CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Lexi circled the rink, taking long strokes, then positioned herself for a jump. As soon as she took off, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to do the number of rotations she was aiming for. Instead, she popped the jump into a single and focused on landing safely, then bent over to brace her hands on her thighs.
Anxiety plagued her, as it had since she’d woken that morning. Straightening, she shook her hands out as she took short strokes over to the boards, not certain she wanted to chance another jump when her focus was just not there.
It had been just over four weeks since she and Wilder had started dating, and for the most part, it had been a wonderful time. That day, however, felt like it was a test of their relationship.
She was back to working at the rink, although it was only part-time, and she was still a spokesperson for Remington, having done a couple of commercials for them. The money from both of those was good, but she’d recently decided to move out of her fancy furnished apartment.
Wilder and his family had helped her find an apartment that was in a nice part of town and, though smaller, the space had felt like home the first time she’d taken a tour of it. So, on the weekend, she’d be making the move to her place, which was unfurnished.
At least she had a mattress, and the rest of the furniture she’d bought would be delivered early the next week. While she was excited about her new place, her mom was less so.
She thought that Lexi should stay where she was, and she’d offered to cover the cost of the rent. However, Lexi had turned her down. The building she was moving to was nice, even if it wasn’t as posh as the current one. It had a decent gym and good security, which was important, and it wasn’t too far from Charli and Janessa’s, which was a nice bonus.
Slowly but surely, her life in Serenity was taking root.
Lexi continued to skate while she waited for Wilder to show up. She’d hoped skating would serve as a distraction and ease her anxiety, but it really wasn’t working. And sadly, the rink hadn’t been very busy that day, which didn’t help to keep her mind off things.
Kayleigh had agreed for Lexi to continue to work at the rink, though only part-time. She basically had the same schedule as Wilder, working Thursday to Monday. She didn’t start as early as he did, though, and she worked only until five.
Her Saturday mornings were spent coaching. She coached Amelia and Layla together, and then she had a group of five students that she worked with when she was finished with the girls. It wasn’t the coaching she’d envisioned doing in her future, but it was still satisfying.
When Wilder showed up, he walked in with Amelia, Layla and a slender young woman. The girls ran over to the ice and carefully stepped out on it to hug Lexi.
“Hi, babe,” Wilder said as he reached them. He gave her a smile that held a wealth of affection. “How was your day?”
“It’s been good.” Aside from the anxiety over meeting a woman who had known Wilder longer and was a part of something that was super important to him.
“I want you to meet Miriam,” he said, angling himself to gesture to the woman who had come in with him.
Lexi mustered up her professional smile for Miriam. It was all her anxiety would allow. The one the woman gave her in return was friendly.
“And Miriam, this is my girlfriend, Lexi.”
“Nice to meet you,” Miriam said as she held out her hand.
Lexi reached out to shake it. “Nice to meet you, too.”
She wasn’t sure how to converse with this woman, who was even more different from her than Wilder had been. Thankfully, she had overcome her reluctance to deal with those differences with Wilder, and if necessary, hopefully, she could do the same with Miriam.
Wilder seemed more than happy to carry the conversation, telling Miriam about the rink and the resort. Amelia and Layla stuck close to Lexi, pushing each other back and forth on the ice, even though they were wearing street shoes.
“Are you still coming for dinner at Mom and Dad’s?” Wilder asked.
More than anything, Lexi wanted to say no. It was far out of her comfort zone, and she’d rather hole up by herself in her apartment. But Wilder had said that he wanted her to be there, so she would go for his sake.
“Yes.”
“I’ll swing by and pick you up,” he said.
“Are you sure?”
“Yep. I’m going to drop Miriam off and take the girls home, then I’ll come get you.”
Lexi appreciated that he wasn’t spending time alone with Miriam. There were moments when she still felt a bit uncertain about her relationship with Wilder. Not that he ever made her feel that way. It was all her own thoughts making her feel that way.
After everything she’d been through, she had a hard time believing that he wouldn’t come to regret giving up his life of travel. His life of freedom to be tied to Serenity for her sake.
