Chapter 28
Chapter twenty-eight
Letting Me In
It’d be good with me; it’d be amazing, in fact.
The hairs on the back of my neck and arms stand at attention, and my lungs constrict as the room suddenly feels like it's losing air. But Jerome interjects, saving me from feeling like I have to speak.
“I tried to tell you back in the day, remember? I said that fucker’s hips weren’t hipping.
He just didn’t have that swagger that’s needed to be able to tell if a man is good in bed.
He was seriously lacking,” Jerome leans forward with a small piece of paper.
“There you go, baby girl, a couple of massages for you.
We need to get you healed up so you can start making the bedrock rock, baby girl.
" Sarah squeals and puts her hands over her face, giggling. "Hey, just promise me that the first time you break that bed in, you play Aliyah’s Rock The Boat, okay? Promise me?” Jerome teases, chuckling harder as Christopher begins singing the chorus.
I let out a chuckle of my own, pressing my fist to my mouth to stem the sound and clear my throat. She's just too cute when she's embarrassed.
“No, I think I’ll play that song by Queen B. I’m going to ride him with my surfboard instead of rocking the boat,” she jests back at Jerome, pulling herself up on her knees and swaying her hips, tossing back her wine.
My blood boils.
Right on cue both men slide their eyes to me, but I'm studiously staring at Sarah. I work hard to keep my movements normal; though despite my best efforts, my toe taps on the floor in agitation as I fight like hell to keep my pants from tenting.
Jerome grabs the remote and starts pulling up various streaming services on the TV. Typing in an account and password.
“It’s my turn,” I say, cocking my head at Sarah as she puts another bite into her mouth with her wineglass held aloft in her hand. She looks like she's feeling very good. A bit uninhibited.
She nods and crawls to me, making Christopher throw me a hilarious look. I work to lock my body down seeing her inch closer and closer, and I wish to God her friends weren't here. Wish that we were in an actual relationship to where I could enjoy this to its fullest extent.
Wish I could tell her all the filthy things I want to do to her.
“I’m ready,” she says breathlessly, sitting back on her heels and staring up at me with her big hazel eyes.
I grin at her, reaching into my inner jacket pocket and pulling out the card from the nail salon. Handing it to her with a half grin, my chin tilts down slightly to get a more direct look into her face.
“So you can keep your nails done for a bit and not have to worry about it,” I say quietly. "I got a few weeks taken care of for you, okay?"
My eyes flicker over her face, seeing her mouth drop open. "A few weeks?" Her eyes leave the card in my hand and rise to mine. "But…Alexander, that's a lot."
I keep my gaze steady on hers. "It's not enough," I say quietly.
Her brows furrow as her head tilts. "Alexander, I-I can't accept this." She sits back on the heels and goes to turn her face away, but I move fast, wrapping my hand around her chin and pulling her back to face me. I lean forward at the same time I tug her to me, and I place my lips to her ear.
"It's not enough. Not near enough," I whisper.
"You deserve this, and so much more." My face is hidden in the curtain of her hair, shielding me from Jerome and Christopher, and it's just intimate enough for me to hear the sudden elevation in her breathing.
She sounds almost as if she's panting. My lips brush against the delicate shell of her ear as I work to get a tiny bit deeper into her.
"This entire time we've been circling around each other, I've been the one jumping through hoops to please you.
And now, I think it's your turn to please me, and this would please me greatly. "
Her head tilts slightly, and a soft smile graces her face. "Without a fuss, you mean."
"Yes, it would please me for you to accept your gift without any fuss. And it would make me even more pleased, if when you used it, you felt worthy of someone doing this for you." My thumb strokes back and forth. "Do you hear what I'm saying, sweetness?"
There's a half second pause where it's silent, and she nods ever so slightly against my grip, and I feel the card slowly pulled from my fingers. "Yes."
My fingers tighten. "Do you want to please me?" I dare, not letting her go. Wanting, needing to see something. And there it is: her breath quickens as she lets out a pant, before nodding a quick jerk against my fingers. I nod too, pressing my head to her temple so she can feel it.
"Tell me." I lower my voice even more. "I want to hear you say it."
