Chapter Twenty One
Wade
Sleep didn’t come easy last night. Actually, it didn’t come at all. Too much noise in my head, kicking up whenever I attempted to shut my eyes. Just this constant back and forth between Maeve, Colt, and the line I’ve already got a whole boot hanging over.
Fixing things with my son, that’s everything to me. And now I have a chance to do just that; it gets me thinking whether I’ve spent so much time protecting Ruby’s image that I have failed to protect my relationship with him. So many wasted years, but no more.
And I have one city girl to thank for that. The one I have failed to keep my walls up around, who has pushed me to see that it’s not too late. The same girl who has wormed her way under my skin, making me feel things that I’ve got no right feeling.
At my ripe old age, I shouldn’t feel like this. Shouldn’t be lying awake, wondering if she’s also thinking of me. Being nervous about seeing her again. Yet, here I am, acting like a teenager with one brain cell because he likes a girl.
Fuck, even when we kissed, I wasn’t thinking.
It’s what she does to me. In that moment I felt vulnerable but…
free. So much so, I would’ve taken anything she gave me, just to feel something with someone who actually sees me.
But she said we should think on it, so I have.
And somewhere around two in the morning, wide awake and staring at the ceiling, I stopped pretending there was a clean, easy decision waiting for me at the end of it.
There’s been something pulling me to her since she got here.
Even yesterday, when I said I’d give her space, I still went looking for her.
Walked half the damn ranch, not finding her anywhere.
It was ridiculous how much it bothered me.
Three weeks ago, she was a stranger. Now not seeing her for a day leaves something restless under my skin.
But she said she needed time. She’s probably doing just that. And I’m trying to give her space too. Hence, taking my coffee out here on my porch instead of the main house, even though I know she’ll be there. Like she is every morning.
God damn it. My head just keeps spinning. I don’t know what to do. How the hell do I have her without it costing me my son?
I’ve been holding onto what Colt said like it’s a lifeline—I'm not ready for another relationship yet. Which means he’s not looking at Meave like that…
right? And the more I mull it over, the more I reckon I made something out of nothing.
Colt looks out for people. Always has. Making sure she’s alright, spending time with her, that doesn’t have to mean anything more than them being good friends.
And she did kiss me back. No hesitation. Didn’t pull away. Didn’t look at me after like it was something she regretted. No, she just wanted us to be cautious. Not dive in headfirst without thinking.
So, if I were to go for it… the only thing that could really hurt Colt is the secret.
And a secret can stay a secret if we’re careful.
She’s leaving soon anyway. A few months, that’s all.
We keep it quiet. Nobody needs to know. It doesn’t touch what me and Colt are building. I could keep it separate.
Fuck… this is a bad decision. I’m not stupid enough to think it ain’t.
But she’s on my mind constantly. I want her. And I’ve got a feeling she wants me too—just needs convincing it’s worth it. That whatever this thing is between us… We don’t have to ignore it. Not when there’s time left.
Because whether I touch her or not, it’s going to hurt when she leaves. That’s inevitable.
Before I can talk myself out of this again, because I know damn well I will, I set the mug down and head straight to the main house.