“Why don’t you girls go out to the car with Miriam?” Wilder said, holding out his keys to Layla. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
Layla grinned at her uncle as she took the keys. “Sure thing.”
Once they had left, Wilder turned back to Lexi. “Are you sure you’re up for dinner?”
Did he not want her to be there? Lexi was uncertain what to say. “Would you prefer I not be there?”
Wilder’s eyes widened as he stared at her. “What?”
“I don’t mind going, but if you’d rather I not be there…”
“Why would I want that?” Wilder asked, his tone incredulous. “I always want you to be where I am.”
“I don’t know.” Lexi shrugged. “It seems that this is a dinner for your friends.”
“It is, but I want you there.”
She stared at him for a long moment, then nodded. “Then I’ll be there.”
Wilder’s smile grew at that pronouncement. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. They hadn’t officially kissed yet, and though some might say the delay was ridiculous, Lexi appreciated that he wasn’t rushing things.
Given that she was still feeling like he was going to regret changing his life, Lexi was leery of moving too quickly.
“I’ll text you when I’ve dropped off the girls.”
“Okay. I’ll be waiting.”
Propping her arms on the boards, Lexi watched Wilder walk to the doors. His long, easy strides ate up the distance, and all too soon, he was gone.
With a sigh, she grabbed her guards and slipped them on her blades, then went to the office. She switched her skates for her boots and dried off the blades before putting the skates in her bag.
She had fifteen minutes left in her shift, so she went back out to the ice. Wandering over to the café, she chatted for a few minutes with Luke, then greeted Talya when she came in. Soon, it was time to leave, so she grabbed her stuff and hurried home, wanting a little time to freshen up before Wilder came to pick her up.
By the time the message arrived that Wilder was leaving the house, Lexi had changed her clothes and was fixing her hair. She had plenty of experience doing different hairstyles, and that day, she’d done her hair up in a partial twist that left the top part in a cascade of curls. She’d freshened up her makeup, adding a bit more eyeshadow and some lipstick.
With a final look in the mirror, Lexi grabbed her purse, phone, and keys and headed down to the entrance to wait for Wilder. As soon as she spotted his car, Lexi pushed open the door and headed over to where the car idled by the curb.
As she approached, Wilder got out and came around to greet her. He wrapped his arms around her and, as was his habit, kissed her forehead.
As he stepped back from her, his gaze went from the top of her head to her feet. “You look beautiful.”
The man never failed to give her compliments, and they always made Lexi feel warm and fuzzy. He always told her she was beautiful, even when she was wearing jeans and a T-shirt.
“Then we make a good pair because you’re looking pretty handsome.”
Wilder chuckled as he opened the door for her. He waited for Lexi to settle in the seat before closing the door.
“It sounds like Jay and Misha are going to be there tonight too,” Wilder said.
“That will be nice,” Lexi said. She hadn’t spent a lot of time with the couple, but from the little she knew of them, they seemed as nice as the rest of the family.
“I think they’re hoping to spend some time at the orphanage.”
“Will the kids go with them?”
“I’m not sure about Ciara, but I think it would be good for Peyton to go.”
“It would probably be an interesting experience for him.”
Wilder nodded. “Would you be interested in going?”
“Maybe? I’m not sure what I could do. It’s not like I can teach skating there. What else do I have to offer?”
“You have plenty to offer. They need people to help with practical stuff too. I’ve helped build things and paint walls. If you don’t mind getting a little dirty, there’s lots to do.”
Lexi hadn’t thought about the more practical side of operating a setup like the orphanage. “I’ve never done anything like that. But if someone will teach me, I’ll do my best.”
Wilder glanced over at her with a grin that brought butterflies to life in her stomach. “I’ll be happy to teach you.”
Lexi considered what it might be like to go to a place like Thailand with Wilder and to work alongside him for the good of the orphaned children who were rescued off the streets. As she’d taken on more children to coach, she’d discovered she actually enjoyed working with them.
Until she’d started coaching Amelia and Layla, she’d had very little contact with kids. Even when she’d been one herself, her dad had already decided that she needed to be homeschooled, so the only kid she was around at that age had been Mikhail.
