one of the wooden posts that joined the boards together, legs straight in front of her, with skates on her feet.
Her head was tipped back as if she was staring at something on the ceiling, although there was nothing there. But then he realized that her eyes were closed.
For a moment, Wilder paused, taking in the sight of her. She looked beautiful, sitting there on the ice. The place that was her element. He hated to interrupt her, so he carefully braced his arms on the upper rail of the boards and waited.
He would have paid good money to know what was going through her mind. After their conversation the night before, he was encouraged. It was possible that Lexi felt the same way about a relationship that he did.
The very idea made him want to charge ahead, but Wilder didn’t move any closer to her. He was content to watch her from a distance for the moment.
He’d continued to pray about a relationship with Lexi and what his future might look like if she wanted that, too. Obviously, the biggest change had to be how much time he spent traveling in the summer.
It would be easiest to consider cutting the time he spent traveling to places like New Zealand or Iceland. Those trips added no significant value to his life beyond giving him enjoyment of the beauty of God’s creation. He was starting to revisit some of the places he’d already been to, so deciding not to do that sort of traveling anymore wouldn’t be a big loss.
Over the years he had made some interesting connections with fellow travelers in hostels, which he’d miss doing. But the most important part of his travels of late had been the time he spent at the orphanages, and that wouldn’t change. Even if he made other changes in his life, that could—and would—stay the same.
Once he’d decided that he could make the change necessary in his life to support a relationship, he’d actually gotten excited about the possibility.
He’d never been overly resistant to change in his life. He just needed a good reason for it. And he thought that making room in his life for a relationship was a very good reason.
Of course, it would all be for naught if he’d misread his interactions with Lexi. If Lexi wasn’t interested, the changes wouldn’t be necessary. At least not yet.
Another song started once that one ended, but it was in the same style. Lexi didn’t move, so Wilder went to the entrance of the ice and stepped out onto it. He felt more confidence moving on ice when he was wearing skates, but he managed to make it to where Lexi sat.
Turning, he lowered himself onto the ice next to her, propping his back against the boards.
As she turned her head towards him, she opened her eyes. When he smiled at her, she smiled in return, and he felt some of the worry he’d had for her ease.
“Hey,” he said, realizing that up this close, he could see there were dark grey flecks in her light blue eyes. They truly were beautiful, just like her.
“Hi. What are you doing here?”
“I was worried about you,” he said. “Wanted to make sure that you were doing okay.” He paused. “Are you?”
She turned her head, looking back at the ice as she shrugged. “I haven’t heard anything more about Mik. I’m scared to contact anyone to get information because I assume they’re all blaming me.”
As the cold seeped into his legs and butt, Wilder reached for her hand. She tightened her fingers around his and clung to him.
“It’s not your fault,” he assured her. “Mik is responsible for his own actions, and if people are blaming you for what’s happened to him, they’re wrong.”
“I just want to live my life free of this guilt everyone keeps trying to heap on me.”
Wilder rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “I wish there was something I could do to help you with that. But in the end, you’re the only one who can let go of it. I can tell you that you shouldn’t feel guilty, but you need to work that through yourself.”
She didn’t say anything, but he felt her shift some of her weight to lean against his arm. It made Wilder want to gather her close.
“Do you think you played a role in what happened with your dad or Mik?”
“My dad said he stole in order to provide me and my mom with a life of wealth. He said he needed the money to help cover the expenses of my career. So yeah, I do feel like I played a role in it. Like I built my career on the backs of the people who gave my dad their money.”
“Do you think that you wouldn’t have excelled the way you did if you had to do it the way other skaters do?”
“I think I still would have been a great skater. I was willing to work hard. My dad could have created an outdoor rink for me to practice on in winter and paid a rental fee at a local rink. My mom could have homeschooled me instead of hiring a tutor. We could have done it.”
“So the fact that your dad chose to do it the way he did is not your fault. You were a kid when he began making those decisions.”
“I know.”
“This is something you need to pray about,” Wilder said. “God can help you with your guilt. And maybe talking to a counsellor might help, too.”
