Chapter 16
Elyna
The walk back to the loft was short but it felt like miles.
The air was cooler now and the sky was dotted with so many stars.
We couldn’t see this many stars in Montreal.
Maple Valley was picturesque with its rows of orchards, the hum of crickets, the faint glow of the brewery lights.
It was so peaceful and beautiful. But my head was spinning too fast to take any of it in.
How could I let that happen? It wasn’t just I hadn’t been touched in ages.
It was him. Phoenix Thorne. Everything he stood for .
. .strong, steady, untouchable. I’d spent years convincing myself I wasn’t good enough for that kind of man.
After the choices I made in high school and falling for Riley, it felt like I was determined to fail at every turn.
Yet tonight, for a brief moment I’d wanted to be good enough for a man like Phoenix.
I didn’t want to feel broken or like a failure.
I wanted to be a woman that a man like him would want.
The thought shook me as I reached the loft.
Izzy was sitting cross-legged on the floor with Braden, who was babbling happily.
“Thank you for watching him on such short notice,” I said, meaning it more than she could know.
She smiled, gathering her things. “Of course. He’s an angel. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Then she was gone, leaving me in the quiet.
I went through the motions of our nightly routine of bathing Braden, slipping him into pajamas, and settling him into the playpen, but my insides were unraveling.
My heart was still pounding from the heat of his body pressed against mine, from the way his lips tasted, the way I could still feel his scent on me. The way I came undone from his touch.
I told myself over and over. It can never happen again.
I can’t lose my head over a guy. Not when I’ve got Braden to raise.
That’s what the old Elyna did, she chased the wrong boys and filled her emptiness with bad choices.
I thought I was holding it together after Mom died, but I was a mess.
Now I wasn’t that girl anymore. I refused to be.
Even as I sat on the edge of my bed remembering the shadows of my past, I couldn’t shake it.
Couldn’t stop thinking about the hard lines of Phoenix’s body, the heat of his hands, the hunger in his kiss.
I had never been so hungry for someone in my life. And that terrified me more than anything.
I’d finally settled Braden in for the night. His soft breathing filled the loft like a balm. My phone buzzed on the nightstand. For a moment, I thought about ignoring it. But then I saw his name.
Riley.
My stomach dropped. I didn’t want to deal with him now. Not after Phoenix left me feeling so wanted and special. But my past was coming back to bite me in the ass, and there was no avoiding it. I picked up my phone feeling impatient and exasperated.
Riley: So you’re working for the Thornes now. Figures. They’ve got money. You always land on your feet, don’t you?
I gripped the phone tight as my throat went dry.
How did he know?
Another message followed almost instantly.
Riley: Don’t forget, El. I told you to leave Montreal for a reason. Those people don’t stop. You think hiding out in some orchard makes you safe?
A shiver rolled down my spine. I had left Montreal because he basically told me I had no alternative. He owed the wrong men money, and they wouldn’t just come after him. They’d come after me. After Braden. That was enough to send me packing with no questions asked.
But I didn’t like Riley’s angle now. He wanted to use the Thornes against me.
Since he grew up in Val-Du-Lys, he knew the Thorne family.
Not that he was friends with Phoenix. We had all been a part of the same graduating class, but Phoenix Thorne did not associate himself with people like Riley Jansen.
I went from feeling on top of the world over Phoenix’s attention to hitting rock-bottom.
Riley never missed a chance to twist the knife.
He wasn’t interested in seeing his son. He wanted to remind me he was still in the picture.
That he still had control over me. I had fooled around with Riley in high school.
It had been brief, but it was enough time for me to realize he wasn’t a good guy.
When we bumped into each other in Montreal, he deceived me.
I thought he wasn’t the same guy. He’d gone to university; he wore a suit.
He could talk the talk. But I learned a little too late that he hadn’t changed. The core of who he was stayed the same.
It was probably Colette who told Riley where I was.
She wasn’t happy I didn’t let her babysit anymore and in this small town, news travelled fast. I took a deep breath, contemplating my next move.
I couldn’t let Riley bully me anymore. This wasn’t his first gambling debt.
I had stupidly given him money when I was pregnant.
But I wasn’t a fool anymore. Having Braden changed my life.
I wasn’t going to let Riley walk all over me anymore.
Still my hands shook as I typed a reply.
Me: Your threats don’t mean anything to me anymore. Leave us alone. Don’t come here. You’ll lead those sharks to us and that’s the last thing your son needs. Let me protect Braden. Walk away.
The dots danced across the screen, and I braced myself. Then his reply came through.
Riley: You think you’re tough now, El? I don’t want to come there. I don’t want to drag them to you. But I need cash tonight. A thousand should hold them off. I know you have it. You’re working for the Thornes.
I froze. The little cushion I’d scraped together since coming home while pinching every corner. It was barely enough to keep Braden and me afloat. But I did have a thousand saved. Just enough to feel like maybe finally we were a little more stable.
Now Riley wanted to rip it away.
Me: This is the last time. You stay away from us. You hear me? Don’t come near Braden.
Riley: Fine, send it, and I’ll back off. Promise.
I didn’t believe him. But the thought of those men sniffing around Val-Du-Lys, or even looking in my son’s direction, was enough to make my stomach turn. I went into the banking app with shaky hands and hit transfer. My hard-earned money, my safety net vanished into Riley’s account.