“So you said that Miriam is a nurse?”
“Yes. She came back to the States after graduating high school in Thailand and got her nursing degree.”
“Has she lived at the orphanage her whole life?”
Wilder shook his head. “Her parents worked planting churches first, then about ten years ago, they started the orphanage.”
“Does she plan to stay in Thailand with them?”
“Yes. She feels that’s where God is leading her to minister.”
From how Wilder answered the questions, Lexi figured he must have spent a lot of time talking with her. Did Miriam have knowledge of Wilder that Lexi didn’t have yet?
“Did you two… date?”
The way Wilder hesitated made her stomach clench, and sudden nausea made her throat tighten.
“No. We didn’t,” he said after what felt like an eternity. “However, we did spend a lot of time together. We talked about trying a relationship, but there was just something missing for us. We decided that we were better off as friends.”
Lexi felt herself get bogged down in a maelstrom of emotion. On one hand, she was relieved that there had never been anything between them. However, it was hard to accept that he’d wanted a relationship with the pretty nurse.
What right did she have to be jealous when they hadn’t even dated? She had an engagement in her past, so she had no right to be jealous of a friendship.
The problem was that she wasn’t sure she was worthy of Wilder or the sacrifice he was making. And she didn’t know how to make herself worthy. Miriam had a career that ministered to people. Lexi’s greatest talent was no longer relevant in this new phase of her life.
Aside from playing Mrs. Claus to Wilder’s Mr. Claus, Wilder had no use for her ability to skate well enough to earn gold medals. It was hard and conflicting to feel like she’d had so much to offer in her previous life, and yet now she had so little to offer in this new chapter. A chapter that was becoming so important to her.
She wanted to give Wilder and their relationship so much, but what did she have beyond her love for him? A love she hadn’t shared with him yet, even though he’d told her he loved her already. He hadn’t said it again since then, though, so she was a little bit confused.
“You don’t have to worry about Miriam,” Wilder said. “There’s nothing between us.”
“Okay.” She tried to push as much nonchalance into the word as possible, needing it not to seem like such a big deal.
Thankfully, they pulled up to his parents’ house, so the conversation ended. Now she needed to pull out her professional persona in order to hide the awkwardness that came with being in an uncomfortable situation.
“Looks like Gareth and Aria are here too,” Wilder commented as he pointed to another vehicle parked there, along with a couple of others.
At that point, she was taking the viewpoint the more the merrier. More people meant less chance of the focus falling on her. Less need for her to participate in conversations.
After they got out of the car, Wilder took her hand as they walked up the steps to the front door. He opened it without knocking, and they stepped into a wide foyer.
The house had looked big from the outside, and the inside revealed that to be true. The wall of the foyer was covered with framed pictures. Many of them were of the family, capturing them throughout the years.
Lexi would have liked to look at them more closely, but before she could do that, Wilder’s mom came into the foyer.
“Welcome,” she said, a wide welcoming smile on her face. She hugged them both, then led them into the kitchen where several people were standing around. “Let me introduce you to Miriam and her parents.”
Wilder let his mom know that she’d already met Miriam, so Mrs. Halverson introduced the one couple in the room that Lexi didn’t know. The woman’s smile was friendly enough, but her gaze dropped to where Lexi and Wilder held hands and a small frown crossed her face.
Lexi couldn’t blame her for not being happy that Wilder was with someone other than her daughter. Wilder was a catch, and any woman would want him to be with their daughter.
Miriam’s mom moved off to speak with Mrs. Halverson while Miriam stood talking to Misha. Wilder led Lexi over to Gareth and Aria, who had Timmy in her arms.
“Peyton didn’t come?” Wilder asked Gareth after they greeted them.
“Jay said they left the kids with Denise, since it’s a school night.”
“How are you doing, Lexi?” Aria asked.
Aria and Misha were the two women in the family that Lexi hadn’t spent as much time with, but they’d always been friendly.
Letting Timothy go, when he reached for his father, Aria said, “How is the coaching going?”