Wilder thought she might laugh at the suggestion, but instead, she nodded. “My mom suggested that when everything happened, but I told her I was fine.”
“Sometimes our parents know best,” Wilder said, then chuckled. “But don’t tell my parents I said that.”
“I won’t.”
“Thanks. I appreciate you having my back.”
“Anytime.”
Wilder liked the sound of that. “I’ve got yours too.”
“We should move to the bench,” Lexi said. “My legs are frozen.”
“So’s my butt.”
Wilder let go of Lexi’s hand and got to his feet, reaching out to grab onto the boards to steady himself. He held out his hand to Lexi to help her up. She grabbed on tight and came up to her feet more easily than Wilder had.
Together, they left the ice and went to the bench, which was infinitely more comfortable. The music kept playing as they settled on the bench.
“I had another reason for coming to look for you today,” Wilder said.
She glanced over at him. “What’s that?”
“I wanted to ask you out on a date.”
Lexi froze for a moment, then shifted to face him more fully. “What?”
“I discovered that I really, really like you, and I want to spend more time with you, with the hope of being in a serious relationship one day. I mean, if that’s what you want.”
“But… I thought our lives didn’t mesh well together.”
“Are you planning to stay here in Serenity?”
She nodded. “I hope to. I like it here, and it’s been good to me.”
“Well, I’m willing to make some changes to my life,too,” Wilder told her, relishing the sense of peace he had as he said those words.
Instead of smiling, though, Lexi frowned. “Why?”
“Because I care about you. A lot.”
“I don’t want to be the reason that you regret making a change to the way you’ve lived your life,” she said. “I don’t need even more guilt to add to what I’m already carrying.”
Wilder understood why she would feel that way, given what she’d been dealing with. But he didn’t want her to think that every man would create situations that would heap guilt on her.
“I won’t regret it,” Wilder said. “I promise. If I really want to travel, there’s nothing to say I couldn’t do short trips instead of being gone for several months at a time. And you could come with me. Maybe we could spend some time at the orphanages too.”
He wouldn’t have thought he’d be as excited about his future without the traveling as he was. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t go back to traveling if things didn’t work out with Lexi.
Not that that was how he thought things would go. He was going to do his best to make a relationship work because he loved her and wanted her in his life.
“It’s just hard,” Lexi said. “Two men who said they loved me have blamed me for their actions, and that hurts so bad.” She glanced at him and cleared her throat before looking back down at her hands. “Uh… Not that I’m saying that you, uh… love me.”
“Oh, but I do.”
There was a moment of silence before she looked at him again, shock on her face. “What?”
“I do love you,” Wilder said. “That’s why I want to be with you.”
“How could you love me already?”
“How could I not?” Wilder countered. “You’re amazing, and I admire your strength and determination.”
Lexi took a deep breath. “We’re so different.”
“Does that mean you don’t like me?” Wilder hoped that wasn’t the case, but he knew that someone with her type of personality might have a hard time dealing with his relaxed, easygoing approach to life.
Obviously, it wasn’t an issue for him. He could adapt to how she liked to have things done, and maybe she would come to see value in having a life with a little more flexibility. But even if she didn’t, he thought they could still work it out.
“I do like you,” she said, wrapping her arms across her waist. “A lot. It’s why I put distance between us after the Christmas program. I didn’t want my feelings to get even more involved because I figured there was no chance for us.”
Wilder felt a glimmer of hope at her words. It was a start, and he could work with that. Hopefully, the fact she liked him meant that one day she could love him. But the only way that would happen was if she was willing to give them a chance.
“You’ve been there for me in ways no one but my mom has,” Lexi continued. “I have been thankful for that. In the midst of such a tumultuous time, you’ve been a constant source of support, even when we weren’t really talking. Whenever I thought about you during those times, though, I was encouraged by the knowledge that you were in my corner.”
“I am definitely in your corner,” Wilder assured her. “I’ll always cheer for you.”
She looked at him with a smile. “And that’s something I really appreciate about you.”
It wasn’t quite the declaration of feelings he hoped for, but it was a step in the right direction.
“So… A date?”
