Chapter Twenty #3
Picking up the papers, there are several charts, spreadsheets of various numbers and names.
All of which look alien to me. I was never the smart one in the family, and I sure as hell don’t know where Colt got it from.
Definitely wasn’t me or his mother. Definitely not his biological father either, that much I know for sure.
“What’s this?” I question, rising back up with a hefty pile of paperwork. Passing it back to Colt, whose face now looks panicked.
“Just stuff about the horse-riding lessons, that’s all,” he is brushing me off, I know it. I am used to it after all these years.
“Looks like more to me, Colt. There’s a lot of work and graft here for it to just be the lessons.
” I flick through the pile as I speak, looking at a piece of research about the benefits of full equestrian school, how to train professional racers and breeding horses for riding.
“This looks like a whole separate business.” eyebrows raised.
Colt rips the paperwork from my hands, almost as though I just uncovered something he doesn’t want me to know, ironic, I know. “It’s nothing. I was just intrigued about the topic; that’s all.”
Colt might think that I don’t know him well because we don’t speak about things.
Just because we are not close, it doesn’t mean I haven’t been keeping an eye on him, ensuring that he has what he needs to get by.
I also get regular nags from Mrs. Mae, the last one being around how Colt needed to speak to someone professionally, after the breakup with her daughter.
So, I upped his wage so he can afford it.
Then spoke to the local therapist to offer him appointments on Thursday so I can create a gap in his schedule to attend, claiming I wanted to still do the simpler ranch tasks to remind me of my roots.
I know that he is sensitive to rejection and is afraid of abandonment.
That he is an emotional soul, and that’s where we are somewhat similar, because even though this persona I have put on for people is nothing but a stone-cold heart, deep down I am sensitive.
I hate to fail. I hate not being in control.
I hate not being the man I want to be due to pure cowardness.
So, when he says “it’s nothing,” I know it’s anything but.
“Looks like some good shit here though, could be good for the ranch, no?”
Colt’s face light up; he has never been able to hide his emotions.
“This something you’re really interested in, then?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he responds, not a trace of confidence in his voice.
“Colt, we are equals in this business now that you’re old enough. We need to work together because one day, all this will be yours. That’s if you want it, of course.”
“You know I do. Follow in Gramps' footsteps! I’d say that's one of the few things we agree on.” There’s the unimpressed voice I am often met with, the one that screams I do not care about you.
“Well, I think we are agreeing more often than not lately. And I agree that this,” I place my index finger on top of the pile that Colt is gripping onto with dear life. “Is a good idea for the ranch.”
“Really? It’s a big project; it will take a lot to get it up and running. Also, money. Do we have the funds?”
“Well, Maeve has saved us a bucket load of money on the stock, and there are other ranch areas that are doing well, so money is no problem.”
“So I guess my idea about the ranch scheme is paying off then. Maeve is doing a great job!” he lights up again. I try to push to the side how he fires up when she is mentioned.
“Yeah, she is doing good,” I say, sounding as uninterested in her as possible. Not like I had her body against mine less than twenty-four hours ago. “You like her, huh?” I can’t help myself.
“Yeah, it’s been good to have someone about, you know. Someone near my age and isn’t from around here. She just got to know me as Colt, and not Colt, the boy whose mum left.”
“Yeah, I get that.” And I really do, because she also saw me. Wade, the man behind the grumpy cowboy. Not taking the surface level for gospel. Shifting the focus, I say, “I saw Naomi the other day on the ranch, you both talking again?”
“Nah, she is close with Maeve. They’ve become like besties, I guess?” He air quotes besties.
I knew this, of course, from obsessively watching Maeve whenever she is around. I just nod.
“It’s weird having Naomi around so much again,” he continues, and I don’t know if it is a miracle that he is talking to me about something personal, but I am taking it.
“It brings up old feelings, but I know our relationship ended for a reason, and those reasons are still there. No amount of therapy can probably change that; I don’t think I am ready for another relationship in my life yet.
But I am just glad Maeve has someone else here as a friend, not just me.
” He veers off, until there’s only silence.
I clear my throat, “Anyway, I think we should get these ideas rolling. Let’s work on this project together, put a proper Carter stamp on it for Gramps, yeah?”
Colt agrees with me, eagerness all over his face.
The school would be a great extension to the ranch, but it will also be a good opportunity to build things back up with Colt. I pray this can be my in for us to be father and son again.