Sarah's breath hitches making the blood race in my veins. My thumb strokes over her wrists, patiently waiting. "I want to please you, Alex," she says, so low that I almost don't hear her.
My heart skips a beat before thumping heavily in my chest, making the next couple beats vibrate through it painfully, and my dick twitches in response to her. The hairs on my arms stand up, and my own breathing gets slightly heavier. For just a minute, it's just me and her once again.
Sarah's plush breasts are nestled slightly against my thigh, and I notice with pleasure that she hasn't pulled her wrist away from my touch.
"Good girl." I press my lips to her ear, feeling her shudder. "I want to please you as well."
Firming my grip on her wrist, I keep us there like that until her breathing quiets, not wanting her to be embarrassed in front of her friends.
When she pulls away, her eyes can't meet mine, and she's blushing a dusky red, biting her lip.
"Thank you." She blinks and clears her throat, trying to stand up on shaky legs.
Seeing she's struggling, I stand and help her up.
“You’re welcome,” I say.
She tilts her head back and graces me with her eyes again but neither one of us grin. The seriousness of the moment is seared deep, burning to the core of something tentatively blossoming between us and beginning to mark our story with something more than trauma.
However, our privacy is short-lived. Out of the side of my eye, I see Jerome put a finger over his mouth, his eyes going wide as Christopher winks at me. “Squeak squeak motherfucker,” he mouths to me.
“Ooohh, here's a good one. Let’s watch it,” Jerome says, turning the show on.
Sarah bends, beginning to grab up the trash from the table, but I grab it from her, taking everything to the kitchen.
I lean against the counter, listening to the opening music of the show as she opens the dishwasher, and watch as she touches anything and everything she can to keep from facing me head on after what we just shared.
“Hey, there’s one more container of butter chicken. Do you want to take it home?” she asks nonchalantly as she places the used cutlery and bowls into the dishwasher before closing it.
I shake my head slightly. “No. Thanks, though. Why don’t you take it for lunch tomorrow? Do you think you’re going to be ready to fly out super early on Sunday morning?”
She's got her arms around her torso, rubbing her hand down her arm rhythmically in a self-soothing motion. “Oh yeah, I’ll be ready! No one can pack like me!” she says in a light-hearted voice, still not quite able to meet my eyes.
"And besides, I'm just one person…" she trails off with a far away look, and I just know without her saying a thing that she's thinking about her baby.
I tilt my head, stepping a bit closer. "Hey… are you going to be okay tonight?"
Sadness floods her eyes, tightening her features as she now folds her arms and turns her back to the lounge, away from the men.
"I don't know…" she whispers, flitting her eyes to mine looking torn. "I've been trying to be brave today, keeping a smile on my face, you know…but it's hard." Her voice cracks, causing my heart to tug in sympathy.
She squeezes her eyes shut and works to wipe an errant tear away.
"Sarah." I walk into her, pushing us a bit deeper into the kitchen, out of the view of her friends. I put a hand up and caress her cheek with my knuckles, wiping her tears away and lower my voice, "I can stay tonight. If you need me."
She immediately shakes her head. "No, Alexander, you've done so much, t-too much—I could n-never ask—"
I silence her with a finger to her lips.
"You're not asking; I'm offering," I say gently, stroking my knuckles down her cheek.
Doubt and fear replace the sadness, and I work to keep my motions gentle and non-threatening.
Yet still her shoulders hunch up, and she grips her elbow with her hand, curling in on herself.
"You've had a bad day—" She tries, but I interrupt that, too.
"My day instantly got better when I saw you. Don't use it as an excuse, please, because I'm not."
Please see me, baby…see how badly I need this, too.
My chest tightens with anticipation. There in her little kitchen, squeezed up against her refrigerator and the cabinet, we engage in a very different stand off than we're used to. But she's too scared to break for me.
My spirit deflates just a little.
"How about this: you be brave, okay? And if it so happens you can't be brave anymore, give me a call, and I'll come right back." I stop stroking her cheek and instead hold her chin in my grasp, keeping her eyes on mine.
She licks her lips, shifting her weight to her other foot and gives me a head nod before rubbing her own hand on my bicep. The action makes my fingers fall away, and we leave her kitchen silently, back to the living room where she settles on a cushion on the floor.