“If you’re sure you don’t mind that my life is still a bit of a mess.”
“Do I strike you as someone who is scared by a mess?” Wilder asked.
“No. Not really.”
“I’m not scared by a mess. Truth be told, I’m probably more scared by perfection because I know the effort it takes to attain that in life. Plus, no one can maintain that for any length of time without it negatively affecting them.”
Lexi nodded. “Perfection does take a lot of time and effort.”
“I don’t need you to be perfect,” Wilder told her. “Just genuine. Be your wonderful self. And that means the good and the bad.”
“I’ve never really let many people see that side of me.” She gave him a small smile. “You’re probably the only one, other than my family, coaches and Mik.”
“And I’m honored you’ve shown it to me.” Wilder took her hand again. “It’s that side of you that I’ve fallen for. Not the beautiful, talented ice queen, but the woman who works hard, who shares her knowledge, and is willing to help others.”
Lexi lowered her head. “I haven’t always been that way.”
“But you’re that way now,” Wilder said. “And that’s what matters most.”
Before she could respond, her phone rang. Letting go of his hand, she fished it out of the pocket of her jacket. After a moment’s hesitation, she answered it.
“Irina?” She paused for a moment, then said, “How is he?”
Wilder wished that he could hear both sides of the conversation. He watched Lexi as she listened to whatever Irina was telling her. Her expression didn’t reveal a lot, but he could tell she wasn’t happy.
“Okay. I’ll stay away.” There was another stretch of silence as she listened to more of what Irina was saying. “It was good working with you again. I hope all goes well with you.”
Lexi’s expression saddened, then she said goodbye and lowered the phone to her lap.
When Wilder slipped an arm around her waist, Lexi sank against him. He held her close but didn’t force her to talk.
“Mik is okay,” she said when she finally spoke. “I mean, he was injured, but he should be okay in time.”
“Did she tell you what his injuries are?”
“He has a concussion,” she said. “And his lower left leg and ankle were crushed.”
“Oh.” Wilder realized exactly what that meant. “So, no Worlds?”
Lexi shook her head and let out a sigh. “No Worlds. And no next season. It’s over.”
That sounded so final, and even though she hadn’t wanted to skate for another season, Wilder was sure that this wasn’t the way she’d wanted to end her professional skating career.
“Is Irina leaving?”
“Yep. She’s heading back to Maine since there won’t be any more training.”
“Wow. That’s quick.”
“Mik is going back too. As soon as he’s able to travel.”
“Is his family here?”
“She said his parents arrived a couple of hours ago.” She paused. “And they told her to let me know that I’m not welcome to see him.”
Wilder tightened his hold on her, and Lexi rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not how you would have wanted things to end.”
“Honestly, this ending feels worse than the first time around. Last time, I knew he was mad at me. This time, however, I think he truly hates me. And that’s hard to accept.”
“You were so close once that I’m sure it’s hard to reconcile what you had years ago with what’s happened in the past couple of years.”
“He loved me once,” she whispered. “How did it get to hate? What did I do to deserve that?”
“You didn’t do anything,” Wilder told her. “Your dad did something, and Mik chose to go after you because you’re the easy target.”
“It’s over now,” she said with a sigh. “Officially over.”
“Do you think another guy will approach you about a partnership?” Wilder asked. “Now that you’ve reappeared on the competitive scene?”
“They might, but I’m not interested in continuing with a new partner. It’s time to truly move forward.”
Wilder liked the sound of that because he really thought it was best for her to be focused on the future instead of the past. He just hoped that he would be part of her future.
But he couldn’t be selfish.
“I know life is probably going to be a bit uncertain for you over the next little while, so if you can’t consider a relationship right now, I completely understand. I will still be there to support you, whatever you decide to do with your life.”
Lexi straightened and turned to face him. Her blue gaze was intense as she stared at him. With heart pounding, Wilder waited for her to share what was on her mind.
“If you can deal with the mess my life is currently, I want you in it with me.”
Relief rushed through Wilder, and he smiled. “Then that’s where I’ll be. And we can sort out our futures together.”
“I like the sound of that.”
Wilder did too.