“Very well. Layla and Amelia are doing great.”
“Charli said that you think Amelia will do well in competitions.”
Lexi nodded. “She’s got some natural skill, and as long as she works hard, I think she’d excel in competitions.”
“I hope some of them are close by,” Gareth said. “We’d like to be able to go support her. It’s been a while since we’ve had someone to cheer for, since Cole’s games are all too far for us to travel to.”
“Why don’t we all go to the table?” Mrs. Halverson said, interrupting their conversation.
The large table was beautifully set, and the food smelled delicious. Wilder held a chair for Lexi, then sat down beside her. Aria was seated on her other side.
After Mr. Halverson said a prayer for the meal, Mrs. Halverson said, “Just so I’m not being deceptive, I want to say that I had help preparing this meal. Misha’s mother, Denise, was gracious enough to lend me her skills because I’m nowhere near the cook that she is.”
“Mom would have stayed for the meal, but she offered to watch the kids for us instead,” Misha told them.
“It smells delicious,” Miriam’s mom said as they passed the bowls of food around.
The conversation as they ate centered mainly on the orphanage ministry, which, in spite of her feelings about Miriam, Lexi found interesting.
“Wilder, when you come to visit us next time, we’d like to have you do a video of the orphanage,” Miriam’s dad said. “I think it would be useful for presentations at churches here.”
“I’d be happy to do that,” Wilder said, excitement in his voice. “I’ve missed doing videos and have been trying to come up with ideas.”
Lexi felt a little sick at his words. Already, he was missing something that was tied to his traveling. Was it the start of him resenting her for taking him away from that life?
She pushed the food around on her plate, trying to look like she was paying attention to the conversation as she took small bites of food. In fact, her mind was spinning through options of what she should do.
Did she love Wilder enough to step back from him? To let him go back to the life he’d happily been living until he met her?
She felt him lean against her arm and looked over to find him watching her with concern.
“Everything okay?” He kept his voice low as the conversation continued around them.
She gave him a quick smile. “It’s all good.”
It was clear he wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t push further.
When they’d finished eating, she got up and helped clear the table before they had dessert. When they sat down again to have pie and coffee, Wilder made sure his chair was close to hers, and he rested his arm on the back of her chair.
Lexi couldn’t help but lean into him a bit as they ate their pieces of pie. Denise had made two types—apple and chocolate—and Lexi had chosen the chocolate, which was amazing.
From the conversation, it sounded like several members of the Halverson family would be making their way to the orphanage in the coming months.
“Wilder, how much time do you think you’ll be able to spend with us?” Miriam’s mom asked. “We sure enjoy having you around.”
“I’m not sure yet. I’d like Lexi to come with me, so we’ll have to talk and see how our schedules work out.”
“Oh?” Her gaze went to Lexi. “Have you ever done any ministry work?”
Before she could say anything, Wilder said, “Lexi played a huge role in the fundraiser at Christmas. We couldn’t have done it without her.”
“It was such a fun afternoon,” Aria added. “The kids really enjoyed having the two of them as Mr. and Mrs. Claus. I hope that they can do it again this year.”
“I’d love to do it again,” Wilder told her. “It was a lot of fun, and doing it with Lexi made it that much more special.”
When he looked at her with affection, Lexi felt a bit of the uncertainty in her heart ease. She smiled back at him. “I enjoyed it too.”
“Well, we sure appreciate all the money you raised for our orphanage,” Miriam’s dad said.
“We were thinking of doing a fundraiser for school supplies,” Misha said. “Is that something that might be doable?”
After she finished her pie, Lexi leaned more fully against Wilder’s side as she listened to them talk about another fundraiser. Wilder dropped his arm from the back of the chair to her shoulders, cupping her upper arm with his hand.
The conversation wound down when Timmy began to fuss. That seemed to be the cue for several of them—including her and Wilder—to leave. Miriam and her parents were staying with the Halversons, so they didn’t follow the rest of them out to their cars.