“Do you want my seat?” I offer, standing next to the chair. Not wanting her on the floor.
“Oh, nooo, I’m fine down here," she says, looking up at me from her spot on the floor. "Sit and watch this with us! Have you seen it?”
Biting my lip contemplatively, I turn without answering and head to her bedroom, grabbing the comforter off her bed. Bringing it to the living room, I take off my jacket and slide to the floor next to her, spreading the blanket over both of us.
Hearing my phone ding, I take it out of my pocket to see texts from the guys.
Christopher: You got it bad, brother. We feel for yoouuu.
Jerome: Make sure she plays Rock the Boat by Aliyah the first time please? It’ll just make my whole world complete! You know YOU got the hips that hip, right?
Christopher: Jesus, you don’t have to answer that, Alex. Damn he’s nosy.
I shake my head slightly in annoyance, discreetly putting up my middle finger for them to see. They laugh quietly, and one of them gently shoves my shoulder, jostling me.
Sarah takes the opportunity to check her phone too, pulling up her email.
I tense at the unread email from Dickface David so blaringly obvious at the top.
A raunchy moan fills the room, drawing our gazes to the TV where the main character is fucking his mistress against a tree in some raunchy scene.
Sarah turns bright red. But I'm honestly very unimpressed and busy frowning, when the men on the couch behind us move.
“Well, hate to go, but we have to run!” Christopher says, standing up and pulling Jerome up with him.
Sarah looks up just as she clicks on the email from David, not reading it.
“Aww….but we just started it!” she complains. As she looks up at them, it gives me enough time to be nosy and see the contents of David’s email to her. I stiffen and clench my jaw so hard I hear a grinding sound.
Christopher leans down to give her a kiss on the forehead, followed by a hug from Jerome.
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, baby girl, but we’ll be back soon to have a marathon.
Jerome and I have something important to do,” he says, pulling Jerome after him quickly before Sarah has a chance to get off the floor.
"Wait!" she sputters, furrowing her brows at them all but running to the door. I shake my head because I know their game. They wanted to leave us alone with a sex scene. As if we fucking need that right now with all the damn tension between us.
“Love you!” Jerome yells out right as the door clicks shut behind them.
"And then there were two," I say with a little chuckle, giving her a wink.
Sarah glances away from me shyly. Leaning forward, she puts her phone on the table without responding to David's request for dinner. The screen goes black.
“Well, let’s take their spot. I’ll finish it with you; then I’ll leave, too, so you can have time to yourself before bed,” I say, standing fluidly and holding my hand out to grasp hers to help her up.
Just like at my house, we sit on opposite ends of her new couch and finish the first episode of her show in comfortable silence. It's so pleasant. I have my feet propped up on the wooden living room table, and Sarah has her legs curled up underneath her, still sharing the comforter from her bed.
At almost nine-thirty I notice we're three episodes in and glance over at Sarah to mention it to her. Her head tilts as she nods off, then jerks back awake, blinking at the screen. When her eyes flutter shut again, I smile and reach over to grab one of her feet in a firm grip.
“Hey, go to bed. You look beat,” I say. My deep voice fills the space between us. Her eyes pop open, and she slowly looks over at me before nodding sleepily.
I get up and head for the door, but when I feel her close behind me, I turn, not ready to leave her yet.
We stare at each other for what feels like forever before I step into her and lean down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. I tilt her head up to me, gazing down into her eyes and getting lost in them.
"You don't have to be brave all the time," I tell her softly. "It's okay to need someone."
"I have to try," she replies in a hurt voice, making my heart ache for her. "You can't always be here for me, Alex. I have to try to figure out how to do this without…” She looks down before trying to continue. “…Without…"
"I won't hurt you." I nuzzle her hair. "But I understand.
Please know that I'll be here if you need me.
It doesn't matter what time of the night.
" I breathe in her scent one last time before stepping through the door, making sure I hear the snick of the lock clicking into place before I saunter off to go sleep in my horridly cold and sterile house.
I'm sure disappointment fills me with equal measure to the sadness and pain that fill her. Feelings that are sharp, unrelenting, and that do deserve death.
I wonder if I'm ever going to deserve someone letting me in.