Me: It’s done. Leave us alone.
No dots. No reply. Just silence.
I sank into the couch, my chest tight. It was going to set me back months. Months of scraping and worrying, months of no wiggle room. Braden deserved better than a mom always clawing her way to the surface.
For a split second, I thought about Phoenix. About how easy it would be to cross the yard, knock on his door, tell him everything. He’d know what to do. He’d shoulder it without hesitation.
But after what happened between us earlier.
After the way his touch had me unravelling against the stockroom wall, I couldn’t go to him.
I needed to apply the brakes on the steam train before it consumed me.
I couldn’t be the girl who unraveled over a man again.
This was on me to fix. I pressed my palms to my eyes, forcing the tears back, and whispered into the quiet, “It’s just us, Braden. I’ll protect you.”
But my chest ached, because a part of me wanted it not to be true.
A part of me wanted to not feel so alone.
I had been feeling alone for so long. Since Mom died unexpectedly.
Sure, I still had Luc, but he was just a kid.
We were both drowning, and it took everything I had to keep us both afloat.
Between lashing out as a teenager on one hand and on the other hand working and being responsible to bring home the food, make sure he did his homework, to taking him for hockey practices all the time; I had become a mother to Luc when I was too young.
Now my mistakes were coming back to bite me in the ass.
I hated I felt this way because I could never look at Braden as a mistake.
He was the best thing that happened to me.
The only thing that had ever made me believe I could be more than the girl who fell apart after Mom’s death.
I walked into the bedroom and bent over his playpen, brushing a curl from his tiny forehead. He stirred but didn’t wake up. I watched as his lips parted with a little sigh that stabbed me right through the heart.
“I’ll do better for you,” I whispered. “No matter what it costs me.”
I straightened, allowing the words to settle like a vow in the room. Outside, the orchard was dark, the loft warm, and yet I felt that prickle down my spine; the one that told me Riley wasn’t finished with me.
But for tonight, I curled on the edge of my bed, Braden’s breaths steady in the quiet, and clung to the lie I told myself over and over. . . we were safe. At least for now.
Braden let out a soft sigh in his sleep, but the loft was otherwise quiet.
Then came the sound of floorboards creaking. The steps were soft but deliberate. My body went rigid. My first thought wasn’t Luc. It was Riley. Or whoever Riley still owed money to.
My pulse thundered as I crept toward the bedroom door, heart hammering against my ribs. I held my breath, listening. Another scrape, the faint squeak of the lock.
I bit down hard on my lip, bracing for the worst.
“Luc,” I hissed, the second his large frame ducked through the door. Relief hit me like a tidal wave, quickly replaced by a rush of irritation.
He froze, eyes wide like I’d caught him red-handed.
I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorframe, forcing my voice into a playful mocking tone. “Well, well. Look who’s sneaking in like a teenager past curfew. Should I ground you, or just take away your phone?”
Color rose in his cheeks, but he smirked. “Relax. I just left the main house.”
“And what does Pierre think of you staying in his house until all hours of the night?” I asked. Pierre was super protective over Izzy. If Pierre wasn’t around then Eric, Becket, or Asher took that job just as seriously.
“I used the fire escape. I wasn’t risking bumping into any of the Thorne brothers.”
His comment made me laugh as I remembered Pierre ordering all kinds of safety features for the main house after his wife left.
It didn’t make sense but it was his way of dealing with things and was better than developing an addiction.
Something inside me eased. “Pierre gave you his blessing to date his daughter. I don’t think he expects you to be celibate.
You guys are twenty-one, for goodness’ sake. ”
“Elyna, as much as I love you, we aren’t talking about that,” he said stiffening, and it made me laugh some more. Then Luc’s gray eyes zeroed in on me. “Why are you up so late?”
“I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking. . .”
“About Phoenix Thorne,” he said, throwing me off-kilter.
I felt my eyes bulge. “No, obviously not.” I couldn’t hide my defensiveness well.
“Come on, something is going on between you two. Whenever you’re both in the same room everyone can feel the tension.”
My throat tightened, and I forced out a laugh. “Absolutely nothing. We’ve known each other forever. Sometimes people just rub each other the wrong way.” Or the right way, I thought to myself.
Luc didn’t look convinced, but he dropped onto the futon with a shrug. “If you say so. Just don’t let him get under your skin too much, okay?”
“Goodnight, Luc,” I said firmly, steering the conversation closed.
“Night, sis.”
I lingered in the doorway, watching him pull a blanket over himself.
Relief from earlier still prickled in my veins, though it left me shaky.
For a moment, I imagined it had been someone else climbing those stairs, but I wasn’t going to enlighten my brother on what a screwup Riley was.
Not after the realization my mom had been having an affair with his father.
That still didn’t sit well with me. Mom was clearly drawn to the wrong kind of man, and maybe I was just like her.
My reputation made me feel like that was the truth, but I was trying to change.
I was trying to do better by my son. I decided I would keep Luc in the dark about this whole Riley fiasco.
He had enough to worry about with school, hockey, and landing a solid NHL contract.
I wasn’t going to burden him with my problems. He was young, in love, and going places, and I couldn’t be happier for him.
This storm was mine to bear alone. That is what I had always done in my life and that’s what I would continue to do.