As they drove back to her place, Wilder talked about the video they’d asked him to do. But when they got to her apartment, he didn’t get out of the car right away.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
Lexi’s heart sank. After spending time with Miriam and her parents, had he realized that a relationship with her was going to hold him back from what he really wanted?
Shifting to face her, he said, “How are you feeling about us?”
“What?”
“I got the feeling when I first asked you out that you had some hesitation about a relationship between us working,” he said. “Do you still feel that way?”
There were times she still wondered about how real her relationship with Mik had been, and she didn’t want that with Wilder. She had to be honest with him, and she hoped that he’d be honest with her.
“I’m still struggling to understand why you’re willing to give up your way of life for me.”
“I’m not just giving it up for you,” he told her. “I’m giving it up for us. I’m giving it up for me because you make me happy, and I want that happiness in my life. I’m at peace about this decision, which tells me that this is where God wants me now. Not just dating you, but spreading the word about the orphanages. I’m excited about the change. I’m excited about being with you.”
“Really?”
“You need to understand your value outside of skating. For most of your life, you’ve found your worth in your talent for skating. That’s what people have valued most about you. And while I do appreciate and admire that talent of yours, that’s not what I value most about you. I know that’s also not what God values most about you.”
It was hard to admit that there were times she didn’t know why God would care about her, particularly because her talent was so useless.
“Do you doubt that God wants us to be together?” Wilder asked.
And that was one more struggle she had. How did she know what God wanted? She’d never actively sought God’s will in her life before. Though that was obviously something she wanted now, how was she supposed to know how to do it?
Did she want God’s will to be for them to be together? For sure.
“You’re confident that He does?” She turned the question back on him.
“I am,” he said. “I’ve prayed about something between us ever since I started having feelings for you. Even when we weren’t talking, I prayed for you, and asked God to work things out between us.”
“I’ve prayed about it too, but I just don’t know how to know what God’s will is.”
Wilder reached for her hand, and Lexi found comfort in his firm grip.
“I think we need to start praying together for our relationship,” Wilder said. “So we can know as a couple that we’re following God’s will.”
A sense of relief and peace filled her, knowing that she wouldn’t be alone in praying about their relationship.
Wilder squeezed her fingers as he cleared his throat. “Also, I know you were uneasy with Miriam today, and I’m sorry for the role I played in that. I should have realized that was a possibility and taken steps to protect you from feeling that way. If I ever say or do anything else that makes you feel uneasy like that, please tell me. I don’t want to do that again.”
Lexi felt the unease Wilder had referenced fade away at his words. She’d like to think she would have confronted him about how he’d made her feel, but she wasn’t totally confident she would have.
She wasn’t as confrontational as she’d once been. Her father’s conviction and what had followed had broken her apart. Coming to Serenity had helped put her back together, mentally and spiritually. But she was different now. And while she hadn’t lost her backbone completely—especially where Mik and her coaches were concerned—she was having to learn how and when to use it in other settings.
“Will you promise me that?” Wilder prompted.
“I will.”
“I love you,” he said. “I know that I haven’t said it since that first time, but I don’t want you to think that’s changed.”
“Why haven’t you said it?”
“I thought maybe you’d feel pressured to say it back. I didn’t want that.”
His explanation just reinforced what a good guy he was and validated how she felt about him. “Well, I don’t know if I would have felt pressured then or not. But I know that I don’t feel pressured to say it now, and I still want to.”
“Go ahead. Don’t keep me in suspense.” A smile grew on Wilder’s face as he winked at her. “Say it.”
Lexi laughed, her heart feeling lighter. “I love you, Wilder Halverson.”
His smile softened as he leaned toward her.
At one time, she might have said that sitting in a car wouldn’t be the most romantic place to share a first kiss. But that night? It was the most perfect place because it was just her and Wilder taking a small—but significant—step forward in their relationship.
The soft press of Wilder’s lips to hers held a wealth of emotion for Lexi. It solidified the seriousness of their relationship and the love they had for each other.
She was glad that they had waited to have their first kiss. It made it feel that much more significant, and she knew in that moment that they both were going to work hard every day to make their relationship a success.